29 replies to this topic

[Jana09]

I didn't know where to post this but I need opinions quick please! I've been invited to a friend's house this weekend with my para boyfriend. She hasn't met him before and seems to be freaking out about how his wheels are going to leave great big black marks on her lovely white carpet.

So, get this, she's going to put sheets down to protect it. She also suggested he clean his wheels before he came in!

I can see where she's coming from but I wouldn't dream of subjecting my man to this - I don't know if he's come across it before because we've only been together 3 months. Is she being grossly in- sensitive or am I being over-sensitive? I just think it could hurt his dignity and that his feelings are more important than her precious carpet. It's never occured to me that his wheels might leave marks and so far they never have. I'm thinking of making an excuse and not going or else talking to her first. But then she's just likely to say she'll forget the sheets and be watching the goddam carpet the whole time!

What do people do about visiting house-proud nutters? (my parents are the same).

[guido]

Hi Jana

Yes, this is an obvious problem, and I always feel guilty in the wet weather though in 6 years I've not once had anyone say anything other than "don't worry about it, it's not a problem!"

You can buy wheelchair wheel covers.

This link is purely for illustrative purposes, as they seem ferociously expensive to me, but you can search google, or try ebay.

Or maybe another poster will come up with a good link for some cheaper ones.

Easiest thing is not to make an issue of it, just take along an old sheet or dog towel and get in the house on that, then you can either dry or change wheels, or stick covers on, and everyone can get on with the visit.

Mud always dries and comes out of carpets, but that's people for you: some are a bit precious!

[Jana09]

Thanks Guido, can always rely on you! Do you think I should mention it to him first though?

Perhaps say she's a bit fussy and can we dry his wheels before he comes in? I don't just want to turn up at her house and then see his face drop when he notices the sheets. You seem to accept it's just part of the fun but I don't know how he would view it. He's a very positive level-headed guy but I don't know how sensitive he'd be about this.

[dangerousdave]

You are joking arnt you
You cant be serious
What..you are
White carpet
Suggest you give her a lift to a mental institution where she can not only have white carpets but white walls,white ceilling,white clothes
Get real and give her the heave ho
Its gotta be a real pain when anybody visits her
If I was to visit her she would be suicidal

Id be thankful just to get in friends houses unassisted
The number of garages or gardens I have visited far outnumbers homes.

[Tetracyclone]

Suggest you ask her to meet you at a restaurant instead, as you do not wish to inconvenience her. If she objects tell her carpets are difficult for chair users. Nutter, definitely. Last time i bought new carpet (ab at the time) I took a handful of sand from outside the door and asked the salesman to match it.

[guido]

When people come to our house they can't believe how horrid the carpets are! They're about 50 years old, and averagely nasty brown swirly patterns. But then one or other of my grandparents always had a decrepit dog, and so it worked out okay !! Dettol is a wonderful thing! No-one need worry about upsetting us on account of the carpets!

But given that these are the circumstances you are faced with, YES, definitely talk to your guy about it. Give HIM the choice. Those kind of surprises aren't good ones.

[greybeard]

guido, on Dec 17 2009, 01:52 PM, said:

When people come to our house they can't believe how horrid the carpets are! They're about 50 years old, and averagely nasty brown swirly patterns. But then one or other of my grandparents always had a decrepit dog, and so it worked out okay !! Dettol is a wonderful thing! No-one need worry about upsetting us on account of the carpets!

Haha. We insisted on mud coloured carpet when we renewed ours. With a house full of dogs and my chair, I can't conceive of having anything else!

As for the OP's question, I think I would review my list of friends.

[Jana09]

Actually I think I may talk to her about it, tell her it's not possible for us to come if she's going to
put sheets down! I do appreciate she's worried about her carpets (although I can't identify and think
it's petty and sad) but if she wants to ask someone in a chair into her home she needs to think
it through.

If she can't live with the fact he might leave marks, then she shouldn't invite him in. Agree Pwuff,
neutral territory is the best idea but I'm beginning to wonder if I can call her a friend anyway.

[ohio4282]

This reminds me of when my cousins, siblings and I were very young and my grandmother would put a tarp under the table where we ate.

