[lissysilver]

Hello all! It's been a long time since I've been on, but I still continue to be grateful for the helpful advice everyone has given me.

To update everyone...I posted about six months ago about my husbands horrible pressure sores. It's gotten MUCH better since then, thank goodness! We got him a brand new cushion, and we've ordered an ergonomic chairback that will help with his posture. In the meantime, he has a special pillow stuffed in there...it mimics what the new chairback will do for him. He had a slight reoccurence a couple of weeks ago, but it was because he was in bed for a whole week with a really bad flu.

I'm still struggling with the dependency thing. It manifests itself in little things, like him forgetting one of his medicines, or putting his feet together on the standing frame, or asking me to switch around his chairs. I stubbornly insist that he did all of these things himself before I married him, but I still somehow manage to look like the bad guy, which totally sucks. I really hate that most of the time, when he forgets things, he doesn't get up to get them, stating that 'he can't be bothered', which drives me absolutely bananas. I don't know what to say to him, other than 'no' and 'you used to do it yourself'. So frustrating! And we're starting to look into IVF treatments, which scares me sometimes, because if he says he can't be bothered over little things....you get my drift.

What I really wanted to ask you is advice for weight-loss for paraplegics. My husband has been having these horrible muscle spasms when he twists a certain way. We went to see his consultant, who said (slightly less than tactfully) that the weight of his stomach was putting strain on his muscles. In a nutshell, he needs to go on a diet. This is proving to be impossible. He needs to lose at least two stone, and his eating habits are less than exemplary. (Who am I kidding, mine aren't either, but I'm still fitting into a US size 6, so I'm thrilled) I've suggested he go to Weight Watchers, which he refuses to do, insisting that he knows exactly what he can eat and when. HELP!! Can anyone suggest a good regiment that can get him eating right and losing weight? I've been trying to limit the amount of nosh in the house, but he's also a carbo-junkie. And I don't know what he eats when he goes to work.

Any advice would be most welcome! Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season, and happy new year!

[Wheelsonfire]

Hi

Diet won't matter unless he exercises, peddle machine for cardio, weight training will allow muscle built to burn body fat, slendertone have a belt to work his abs, if he trains 3 or 4 days a week he'll knock down the weight.
Diet; rather than having 3 meals a day, change it to 4 to 5 but making sure the meals are small, average male needs to take in 2000-2500 kcal a day to maintain body weight. drop it to 1600-1800.
Sample;
Breakfast; bowl of oatmeal and a piece of fruit
Snack; diet yoghurt and a rice cake
Lunch; tuna and rye sandwich with a tea or coffee
Main meal; chicken breast grilled(no skin),75g rice, veg
Supper; fruit salad
Making sure not to eat after 8-9pm
Intake of water is very important, 3-4 litres a day
When working cardio it can be done 6 days a week (30 mins) and no excuses to stop
Weights to get toned- low weight, high rep.

Any questions feel free to contact me if you want a workout drawn up.
Pain is temporary, pride is forever.
Para t3 -t5....no excuse

Regards

[Tetracyclone]

Lissy, I know you love this guy, but it is not clear why. he doesn't want your help unless it is maid service.

You said "I don't know what to say other than 'no' and 'you used to do it yourself'. Better to not use words- they only invite arguing and he has heard it before. If you don't want to be the maid, just don't.

[rue2you]

Wheelsonfire -
I would like a work-out drawn up. Is this offer available to me too? All my friends here have started a weight loss group and I want to be healthy and fit but I know the "rules" are different with me being in a chair. I would love some guidance from someone who knows what they are talking about! I will wait to hear from you here before I pm you because i don't want to be presumptuous.

[AndrewB]

This morning: Ramen noodles-chicken flavored, coffee

Lunch: carl buddig turkey sandwich

Dinner: beef & bean burritos, six pack o fosters lager.

I'm a highly educated nutritionist. anyone that knows me knows that. stay on this diet for 6-8 months and your husband will be fine.

[lissysilver]

Wheelsonfire, on Jan 6 2010, 08:50 PM, said:

Hi

Diet won't matter unless he exercises, peddle machine for cardio, weight training will allow muscle built to burn body fat, slendertone have a belt to work his abs, if he trains 3 or 4 days a week he'll knock down the weight.
Diet; rather than having 3 meals a day, change it to 4 to 5 but making sure the meals are small, average male needs to take in 2000-2500 kcal a day to maintain body weight. drop it to 1600-1800.
Sample;
Breakfast; bowl of oatmeal and a piece of fruit
Snack; diet yoghurt and a rice cake
Lunch; tuna and rye sandwich with a tea or coffee
Main meal; chicken breast grilled(no skin),75g rice, veg
Supper; fruit salad
Making sure not to eat after 8-9pm
Intake of water is very important, 3-4 litres a day
When working cardio it can be done 6 days a week (30 mins) and no excuses to stop
Weights to get toned- low weight, high rep.

