14 replies to this topic

[butterflyelvis]

Hi, I'm new here. I work as a CNA in a nursing home, so i didn't expect to be caring for someone in his early 30s with a SCI. I also didn't expect to find a (hopefully) lifelong friend on my resident list. This is a whole new world to me and I've been reading this forum with abandon. My friend is about to moved to a different skilled nursing facilty where he won't have internet for some time but when he does i'd love to pass this on to him.

He's 1 year post injury....complication due to surgery....no one's fault really, just the way it went down. He's struggling with his new life, but is open to talking about the things that are keeping him from making the headway that he should. Still hasn't done bowel training and has a pretty bad pressure sore just abouve he bum, some other medical issues-artifical heart vavle and a lifetime of conditioning about what he's capable of.

He had to leave the city he was living in at the time of the injury and finds himeself in a place where he's got limited friends (pretty much just me) and family. his family loves him and his dad is great, but it's got to suck to have to not only start over physically but socially as well. He was engaged at the time and she left a few months after....all his friends are in another state and he feels like life is moving on without him.

I want to help him rejoin the world. I know that it will be a matter mostly of him getting to a point where he wants to make the changes needed, but in the meantime, i'm there for him and i'm excited about this forum and all the info and support that it gives!

[allis53ca]

welcome, anybody in a ns can use a friend.....now, find a way to get him a laptop so he can get outa the ns/al....a computer given to me is what got me out of al and on with life

[Tetracyclone]

alllis53ca-

You would be surprised at how many nursing homes, at least in the States, do not offer internet in patients rooms. If they can sit and roll to the one or two machines available to the public, they are ok. If not... When my dad was in a nursing home we had to rig an antennae to hack into someone else's account in the neighborhood. Always learning stuff from the aging electronics engineer...

[butterflyelvis]

Pwuff, on Jan 4 2010, 01:13 AM, said:

alllis53ca-

You would be surprised at how many nursing homes, at least in the States, do not offer internet in patients rooms. If they can sit and roll to the one or two machines available to the public, they are ok. If not... When my dad was in a nursing home we had to rig an antennae to hack into someone else's account in the neighborhood. Always learning stuff from the aging electronics engineer...

yeah, the place I work kept telling him "we're looking into it" for about three months and then they had the "good fortune" of him getting hurt and going to the hospital and then telling him since there was no more they could do that he couldn't come back.

It's all about what they can bill for and don't get me started on all that...I could rant for quite a while!! It's a terrible realization about just how much the medical field is all about the money and not so much about the care. it's a business like anything else...it just sucks when someone you love is paying the price. But I'm not bitter. LOL I'm not giving up at least!!

[allis53ca]

you'd be surprised at how shitty a ns i survived....i meant a laptop with wifi....i cant imagine a ns would supply anything that might help prisoners escape...mine wouldn't loan me a wc, just a posey chair

elvis, help your friend leave the building

[butterflyelvis]

hahaha that made me laugh. Thanks!

I'm doing my best to help him leave the building! believe me. I had no idea how shitty NH life could be. It's funny, he was once telling me something and is searching for the word "resident" he "accidently" said inmate and we both got a good chuckle out of that.

I'm worried about the place he's headed tomorrow. The one i work in isn't terrible and it sucks, this one he's going to has a bad rep but no one will take him. Maybe though, it will be just the kick in the ass he needs to go from wanting to go home to getting the hell out of a NH.

I'm trying to see the silver lining. trying hard.

[Spinner]

All I know for sure is that the one promise my boyfriend asked me to make him is that I would never put him in a nursing home - no matter what. Your new friend is lucky to have met you! Good luck to both of you!

P.S. I love your username!