Anyway, in my experience, if we've been out and about doing something, my shoes are far worse then his tires. So, does she insist ABs take their shoes off, too, before stepping on her precious carpet?

I think talking to her first would be best. I can understand people wanting to keep their homes nice, but insulting someone or treating them like an inconsiderate child who won't wipe their feet is not fair. If she still insists, I would apologize and suggest meeting some place else, if it were me.

Writing off the friendship altogether seems a little extreme, she just may be a little thick and an education is what is needed.

Edited by ohio4282, 17 December 2009 - 05:10 PM.

[qbounce]

Jan,
If YOU track the mud in your friends house FIRST, I got a sneaky suspicion she won't even NOTICE your boyfriend's wheels!

Or, like others said . . . just opt out.

[Scribbler]

Its hard to believe someone would have white carpets and not expect them to get marked.
Does everyone who visits her have to take their shoes off?

Having said that, most people who visit me just take their shoes off; I've never asked them to, they just do.

I suppose it depends on what you're used to in your own home.

If I've bee out in the wet and I know my wheels are dirty I will ask my PA to place an old cloth just inside my front door.
She then just wipes my wheels, or at least checks then.

People can wipe their shoes on a door mat, which is common courtesy, so I always take a cloth in my car to quickly wipe my wheels.

Like Guido mentions, most people say, "Don't worry," but I still like to wipe my wheels out of courtesy or respect.

The idea of meeting somewhere else is a good one. If she's that fussy about her carpets it will spoil the visit ffor you and your B/F.

Keep us updated?

[Izziwhizzi]

I always take an old towel with me on wet days when I visit peoples houses to dry off my wheels, just common courtesy. My wet and dirty wheels will make a mess, even on wood or laminate floors.

I know many people that expect shoes to be removed at their porch, house proud or not. A friend has a huge hairy dog (that gets filthy in the wet) and has very aged and far from perfect floor coverings, yet they remove shoes and wear slippers as their norm.

I'd tell your boyfriend about your friends concerns, its daft not to. Then discuss with him how you should progress the issue.

I

[HiltonP]

If I entered a home for the first time, and the owner had put down sheets to protect their precious carpet from my ghastly tyres it would be the last time I entered that home. I'm not that hardup for friendship!

Take the advice given . . . go to a restaurant.

Besides, if she's anal about her carpet she's probably a bad cook anyway . . .

Edited by HiltonP, 17 December 2009 - 06:17 PM.

[gordonr]

Dissenting opinion:

My dear old departed mother always put sheets down when I went to the house. Sometimes I spent a week, and the sheets were always there. What's the big deal?

Some of these people make big investments in rugs and furniture (yes, we also run into furniture and walls, and scuff and scrape those too).

Naturally, if you want to live in a place that looks like a magazine picture, you are going to pay a price. But I would say, that as a friend, you should be as supportive of this as you wouldbe of any other weird hobby.

Sheets? So what? Twenty years of going to my brother's place and he doesn't have a ramp. One day they had a big party, and one of the guests, a gimp, desisted because the place was not accessible. Nice principled stand and message. But I was at the party, and a good time was had by all. Which do you want, the principle, or the fun?

So, while I am all for gimp awareness percolating through the world, it isn't neccesarily going to percolate first in youir own private life. And if we are disaproving of your friends attitude, imagine how your social life is going to fare when you start to get a rep as a super-sensitive gimp.

But wait. It is not you. It is your significant other. And he is not even AWARE yet of this cat fight?

That's a mistake. What burns me most, more than any other obstacle, is having ANYBODY filter my inetraction with the world. Decide whether destination x is approptiate for me? I think not. Only I will do that.

Forget the sheets. At most tell him in a neutral tone. Don't telegraph your outrage. Do whatever he wants.

