18 replies to this topic

[Myssa]

I know this may make me sound like a bad parent but before Brady's accident I never asked our kids(or Brady) to help around the house. I even cleaned their rooms, it just seemed easier for me to do it. With the added things I have to do now I'm having a hard time keeping up with their stuff to, my Mother in law who's been here for close to a month just went back to FL today so I really need them to start to step up. They are 5 and 9 I know they are old enough to pitch in, even if that cuts in to their dirt bike time(end of the world to them). They help more now then they ever did but not nearly as much as kids their age should.

What i'm wondering is what things do you have you're kids to do to help and ways to excite them about helping

Edited by Myssa, 21 October 2009 - 07:16 PM.

[Courtney]

My two do everything, but I started them out as a young age, so you know have your work cut out for you!! I have a chore chart on the fridge (I can send it to you if you want and all you have to do is change the names and maybe add vaccuming for Bradyn. Jasmine should be pretty easy to start out on things. Duke and Abbi have chores that he does everyday (clean room, make up bed, brush teeth (not a chore but a reminder) and empty the dishwasher if needed) They each have chores that they do everyday (one each) and each have one day a week that they don't have a chore. My kids are extremely independant, my son even does his own laundry and folds it and puts it away. Their chores vary each day from trash, cleaning their bathroom (I love clorox wipes) dusting, and vaccuming. Abbi can even put her laundry in and take it out of the drier for me and sort them to be put away. I hang up the majority of their clothes with the exception of pj's and shorts so they can put them away themselves. There are no rewards for chores in this house, it is just what they do to help mommy and do their part around the house, but an allowance is a good start, usually a dollar for every year of age each week (Duke would get $7 and Abbi would get $4 each week). Give your husband a dust mop and have him push it around the floor and attach a ucuff to a swiffer duster and he can dust for you Hope this helps!

[guido]

When we were kids, we were friends with some americans who lived down the road for a couple of years. They had 7 children, and we had five. Whenever we went over to see them (most days in the holidays) they could only play if they had completed their chores: which included anything from feeding sheep & chickens, washing up, hoovering, tidying, etc... And it soon caught on in our family.

Kids do far too little these days, and then the parents wonder why they can't do anything for themselves.

Don't feel bad for getting them to help. You're just preparing them for the realities of life, and most decent kids are happy to help. If you don't make it an issue or feel guilty, then they won't realise there is something to poke you with: it'll just be another of life's normalities.

[Myssa]

 Courtney, on Oct 21 2009, 03:43 PM, said:

My two do everything, but I started them out as a young age, so you know have your work cut out for you!! I have a chore chart on the fridge (I can send it to you if you want and all you have to do is change the names and maybe add vaccuming for Bradyn. Jasmine should be pretty easy to start out on things. Duke and Abbi have chores that he does everyday (clean room, make up bed, brush teeth (not a chore but a reminder) and empty the dishwasher if needed) They each have chores that they do everyday (one each) and each have one day a week that they don't have a chore. My kids are extremely independant, my son even does his own laundry and folds it and puts it away. Their chores vary each day from trash, cleaning their bathroom (I love clorox wipes) dusting, and vaccuming. Abbi can even put her laundry in and take it out of the drier for me and sort them to be put away. I hang up the majority of their clothes with the exception of pj's and shorts so they can put them away themselves. There are no rewards for chores in this house, it is just what they do to help mommy and do their part around the house, but an allowance is a good start, usually a dollar for every year of age each week (Duke would get $7 and Abbi would get $4 each week). Give your husband a dust mop and have him push it around the floor and attach a ucuff to a swiffer duster and he can dust for you Hope this helps!

I can't get over how much you're kids do at a young age(it's great). I bought a chore chart just haven't been able to stick to it, I'm starting to see why people tease and call me the push over. I know I need to be strong my kids put in 20-30 hours a week of riding their dirt bikes they have the time to help. I think the bikes will be my reward, not letting them ride is how to get to them I think(it's like their drug).

Edited by Myssa, 21 October 2009 - 11:01 PM.

[mellowgator]

 Myssa, on Oct 21 2009, 08:15 PM, said:

I know this may make me sound like a bad parent but before Brady's accident I never asked our kids(or Brady) to help around the house. I even cleaned their rooms, it just seemed easier for me to do it. With the added things I have to do now I'm having a hard time keeping up with their stuff to, my Mother in law who's been here for close to a month just went back to FL today so I really need them to start to step up. They are 5 and 9 I know they are old enough to pitch in, even if that cuts in to their dirt bike time(end of the world to them). They help more now then they ever did but not nearly as much as kids their age should.

What i'm wondering is what things do you have you're kids to do to help and ways to excite them about helping

WHAT A GREAT QUESTION. MY GIRLS ARE 14 AND 16 AND I WAS INJURED BEFORE THEY WERE BORN.

