[MissMatch]

Hi there.
This is my first post on here, although i have been reading many of your posts for just over a month now. This is how long i have been in a relationship with my new man. He is T5 complete and it is the first time i have dated a man who uses a wheelchair.
I have found this site so useful in providing me with information about my mans situation. I wanted to read all i could about what he can and can't do. I don't want to think too much about what he can't do but i think it is important to have as much knowledge as possible. Also it has saved him from being bombarded by me with too many questions so early on!lol
Anyway, this man is truly wonderful and puts all my ab exes in the shade. He is thoughtful and kind and makes me feel truly loved and wanted. Basically the focus of the relationship is on us being together and it isn't about how many times in one night we can have sex! Which leads me nicely to the question i want to ask you....
I have spent a few nights with my man and we've enjoyed being intimate with each other. The thing is, we haven't 'gone all the way' so to speak and i am quite nervous about doing so. I am aware of the limitations we face and know that things will be different from any sexual experience i have had so far, but i just don't know where to start, so to speak!lol. Can you please give me some advice on what to do? Well not exactly 'what to do' but you know what i mean?! I am in love with this man and i want to show him how i feel and not make him feel inadequate in any way. Cos trust me, he is far from inadequate!lol
Many thanks, MissMatched!xx

[Wheelsonfire]

Hi there,

Just be yourself, take it slow and as long as your not expecting any trapeze stunts on his behalf then everything should be ok

[MissMatch]

Hi.
Thankyou for your reply.
And i understand what you mean about being myself but it's hard to. In my past relationships it's the man who has taken charge and done the work, so to speak!lol
But now i feel so nervous. I know that it's going to be pretty much down to me.
I don't expect anything from him.
What i want is for him to be relaxed and happy about showing me his body.
The thing is do i just take charge and get on with it? Or do i wait for him to tell me what to do?
Many thanks.

[Wheelsonfire]

Hello again,

Just because the legs are gone(they only get in the way anyway) it doesn't mean you have to do everything.
OK maybe for penetration you might need to jump on board, but for the rest of it anything goes.
From experience, a para can excel in other areas to give pleasure without introducing "the beast" lol
He will be as nervous as you, one thing that is a must is to talk, try different things to see what works, it's not going to come together first time round it takes time.
The one thing he has going for him is you, there isn't too many women out there like you who shows an interest in a wheelchair user(well that's my experience to date)

Regards

[MissMatch]

Hey.
Thankyou so much for taking the time to reply. It's so great to get your opinion on this.
I hear what you're saying in regards to him being good in other areas, he certainly is!lol.
And to be quite honest it is nice to have sex with a man without 'the beast' as you called it being involved.
We are passionate with each other and enjoy being together.
And talking about it is easier said than done!lol. I mean like i wanna touch him all over but he can't feel it so should i? Should i just touch him or will he thinking 'why the hell is she doing that?!lol
And thankyou for saying that he has me going for him, that is so sweet of you to say. I'm lucky and he is lucky.
And as for the last comment on your post, well, i don't see him as a wheelchair user. He is just a bloke that i met and fell in love with. And i'm not the only woman who has happened to fall for a man in a chair.
It's not about finding someone who accepts your chair. It's about finding someone who wants you! Isn't it?!lol

[Wheelsonfire]

Howdy,

As to touching him where he can't feel it, Oh god, you have a foot fetish don't you...lmao
Why not touch where he can't feel, let him sit up and watch, the brain should release some endorphins, if not then ye gave it a lash.
I'm not saying to sit down and discuss the A to Z on SCI, get him to show you is the first step....time, your trying to climb Everest before arriving at base camp....Too much thought, too much "what if" all in good time.
I understand about seeing the man and not the chair, I do more sittin on me ass than most men do standing on shoe leather, but you took time to get to know the man,,,,,fair play..
Any-hows, I wish you the best of luck

Regards

[Ndisc84]

ok, this is a little off topic, but I wanted to get some advice. I am 3 and a half weeks since my injury. I was dating someone for two months before i got hurt.

He is great and really liked me before we started dating. I was the one who had some hang ups about dating, but eventually I went with it.

Now, the thing that has happened is this. Before, he wasn't close with my friends, just had met them a time or two. Now, well my friends are amazing, but they have taken him in and treat him like he's my husband or something. I know we all have to deal in our own way, and my close buddies are dealing by making up cool events and crazy games/parties/skits etc. They are hilarious, and make me smile (and cry) everyday. But I'm just freaking out right now, because the guy I'm dating....well, i just don't know what's up now or will be in the future. We didn't have enough time before this happened.

Now, instead of ME being unsure about it, I wonder if he's unsure about it. Does he feel stuck? I know that my friends would probably want to kill him if he broke up with me, but I don't think I would be that upset by it. It's just such a weird place to be in. Any advice about this???

