20 replies to this topic

[kcl]

Hello Everyone,
My name is Kim and I live in Tallahassee, Florida. My husband Tim was injured during an elective back surgery on May 5, 2009 and is now paraplegic. He can walk a little bit, although very awkwardly and for short time periods, with a cane of course, and only inside our home. He uses a manual wheelchair most of the time and also has a 3-wheel “scooter” to use outside. He is managing pretty well, although no longer working or going to school, which he was doing before the surgery. I gave him the link to this site, but he uses the excuse of not being able to type and said he is not a “support group kind of guy”. I will keep trying to get him to join because I feel that it would help him tremendously to be able to speak with other people who have been through what he’s going through now, as there is NO support system where we live.
Anyway, I found this site while he was still in rehab (June & July) and have posted a couple of times before, but never got a response. I haven’t posted pictures or personalized my profile because I’m not all that computer-literate. I will figure out eventually how to do that. I don’t here to be nosy – I’ve learned a lot of things that have helped myself as well as Tim. I hope that it’s okay if I visit from time to time.
Btw – Tim just turned 47 and I just turned 50

[mcferguson]

Welcome again. Please stop by any time you like and add to the discussion, the more the merrier!

[qbounce]

Welcome back Kim,
Even if Tim doesn't want to join in the discussions or group support, he could learn a few things regarding loss of feeling, spasticity, cathing, pain, sexuality, etc, etc (if they apply).

Hopefully he stops by here when he's ready to accept his current situation.

[guido]

HI Kim - Welcome! Sorry we've not responded before, and well done for having another go. People react in different ways and take different lengths of time to work things out, as you'd imagine. I only came on here 6 years after leaving hospital. Thought I knew all I needed, but constantly find out new stuff. We all make excuses for things we have mental blocks about, and it's probably best not to make an issue of it to him for now. If he has specific needs, you can quietly find the answers and pop them into his life. He may get curious later on. Lots of people don't come here.

Things will change and develop over time. It's still early days for him with SCI (and you).

Hang around and you'll get to know many of the regulars and individuals with similar situation to you.

If you want to ask technical questions about how to do things on the site, just ask on a post and we'll talk you through it at your own pace.

Best wishes

Guido

[Texas Angel Ang]

Hello there Kim... apologies for not responding to any of your earlier posts!

Well... if he doesn't want to come to us... take us to him. You can always print out certain discussions and perhaps that will sway him to become a "support group type of guy"

[kcl]

Thanks for the welcomes, mcferguson, qbounce and guido and texas angel,

I believe that Tim has accepted his situation (probably more so than me, even) but he is the type who thinks he can figure everything out for himself. Believe me – he was very stubborn like that before this even happened. I’ll keep trying to encourage him to come here and read up on the various issues. I know that it has helped me a lot to hear how other spouses and/or caregivers cope. I’m proud of how far he has come and even feel guilty a lot of the time for feeling selfish about how it has affected MY life.
He’s on the computer a lot every day (Ebay, Craig’s list, news, gameshows, etc.) so he will probably come around eventually.
Texas – that is true, I can print out some things for him. I’ve already told him things I’ve read about muscle spasms, medications and a few other things. I was even talking to him last night about some of the answers on the "what annoys you most" thread that he definitely agrees with!
Thanks again for replying. I come to the site once a week or so, so I will “talk” to you again!

[Texas Angel Ang]

There have been a lot of people that have found the site while their loved ones/friends were still in the hospital just looking for answers to questions and so forth. Some people printed out certain discussions and took it to them in the hospital...

if anything at least you are benefiting from us lol. Which will get to him in some way... hopefully he will join ONE DAY!

[greybeard]

Hiya Kim. Welcome aboard. Sorry to miss you first time round.

[Soryfam]

Hi Kim. My husband suffered from necrotizing pancreatitus about 7 months before I had my SCI. He is completely computer illiterate, but I did print out articles, discussions, etc. and left them where he could read them any time. He did read them and it helped him get answers. Eventually he started asking me to help him post questions and such. Hopefully your husband will respond in a similar way. Even if we feel like we can do everything ourselves, the support from others who are in the same boat can be priceless.
Sorry we didn't answer you before-- I'm more of a reader than a poster, but I certainly don't want anyone to feel left out. Best wishes to you and your hubby.

