Today I went out to eat with a female friend this being the first time since my injury...I don't know if it's just me but I could feel people looking at me...I tried to ignore my nerves and just enjoy myself.. all was going pretty good till I spilt my coke all over her lap...she being the nut she is just made a crack about needing to be cooled off but I wanted to cry like a big old baby...I somehow managed not to but I think going out to eat isn't something i'm going to do for a wile...Does anyone else have a problem going out to eat?
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Going Out To Eat
Started by
Justin14
, Feb 21 2010 07:10 PM
16 replies to this topic
Top#2
sweeper
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Posted 21 February 2010 - 07:21 PM
Hi Justin,
Dont give up eating out, its early days for you and the more you go the easier it will get. Your friend coped well so dont worry about other people staring. If you actually knew it, they are probably thinking " what a remarkable young man".
Dont give up eating out, its early days for you and the more you go the easier it will get. Your friend coped well so dont worry about other people staring. If you actually knew it, they are probably thinking " what a remarkable young man".
#3
qbounce
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Posted 21 February 2010 - 07:51 PM
Yeah Justin,
The more you eat out, the easier it gets. It's just one of those things you have to get used to. And when others see you as easy and natural in your surroundings as they are, it won't make a difference to you what others are looking at.
Hey, I still enjoy eating out and people watching. They kinda go hand in hand. And lets face it, there are many more interesting people out there to watch other than myself. Enjoy your environment when you go out, and you're bound to notice others who are just as self conscious about how they appear in public, as you are to them.
The more you eat out, the easier it gets. It's just one of those things you have to get used to. And when others see you as easy and natural in your surroundings as they are, it won't make a difference to you what others are looking at.
Hey, I still enjoy eating out and people watching. They kinda go hand in hand. And lets face it, there are many more interesting people out there to watch other than myself. Enjoy your environment when you go out, and you're bound to notice others who are just as self conscious about how they appear in public, as you are to them.
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. - Mark Twain
#4
rue2you
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Posted 21 February 2010 - 07:52 PM
Justin,
It's only been just at a year for me, and it does get easier. You are a teenager and worried about what people think, and I am 32 and I still care what people think too. I remember at first when we were in a parking lot, and it would be time for me to get in the vehicle from my chair, I would tell my husband "Wait a minute!! People are walking by!" He would say "So?" and I would say "Sooo....wait a minute until they leave!!" I just felt like everyone was just waiting for me to move and I would be the sideshow. I hated it. But....time does heal and now I don't even care. Actually, I will confess, I get a slight kick out of people watching now. I want to show them that I can still be cool and very capable of doing things on my own - even though we don't always look like it or do something silly - like spill a drink. Good grief - how many times have you ever spilled a drink in your life when you were AB? It's just because now we feel inferior (because in many ways we do struggle with things) but change your attitude about it man. Think about it not as "everyone is staring at me because I am disabled" but "people are looking at me and I am going to teach them something while they watch". I can't tell you how many people in my town now know that I can drive because of watching me at Wal-Mart get in my van and drive off. Did I talk to them? No. But they learned something new about disability by watching me! So, use it. People need to learn and you will be their teacher.
You will still be nervous about things but keep doing them anyway. Face it as a challenge and plow forward. I am thankful you have a friend who will laugh it off with you!!
It's only been just at a year for me, and it does get easier. You are a teenager and worried about what people think, and I am 32 and I still care what people think too. I remember at first when we were in a parking lot, and it would be time for me to get in the vehicle from my chair, I would tell my husband "Wait a minute!! People are walking by!" He would say "So?" and I would say "Sooo....wait a minute until they leave!!" I just felt like everyone was just waiting for me to move and I would be the sideshow. I hated it. But....time does heal and now I don't even care. Actually, I will confess, I get a slight kick out of people watching now. I want to show them that I can still be cool and very capable of doing things on my own - even though we don't always look like it or do something silly - like spill a drink. Good grief - how many times have you ever spilled a drink in your life when you were AB? It's just because now we feel inferior (because in many ways we do struggle with things) but change your attitude about it man. Think about it not as "everyone is staring at me because I am disabled" but "people are looking at me and I am going to teach them something while they watch". I can't tell you how many people in my town now know that I can drive because of watching me at Wal-Mart get in my van and drive off. Did I talk to them? No. But they learned something new about disability by watching me! So, use it. People need to learn and you will be their teacher.
You will still be nervous about things but keep doing them anyway. Face it as a challenge and plow forward. I am thankful you have a friend who will laugh it off with you!!
"We cannot choose the road we are asked to travel, but we can choose to enjoy the ride!"
www.aliciareagan.com
www.aliciareagan.com
#5
Tetracyclone
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Posted 21 February 2010 - 07:56 PM
Heck, I have trouble eating in- I frequently spill stuff on myself, or on the floor. Slowly I learn to accept how uncoordinated I am now, and just laugh it off. Now that I accept my role as the messy one I really enjoy eating out in groups because I feel like part of the gang. OK, the messy person in the gang, but they let me know they are glad I'm there and no one except the waitress is concerned with my spills.
