12 replies to this topic

[Blake]

Threw a friend of my Dad, about 6 months ago I met a newly injured 14 year old c-5 quadriplegic named Justin. I've hung out with him many times and so has my girlfriend Talia but we can't get him to leave the house much, no one can. He's now home schooled so he doesn't really ever leave the house, we did get him to come to Talia's house a couple times he seems ok there, It's a fully wheelchair accessible home, elevator and all (her Dad has a injury at c-5 and 6).

We try and try to get him to come out to the mall with us or even a movie but he won't, he say's he can't take people staring. Being injured at 5 I can't remember caring about that and I've never really worried what a lot of people think.

What I'm asking is do we keep trying to push him to go out or just let him be till he's ready?

[Tetracyclone]

Justin will choose the time as long as he knows you are willing. Going to Talia's house is a great "baby step", and consider yourselves successful whenever he goes. Show confidence in his judgement and HE will have confidence in himself. Act like he is missing something and he can only doubt himself.

good to hear from you, Blake.

[Murray]

Hello Blake -

I facilitate a small sci/d support group in my area and have run into several situations where the person in the wheelchair prefers staying home over getting out. Something I've found helpful -Rather than go out to a movie, dinner ... bowling - try getting the person with other gimps. Works wonders to be around people who've gone through some of the same stuff. If he won't go to where they are, try getting them to come to him. They all know what he's going through. Try to get some younger wheelers there, too. Good luck.

Lynn

PS Check with National Spinal Cord Injury Association for a support group in your area.

[Bob C]

It can take time to work through the body image issues, especially young people. It is great that you are interested and that he has a role model. That in itself will give him a boost.

[allis53ca]

Tetra said it best Blake...

[Texas Angel Ang]

I was injured at 14 and it took me a long time to go out in public. My friends would come to my house or I would go to a friends house. I would take "baby steps" and go to places to where I knew I wouldn't run into friends I didn't want to see or kids.

The more my dad pushed me to go out... the more I stayed in... try not to make a huge issue out of it and he will eventually come around. Just keep asking/inviting him places. Building up somebody's confidence can be a really big deal when it comes to people staring.

[E-DOG]

Young Blake, there are three things and only three things you can control.
The way YOU think. The way YOU feel. And the way YOU act.
You can make suggestions, set examples, give advice (when it is asked for)

But in the end, people are gonna do what they're gonna do.

E

[M@CHINE]

yea im workin on getting out, only been hurt 2yrs now. its just like an alien world when i go outside it doesn't seem real. we'll see how it goes this yr. i'm still getting used to going to get my hair cut.

[KeepTheFaith]

When I got out of acute rehab someone gave me several envelopes filled with money and a challenge for me to go to the movies, grocery store, department store, local cafe, etc. I would bring the ticket stubs or receipts back along with a picture of me at the challenge and the individual would match the money as a reward. For instance she gave me $40 to go to the movies with a few friends. I would go to the movies and we would take a picture of all of us there and show her a copy of the picture along with the ticket stubs and she would reward me with $40. Some of the envelops had up to $150 in them and the challenges got a little harder.

This person had a C5 injury and was worried that I would isolate myself like she did when she got home. We all had fun with it and it was a great way to kind of force me out of the house. I still find it hard to go to certain places. It takes many little baby steps to feel comfortable again in the real world.

[The Black Sheep]

I was injured at 13 and a little naive to think I'd be in a chair long term. I spent all 7th grade trying to convince people it wasn't permanent. By 8th grade, it was setting in a little more and I became a recluse.

I think Justin may need to find his own comfort level first before he is confident in his own situation. He's still figuring out how to do 'normal' SCI things, he may not feel comfortable with others around him yet. Everyone comes around or at least partly accepts the situation at their own pace. Just try to be supportive about HIS choice, and do what you can to help him feel normal in his most comfortable zone. Support and love are the best ways to make someone feel comfortable and confident.

[dangerousdave]

It is very difficult to help SCI persons who want to become hermits
It is their choice
The benefit you are having though is that he is responding to the aid your giving
Just not with some commitment
So back off
Give him time to think and digest his situation
Perhaps someone could visit from a support group as a person - not pushing the group
The more differant inputs he has the better his reasoning will be
Perhaps he needs encouragement to remember those things he most liked to do
Cause he can still do them - perhaps differantly

Whether we like it or not - the life decisions are his to make

[KeepTheFaith]

Sometimes I just go for a drive with my family to get out of the house. I usually don't get out of the car, but it just feels good to get outside. Yesterday we took a drive up to the mountains. Another day we drove down to the beach and watched the sun set over the Pacific.

I also appreciate the fact that people keep asking me to go places and inviting me to things. My real friends don't give up on me and they seem to understand when I tell them that I am not comfortable going somewhere and doing something just yet.

Dangerous Dave is right when he says it is ultimately his choice and you shouldn't be too forceful.

[Blake]

We did get Justin to come to the mall with us last night, Talia told him she'd wear one of her Lady Gaga inspired outfits so all the stares would be at her and that she did. I think he had a good time but I could tell he was real nervous but couldn't help but laugh at Talia's sillyness, he's so use to seeing her with her SAT prep book never seen her at her favorite place ( the mall).

I think he saw that even if people stare you can still have a good time with you're frineds and in time I hope it won't bother him as much.