Sandy

Edited by Soryfam, 19 February 2010 - 10:45 PM.

[maisy1996]

hey kim, welcome to the site hope you find it useful

[SuzinNYC]

Hi Kim....glad you stopped back by. I just visit now and then.....my BF can't use the site yet, because he was also blinded by his accident, but his Mom and his aide and I all joined and use the site for different reasons and log on from time to time. I learned alot when I first came here, so keep visiting....I found it helpful to understand the health issues, and to learn about other couples experiences. I can only imagine how hard it is for both of you to adjust to your "new normal". Stop by when you can....I found the people on the site very open and honest.

[spot]

Welcome, Kim.

I am new to the group, too. I have found the personal knowledge of the group members to be very useful. My neurologist told me, "I don't know how you feel. I can't really understand." Well, these folks are going through this SCI journey. They know. They have helped with suggestions derived from personal experience. I read more than post, but what I have read helps. I hope what you learn here helps your husband, as well. I also hope that someday he will join in himself.

[wheeliebear75]

Sorry we didn't give out the usual red carpet treatment. I guess we all took our sleeping meds at the same time?

But thankfully you were persistent.......that can be a good thing......dare I say even a GREAT thing to have at times.......and when it comes to dealing with Dr.s & all the other crap that comes from being SCI......it's an AWESOME skill!!!

Eh those are lame excuses.......#1 there are a ton of thumb peckers around here.......#2 this aint no 12 step for SCI.....OR where we go around the room & boo-hoo in our bowl of cereal. NEXT EXCUSE!

[McTavish]

Welcome Kim, I missed you first time around to but not to worry caught you this time. The same thing happened to me during surgery, as to your husband so I understand exactly where he is coming from. This site will be of a great help to both of you so keep dropping in.

[-KatNip-]

my injury was 10 years ago, I signed up for these forums 2 years ago, and it has taken me til now to brave up to log in and start interacting. I'm still feeling a little shy, but I'll warm up to ya'll eventually

[greybeard]

Glad you're joining in, KatNip.

[Ratticis]

Hola and welcome. Awesome people here, plus a few assholes . . . not to name any names, like Chris . . .

[rue2you]

Welcome aboard! My hubby wouldn't be the "support group" kind either if it were he instead of me. I am though and I share things that I read and learn with him. This is "our" disability because it has changed his life as well as mine - just different ways. You really may be the one that needs to be one here instead of your hubby (as far as support goes) and the actual stuff he needs to know, you can just share it with him. I would guess that you are his greatest support system anyway, and if he is like my guy, that is all he wants. Don't push him - he will come on board if he wants or not. But you dig in and are welcome to all the support we can give you!!

[sweeper]

Welcome Kim,
My son sounds a lot like your hubby. I think Rue has it spot on...... sometimes the supporters need support. I have gained so much from being here and Im sure you will too.

[E-DOG]

kcl, on Feb 19 2010, 12:42 PM, said:

I gave him the link to this site, but he uses the excuse of not being able to type and said he is not a "support group kind of guy".
Anyway, I found this site while he was still in rehab (June & July) and have posted a couple of times before, but never got a response. I haven't posted pictures or personalized my profile because I'm not all that computer-literate. I will figure out eventually how to do that. I don't here to be nosy – I've learned a lot of things that have helped myself as well as Tim. I hope that it's okay if I visit from time to time.
Btw – Tim just turned 47 and I just turned 50

Not a support group kinda guy. Not a "joiner" hum? Well that kinda shit better change. Rapidly.

And you. Not all that comp-literate. Again, hum.

Do you realize that before yesterday I'd never even seen a computer? Looky how good I'm doin'! It's a miracle I tells ya.
Time to get with the program young lady, straighten up, fly right.
Don't matter if he needs support. We're the poor blighters who need HIS help and support.
Odd, I just turned 53 myself. We're all so young an' pretty. la dee da dee dah.
Let him know we are all waiting, faces turning blue and stuff for his first lil' words of support and love.

E-dog

[Oldsparkie]

Hi Kim and welcome from way "Downunder" to our world wide club ask any question and you will get an answer from somewhere