[clayton]

Hi everyone, i am new here but i'm just wondering if anyone ever finds it hard to talk about there injury's ? well first off let me say i was injured t4/t5 complete from a car accident when i was 16 well the docotrs told me i had no hope of walking they said a 99.9% chance of never walking but i am very grateful b/c it happened for me a year later i was learning to walk, it's 10 yrs later and still walking although i have a very tough time and i'm very self consious about my limp and using a cane but i am grateful . well i try to act like i was never hurt , i try to act like it don't bother me to others but deep down inside i'm scared i have alot of pain and alot of questions i will never get the answers to . but why do i try and act like nothing bothers me? like if a strangers asks , whats wrong w/ your leggs? and god i really hate this questionon but i reply oh my hip is just out of place, i am just curious if you guys find it hard to talk about your struggles w/ friends and family ? i really want to be comfortable w/ talking about it but i'm scared.

[greybeard]

Welcome to the group.

What's wrong with just saying you broke your back?

[Bob C]

What is it that makes you fearful about talking about it? Are you afraid you might start crying and lose control or something? Perhaps it is some kind of embarrassment you feel.

[mcferguson]

Clayton,

I don't find it hard to talk about my injury. I got mine in an auto accident also. When people ask I say, "I was injured in a car acciendent that left me paralyzed from the chest down." Usually that satisfies their curiosity. I work for the US Air Force and safety is a big deal. I have told my story a couple of times during safety briefings and have gotten only positive comments back (nothing like a wheelchair-bound person to drive the point home about being safe!). So, I would encourage you to tell the truth about your injury and it will get easier with time.

As for your struggles, talk to us here if you feel uncomfortable with your friends and family. We understand like no-one else what you deal with.

Glad you posted. Keep coming back.

[clayton]

Bob C, on Feb 1 2010, 07:02 PM, said:

What is it that makes you fearful about talking about it? Are you afraid you might start crying and lose control or something? Perhaps it is some kind of embarrassment you feel.

this is exactly how i feel anytime i have talked about it i have always teared up. so yes i think its alot of embarrassment

[Bob C]

clayton, on Feb 1 2010, 02:05 PM, said:

Bob C, on Feb 1 2010, 07:02 PM, said:

What is it that makes you fearful about talking about it? Are you afraid you might start crying and lose control or something? Perhaps it is some kind of embarrassment you feel.

this is exactly how i feel anytime i have talked about it i have always teared up. so yes i think its alot of embarrassment

You have been carrying the hurt and pain around for a long time. Many of us were able to grieve and morn early in our sci life, but you have been stoic. It is time for you to start dumping those feelings so you can move on with your life We understand We all been through it. This is a good place to start getting it out of your system.

[SandieT]

My son is 26 + was injured 2 yrs ago and really doesn't like to talk about what happened to him (car accident) he says it just reminds him of what happened and keeps taking him back, says he doesn't want to go back and keep being reminded of it.
He just wants to move on and get on with his life, thats why he likes spending time with his friends, because they don't talk about it and he is just one of the boys when he's with them.
So maybe its the same with you, you want to move on and not back?? (Not a bad thing, maybe.)
Anyway wishing you all the best. x

[gordonr]

clayton, on Feb 1 2010, 05:26 PM, said:

Hi everyone, i am new here but i'm just wondering if anyone ever finds it hard to talk about there injury's ? well first off let me say i was injured t4/t5 complete from a car accident when i was 16 well the docotrs told me i had no hope of walking they said a 99.9% chance of never walking but i am very grateful b/c it happened for me a year later i was learning to walk, it's 10 yrs later and still walking although i have a very tough time and i'm very self consious about my limp and using a cane but i am grateful . well i try to act like i was never hurt , i try to act like it don't bother me to others but deep down inside i'm scared i have alot of pain and alot of questions i will never get the answers to . but why do i try and act like nothing bothers me? like if a strangers asks , whats wrong w/ your leggs? and god i really hate this questionon but i reply oh my hip is just out of place, i am just curious if you guys find it hard to talk about your struggles w/ friends and family ? i really want to be comfortable w/ talking about it but i'm scared.

Clayton,

This is clearly a problem, because to make new friends and even functionning relationships with casual aquaintances, you have to be able to share and communicate.

Allow me to suggest a strategy for turning that communication into a postive experience which fits with your tough and self-reliant character. And that strategy is simply to focus on the positive side of your truthful experience. Afterall, you can describe yourself to people as an extremely lucky individual, which you are, and a virtual miracle man because you are able to walk with a cane, when you broke your back and just a hair farther and it would have been the chair for life.