-G

[allis53ca]

this is no diff than people who invited me when my kids were little and wanted them to spend the day sitting on the couch acting like adults...i declined

my motorhome broke down in june while i was on the road and a friend invited me to stay at his house for a few weeks while it was in the shop....all i heard from his wife the entire time was "my new carpet, ure wearing it out !"...."sit still, why do you have to roll around so much ?"...i'm thinking "bitch, your husbands been in a chair 10 years and you get deep pad cream carpet ?"...now i know why he stays in bed a week at a time !...

my point : decline....his wheels are his legs, she can take it or leave it

[FROG]

I say, thank her very much for the invitation but graceously decline then take your man to some place that evening where you and he will be comfortable. Everybody would be better off if you just put this matter behind you and forget about it. Life is too short for trivial drama and in five years nobody will remember anything about this incident,

Edited by FROG, 17 December 2009 - 08:21 PM.

[ClaraTaylor]

Your partner is in the chair right.
Get him to decide if HE wants to go into the house in the first place. His wheels his choice. Not hers or yours. If he does he'll know how to get his tyres clean.

[Tetracyclone]

FROG, on Dec 17 2009, 03:20 PM, said:

I say, thank her very much for the invitation but graceously decline then take your man to some place that evening where you and he will be comfortable. Everybody would be better off if you just put this matter behind you and forget about it. Life is too short for trivial drama and in five years nobody will remember anything about this incident,

trivia drama. may i borrow the term?

[FROG]

Pwuff, on Dec 17 2009, 12:36 PM, said:

FROG, on Dec 17 2009, 03:20 PM, said:

Life is too short for trivial drama and in five years nobody will remember anything about this incident,

trivia drama. may i borrow the term?

Sure....... I have never seen or used the term before to my knowledge.....but I kinda' like the term too when you mention it.

[JohnnyO]

A suggestion you may want to consider is to tell your friend you'll pay to have her carpets cleaned once you leave. More than likely it will embarrass her enough where she'll drop the subject.....maybe.

I would also let your boyfriend know what's going on and let him decide what to do.

JO

[gordonr]

allis53ca, on Dec 17 2009, 07:14 PM, said:

"bitch, your husbands been in a chair 10 years and you get deep pad cream carpet ?"...now i know why he stays in bed a week at a time !...

That takes it to a whole new level. Nobody in a chair should have to be careful about the floor, walls and furniture in their own home.

-G

[wheeels]

So you are going to a friends house, her rules don't like them then don't go.

I personally hate going into someones house tracking road grime around.

And really whats the big deal her friend want him to clean his wheels off, and she is going put sheets down to protect the floor, at least they got invited out.

if you are so easily offended by a sheet and a request to clean you tires then you should really just stay home.

[Lucydog]

Personally I dont have an issue with her putting down sheets, Each to his own I say, although its downright weird to have a white carpet in the first place. Of course if your friend is ultra houseproud she might have something else going on. My Uncle-in-Law has severe OCD and visiting his house was bad enough before chair and kids. Our car once dripped oil on his driveway, I knew it was going to cause him a lot of distress. Anyway I also know he is in a total panic about us visiting his house just in case I knock something with my chair so now we always meet somewhere interesting and make a day out or they come to us. I dont stress over it, I know he cant help it and he knows I know so it remains unsaid.

Of course your friend might be just difficult but I wouldnt really make a big issue of it, lifes too short IMHO.

[Dovepetal+Oskar]

Jana09, on Dec 17 2009, 09:21 AM, said:

I didn't know where to post this but I need opinions quick please! I've been invited to a friend's house this weekend with my para boyfriend. She hasn't met him before and seems to be freaking out about how his wheels are going to leave great big black marks on her lovely white carpet.

So, get this, she's going to put sheets down to protect it. She also suggested he clean his wheels before he came in!

I can see where she's coming from but I wouldn't dream of subjecting my man to this - I don't know if he's come across it before because we've only been together 3 months. Is she being grossly in- sensitive or am I being over-sensitive? I just think it could hurt his dignity and that his feelings are more important than her precious carpet. It's never occured to me that his wheels might leave marks and so far they never have. I'm thinking of making an excuse and not going or else talking to her first. But then she's just likely to say she'll forget the sheets and be watching the goddam carpet the whole time!

What do people do about visiting house-proud nutters? (my parents are the same).