[Bnagore141]

I had to put my husband in a nursing home for 15 days. My insurance won't let him go to rehab till he recover from his second surgery thanks to the first rehab which let his incesion from surgery where they put the rod and pins in let it get so infected they had to do another surgerg to get the infection out. He was in a total of 5 hospitals in 3 months. As soon as he got home thats when he started getting stronger. Had 2 UTI's i bed sore while in hospitals, and none when he got home , figure that one

[butterflyelvis]

I keep telling him that the longer he stays in there the harder it will be to get out. he just keeps getting passed from place to place and is starting to think that there is no hope for him to be able to live at home. I'm hoping to help him see that there is.

[gordonr]

butterflyelvis, on Jan 4 2010, 05:23 PM, said:

I keep telling him that the longer he stays in there the harder it will be to get out. he just keeps getting passed from place to place and is starting to think that there is no hope for him to be able to live at home. I'm hoping to help him see that there is.

For a reasonably young para, barring special circumstances, independence is within reach.

As with eveyhing else, big problems have to be split into smaller problems, and solved one by one.

The first step is to own the goal.

Then make some kind of a check list:

I can handle my pee.
I can handle my poop.
I will get my money from?

For every person the challenges will be different.

This will take time. Patience is required.

But there should be specific steps. Actual research and phone calls every day.

Best Regards,

Gordon

[qbounce]

Why isn't he living in the State where family/ friends are??

How about relocating closer to home? Unless . . . . you two are MORE than just friends. Finding a significant other would keep me in another State, away from family too!--lol

[butterflyelvis]

qbounce, on Jan 4 2010, 11:53 PM, said:

Why isn't he living in the State where family/ friends are??

How about relocating closer to home? Unless . . . . you two are MORE than just friends. Finding a significant other would keep me in another State, away from family too!--lol

hahaha, no, we're just friend. I'm married with two kids and happy in that home. My friend is a great guy and had we met at some other time....perhaps.

Actually, his family is split a bit of here and there. He wasn't in the same state with any of them...just his then fiance and some friends. He's got siblings about an hour away from where he is now and he's dad is about 10 minutes away...so he's closer here than he was there.

he's not alone by any means, just lonely for life I think. Hopefully getting tired of the pop ins by family and motivated to rejoin the living.

I liked the goal setting advice above...he's got some other issues than just the para stuff, but nothing that he can't manage.

[wheeliebear75]

Well he should at least be having lunch out with them & such. My grandmother JUST got put into a home a few wks ago (it's been almost as hard on the rest of us as it is her I think) but they encourage coming in to play cards AND taking them out for normal family outings.....they only thing they asked is that we let them know ahead of time so that she'll be ready & an estimated time of bringing her back. Granted in her situation it is from MASSIVE confusion (having trouble using a telephone on her own) but the having a person go out & do things like go to church or lunch with family is "normal" & something to be encouraged. And before I left the hospital getting things like McDonald's brought for lunch instead of icky old hospital/prison food made me want to get out of there even more......even if I didn't exactly know what would come next......I wanted O-U-T OUT!

Unfortunately a ton of us got dumped by those who swore they would "love in sickness & in health" found out they weren't as "OK" with the sickness part of that bargain. The good thing however (yeah there is actually a bright side to being dumped) those people who can't handle SCI probably wouldn't have been able to handle something like a stroke later on in life any better so.......better to find out sooner than later what a person's "made of". ;) And also many of us have found people who will love the broken parts as much as the rest of us.

[butterflyelvis]

I just can't imagine leaving someone that I loved just because part of them didn't work the way it used to. But like you say, it's better to find out. Better that he found out before he married that girl. He's a great guy and he'll meet someone else. He may be getting the brace off sometime this week and we're going to go see a movie and eat some real food somewhere.

Edited by butterflyelvis, 12 January 2010 - 10:38 PM.

[sweety]

hi everyone. my son was hurt november8. this is all new to me. he is 36 and moved back home girl friend could not take care of him.
he is having a hard time. he was very hyper before. hes just craby now. he does do a lot for him self.
im having a hard time trying to get help for medicines medicare has not kicked in yet. can any one tell me what to do.
worried mom.