Any questions feel free to contact me if you want a workout drawn up.
Pain is temporary, pride is forever.
Para t3 -t5....no excuse

Regards

Thanks for that! The main issue is that my husband works late and doesn't get home until 9 or 10. What suggestions would you make for that?

[Wheelsonfire]

Rue2you...no bother PM and I get details from you.
Lissy....train when he comes home, there have been times I would train at 10 pm and my workouts are 3 hours and I train 5 days a week, half hour cardio and 2 and a half hours of weights(upper body of course)
It can be done, he just needs to focus. I can give you links to home multigyms that he can use, buy some free weights and STAY AWAY FROM FOSTERS 200 kcal a pint

My offer goes to anyone that wants it, it doesn't matter what level(within reason).
I can draft diets,supplements etc, workouts to suit the level of injury and the time frame you have to workout and advise as to what equipment to get for home.
It can be hard to get motivated, the first 2 weeks are the hardest.
It is a big confidence builder also.
I have trained able bodied and those who have disabilities, quads can use terabands to strengthen upper body.
Just remember that Rome wasn't built in a day.

P.S You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink it

This post has been edited by Wheelsonfire: 07 January 2010 - 01:30 PM

[lissysilver]

Wheelsonfire, on Jan 7 2010, 11:33 AM, said:

Rue2you...no bother PM and I get details from you.
Lissy....train when he comes home, there have been times I would train at 10 pm and my workouts are 3 hours and I train 5 days a week, half hour cardio and 2 and a half hours of weights(upper body of course)
It can be done, he just needs to focus. I can give you links to home multigyms that he can use, buy some free weights and STAY AWAY FROM FOSTERS 200 kcal a pint

My offer goes to anyone that wants it, it doesn't matter what level(within reason).
I can draft diets,supplements etc, workouts to suit the level of injury and the time frame you have to workout and advise as to what equipment to get for home.
It can be hard to get motivated, the first 2 weeks are the hardest.
It is a big confidence builder also.
I have trained able bodied and those who have disabilities, quads can use terabands to strengthen upper body.
Just remember that Rome wasn't built in a day.

P.S You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink it

Would love to see some links for home gyms. I think one of the biggest problems is his laziness. He's tired after he comes home from work, but that's because of his weight and his stamina. On the days he doesn't go to work, it's a struggle to get him out of bed and to the gym. Plus, if he has to be on a diet, then apparently so do I. I try not to eat anything junky around him, but then I feel like I'm sneaking around.

My husband is truly a wonderful man. He has an amazing heart, a terrific spirit, and he's so loving, and don't get me wrong, I adore him. I knew there were going to be some difficult times when I married him. But I think that he's gotten himself into a particular mindset, and nothing I say or do will get him motivated. Maybe hearing it from others who are wheelchair bound will snap him into action.

Thanks...

[rue2you]

Wheelsonfire - thank you!! I will PM you!

[Lucydog]

Personally I eat what I like when I like. Certainly havent put any weight on for years and got straight back into my usually clothes a few days after having babies. of course anyone who knows me knows Im not a size 8 but then I was never meant to be. Having Im at the top end of healthy weight for my size. Im happy at that, but find the big thing is portion control. I eat 'bad' stuff all the time, but only a small amount. Im happy with a few squares of chocolate or 2 biscuits or a packet of crisps a week. I also drink very little alcohol which is all calories. Just a few ideas, there is no magic answer, he has to care before he will lose weight.

[Wheelsonfire]

Rue2you, Lissy, PM'S on the way with detailed info
Bare with me as I will be tailoring for each individually

Kind regards
John

This post has been edited by Wheelsonfire: 07 January 2010 - 11:36 PM

[Bob C]

As others have said, he has got to get moving and burn more calories than he is taking in. Just sitting, he probably is not burning more than 70-80 calories an hour. It sounds like you got him real spoiled.In the end, it is misplaced love. Personally, I dislike being dependent on others, especially my wife. She has enough to do without me hanging on her. Has he got interest in wheelchair sports or something more exciting than a gym? Personally, I get plenty of exercise cooking, helping with the laundry, doing yard work shopping, etc. If this2 year old quad who is more than 55 years post injury can do it, your hubby can. I am retired now but I did these things when I was working 12-14 hours a day. They are good for working out work-related stress.