Look! It's a snail! It's a sloth! Able to creep short distances before lunch!
#6
Bob C
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Posted 21 February 2010 - 09:27 PM
Hey Justin,
I have been a quad for several decades and still drop/spill stuff in restaurants. I used to get up tight about it but now it is just part of life. I do not make a big deal out of it. I have noticed that people often react the way I react. If I made a fuss, they would stare and give that look saying they did not know what to do. If I just get back to eating or whatever, the staring stops. I have to say, when someone else drops or spills something, I usually give at least a glance. It seems like a natural thing to do. Don't become a recluse. There is too much to enjoy out in the world. Comfort will come.
I have been a quad for several decades and still drop/spill stuff in restaurants. I used to get up tight about it but now it is just part of life. I do not make a big deal out of it. I have noticed that people often react the way I react. If I made a fuss, they would stare and give that look saying they did not know what to do. If I just get back to eating or whatever, the staring stops. I have to say, when someone else drops or spills something, I usually give at least a glance. It seems like a natural thing to do. Don't become a recluse. There is too much to enjoy out in the world. Comfort will come.
Bob C
#7
edlee
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Posted 21 February 2010 - 10:04 PM
It was the first time you spilled something in public,,, but it won't be the last,,, so why worry. The term "shit happens" applies.
As for people staring,, they're curious. You may not remember doing it when you were AB,, but you did,,,, we all did. You didn't mean any harm or disrespect,,, neither do the ones looking at you. It's normal,, after all, being the only person they have seen in a wheelchair in months,,, makes you the "elephant" in the room. How can they not.
You gotta keep going out, dude,,, that gets easier with practice, too,,, just like all the rest of the stuff in this chairbound world we inhabit.
ed
As for people staring,, they're curious. You may not remember doing it when you were AB,, but you did,,,, we all did. You didn't mean any harm or disrespect,,, neither do the ones looking at you. It's normal,, after all, being the only person they have seen in a wheelchair in months,,, makes you the "elephant" in the room. How can they not.
You gotta keep going out, dude,,, that gets easier with practice, too,,, just like all the rest of the stuff in this chairbound world we inhabit.
ed
#8
wheeliebear75
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Posted 21 February 2010 - 10:37 PM
THIS would be why I started saying "Wheelchairs are made of a special ocular magnetic alloy.......they're eyeball magnets!". Don't stop going out! You & the rest of us do deserve to be able to go out to dinner like our AB neighbors do.........it doesn't make it "right" OR "OK", but eventually you do grow a tougher skin & learn to put them out of your mind. Hey look at the bright side......at least the cold soda on your lap didn't make your legs spaz & jump......that'll really attract attention.
*Enjoy every sunset, but be grateful for every dawn.*
*Wheelchairs are made of a special ocular magnetic alloy......they're "eyeball magnets".*
*I USE a wheelchair, that does NOT make ME a wheelchair!*
*Wheelchairs are made of a special ocular magnetic alloy......they're "eyeball magnets".*
*I USE a wheelchair, that does NOT make ME a wheelchair!*
#9
KeepTheFaith
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Posted 21 February 2010 - 11:33 PM
This is something that I am still getting use to also. It helps if I have someone go in and scope the place out first for accessibility. I prefer a table off to the side, rather than in the middle of the room. I also ask that my drinks be put in smaller light weight glasses. And the chef can cut your meat for you before it is brought to the table.
#10
Rose Grant
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Posted 22 February 2010 - 06:19 AM
First of all I'm a total noob, i have no idea how to blog. I'm not sure where this is going to post...I think it will be regarding Justin's post, at least that's where it's supposed to be. With all that said...Justin, I just went out with my friend who has a C5 SCI the other night for dinner for the first time too. Except it wasn't his first time it was mine. It was just the two of us (he even let me drive the van). I didn't know what to expect because this was our first time really hanging out. He can't feel his hands so I loaned him mine for the evening. I was nervous at first because I didn't know when I should offer him a drink or a bite, but after only a few minutes we were in sync with each other. And yes everyone looked at us...which i actually enjoyed. I'm proud to be his friend and I had an awsome time out with him. He had frequented that restaurant so they new him and he seemed really comfortable there. But the music was too loud and it was hard to hear him (which was important for obvious reasons). Next time he'll just have to deal with sitting in the restaurant area and not the lounge (after all, they still serve cocktails in the restaurant!!!)
#11
HiltonP
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Posted 22 February 2010 - 08:25 AM
You are new to this game, so your concerns about appearing in public are understandable.
With time however you will come to realize that people are so involved in their own little lives that even though they might look at you, or even talk about you, they really don't care about you . . . and ten minutes later you will have slipped from their self absorbed minds.
As someone mentioned earlier, in much the same way that they appear to be looking at you, so you are looking at them. Do you think they feel self-concious about it? Doubt it, and nor should you.