Wow, I'm speechless, cus it's so sad... seems like your friend is living for carpet not carpet is living for her does it make sense? lol

I am not bothered about my carpet, drop in any time :-)

xxx

[LeahC]

Some people are house proud, it's not a sin, jeez! I had cream carpets and not even the police were allowed in with shoes on. I like my house clean, I like to walk about bare foot. I'm in a chair myself now and would be perfectly fine with being carried or sheeting being laid.

[edlee]

This is unbelievable,,,, for once I TOTALLY agree with Leah.

If your boyfriend is such a clod that he expects people to accept his tracking up their houses just because he's in a wheel chair,,, perhaps it's the boyfriend you need to change,, not the friend.

Ask him what he thinks. My guess is that he would be relieved that she is willing to go to the trouble of putting down sheets, just for the pleasure of having him in her house. Sounds like a good host to me,,, and one who is proud of her possessions. As anyone sensible should be.

Imagine the alternative for a moment. She says nothing,, you visit,,, as you leave you notice the crud on the pristine carpet,, brought in by the wheels,, or by your feet. How do you feel,,, how does your boyfriend feel?

Accept the invitation,,, or don't,,, this is your problem, not that of the friend with the white rug fetish.
ed

[Ratticis]

I'm assuming this 'friend' has no children. Not your fault she wants to live in a museum. I live in a home, not just a house

[E-DOG]

This is really cool!

So many different answers, opinions. Pride verses sensibilities, carpet against tires, (excuse me, I see you're a haggis eater, "tyres")

My initial (gut) reaction was to say "Tell the bitch to roll up that pristine, white-ass, brand new who gives a shit piece o' crap carpet nice and tight, slap some lube on it and GET BUSY!"

Then I though to myself, "Yo self, what if you were AB, (remember back 2 or 3 years ago when you WERE AB?) and you had a nice place? Gorgeous art on the walls? Killer antiques, nick knacks?" "Would you want some pecker brain wheeling poodle poop all over your extra plush, super deluxe custom made unbelievably uber white carpet?"

Nooooo, I reckon not.
But then, I wouldn't be stupid enough to buy white carpet to begin with, but that's just me.

If the gal gets all fuzzy inside from her nice white floor covering (recently purchased!) then so be it. I mean shit, they do sell it, right? And that means people do buy it. And if that means they have expectations of people, including prideful gimpolas, having a little respect for their high cost worldly possessions then hey, what the hell? It's their stuff.

All we're really talking about is a little common courtesy here. A towel and a little spray n' wipe a few feet before her front door, Pi times height of wheel etc. A quick and thorough scrubbadoo oughta do it.

But then again when she wants to put down all kinds of sheets, towels, wooden planks, girders, cat walks with scaffolding, it says, "Hey look at the filthy no walkin' piece of shit what just rolled on to my brand new, ain't even been f*@ked on yet carpet!" "Grubby gimp! What did they teach you in rehab you scumbag? We happen to be Caucasian you know!"

And that just makes
me
wanna
go
BERSERK!

Call me irresponsible. Call me Billy Jack. Gal oughta be a bit more subtle is all I'm sayin'.

Young ed makes a good point, so does pwuff and guido.

Here's an idea! Light her friggin' house on fire an' we'll all gouge our eyes out in penance.
There. Does THAT make everyone happy?

Jayzuz H., white carpets. What an ultra maroon.

E-dog

[MDK]

Regadless of how beautiful is the house our family & friends have never ever considered the house more precious than my husband( & yes they have magnificent houses)
If that would ever happen I would not want them in my life but then .....this is me!
Mioara

[Jana09]

More differing opinions - it's all as clear as mud As usual you told it like it is E-Dog, thanks!
To those who think this is petty, of course it damnwell is! Maybe I'm just too sensitive and worry
about other people's feelings too much. And my man is certainly not a clod, he doesn't even know
this trivia drama is going on!

So, I'm going to tell him before we go, that my friend has a white carpet fetish and does he have
any suggestions. If he thinks she's the silly bitch from hell and doesn't want to go, then sobeit.
As a few of you have said, it shouldn't really be my decision to make.