Bob C

[Wheelsonfire]

Although keeping active is a good thing, it won't burn fat, diets without training won't burn body fat. Water is all that is lost.
Building muscle gives one confidence in their appearance, body fat gets burnt while watching TV.
Personally I reckon it is the way to go, you don't need to train as hard as I do, nor lift the heavy weights, I just like the bulk.
Before I started I weighed approx 12 stone(for the good ole US of A, 1 stone=14lbs) and I'm over 6 ft.
I now weigh 16 stone with 8% body fat----most of the weight is carried upper body.
My upper arms went up to 18 1/2 inches.....no amount of household chores will do that.
Most important thing is to be strong mentally and have the will power to focus the mind to ignore the pain the body is been put through.
You have more energy, stamina...It is a lifestyle, it's not for everyone and if it was easy, everyone would be doing it.
It's what makes me stand out from the rest when in a room, fair enough, my diet is high protein and it sucks most of the time. Worth it though.

[Saneaj]

I've also put my hubby on a diet. Since he's a quad and has that heart thingy and all... we had to get really creative. So we've both been on a diet for the past few months. Weights and cardio for me and there really isn't a whole lot of options for him at the present. But with watching our portions and such... we can really tell a difference. I'm already down quite a few sizes and will have to update our profile pic here soon cuz I don't even look like that anymore. And my hubby has lost one of his 'spare tires' on his tummy. He's really happy about that and it making such a difference when I turn him. He's determined to lose at least half of his basketball that he seems to have swallowed...lol...

We simply cut out ALL sodas... whether they were regular or diet...cut out all sweet tea ( a truly southern drink...yum)... cut out all fastfoods from McDonalds and so forth... no fried foods... no junk food...more protein... less sugars and carbs... and it really seems to be working for us.

And wheelsonfire... your avatar is NUTS!!! lol

[Wheelsonfire]

Example of my diet.

Breakfast------ bowl of oatmeal and 6 egg whites
Snack------------Protein bar or shake( 50g of protein )
Lunch------------- 200g of tuna
Snack------------Protein bar or shake( 50g of protein )
Dinner-------------12oz steak and 250g of rice
Supper------------2 chicken breasts grilled and 250g of rice.
Just before bed--------protein shake( 50g of protein )

Something for someone trying to drop weight while exercising;

Breakfast----- I boiled egg, 2 pieces of cracker bread and 1 apple
Snack--------- protein shake mixed with water, 1 scoop 25g protein 110kcal http://wholesalesupp...00whey10lb.html it may seem pricey but you'll get over 4 mths out of it.
Lunch-------- salad
Dinner--------- chicken breast or maybe a fillet of fish with a side salad or 125g of rice and I banana (protein from fish gets digested faster)
Supper------- bowl of fruit salad

Carbs gotta go

This post has been edited by Wheelsonfire: 10 January 2010 - 05:19 PM

[ela10]

Hi there!

I decided to share some of my experiences with you because you wrote that you are thinking of starting IVF. We did and luckily the treatment was succeful and we have 1 year old twins. Having babies changed a lot the dynamics of our marriage. Before we had babies i didn't mind at all the extra work that meant doing "little nice things" for him...like taking out his clothes to go to work, bringing him breakfast and coffee to bed ..doing gigantic amounts of laundry and taking care by myself of all the household chores. But when you make this kind of adittion to the family...let me tell you: the work you are doing now.....will triple at best. We made (well i did) the mistake of not being assertive enough when it came to talking and plannig the logistics of how things would work in the house when the babies arrived. We didn't take the preparation classes because his point was that our situation was so different that other people experiences and ways wouldn't work for us and we would learn on the way. When it came the day to bring the babies home.....it was a dissaster....even my mom being home to help ..didn't totally solved the issue: we didn't assigned each other responsabilities and while we figured things out...i took over all the duties of being a mom of two...and keep doing all those "little things" i used to do for him before i delivered. The consequences are there: a lot of resentment on my part because of the load of housework i have ...i don't stop....from 5 am to 11 pm i just clean the house, clean the babies, attend to his needs before and after work and as much as i've tried to making him do more things on his own, help a little bit washing bottles or just picking up his towels from the floor... he says he will but 2 days later it goes back to normal...i do it. Since he works and provides for the family it makes me feel guilty to push for more help since he is already doing a lot.

What i am trying to share with you is that i wish i had let him be more independent ...i wish i hadn't gotten him so used to those "little nice things" because now that i don't want to do them and i demand more help...not only do i feel the bad guy but he feels i don't love him as i use to. Talk a lot with him and make sure he is willing to be more helpful before having kids because this can really jeorpardize your marriage. Some days i just now that i can't do this all my life...do the physical work for 3 other people and it is very frustating since i love him and my babies a lot.

So talk ...talk and talk but make sure he is really listening and he makes a commitment and shows you with actions he is ready to help you to raise babies together....and be more independent.



I hope i didn't share to much but i just wanted to let you know that this dependency thing....goes on and worsens if not adressed on time.