18 replies to this topic

[CrazyLucky]

I am not quite sure if this realization comes early, late or right on time with the average progression...

As someone with an incomplete injury, I have spent 2.5 years fighting for function and strength and doing everything to minimize the impact of pain and spasms while also trying to minimize the side effects and concerns that come with taking meds...if you are reading this correctly, you can clearly see I have been trying everything to minimize the impact of this injury and pushing away acceptance.

It has taken me 2.5 years, but I cannot remember any length of time in which I didn't think about my injury...the pain, the frequent reminders of spasms, compensating for the weaknesses, trying to manage the pain, etc. I've had a lot of sports injuries that I've beaten...but I can't "recover" from this one. I can't beat it. I have to live with it...not much of an alternative out there.

I guess I've finally realized that while I can do things to reduce the symptoms, they are always there...and I will probably have thoughts of my SCI in my head without much length of time in between every day for the rest of my life.

Lately I've been feeling that I've been reaching a greater acceptance of all of this. I know that's probably a good thing. I've been self destructing less frequently, letting it all roll of my shoulders a bit more. Going with "it is what it is" a bit better. It's a good thing...but it's also a pretty daunting holly $hit moment all at the same time. A cathartic time in which I want to scream and punch things a lot...but cathartic nonetheless.

Thanks as always for being a supportive group.

[JimG]

CrazyLucky, on Mar 20 2010, 03:16 AM, said:

I am not quite sure if this realization comes early, late or right on time with the average progression...

As someone with an incomplete injury, I have spent 2.5 years fighting for function and strength and doing everything to minimize the impact of pain and spasms while also trying to minimize the side effects and concerns that come with taking meds...if you are reading this correctly, you can clearly see I have been trying everything to minimize the impact of this injury and pushing away acceptance.

It has taken me 2.5 years, but I cannot remember any length of time in which I didn't think about my injury...the pain, the frequent reminders of spasms, compensating for the weaknesses, trying to manage the pain, etc. I've had a lot of sports injuries that I've beaten...but I can't "recover" from this one. I can't beat it. I have to live with it...not much of an alternative out there.

I guess I've finally realized that while I can do things to reduce the symptoms, they are always there...and I will probably have thoughts of my SCI in my head without much length of time in between every day for the rest of my life.

Lately I've been feeling that I've been reaching a greater acceptance of all of this. I know that's probably a good thing. I've been self destructing less frequently, letting it all roll of my shoulders a bit more. Going with "it is what it is" a bit better. It's a good thing...but it's also a pretty daunting holly $hit moment all at the same time. A cathartic time in which I want to scream and punch things a lot...but cathartic nonetheless.

Thanks as always for being a supportive group.

I'm right there with you, but I'm not giving up.

I ran into someone a few weeks ago who was an L5 and C5 incomplete quad.

Spent a year in the hospital with only head movement.

Doctors said he would never walk again.

Five years later, he was teaching yoga, kick boxing and breaking horses again.

Right now, I'm shopping around and learning what I can about racing chairs and hand cycles.

I know I'll never run again like I used to (30 mi/week runner), but there are other challenges.

Not this summer, but hopefully next.....I'll be ready for sprint triathalons and work up distances from there.

As Churchill said....."never, never, never give up"

[Ratticis]

Acceptance is not giving up and in no way failure.

Congratulations CL, you are no longer a 'newbie'

[dangerousdave]

Keep on keeping on CL

2yrs ago I started to stop fighting and start accepting
But I'm still fighting

What I mean by this is that my body is a heck of a lot older now (2010-1952=58) and as with old bodies, the muscel and ligament damage is slower and longer to heal
Healing times are now months..not weeks...not days
So the old saying about the mind is willing but the bodie ain't...comes to mind
Trying to stop and think about what I am physicaly doing, is now a more consious decission process
The fight continues - but now with more thought

So keep on fighting CL until your body says otherwise

[Tetracyclone]

Crazy Lucky,

just think of SCI as a cure for chronic preoccupation with sex.

Edited by Tetracyclone, 20 March 2010 - 02:54 PM.

[sciiaf]

"I ran into someone a few weeks ago who was an L5 and C5 incomplete quad.

Spent a year in the hospital with only head movement.

Doctors said he would never walk again.