[Wheelsonfire]

2 months with your partner........takes longer to break in a pair of shoes.
I wouldn't be thinking long term.....sorry

[Tetracyclone]

MissMatch,

This bout of performance anxiety will give you much greater empathy for the male of the species in the future.

Simple question when you touch him: "Do you like this?" Cast it in your best purr.

[Bob C]

[

Hi,

When you get a chance, read the story of my love life. It might give you a bit of insight into what you are dealing with. It is posted on the url below

Visit My Website


Share your feelings, and just have fun learning about each others bodies and re-invent sex to fit the two of you. It may be a bit unconventional, but it can be pleasurable, passionate, and enjoyable for both of you if you adjust to and build on what you have. I started out in the worst possible way but ended up being married for more than 44 years, and yes, we still have an intimate relationship that a lot of ABs would envy. It is all because of a couple of caring women like you seem to be.

Bob C

This post has been edited by Bob C: 09 January 2010 - 01:01 AM

[edlee]

Ndisc84, on Jan 2 2010, 05:28 PM, said:

ok, this is a little off topic, but I wanted to get some advice. I am 3 and a half weeks since my injury. I was dating someone for two months before i got hurt.

He is great and really liked me before we started dating. I was the one who had some hang ups about dating, but eventually I went with it.

Now, the thing that has happened is this. Before, he wasn't close with my friends, just had met them a time or two. Now, well my friends are amazing, but they have taken him in and treat him like he's my husband or something. I know we all have to deal in our own way, and my close buddies are dealing by making up cool events and crazy games/parties/skits etc. They are hilarious, and make me smile (and cry) everyday. But I'm just freaking out right now, because the guy I'm dating....well, i just don't know what's up now or will be in the future. We didn't have enough time before this happened.

Now, instead of ME being unsure about it, I wonder if he's unsure about it. Does he feel stuck? I know that my friends would probably want to kill him if he broke up with me, but I don't think I would be that upset by it. It's just such a weird place to be in. Any advice about this???

Don't worry about HIM, hon,,, you've only been at this for just under a month. If you enjoy his company,, fine,, accept it. If you find him getting on your nerves,, tell him to back off for a while. You have a ready made excuse for acting like a bitch,, so use it when you need it.
ed

[qbounce]

Ndisc84, on Jan 2 2010, 03:28 PM, said:

ok, this is a little off topic, but I wanted to get some advice. I am 3 and a half weeks since my injury. I was dating someone for two months before i got hurt.

He is great and really liked me before we started dating. I was the one who had some hang ups about dating, but eventually I went with it.

Now, the thing that has happened is this. Before, he wasn't close with my friends, just had met them a time or two. Now, well my friends are amazing, but they have taken him in and treat him like he's my husband or something. I know we all have to deal in our own way, and my close buddies are dealing by making up cool events and crazy games/parties/skits etc. They are hilarious, and make me smile (and cry) everyday. But I'm just freaking out right now, because the guy I'm dating....well, i just don't know what's up now or will be in the future. We didn't have enough time before this happened.

Now, instead of ME being unsure about it, I wonder if he's unsure about it. Does he feel stuck? I know that my friends would probably want to kill him if he broke up with me, but I don't think I would be that upset by it. It's just such a weird place to be in. Any advice about this???

As it really is a different topic, if you were to post it in a new thread, it would get you more responses.

[qbounce]

Bob C, on Jan 8 2010, 01:19 PM, said:

[

Hi,

When you get a chance, read the story of my love life. It might give you a bit of insight into what you are dealing with. It is posted on the url below:


http://cccforum55.fr...com/loverev.pdf

Share your feelings, and just have fun learning about each others bodies and re-invent sex to fit the two of you. It may be a bit unconventional, but it can be pleasurable, passionate, and enjoyable for both of you if you adjust to and build on what you have. I started out in the worst possible way but ended up being married for more than 44 years, and yes, we still have an intimate relationship that a lot of ABs would envy. It is all because of a couple of caring women like you seem to be.

Bob C

Tried pulling up your story Bob, but the only thing that came up was the main page for the freehosting platform. I would have become a member to view your post. And, although it's free, I don't see the point, as I still wouldn't know where to find it.

Oooor, maybe I'm missing something. That wouldn't surprise me either.

[Bob C]

qbounce, on Jan 8 2010, 07:08 PM, said:

Bob C, on Jan 8 2010, 01:19 PM, said:

[

Hi,

When you get a chance, read the story of my love life. It might give you a bit of insight into what you are dealing with. It is posted on the url below:


http://cccforum55.fr...com/loverev.pdf

Share your feelings, and just have fun learning about each others bodies and re-invent sex to fit the two of you. It may be a bit unconventional, but it can be pleasurable, passionate, and enjoyable for both of you if you adjust to and build on what you have. I started out in the worst possible way but ended up being married for more than 44 years, and yes, we still have an intimate relationship that a lot of ABs would envy. It is all because of a couple of caring women like you seem to be.