I've been in a wheelchair for over 35 years, and have very limited arm and hand function. My wife and I eat out every week, at a wide variety of restaurants ranging from casual to expensive. She sometimes has to help me with the slippery stuff, and yes, I mess and spill sometimes. No biggie for me, or her.
Here's something I wrote years ago which describes how I feel about eating in public . . .
"Loretta and I enjoy our food, particularly noodles. In days gone by I used to shy clear of eating noodles in public because I tend to make a mess. None of this discreet twirling in the spoon nonsense for me! We have travelled to Hong Kong, Singapore, and Australia (which has a huge Asian population) where delicious noodle dishes are standard fare. The East is the home of noodles, and watching the "locals" eat their noodles I came to realise that there are no "rules". Anything goes. Young and old slurp them, suck them, splatter them and shovel them. It seems only the Italians twirl them. It's not about how you eat your noodles, but more about how you enjoy them."
With time however you will come to realize that people are so involved in their own little lives that even though they might look at you, or even talk about you, they really don't care about you . . . and ten minutes later you will have slipped from their self absorbed minds.
As someone mentioned earlier, in much the same way that they appear to be looking at you, so you are looking at them. Do you think they feel self-concious about it? Doubt it, and nor should you.
I've been in a wheelchair for over 35 years, and have very limited arm and hand function. My wife and I eat out every week, at a wide variety of restaurants ranging from casual to expensive. She sometimes has to help me with the slippery stuff, and yes, I mess and spill sometimes. No biggie for me, or her.
Here's something I wrote years ago which describes how I feel about eating in public . . .
"Loretta and I enjoy our food, particularly noodles. In days gone by I used to shy clear of eating noodles in public because I tend to make a mess. None of this discreet twirling in the spoon nonsense for me! We have travelled to Hong Kong, Singapore, and Australia (which has a huge Asian population) where delicious noodle dishes are standard fare. The East is the home of noodles, and watching the "locals" eat their noodles I came to realise that there are no "rules". Anything goes. Young and old slurp them, suck them, splatter them and shovel them. It seems only the Italians twirl them. It's not about how you eat your noodles, but more about how you enjoy them."
#12
Texas Angel Ang
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Posted 22 February 2010 - 10:23 AM
You're going out already and it hasn't even been a year yet... I was injured at 14 and didn't go anywhere... so you're off to a good start.
As others have said, eventually you will become more comfortable, not saying you won't notice the stares. But you'll eventually become more creative or just disregard them.
Your lady friend handled it well
it was your first mishap in public and it won't be your last... just wait until you're told you're a "fire hazard" for sitting at the table by the emergency exit door. Hahahaha.
As others have said, eventually you will become more comfortable, not saying you won't notice the stares. But you'll eventually become more creative or just disregard them.
Your lady friend handled it well
it was your first mishap in public and it won't be your last... just wait until you're told you're a "fire hazard" for sitting at the table by the emergency exit door. Hahahaha.
"Become your own roll model, your wheelchair is just another accessory in life" Me
#13
Justin14
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Posted 22 February 2010 - 01:06 PM
Texas Angel Ang, on Feb 22 2010, 05:23 AM, said:
You're going out already and it hasn't even been a year yet... I was injured at 14 and didn't go anywhere... so you're off to a good start.
As others have said, eventually you will become more comfortable, not saying you won't notice the stares. But you'll eventually become more creative or just disregard them.
Your lady friend handled it well it was your first mishap in public and it won't be your last... just wait until you're told you're a "fire hazard" for sitting at the table by the emergency exit door. Hahahaha.
As others have said, eventually you will become more comfortable, not saying you won't notice the stares. But you'll eventually become more creative or just disregard them.
Your lady friend handled it well
it was your first mishap in public and it won't be your last... just wait until you're told you're a "fire hazard" for sitting at the table by the emergency exit door. Hahahaha.#14
Texas Angel Ang
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Posted 22 February 2010 - 01:28 PM
Weeeellllll if you are FORCED to go out in public (I know her intentions are right) then she should go at your own pace. This is not her time to make up for her "wishes" that she did not do with her dad. Sorry don't mean to be rude.
However, if you are having a good time, keep it up.
However, if you are having a good time, keep it up.
"Become your own roll model, your wheelchair is just another accessory in life" Me
#15
Justin14
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Posted 22 February 2010 - 04:34 PM
Texas Angel Ang, on Feb 22 2010, 08:28 AM, said:
Weeeellllll if you are FORCED to go out in public (I know her intentions are right) then she should go at your own pace. This is not her time to make up for her "wishes" that she did not do with her dad. Sorry don't mean to be rude.
However, if you are having a good time, keep it up.
However, if you are having a good time, keep it up.
#17
Bob C
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Posted 22 February 2010 - 06:20 PM
Justin,
You got a good thing going. I got injured at age 16. I had no major problem going out to eat, but I never got to go with a girl until I was 23! I would rather have had your problem. lol
You got a good thing going. I got injured at age 16. I had no major problem going out to eat, but I never got to go with a girl until I was 23! I would rather have had your problem. lol
Bob C
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