54 replies to this topic

[Scribbler]

I remember hitting the ground and all my feeling going, I was also blind but not unconscious. I had the weird sensation my head was lower than my feet; I don't know if it was.

I heard the Crash Crew arrive and the MO (RAF speak for Dr) speaking to me. I knew nothing about SCI but for some unexplainable reason I said, "I think I've broken my back." I'd actually broken my neck, C4/5.

I think that's when I really knew Its how I would always be, but ignorant Dr's kept telling me, "Its only for a few weeks."

It really sank in when I was eventually airlifted to the (Old) Stoke Manderville and saw everyone in wheelchairs.

They were mostly ex military so there was plenty of friendly 'inter-service' banter, which was a great help. I was there 8 months so learnt a lot, but that was over 50 years ago, and I'm still learning from this site.

I think Bouncer summed it up well when he mentioned the mind, and how you perceive yourself. I know I'm paralysed but I don't consciously think that; I think of me as Mike, or Scrib's if you prefer. I'm the same person inside, albeit older and I hope a little wiser...

Its nice to read everyones stories and views; thanks.

Scribs

[NegativeEntropy]

It's interesting really. I accepted it almost immediately. I hit the ground with quite a bit of speed, my body went numb instantly. After tumbling a few times I came to a stop in the fetal position. I thought "Oh my God I'm paralyzed!" I played a couple of guitar riffs in my head and did some quick math just to make sure I didn't have brain damage. One of the next few thoughts I had was "I wonder what everyone will think when I show up to school in a wheelchair tomorrow" Of course it would be 16 weeks before that tomorrow ever came.

[M Tustain]

Ya know it's a great question, however a lot of people have made some amazing recoveries and if they had just accepted being paralysed they would probably still be in chairs!!

[airart1]

never give up, living thats for sure...........gotta keep on truckin'

[xeena]

WHAT!!! I'M PARALYZED? :-)...LOL!!!!

[Edinburgh Colin]

Edinburgh Colin, on 23 February 2010 - 11:29 PM, said:

I don't know the true answer.
Thought I had a pretty good grip in it when lying in High Dependency 9 months ago and then all through the rehab process still as an inpatient in the spinal unit.

Been home a week exactly now and starting to get angry, withdrawn, seems like life is going to be too tough (not the way I felt for the last few months!), so like I say not sure of the answer. Guess take another look after the summer with my kids - 9, 8 and 20 months who I missed all last summer with.



Chin up and remember it could always have been worse!!!

Update summer been out nearly 5 months, 14 months since accident, don't think I've truly accepted it, got new problems with spasms, sleeping badly, affecting my mental state (badly) just had a check up with my consusultant (I thought I was doing fairly well) she is now talking more Ct scans MRI's possible dislocated hip. I revise my situation to "in progress of acceptiong it!" I have come a long way though.

Sorry it's a bit negative

[airart1]

what is today!

[mahmutkaplan]

I remember that there was a lot of obstacles around me after accident. I lived fourth floor without elevation. When I went to hospital, four person were carrying me a stretcher for two or three times a month. I didn't go out for visiting friend, walking on the park etc before I can. This was like living in a prison. I didn't accept that I was paralysed until I was treated in rehabilation center. I met a lot of disabled people like me.

Edited by mahmutkaplan, 06 July 2010 - 06:44 AM.

[kattybent]

[font="Comic Sans MS"Hi I am coming up to 3 year post injury. I knew when I woke up from my operation that something had gone wrong during surgery but no-one would admit they just kept saying that within 6 weeks I would be up and walking and that my nerves were just in shock from the operation!!! OK so I'm still in a wheelchair and not able to walk as as to coming to terms with things I think you have reminders everywhere you go, you do get used to things but that is not to say it ever feels real or you forget about how life used to be. I hope as time goes on it will become "normal" to be in wheelchair in the real world!!!![/font]

[pinkcloud]

