[stef]

Hi everybody.
I been in this website for a week just to look around and I think its very nice to hear about people with your same situation.
6 months ago My husband and I went for a camping day and we just got there when he dived into the river and broke is neck.
I pick him up from the water and I cant never forget his open eyes and his words "What did I do!!!"
We been true hell and he is stil in the hospital.
I may go in detail later.
I am so scare is ready to come at home and we have a 3 years old baby girl and I dont know what to do with ours lives.
I have to take care of him my daughter and go to work plus clean the house and cook.
I am really depressed and I think our marriage in coming to a end for what he did.
I am so mad at him and I know the many of you think the thats not right and i should be supportive to him and eccc.
But I cant go on what really happened the day and why I am so mad at him.
I know I still love him but just like my friend and father of my daughter.
I am really confused and scare on what will happened to our family soon the he will come back at home.
I cry every day and i cant stop thinking on how much he hurt me.
I dont know if I will be able to forgive him for the pain the he cause me and our family.
He is not the only one paying the price for what he did.
Doseent matter what i will decide it still will affect me my daughter and him.
I just want to see if someone is in my same situation and how the do live with somebody the they cant not trust anymore and its the cause of all this

This post has been edited by stef: 14 December 2009 - 02:40 AM

[MrBump]

yes its good.
thats shit
thats shit too
of course, like everyone else
you should
its scary but life goes on
he will be able to do ALOT
why, accidents happen
why
you should
did you feel like this before the accident
see line6 ^^
how did he hurt you
i'm sure he didn't do it intentionally
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

sounds like theeres some other issues tht were there before to me, maybe deal with them first.

[Texas Angel Ang]

Woah -- my opinion, there is definitely something else affecting your marriage besides him breaking his neck! Of course it's going to be scary when he comes home. While I don't agree with some of what you said... I am not in your shoes.

Marriage with any type of stress is hard enough and adding a spinal cord injury to it will be a challenge. Honestly, I don't think placing blame on him right now would be beneficial to your marriage. But again, I don't know all the details.

Good luck and keep reading other people's posts and chime in!

[Saneaj]

I may be new to this forum, but I am by no means new to sci. My hubby has been paralyzed now for almost 18 years and is now fighting the final battle of his life. So with that being said, I'd like to share a little advice with you... okay...

First of all, we are all scared when it first happens. But as with anything in life, we adapt, we adjust, we overcome. That is what makes us part of this beautiful thing called the human race. You will get this IF you adjust your train of thought. And soon... You cannot go into this with the mindset that you currently have. When my hubby fell, crushing C2-C7 and starting out as a C2, I did not blame him. I would not allow my anger to carry me there. You have choices in how you allow your emotions to handle you. Anger will not change things, it will not give him his mobility back. It only fuels a fire that utterly destroys. And in our situations, we cannot make allowances for destruction. There is already enough destruction as it is... channel your emotions into a new direction now or this will get too big for you to deal with. You can turn your emotions towards focusing on encouragement, which will help to build a solid foundation of emotional healing for not only you, but your husband and your child.

Secondly, this was not his fault. Even if he was just out there being stupid and fooling around when it happened. Bad things happen to good people everyday. We live in a fallen world. It's just as simple as that.

And I agree with the others, it sounds like your marriage had issues before this accident. You really need to be addressing them with him and soon before this becomes out of control. He is going to need you when he comes home... you... a loving and supportive wife who will be there for him as a soft source of love. Not one who is filled with venum and hate. This will help no one.

And I don't know if you realized this or not, but he will not be totally helpless. You stated that he is a C-7... your husband will be fully capable of almost completely taking care of himself and his own needs. Maybe not at first, but he will get there. You are really blessed if you looked at this from my view, my husband started out at a C-2 and over the years regained a little and is now classified as a C5 with brainstem residuals. My husband depends on me for a lot... but yours will be able to do so much more not only for himself but for you and your child. Despair is not your way out of this... you have so much in life to look forward to with him. I have been through so much with my husband over these long years because of all of his complications, but I wouldn't of left him for the world. I love him too much. And yes, it's been hard... it's tearing me apart what we are facing together right at this very moment, but I have never blamed him for any of this. It is what it is and I take my marriage vows very serious. Til death do us part... And even in these times of trials, we have had many times of shear laughter, of true love, and the joy of sharing our lives together on this path called life... I wouldn't have missed loving him for the world.

Right now, it's all a matter of where you are going to allow your emotions to carry you off to... down a path of pity, anger, and self destruction or down a path of love, devotion, and encouragement... the choice is up to you, sweetie. We've all been there and we've all had to make these decisions. The sooner you make up your mind the better off you both will be...