I HAVE A CLEANING LADY TWICE A WEEK, SO I HAVE THAT GOING FOR ME. HOWEVER, I DO GET THEM TO HELP ME. WHEN THEY WERE SMALL I POSTED A CHORE LIST ON THE FRIG AND THEY HAD TO CHECK OFF THEIR CHORES AS THEY DID THEM. IF THEY CHECKED OFF ALL CHORES I REWARDED THEM. I'VE ALWAYS GIVEN THEM MONEY WHEN THE CHORES ARE COMPLETED AND THAT USUALLY IT'S THEIR AGE IN DOLLARS PER WEEK. IN YOUR CASE THEY COULD EARN TIME RIDING THEIR MOTORCYCLE WHEN THE CHORES ARE DONE.

GOOD LUCK TO YOU.

MELLOWGATOR

[mellowgator]

 Myssa, on Oct 21 2009, 08:15 PM, said:

I know this may make me sound like a bad parent but before Brady's accident I never asked our kids(or Brady) to help around the house. I even cleaned their rooms, it just seemed easier for me to do it. With the added things I have to do now I'm having a hard time keeping up with their stuff to, my Mother in law who's been here for close to a month just went back to FL today so I really need them to start to step up. They are 5 and 9 I know they are old enough to pitch in, even if that cuts in to their dirt bike time(end of the world to them). They help more now then they ever did but not nearly as much as kids their age should.

What i'm wondering is what things do you have you're kids to do to help and ways to excite them about helping

myssa,

your kids can help a lot. they can pick up their toys and laundry. they can gather laundry from all the bedrooms. they can care for the pets. they can gather all the trash on trash day and take it to the curb. .

as i said i motivated with cash. but motorcycle time or computer time is also another reward.

mellowgator

[wheeliebear75]

When they're really little being "a big helper" is really BIG deal for them. My son was into being "mommy's helper" more than his sisters.....maybe it's because he was the youngest......I don't know. But my girls were helping with some household chores when they were in elementary school & by the time they were teenagers they could do the laundry & have dinner cooked with no adult help whatsoever. But my kids were never able to sit back & just "let mom get it" since I got hurt before they were born.

But as to the question of are you a bad parent.......NOT in MY opinion.

[HiltonP]

 Myssa, on Oct 21 2009, 07:15 PM, said:

I know this may make me sound like a bad parent . . .

Mmmm . . . I would say the exact opposite.
If they did not do chores THEN you would be a bad parent!

My wife, at the age of five was already washing and packing dishes, house cleaning, helping with clothes washing, making her own bed, and making her own school lunch. I know that I, even as a disabled kid, was expected to clean my room, pack my clothes, etc.

I agree with an earlier poster, the kids these days, and for some time now, have way too much idle time and leisure time . . . which in my opinion manifests itself later as some serious anti-social habits, but by then it is all too late.

[Myssa]

 HiltonP, on Mar 2 2010, 07:35 AM, said:

 Myssa, on Oct 21 2009, 07:15 PM, said:

I know this may make me sound like a bad parent . . .

Mmmm . . . I would say the exact opposite.
If they did not do chores THEN you would be a bad parent!

My wife, at the age of five was already washing and packing dishes, house cleaning, helping with clothes washing, making her own bed, and making her own school lunch. I know that I, even as a disabled kid, was expected to clean my room, pack my clothes, etc.

I agree with an earlier poster, the kids these days, and for some time now, have way too much idle time and leisure time . . . which in my opinion manifests itself later as some serious anti-social habits, but by then it is all too late.

Our kids have come far in the last couple months, I just have a hard time being tough on my babies but that's where Brady "steps" in. One thing we found that works for us is taking their dirt bikes, riding is like breathing to them. They'll do anything to keep from loosing their bikes.

[pistol_pete]

My two kids stepped up quite alot when I came home from rehab.

They still moan and groan when I ask them to help with housework.
This is the only time I ever pull out the disabled card, " What you're going to make a disabled old man do everything by himself?" Works every time.

[E-DOG]

FEAR
ABJECT FEAR
THE KINDA GUT WRENCHING BOWEL VOIDING PARALYZING FEAR THAT INSINUATES ITSELF INTO A PERSON, LATCHES ON TO THEIR ENTRAILS LIKE A VISE AND NEVER, EVER LET'S GO. SO SCARED YA COULDN'T GET A SEWIN' NEEDLE UP YER ASS WITH A JACK-HAMMER

When you have yer kids so well trained that a quick finger snap and sideways glance from you instantaneously evokes those kinds of emotions then they will be more than happy to do whatever you want around the house, with alacrity. Bathroom doesn't smell quite right? "I'm on it ma!" A dirty dish in the kitchen sink? "Mom? You just leave it to me!" Transmission blew up? Thousands for a new one? "Don't worry dad, Biff and I saw a car just like yours a few blocks from here the other day."

Start the training early and with a firm hand.