When people say to me 'your bad back' I say, theres nothing 'bad' about my back - its a 'good healing' back.
Dont mean I dont get fecked off sometimes, when I find another thing in life I cant do - but thats where you guys and gal's come in. I soon get over myself and start hoping that this will get better one day

[chrisarnold6]

The Black Sheep, on 23 February 2010 - 10:36 PM, said:

I actually don't think I have accepted my predicament yet, after 11 and a half years. I mean, the daily grind of doing things from a chair, getting in and out of the car, up the curb, into work, yadda yadda has set in, but it still doesn't feel like this is the way it's going to be for a very long time. I sometimes get the feeling that I can just get up and walk, although I've failed every time. I still don't think I've accepted it as permanent.

Black Sheep,

I believe there two similar sounding but different terms. Accept and come to terms. We've all come to terms with this condition, that's how we manage our lives and get on with it. It should never be accepted; while there's life there's hope.

I have trawled around the internet and I believe the knowledge now exists to improve greatly, if not overcome paralysis. Even more exciting are the related areas of MS and Parkinson's disease. Unfortunately, each ground breaking idea seems totally insulated from the rest!

The Black Sheep, on 23 February 2010 - 10:36 PM, said:

I actually don't think I have accepted my predicament yet, after 11 and a half years. I mean, the daily grind of doing things from a chair, getting in and out of the car, up the curb, into work, yadda yadda has set in, but it still doesn't feel like this is the way it's going to be for a very long time. I sometimes get the feeling that I can just get up and walk, although I've failed every time. I still don't think I've accepted it as permanent.

Black Sheep,

I believe there two similar sounding but different terms. Accept and come to terms. We've all come to terms with this condition, that's how we manage our lives and get on with it. It should never be accepted; while there's life there's hope.

I have trawled around the internet and I believe the knowledge now exists to improve greatly, if not overcome paralysis. Even more exciting are the related areas of MS and Parkinson's disease. Unfortunately, each ground breaking idea seems totally insulated from the rest!

[millsonwheels]

Like alot of the replies, I felt the same and thought that I would get better and that the doctors could be wrong and I would walk again. I miss dancing and running, riding my motorcycle and feeling the sand between my toes but most of all I miss being able to cuddle my kids without them bending down to cuddle me. I want be able to pick my lastest grandchild off the floor and put him on my lap.....

But what my accident and condition has taught me and mine has been priceless!!. I wasn't aware of others feelings and thoughts that were in wheelchairs (and I have a few friends) but I do now!! They were the first ones there when this happened to me. I dismissed their help at first thinking that this wasn't permenant for me and I would get better so their help and info wasn't relevent. Oh what great friends and family I have as they stuck by me and let me be down and depressed and so bloomin boring some days and then laughed and supported me everytime I made progress in dealing with the everyday routines, bowel accidents, uti's etc etc etc...

I have a Nippy Scooter and have had it for 3 years now. I love it and I am so independant with it. Today I was going to the airport to have my first skydive but they were booked out so it will be next week. Not bad for a 61 year old grandmother with 14 grandchildren from her 6 daughters. I fell from a ladder 6 years ago at my partners place and he said I ruined his life having my accident as he had to find someone else to cook his dinner! Where did I find him??

Well it's your attitude, not your aptitude that determines your altitude folks and I enjoy being there for folks who have just had there accident or sickness as I know how important it is to have someone to talk to.....go to therapy...talk as much as you need to, to a professional. I was a counsellor for 15 years and knew that I was out of my own head with this thing called paraplegia. Chatting to my family and friends became to painful for them as it made them feel helpless. My doctor is fantastic and when I'm down I go dump it on a professional. Dentists don't pull there own teeth and surgeons don't operate on themselves so even though you may think you will be ok (and you will be) give to yourself and get some counselling and grief help as you have to grieve the life you thought you were going ,to have. I love this site that I found today....keep it going and cheers to you all....smile, it goes on too long to take it too seriously. xxx

[Darknight]

Bein in a chair is hell Ill never accept it Its like waking up in HELL every day thats all there is to it

[airart1]

sure is, but it beats the alternative as far as i'm concerned, not ready to go belly up yet! a few more things i'm gonna do yet!