That sort of narrative will get you both sympathy and respect.

And especially, it will not push people away from you the way an attempt to refuse or misrepresent will inevitably do.

Everybody wants to make themselves interesting. You are interesting. You've got a great ice-breaking story that has a happy ending.

Use it. Don't flaunt it. Wait for the curiosity. Wait for the question. But don't be shy about answering the question when it comes.

Best Regards,

Gordon

[ericr]

I dont know if its because my injury is new only 8 months but im always joking about it and making light of it. Just tonight I went to dinner with friendsi had not seen since before my accident. I kept joking and saying I ate so much you have to roll me out. Even lets go to a strip club because i get a discount since i have my own seat!!

Life is hard enough that we shouldnt worry about what others think. have fun with it and you will see its easy to talk about and will make you feel better.

[doublelibra]

It doesn't bother me, but we are all different. Personally, I think such questions from strangers are tactless. I don't see anything wrong with looking them in the eye and saying, "I prefer not to discuss it, thank you". You have every right to decide if, when, and how you discuss it. It is really none of their business.

[Kodie]

When I was in Shepherd Center, they would take us out on "outtings". One day, we went to a Target to get the feel for being in public in our chairs. Well, out of the blue this little girl came up to me and asked what happened to me. There for a second I didn't want to tell because I was embarassed. So, I took a deep breath and told her "I was with my friends and was being careless and dove into shallow water and broke my neck." Needless to say, I sat in Target for a good 15 minutes explaining to this little girl the dangers of diving and what happens when you "break your head" as she put it. Sorry to ramble, but I thought I should share that story. Like you, I was kind of hesitant at first, but I like to think that that 15 minute lecture might have taught that little girl an important lesson about swimming safety. Everyone is different, but maybe if you share your story with curious people, they just might walk away having learned a valuable lesson. Don't know if that helped..just my two cents.

[gordonr]

Kodie, on Feb 2 2010, 08:18 AM, said:

I like to think that that 15 minute lecture might have taught that little girl an important lesson about swimming safety. Everyone is different, but maybe if you share your story with curious people, they just might walk away having learned a valuable lesson. Don't know if that helped..just my two cents.

Kodie,

Thw other thing is you had the pure pleasure of dialoguing with that open little creature. But if you had been defensive, that is, less open yourself, the interaction would not have happenned.

Our choice.

-G

[chris135]

ericr, on Feb 2 2010, 12:36 AM, said:

I dont know if its because my injury is new only 8 months but im always joking about it and making light of it. Just tonight I went to dinner with friendsi had not seen since before my accident. I kept joking and saying I ate so much you have to roll me out. Even lets go to a strip club because i get a discount since i have my own seat!!

Life is hard enough that we shouldnt worry about what others think. have fun with it and you will see its easy to talk about and will make you feel better.

ericr-i was wondering how do your friends react to your jokes? I ask cause my injury was also about 8 months ago and i joke ALL the time. My gf now finds it funny but for some reason my friends find it "morbid and bitter" even though i'm neither of those things at all. Just curious on some input from someone in the same boat as me.

clayton-I dont really have any good advice as everyones circumstances are different. I don't mind talking about my accident but thats just me. I think it would be healthy and rewarding for you if you could work through this problem of yours so you can really begin to move on.

chris

[Quad65]

I've been a quad for over 44 years. About fifteen years ago, I went through some one-on-one counseling for some unrelated issues, but we got around to dissecting my feelings surrounding the accident and it's aftermath. It was time well spent. We all deal with our situations differently. The long and short of it is, you can't stuff your feelings and emotions indefinitely. They will surface in unexpected and ultimately unhealthy ways. Could be depression, anger, suicide, substance abuse, the list is endless. I'd strongly suggest seeking out counseling from someone familiar with traumatic or SCI injuries. You have to recover your emotional health as well as your physical health. This is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength and an acknowledgment that you can face and conquer your fears.

[slyd]

Wow !!

All the posts here are so cool, and represent such a diversity of approaches to a topic thrust upon many of us, just at a time when we are unsure of what the to reply !

Well I've toyed with the idea of pleasuring their curiosity with a rich story of sky-diving accidents, shooting accidents, and such the like - - - - but, I find my story actually captivates them, and gives them an insight (a bit) to life as I know it.