E

[jenny407]

E,
Do you happen to have dogs? Sounds a bit like it.
I must say, however, - when I tell my class of 30 teenagers to do something, they will instantaneously do it (well, mostly). When I tell my teenage children to do something, sometimes they "forget", sometimes they "didn't hear", sometimes they discuss. (Sometimes they are very willing and helpful, too. Depends on their mood.)
Then, at a certain point, I get really, frighteningly angry, and things work great (for a while). My daughter said to her brother the other day: "If I were you, I would do it now. Another word, and Mom seems to be getting really mad ..."

Seriously: It's sadly true, many children generally do not contribute enough today, and it takes a daily effort to raise them. Most of the time, however, (even and especially with teenagers) humour, consistency and a lot of love work very well. Good luck to all the parents out there!
Jenny

[E-DOG]

 jenny407, on Mar 2 2010, 11:50 PM, said:

E,
Do you happen to have dogs? Sounds a bit like it.
Jenny

Well I sure as shit don't have kids!

[jenny407]

What a pity! They might have inherited all your genes - sense of humour, sarcasm and all that intelligence ...

[frustration]

Our daughter is 6y...

- She makes her bed in the morning
- Tidies her room once a week (in theory) which I usually help with a bit
- Takes dirty clothes to laundry
- Sets the table for dinner
- Takes her dirty plates and cups etc back to the kitchen
- Brings her school bag to the kitchen in the mornings while I am making lunch
- Checks the letter box on her way in from school
- Helps me put the bins out on Sunday nights

She would probably do all of that even if her Dad wasn't a quad.

She also helps her Dad (C4 quad with)
- Repositioning his hands or feet
- Taking off his sleep apnea machine if she wakes before his carer arrives in the morning
- Giving him meds after school if I am at work
- Scratching his head
- Putting on his computer mike or hanging it up if the battery has died
- Opening doors and pressing buttons in lifts when we are out

She used to like grocery shopping and helping to bring it in from the car, except all that usually happens when she is at school now.

Once I was at work and it looked like rain, so I called home to ask about the washing on the line. Between her and hubby she worked out how to get the laundry basket out to the line and use a chair to reach to take off the pegs and bring everything in before it got wet. I was so proud of her that day!

[E-DOG]

aa

 frustration, on Mar 18 2010, 09:40 PM, said:

Our daughter is 6y...

- She makes her bed in the morning
- Tidies her room once a week (in theory) which I usually help with a bit
- Takes dirty clothes to laundry
- Sets the table for dinner
- Takes her dirty plates and cups etc back to the kitchen
- Brings her school bag to the kitchen in the mornings while I am making lunch
- Checks the letter box on her way in from school
- Helps me put the bins out on Sunday nights

She would probably do all of that even if her Dad wasn't a quad.

She also helps her Dad (C4 quad with)
- Repositioning his hands or feet
- Taking off his sleep apnea machine if she wakes before his carer arrives in the morning
- Giving him meds after school if I am at work
- Scratching his head
- Putting on his computer mike or hanging it up if the battery has died
- Opening doors and pressing buttons in lifts when we are out

She used to like grocery shopping and helping to bring it in from the car, except all that usually happens when she is at school now.

Once I was at work and it looked like rain, so I called home to ask about the washing on the line. Between her and hubby she worked out how to get the laundry basket out to the line and use a chair to reach to take off the pegs and bring everything in before it got wet. I was so proud of her that day!

Can I have her on weekends?
E

[Carrie Palumbo]

HI im new here I thought i would pitch in my own experience AS A KID of a mother with MS. Growing up (we had to grow up FAST) from the very beginning we were taught to do things for ourselves and to help out. My parents had a rule that we couldn't go outside or go out and be with friends until everything that was asked of us was done. (including our homework) And as we got older (age) it just became the norm (not only for us but for our friends as well). We were lucky we had great friends who would help pitch in when we did major cleaning (Spring cleaning). Even though it sounds horrible we actually had fun - we made it fun (we raced eachother to see who could finish first, we would blast the music and sing and dance) and through it all it only has made my family closer. My mother tells us all the time that she is so lucky to have such a loving family.

[tyvin]

discipline vs corporal punishment; consequences work every time. I never hit any of my kids (never any reason to). If my son wants the extras and even the stables he does his chores with a smile and I don't want to hear any bitching about it either.

I do most of the mom stuff because I can. I can now vacuum in less then 20 minutes as before it was taking at least an hour. I look at it as exercise as well. Get lots of ROM etc... mopping and doing the laundry. I've tricked out the whole place to enable me to do the basics. At times I will have him do some of the house work and he never complains. I'm a bit anal retentive so cleaning has become my life (almost).

The things frustration talks about I had my kids doing that before the injury. Kids love structure with boundaries and responsibility IMO. The secret is to stick with it as kids also love consistency.

[ParaplegicChris]

My kid is still scared when I go out. I'm a single parent. My wife left. I don't know what to do. Can someone help?