[dom]

airart1, on 24 February 2010 - 05:02 PM, said:

after 20 yrs. it still doesnt feel right........its unnatural it is, so maybre it really never goes away. but better is does get.......

Yup thats true the title in this trhread is plain daft what do they mean by 'accept' i put up with loads every day of my life paralysed related or not but i don't HAVE to accept any of it

[eyelookok2blindgurls]

I accepted it pretty well straight away , coping with some of the issues involved is a different matter , although I accepted it I thought I would still be able to do many things that I cannot do , accepting the SCI is one thing , but it takes much longer to accept the limitations it causes in everyday life , my biggest problem was friends and family accepting it , as many of them would not accept that I still had the right to a decent life and to make my own choices and that I still had talents and abilities I could use in a constructive way , I am now estranged from my family , and life for my wife and myself is far less troublesome .
The other factor you must accept , for those friends and family members who do accept your struggles and limitations and support you to the best of their abilities especially your partner or spouse , it how hard it is for them and that they in many cases have made huge sacrifices to their own life because they love and care for you and want to assist and support you in the challenges of day to day life with an SCI , as an example of this my wifes family and friends disowned her for marrying someone with a disability and as she is my sole support it means she also gave up many activities she enjoyed .

[wheelinmom]

i was put into a coma by medication, put on a vent, hoses, tubes, yadda yadda yadda, by the time i was weened off the coma meds (2 1/2 weeks)when i woke up i was just so glad to be alive. (no one told me, lmao, guess it was awkard for them) the demonic "dreams/hallucinations" i had that i thought was reality, scared the shit right outta me, i didnt care at the time if i was paralyzed. it took several weeks for me to get over my hallucinations, (ya, some really freaky stuff). then when at rehab, they had such a rigid and long schedule for you every day, i didnt have time to think about it, my body was so tired by the end of the day. so i am beginning to wonder if i have accepted it??? i still after all this time am just glad to be alive.

[Soryfam]

wheelinmom, on 08 December 2010 - 12:20 AM, said:

i was put into a coma by medication, put on a vent, hoses, tubes, yadda yadda yadda, by the time i was weened off the coma meds (2 1/2 weeks)when i woke up i was just so glad to be alive. (no one told me, lmao, guess it was awkard for them) the demonic "dreams/hallucinations" i had that i thought was reality, scared the shit right outta me, i didnt care at the time if i was paralyzed. it took several weeks for me to get over my hallucinations, (ya, some really freaky stuff). then when at rehab, they had such a rigid and long schedule for you every day, i didnt have time to think about it, my body was so tired by the end of the day. so i am beginning to wonder if i have accepted it??? i still after all this time am just glad to be alive.

My experience was much like yours--the hallucinations, being in a coma, etc. No one ever told me what was going on when I finally awoke. I was just all of the sudden being wheeled through the hospital in a bed, unable to move my body below the waist. I was crying my eyes out begging my family not to desert me ever again. For a month I had lived in a world that was as real as anything else I've ever experienced. I never want to go back to that, but how I wish I could go back to before all of that. It seems like a whole different life now.
So, I don't accept it. I did nothing to cause it. It was random. I do choose to live with my SCI- and I'm happy to be alive and not in the ugly place I found myself while in a coma. But accept it? Nope. I will never accept it.

