11 replies to this topic

[Tony2gunsgal]

Not sure what I even want to say...think I need to vent. Our situation is weird and complicated and that really has little to do with his SCI. But at the same time that is part of what is holding some things up. I love him so much and want to be with him. We haven't met in real life yet not face to face. Talk on the phone all the time, email, hang out on line constantly, have sent pictures back and forth. He is holding back and afraid with moving forward, but wants to. We talk about it all the time...getting married having children, all of it. But he is scared because he is afraid that I don't know what I am getting into until I see him. Until I see him face to face to know what his "limitations" are. It just frustrates me that no matter what I say or do at this point until we meet and I can look him in the eye and tell him I am not going anywhere that I can't do anything about it. Thanks...that's all..

[newwife08]

Do you live really far apart? What is the hold up with meeting him in person?

I think that you need to meet him, in person, face to face, as soon as possible. You can't possibly know what you are "getting yourself into" until you meet him. He is the one who knows all about his life and what limitations he has and even though you say you understand, you don't fully know until you meet him.

Being an SCI, I'm sure he is nervous about a lot of things, especially meeting you. I know that my hubby was scared. Didn't know how I'd react. I thought I'd be just fine, but when I first saw him in person (I'd seen tons of pictures of him), I thought.......what the hell am I doing??? I can laugh about it now, my first feelings and the way I acted on our first date (sat across the table from him and smiled until he butterflies went away, about 20 minutes). But you really don't know how you will feel about someone until you are face to face.

I hope this post doesn't come across the wrong way, but once you meet him, you might understand his feelings more. I, for the most part, don't even see my husbands disability or limitations any more and I'm sure that once you get to know each other, face to face, it will happen for the BOTH of you as well.

Good luck to you both and I hope are are able to meet him soon!
Meg

[greybeard]

Tony2gunsgal, on Nov 2 2009, 03:47 PM, said:

I love him so much and want to be with him. We haven't met in real life yet not face to face.

Don't wish to be cruel. but seems to me you've got a lot to learn about what love is.

Facebook, huh? What guarantee have you had that the photos he's sent are actually of him?




You sure you didn't write this one E-Dog?

[Tony2gunsgal]

No it's not E-DOG, I am a real person and I know that he is...I have done my research on him thanks...lol I do love him and i know what love is...we do plan to meet soon...and once we meet go from there...I understand his concern and I think it is fair, just venting...and I don't take offense to what you guys have to say, I am interested in feedback or I wouldnt have posted..

[ohio4282]

I agree with Greybeard on this one. Although, there are probably a million different ways to define love, and I don't doubt that you have some kind of feelings for this guy.

But really, and not to be harsh, you need to be a little more realistic about what is going on.

You haven't met him! Marriage, kids, his SCI, your dream future together - none of this is really that important right now. Meeting him and talking with him and actually learning who he is in real life should be the priorities.

And if he doesn't want to, then he isn't ready. I think the prospect of having a life planned out before meeting would scare the crap out of most people. Maybe if the focus was on just getting to know each other face to face, he'd be more willing to take that step.

[LeahC]

You don't even really know him to love him, you need to meet up and see how you feel 3 months down the line xxx

[greybeard]

ohio4282, on Nov 2 2009, 05:03 PM, said:

And if he doesn't want to, then he isn't ready.

..................Or he's already got a wife, three mistresses, a lady-boy and fourteen kids!!!!!!!!

[Tony2gunsgal]

He actually started the future talk not me, but point taken, until he is sure and I am sure and we meet we are at a standstill...I swear to you I am not crazy and have been doing a lot of thinking and talking and communication with him about this. I am not one to be impulsive, just know what my heart tells me about him and that I would regret not taking the chance.

Or he's already got a wife, three mistresses, a lady-boy and fourteen kids!!!!!!!!

LMAO...u r funny...

I did my research on him...could be considered a stalker...hahaha

[qbounce]

Have you tried SKYPE? The next best thing to sex ,imo. Get a webcam and see/speak to him in real time. It's free to download and free to use, anytime you want.

Why ever leave the house again when you can have it all with a Skype relationship?!--haha

[Tony2gunsgal]

been thinking about that, he has a webcam...thinking of getting one myself...and well i am fond of human contact whilst being sexual so will still leave the house if we aren't in the house together...

[Chaz&Nina]

Tony2gunsgal, on Nov 2 2009, 07:39 PM, said:

been thinking about that, he has a webcam...thinking of getting one myself...and well i am fond of human contact whilst being sexual so will still leave the house if we aren't in the house together...

I know exactly where your coming from. Me and my girlfriend Nina met online, we use Skype every day, and it's brilliant! We weren't quite as premature with the whole marriage and kids thing before we met face to face. But we met in person on 7th of February this year. We see each other as often as we can, usually every month or so, it's worked out perfectly. I think people that have commented and made jokes about the fact of you not knowing this man, obviously haven't been in this situation yourselves. If you both feel as you say you do, meeting in person will be completely natural as it was with me and Nina. Just do it in your own time, don't rush anything, but definatly go for it!

I'd definatly recommend Skype, it's brill! It will also give him a chance to show how he lives, give you a much better idea of what to expect.

I wish you best of luck and hope it goes as you expect it to!

[TheDreamSeeker]

newwife08, on Nov 2 2009, 04:04 PM, said:

Do you live really far apart? What is the hold up with meeting him in person?

I think that you need to meet him, in person, face to face, as soon as possible. You can't possibly know what you are "getting yourself into" until you meet him. He is the one who knows all about his life and what limitations he has and even though you say you understand, you don't fully know until you meet him.

Being an SCI, I'm sure he is nervous about a lot of things, especially meeting you. I know that my hubby was scared. Didn't know how I'd react. I thought I'd be just fine, but when I first saw him in person (I'd seen tons of pictures of him), I thought.......what the hell am I doing??? I can laugh about it now, my first feelings and the way I acted on our first date (sat across the table from him and smiled until he butterflies went away, about 20 minutes). But you really don't know how you will feel about someone until you are face to face.

I hope this post doesn't come across the wrong way, but once you meet him, you might understand his feelings more. I, for the most part, don't even see my husbands disability or limitations any more and I'm sure that once you get to know each other, face to face, it will happen for the BOTH of you as well.

Good luck to you both and I hope are are able to meet him soon!
Meg

Meg~

What a small world. I see you are located in La Crosse! Here we are sitting in Holmen. We would like to get to know you both a bit more! Mayann & Steve