I think, give them a short quick summary, and if they are thereby curious, they will ask further questions which will give you the opportunity to explore your own acceptance of the facts surrounding the "incident", or whatever "cause", including it's effects .

I don't mind talkin' 'bout it, just my story spans so many years before diagnosis, that I find I never manage to talk it all out in one sitting. I'm still slowly filling in my close friends as to some of the "other" aspects of SCI.

This post has been edited by slyd: 02 February 2010 - 05:28 PM

[DannyR]

Glad you started this topic . I to walk with a cane and have been told to set aside some dates for an alumni tournament that is starting the end of April. A lot of the people attending will be people I played baseball with when I was a kid and they don't know I have a SCI. I have been worried what to say as I have gotten tired of trying to explain what happened to me. I know there will be questions I'm thinking of just answering "Spinal Cord Injury" then quickly changing the subject.

[poizon74]

Oddly enough I tend to go to one of two extremes sort of randomly when discussing/avoiding discussion about my injury. Sometimes I sort of tend to make it the center of attention and I feel like I almost like the attention of telling my story again and answering questions etc.... but sometimes I feel really embarrassed when I think I'm walking funny or wearing my brace in public.

I donno what flips that switch but I'm usually either trying to hide my injury or showcase it. Either way my notion of how I am perceived always revolves around it.

[gordonr]

DannyR, on Feb 10 2010, 08:17 PM, said:

I'm thinking of just answering "Spinal Cord Injury" then quickly changing the subject.

Most people don't know what SCI is. I just say, "I broke my back." That is something their imagination can get a grip on.

-G

[JimG]

poizon74, on Feb 16 2010, 01:42 AM, said:

Oddly enough I tend to go to one of two extremes sort of randomly when discussing/avoiding discussion about my injury. Sometimes I sort of tend to make it the center of attention and I feel like I almost like the attention of telling my story again and answering questions etc.... but sometimes I feel really embarrassed when I think I'm walking funny or wearing my brace in public.

I donno what flips that switch but I'm usually either trying to hide my injury or showcase it. Either way my notion of how I am perceived always revolves around it.

I'm very free with the explanation, particularly when I catch people looking at me, with a look of pity on their faces.

It's actually easy for me.....living in a ski town, to tell people it's an SCI from a skiing accident.

Particularly since I had been misdiagnosed with ALS, instead of a lingering thorasic herniation last year.

Telling people you MAY have ALS for 7 months was difficult to do, and for people to hear, so to tell them now that I did it while skiing.....before they ask if it was skiing, or mt. biking (another common injury-producing sport around here) is much easier.

I find that being more open about it puts people at ease, and I don't get treated with pity.

[Skrads]

I've been open about my SCI since day 1 and in March it will be 2 years since my accident. If anyone asks me what happened I usually first tell them that "I was bench pressing my mate's ute and couldn't finish to last rep". That usually gets people interested and wondering "WTF?". It also gives my mates and I a laugh. I then explain what really happened, and people feel a bit more relaxed as they can see I can joke about it.

I have had a few times that I have started to tear up but its only when I'm having a "deep and meaningful" with friends after a few drinks. I find that keeping feelings and thoughts to yourself isn't healthy, nor is sitting at home doing nothing. I found that gettng out and doing the same things as I did before really helps. I don't do things in the same way but at least I'm out and about.

This may not sound right, but, I find that my SCI and talking about it has opened up alot of doors for me and have meet a lot more people. I get offered job opportunities all the time that allow me to travel to rehab centres, schools and hospitals and talk to people. I am always meeting people who, after talking to me about my accident, want to and start supporting disability organisations and sporting teams. I have also become somewhat of a "celebrity" in my local area and have gotten to the point where people know who I am and are comfortable enough to approach me.

Clayton, I think that you have a lot of self confidence issues and may need to approach a councilor or physcologist. You seem to have a lot of feelings that need to be released and definaitely need to talk to someone. I'm not trying to be negative, but you are leading down the road to depression. I think that once you start to open up about your accident ans SCI, you will begin to feel confident and a lot happier. Maybe even starting a sport or hobby with other people with disability will show you how others feel....

[Airrika]

I do find it somewhat difficult to tell ppl "i got shot".. I know ppl in the town wonder why i'm in a wheelchair now. The article was in the local news when it happened but that was way back in July so alot of ppl probably forgot about it by now, but i still dont like going out in public really unless i absolutely have to.

