5 replies to this topic

[carole338]

Today marks three years since I was told my spinal cord was injured and I would be permanently paralyzed. It took quite a while for me to understand this. I felt the calm of death and the pull of my family keeping me on this earth. I fought through the drugs and pain and delirium and wondered what my life would be worth. I worked like a son-of-a-bitch to get back what I could.

Now three years later I am still paralyzed but I can cook and clean and take care of my personal needs. But I miss the woman I was three years ago. I will always miss her.

I often think of what the lives around me would be like if I didn’t fight to stay alive that February 26th a lifetime ago. I know my husband and children and grandchildren would be the worse. I know now how important it is to actually spend unconditional time with those you love. I guess I am a better companion now that I’m a captive audience.

I await the day I stop marking this anniversary and I no longer feel the tears and depression associated with it. This sadness is so unlike me.

[CrazyLucky]

Well said, and good luck to you.

[carole338]

CrazyLucky, on Feb 26 2010, 10:05 PM, said:

Well said, and good luck to you.

Thanks Lucy. The day is over and it went just fine..

Carole

[DreamWeaver]

carole338, on Feb 26 2010, 07:51 PM, said:

Today marks three years since I was told my spinal cord was injured and I would be permanently paralyzed. It took quite a while for me to understand this. I felt the calm of death and the pull of my family keeping me on this earth. I fought through the drugs and pain and delirium and wondered what my life would be worth. I worked like a son-of-a-bitch to get back what I could.

Now three years later I am still paralyzed but I can cook and clean and take care of my personal needs. But I miss the woman I was three years ago. I will always miss her.

I often think of what the lives around me would be like if I didn’t fight to stay alive that February 26th a lifetime ago. I know my husband and children and grandchildren would be the worse. I know now how important it is to actually spend unconditional time with those you love. I guess I am a better companion now that I’m a captive audience.

I await the day I stop marking this anniversary and I no longer feel the tears and depression associated with it. This sadness is so unlike me.

In response to your question "what the lives around you would be like if you didn't fight to stay alive", I can tell you as the wife of an SCI who almost died, my life would have been horrible had my husband not fought to stay alive. My boys would have been fatherless. Believe me, they don't care if dad is walking or rolling, he's dad. I'm sure your family feels the same way. Life is a harder than before but at least we can still share it. Glad you were able to get thru 2/26.

[mellowgator]

carole338, on Feb 26 2010, 07:51 PM, said:

Today marks three years since I was told my spinal cord was injured and I would be permanently paralyzed. It took quite a while for me to understand this. I felt the calm of death and the pull of my family keeping me on this earth. I fought through the drugs and pain and delirium and wondered what my life would be worth. I worked like a son-of-a-bitch to get back what I could.

Now three years later I am still paralyzed but I can cook and clean and take care of my personal needs. But I miss the woman I was three years ago. I will always miss her.

I often think of what the lives around me would be like if I didn’t fight to stay alive that February 26th a lifetime ago. I know my husband and children and grandchildren would be the worse. I know now how important it is to actually spend unconditional time with those you love. I guess I am a better companion now that I’m a captive audience.

I await the day I stop marking this anniversary and I no longer feel the tears and depression associated with it. This sadness is so unlike me.

DEAR CAROLE,

I STILL GRIEVE ON THE ANNIVERSARY OF MY ACCIDENT. I WAS INJURED 23 YEARS AGO! IT IN ESSENCE IS A REBIRTH. WE ARE DEFINATELY NOT WHO WE WERE PRE -INJURY. I THINK WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH IS NORMAL. I WAS VERY DEPRESSED THE 1ST 5 YEARS AFTER THE ACCIDENT. WHAT ACTUALLY GOT ME OUT OF MY FUNK WAS HAVING MY FIRST DAUGHTER. I FELT AS IF MY LIFE HAD A NEW MEANING AND I WAS NO LONGER JUST WAITING TO DIE. YOU STILL ARE SO NEW TO THE DISABLILTY. IT'S WEIRD FOR ME TO SAY BUT YOU DO GET USED TO IT. IT STILL SUCKS BUT IT DOES BECOME NORMAL. I ALSO FOUND COOL THING I WAS ABLE TO DO LIKE I SNOW SKI NOW AND I GOT CERTIFIED FOR SCUBA. AFTER HAVING THE CHILDREN I FELT IMPOWERED AND STRONG AND USEFUL AGAIN. I'LL ALWAYS GRIEVE THE SMART ASS SELF ASORBED GIRL I WAS. BUT IF I'M HONEST WITH MYSELF I'M A BETTER PERSON TODAY THAN I WAS THEN.

[Peteman_R]

I'm at 4 1/2 years since my accident. I went through 3 years of depression and basically doing nothing but staring at the ceiling. I'm glad my friends and family kept encouraging me to push forward and not give up.

It's odd that today, I just watched a PBS Frontline show called "Suicide Tourist". You can see it at http://www.pbs.org/w...suicidetourist/. (Unfortunately you have to be in the US in order to watch the show--but you can still get the jist from the website.) It is very relevant to this discussion.