Bob C

Tried pulling up your story Bob, but the only thing that came up was the main page for the freehosting platform. I would have become a member to view your post. And, although it's free, I don't see the point, as I still wouldn't know where to find it.

Oooor, maybe I'm missing something. That wouldn't surprise me either.

Thanks for the problem alert. For some reason, the url does not work from within the Forum posts. However, if you copy and paste or type it in your browser window, it works fine. I guess I still have some learning to do about posting. Sorry for the inconvenience.

http://cccforum55.fr...com/loverev.pdf

Bob C

[snowqueeneh]

Bob C, on Jan 8 2010, 07:37 PM, said:

qbounce, on Jan 8 2010, 07:08 PM, said:

Bob C, on Jan 8 2010, 01:19 PM, said:

[

Hi,

When you get a chance, read the story of my love life. It might give you a bit of insight into what you are dealing with. It is posted on the url below:


http://cccforum55.fr...com/loverev.pdf

Share your feelings, and just have fun learning about each others bodies and re-invent sex to fit the two of you. It may be a bit unconventional, but it can be pleasurable, passionate, and enjoyable for both of you if you adjust to and build on what you have. I started out in the worst possible way but ended up being married for more than 44 years, and yes, we still have an intimate relationship that a lot of ABs would envy. It is all because of a couple of caring women like you seem to be.

Bob C

Tried pulling up your story Bob, but the only thing that came up was the main page for the freehosting platform. I would have become a member to view your post. And, although it's free, I don't see the point, as I still wouldn't know where to find it.

Oooor, maybe I'm missing something. That wouldn't surprise me either.

Thanks for the problem alert. For some reason, the url does not work from within the Forum posts. However, if you copy and paste or type it in your browser window, it works fine. I guess I still have some learning to do about posting. Sorry for the inconvenience.

http://cccforum55.fr...com/loverev.pdf

Bob C

Paul & I read your story. We really loved it. Especially the concept of the 50's. It is truly inspriational. Thank you for sharing

[Spinner]

@MissMatch, my mantra is "be patient." Take it slow but sure, be patient, talk, listen, keep listening, and just be patient. IMO that is the only way you are going to get to know this guy sexually. It took a while before my man was comfortable enough to just relax and be intimate without being self conscious about his body, disability, or limitations. You are bound to find he is the best lover you have ever been with and his skills go way beyond penetration! FYI, I touch every inch of my boyfriend without any thought. He may not feel it, but he can see what I am doing and I know he appreciates it.

[qbounce]

Bob C, on Jan 8 2010, 05:37 PM, said:

Thanks for the problem alert. For some reason, the url does not work from within the Forum posts. However, if you copy and paste or type it in your browser window, it works fine. I guess I still have some learning to do about posting. Sorry for the inconvenience.

http://cccforum55.fr...com/loverev.pdf

Bob C

Bob C,

Not only was that a worth while read, it was also fun, thought provoking, insightful, and a bit of a tear jerk as well.

Thanks for sharing such a great story.

[Bob C]

qbounce, on Jan 9 2010, 07:11 PM, said:

Bob C, on Jan 8 2010, 05:37 PM, said:

Thanks for the problem alert. For some reason, the url does not work from within the Forum posts. However, if you copy and paste or type it in your browser window, it works fine. I guess I still have some learning to do about posting. Sorry for the inconvenience.

http://cccforum55.fr...com/loverev.pdf

Bob C

Bob C,

Not only was that a worth while read, it was also fun, thought provoking, insightful, and a bit of a tear jerk as well.

Thanks for sharing such a great story.

I just wrote that a couple months ago at the request of a couple of my SCI friends who knew some bits and pieces about my life. It was not easy as I shed a few tears, especially when writing about my early years. Although times have changed, the problem is still there for SCIs to confront. I hope sharing the stories with Newbees will help and at least give them some hope. I tried to inject a bit of my sense of humor to lighten up the dark parts. Having read the story, you probably know me better than most of my family and friends. I laid it all out. That's my story. Glad you enjoyed it.

Bob C

[gordonr]

Bob C, on Jan 10 2010, 05:15 PM, said:

Having read the story, you probably know me better than most of my family and friends. I laid it all out. That's my story. Glad you enjoyed it.
Bob C

Well said, Bob. That is why a lot of people get into writing, because they want to share in a way they have been unable in ordinary life.

And the internet makes that option available to a lot more people.

So Bravo, and carry on. I'm sure there is a lot more where that came from, and I for one would apreciate seeing the works listed on your home page, if you could get somebody to type them into a text file and publish them on the web as well.

Best,

Gordon

This post has been edited by gordonr: 10 January 2010 - 09:50 PM

[greybeard]

Bob C, on Jan 10 2010, 05:15 PM, said:

That's my story. Glad you enjoyed it.

Heart-warming story Bob C. Thanks for sharing.