I just dont want ppl to judge me like "Oh she's just big & lazy" because i am a heavy set woman rollin around in a wheelchair. I catch ppl lookin at me like they feel sorry for me all the time and i hate that because i dont really consider myself "that handicap" having bss because i can move around pretty well even tho it is painful to walk.

[qbounce]

I know this thing started with Clayton, so I'm going to address you first. Man, if your still having a hard time accepting what happened to you, to the point of breaking down when explaining your story, get some help already! You need to see a therapist and get past this ordeal. If you don't get your self confidence in check, it'll continue eating you up inside, and that's no way to live!!!

I tell people, no big deal. I've survived . . . . I'm occupying the same space as the person in front of me, breathing the same air, and able to talk about it!! Life is good

[Believe128]

Clayton-

Right after my accident I was unable to talk or even hear about what the doctors were saying about my future. It took up until now, 3 years, where I am better about talking about it. Have you tried joining a small group in your community? It might help to hear others open up about their own accidents. Or even speaking in front of a small group in a rehabilitation hospital. To them you are an inspiration on what's to come. We all remember being scared on how we were going to go back to our everyday life, the public stares, feeling like an outcast, etc. You could make a huge difference in someone's life and in return help yourself to feel comfortable with your own life.

You are a survivor, a strong individual, and a fighter! Always believe in yourself!

[Django]

It always makes me smile how people say "is it okay if I ask?" I remember what it was like to be curious but uncomfortable asking...I like to tell my story...depending on my mood...I feel we're survivors. But when I'm with my daughter I sometimes say that it's her day so they need to catch me on another one. I would never fault you for handling it different or even going a little crazy while coping.

[dexter]

sometimes I will tell people that I injured myself skydiving. You should see their faces. It's pretty fun to do.

[KronicMayhem]

Personally i don't mind when people ask what happened to me and quite enjoy telling the story. The story itself tells the person alot about me and i tend to tell it with such enthusiasm in my words and finish with a smile on my face that people tend to be baffled as to how i could be so enthused about it. Thats just how i am though, i know the accident was my fault and fully accept that and embrace my actions that led to it.

[Parachute]

I talk to anyone that asks. I am a walker and to look at, no one would know that I have a C 3-4 injury. I know why people look or stare or whatever they do. It's simply that they are wondering what is the condition with the person.

I was in Scotland:East Kilbride on Sunday 14 March. I was with my wife. We saw a women walked past on crutches. The way that she was walking seemed like she could have had a Spinal Cord Injury. Anyway, the women walked past, but the first thing that my wife asked me was, "Do you think that she has a Spinal Cord Injury"?

Most people don't know what a Spinal Cord Injury is. I feel that, it is in our best interest to share our knowledge i.e, injuries, injury levels, incomplete - complete, sensensation, bowel and bladder problems.

I work in a school and it's amazing of the knowledge that some of our young people have of Spinal Cord Injuries. I have even been invited to Health and Social Care lessons and also a Sixth Form English lesson, which I invited an Complete injured person into school to speak about his experiences. Our young people learned about problems with access to buildings, shopping and driving as well as the sickness that that is involved.

[hurbshankin]

I don't have a problem sharing my story at all. What I have issue with is people thinking it was my fault I'm in the chair. I had a motorcylce accident. as I usually put it, some knot-head in a jeep pulled out in front of me and I had nowhere to go. I understand riding a moto is inherently dangerous, but I was as safe as a guy could get on two wheels. I was mr. safety. I taiught an OSHA safety awareness class for my students, preached safety when using tools, making good choices, blah, blah. I'm afraid peoplw will think, well I guess I don't know. I never cared much what people thought before, but now I'm all self concious. I'm still working on that.

Obviously I'm no help, good luck.

Hurb

[slyd]

hurbshankin, on Mar 18 2010, 09:02 PM, said:

Obviously I'm no help, good luck.

Hurb, All comments and thoughts on this site are helpful. Also, don't worry about what people will think now that you've had "the accident" after you taught safety.
You can use the fact that even though you were Mr Safety, things can still happen, which will emphasise the NEED for safety awareness.

Hang cool
slyd

[airart1]

i dont worry about growups, i just say i'm a para and fell asleep driving after working a 14 hour day, but the children i explain to them in a way they can understand and hopefully remember so they can get a positive spin on the situation, and maybe make them think how easy it is that life is precious and can change in a snap of a finger............you'll have to just get over the situation and get thick skinned at times and patience is a virtue for sure.......dont sweat the small stuff.......