Sandy S

[LaurenP]

Soryfam, on 08 December 2010 - 02:13 AM, said:

wheelinmom, on 08 December 2010 - 12:20 AM, said:

i was put into a coma by medication, put on a vent, hoses, tubes, yadda yadda yadda, by the time i was weened off the coma meds (2 1/2 weeks)when i woke up i was just so glad to be alive. (no one told me, lmao, guess it was awkard for them) the demonic "dreams/hallucinations" i had that i thought was reality, scared the shit right outta me, i didnt care at the time if i was paralyzed. it took several weeks for me to get over my hallucinations, (ya, some really freaky stuff). then when at rehab, they had such a rigid and long schedule for you every day, i didnt have time to think about it, my body was so tired by the end of the day. so i am beginning to wonder if i have accepted it??? i still after all this time am just glad to be alive.

My experience was much like yours--the hallucinations, being in a coma, etc. No one ever told me what was going on when I finally awoke. I was just all of the sudden being wheeled through the hospital in a bed, unable to move my body below the waist. I was crying my eyes out begging my family not to desert me ever again. For a month I had lived in a world that was as real as anything else I've ever experienced. I never want to go back to that, but how I wish I could go back to before all of that. It seems like a whole different life now.
So, I don't accept it. I did nothing to cause it. It was random. I do choose to live with my SCI- and I'm happy to be alive and not in the ugly place I found myself while in a coma. But accept it? Nope. I will never accept it.

Sandy S

In the 12 yrs. since my accident I've learned to tolerate my life and just what that means for me daily. As far as accepting it or becoming okay with it, that just will never happen. SCI and all that it brings is so difficult and sometimes overwhelming that if I allowed myself to accept it I think I could be destroyed by it.

[airart1]

whats today, crap, nope, woke up parrelized.................

[barbara9999]

minutes after the initial fall i awoke and said to my friend "i think i'm paralyzed" he touched my feet legs and i could feel the touch and i was really relieved even the dr in the hospital was positive but the fact was that i could not move and felt like a piece of concrete. 3 months later i could walk with a cane but my strength and balance was poor. i left india and came to see drs in seattle and thats when i got really depressed, mainly because my drs told me that i had come very close to death or being a quad and that i should be very careful because another fall could put me over the edge and i fell in a minor way 5 times that month and could not get up by myself. i was depressed and thought i would not want to live if i was a quad and there was no one around no family or friends that i could go and live with and it would be better if i were dead so i started to put away sleeping pills and marked the envelope "sugar" because i knew that no one would want to be a party to my suicide and my thoughts were negative and morbid. i told a good friend who is a therapist but who lives in NY and she asked me to see a counselor therapist right away. well i knew i needed help because before the accident i was a very cheerful and positive person. i immediately made an appointment with a therapist that was covered by my health plan. i cried when i went over all the details of my accident and recovery and my fears of being a quad and at the end she said to me WELL ARE YOU A QUAD NOW? and i said no and realized that it was the fear of the unknown and something that could happen that was keeping me from liiving and enjoying the moment and it was my mind that was driving me crazy and i could do something about it. light bulb flashing.

acceptance of my disability yes and no. still improving but hopeful there will always be a little more. this month marks 11 months from the accident and i am determined to be a traveler (with a disabiliy) and have now travelled alone to New York, Wash DC, California, HongKong and I am now back in India for a couple of months. I am enjoying life.

[xeena]

8 yrs post and I choose to call those things that be not as though they were :-)

[LeahC]

I accepted it straight away, doesn't mean I'm happy about it or that I don't wish to be better every day. You can not accept it as much as you like but it's still happening I'm afraid, buddy.

[zepac]

Well, I think theres no choice but accept your situation. It is easier to say than really do.
For me, first years were not so bad mentally. But now, as i'm getting older, it gets into head and... well, crappy ideas swarm around.

[Dillon]

Confronted with the news about the seriousness of my injury, I believe I came to terms with my situation almost immediately. Now, I did have some down moments during my rehabilitation. But, all in all, I took my predicament as a challenge. What got me most of all was not what happened to me that the lack of support I received from people whom I thought were my close friends.

I don't want to imply that it was easy by any means. But, I believe I just accepted it and moved on and forward. But everyone is different and one shouldn't be judged or judge themselves by comparing themselves to another.