Don't get me wrong, sometimes we need a place where we can share our emotions with others who share a common path. That is why I first came here... I needed a safe place to vent, and here, I have found it. I hope that you continue to visit here and maybe pick up a small nugget of hope here and there. Hope is all around you, you just have to open your heart wide enough to receive it...

Sheri

[Texas Angel Ang]

Saneaj very well said!

[greybeard]

Saneaj, Nice post. Needed to be said.

[ericr]

Stef like we discussed friday, he is going to need you to be positive. This will help in his recovery just as much physical therapy. He sounds like he is a very strong person and with you in his corner his possibilities may just surprise you.
keep your head up

"Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful"

btw disney was amazing and when i left the hospital 3 months ago, i thought i would never be able to do anything and look now.

[lk1home]

Stef, I do not reply to many posts just read for information, but when I read yours it was like I could have wrote it myself, actually my husband read it and showed me. My husband injured himself about six months ago his is a C7 and is doing very well now. Our marraige was on the rocks when the accident happened. I was not sure as you what I was going to do I also have two young children. However I knew that I loved my husband no matter what and as long as he was willing to make it work and loved me back I was willing to do what it took. (and I have done allot and given more that I ever thought I had, you need to be more self-less than you ever have) I am not saying it is going to be easy at first but it will get better, it is worth it, and I now feel that my husband and I are closer that we have ever been. Trust is an important thing and you have every right to be mad and hurt and you will be able to deal with those feelings in time and he will have to acknowledge them also but if two people are willing to make it work than that is all you need. Your life starts over from the accident forward what ever happend before is history, this is a life changing matter and you as I have will quickly learn what matters in life. For me it is my husband no matter what he has done or what condition he is in, love and marriage are unconditional. My family, and keeping us together is what my husband and I have decided is what we both want. Fate has a funny way of stepping in. I hope I have not babbled on and that I have helped in some way. I am sure you as I have will find that you are a stronger person than you ever thought you were.

When life throws you lemons you make lemonaide

[MrBump]

lk1home, on Dec 15 2009, 01:51 PM, said:

When life throws you lemons you make lemonaide

Love that, i'm stealing that quote.

[Debbie12]

stef, on Dec 14 2009, 03:37 AM, said:

Hi everybody.
I been in this website for a week just to look around and I think its very nice to hear about people with your same situation.
6 months ago My husband and I went for a camping day and we just got there when he dived into the river and broke is neck.
I pick him up from the water and I cant never forget his open eyes and his words "What did I do!!!"
We been true hell and he is stil in the hospital.
I may go in detail later.
I am so scare is ready to come at home and we have a 3 years old baby girl and I dont know what to do with ours lives.
I have to take care of him my daughter and go to work plus clean the house and cook.
I am really depressed and I think our marriage in coming to a end for what he did.
I am so mad at him and I know the many of you think the thats not right and i should be supportive to him and eccc.
But I cant go on what really happened the day and why I am so mad at him.
I know I still love him but just like my friend and father of my daughter.
I am really confused and scare on what will happened to our family soon the he will come back at home.
I cry every day and i cant stop thinking on how much he hurt me.
I dont know if I will be able to forgive him for the pain the he cause me and our family.
He is not the only one paying the price for what he did.
Doseent matter what i will decide it still will affect me my daughter and him.
I just want to see if someone is in my same situation and how the do live with somebody the they cant not trust anymore and its the cause of all this

I am new to this site, so I am not sure if I am doing it right. I hope you can see my reply. I know the situation you are in. I lived through it with my daughter. Her husband dove into a pond 3 years ago. He is now a quadriplegic. They had a 5 month old baby at the time. My daughter was feeling all of the same feeling you are feeling now. Of course you don't know if your marriage will last. I'm sure you don't know anything about how your life will be from here on out. If I can tell you anything it would be do not make any decisions now. none of you are in any state to be making life decisions right now. You are just in survival mode. Me and my daughter cried every day. He felt horrible. Everyone was traumatized. I hope you have a mother, sister or good friend who can help you through the next little while. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Try a local church if you don't have family close.
Launrdy, housecleaning, grocery shopping child care. Anything nay one else can do let them do it. You will need to decrease your work load so you can take care of him at first. The good news is it just gets easier and easier. No matter what his injury level is you will be amazed at what he can learn to do for himself over time! When you are settled into a routine and have had some couples counseling then you can think about whether or not you want to stay together.
My son in-law is 3 year out now. He has gone from not being able to feed himself to driving himself, he finished school and has a great job. He takes care of his child by himself and is a much more appreciative husband. Of course every story is different but my advice is don't make any decisions now.

[stef]

thank you to all of you for your support.
Like I said I dont go in details.
I am trying really hard and I hope we can make it.
Its just so difficult for some people.
No everybody take life in the same way.
But I list I can say I will try for the best.
Thank you