Five years later, he was teaching yoga, kick boxing and breaking horses again."

newbie here, 10mths. does 'incomplete' mean you have a chance of walking again? i thought no, it means, you have some function. He is walking (and riding horses, breaking them) again? how can that be? i really mean that in sincerity. How can that be? does that mean it was a 'miracle' or there is some small (chance in Hell) hope that one of us can walk again? i'm a T9 complete. I've accepted that i'll never stand or walk again since some jackass 'support' person WALKED in to my hospital room while i was alone and started sermoning about my injury and that I might have a 2-3 % chance of ever walking again. I call him a jackass becuase NO doctor nor family broke the news to me. Some random stranger barged in to my hospital room to tell me. Yea i was doped out, drugged up and thinking what the Hell am I doing here but i still would have appreciated an authority figure telling me so.

I guess what i'm saying is how can that be and is there a small chance in Hell?

[MrBump]

no such thing as miracles.
Its called luck.
and the harder you work, the luckier you get.

incomplete means you still have connections, and if you have them who knows................
complete is another story.

[slyd]

Tetracyclone, on Mar 20 2010, 04:53 PM, said:

just think of SCI as a cure for chronic preoccupation with sex.

Larf

good one !

[topperf]

slyd, on Mar 21 2010, 12:21 PM, said:

Tetracyclone, on Mar 20 2010, 04:53 PM, said:

just think of SCI as a cure for chronic preoccupation with sex.

Larf

good one !

I'll second that - it really made me smile. Then it made me cry. ;)

[mellowgator]

this is way corney. but my joy came back and i stopped being depressed about my sci when my first daughter was born. at that point my focus became my new baby and being a mom. once i had a purpose in life i no longer felt sorry for myself. i have acheived a lot since then i feel impowered and now have a full happy life.

[greybeard]

mellowgator, on Mar 21 2010, 03:09 PM, said:

this is way corney. but my joy came back and i stopped being depressed about my sci when my first daughter was born. at that point my focus became my new baby and being a mom. once i had a purpose in life i no longer felt sorry for myself. i have acheived a lot since then i feel impowered and now have a full happy life.

Great.  So all I need to do is get pregnant.  Now that would be a miracle cure! 

[mellowgator]

didn't you read the article in people magazine about the first man to give birth. anything is possible. just saying.

Edited by mellowgator, 21 March 2010 - 03:46 PM.

[DannyR]

greybeard, on Mar 21 2010, 03:30 PM, said:

mellowgator, on Mar 21 2010, 03:09 PM, said:

this is way corney. but my joy came back and i stopped being depressed about my sci when my first daughter was born. at that point my focus became my new baby and being a mom. once i had a purpose in life i no longer felt sorry for myself. i have acheived a lot since then i feel impowered and now have a full happy life.

Great.  So all I need to do is get pregnant.  Now that would be a miracle cure! 

First baby ever born with a full beard!! Talk about your miracles.

[gordonr]

mellowgator, on Mar 21 2010, 03:09 PM, said:

this is way corney. but my joy came back and i stopped being depressed about my sci when my first daughter was born. at that point my focus became my new baby and being a mom. once i had a purpose in life i no longer felt sorry for myself. i have acheived a lot since then i feel impowered and now have a full happy life.

Mellow,

I'm reading from the same page as yo on this one. I raised four little babies as a stay-at-home mom/dad. This is about the most satisfying thing a person could do. It is supremely useful. And it fits naturally with the gimp lifestyle.

And after a while, I was staying less and less at home as the needs of the kids required more and more outreach. So in the end, staying-home-with-the-kids actually became a vehicle for social reintegration.

But you know all of that.

Glad to hear it.

-G

[CrazyLucky]

Thank you all for the replies. This whole thing has been so much different than I expected, but I've been feeling a lot better about things than I have in a long time.

Some friggin' hysterical posts by the way. Thanks for the laughs!

[guido]

CrazyLucky - I've come to this thread a little late, but good for you! It's all part of a mental process. I found that for the first 5 years or so, there were a number of stages where I thought, right this is it, I've got it sorted now, and then I'd kick off into the next phase of my mental growth, and realise that the last stage was just another stepping stone to where I am now. Finding your own peace is the place every person should strive to achieve, no matter how they are in life. Great to have you here as a regular. Take care. Guido

[carole338]

Crazy-Lucky – I am three years post SCI, T11-L2, Incomplete. Every day I check to see if I can lift my legs. I still can’t. I know what I have is permanent but I check anyway. I feel I am sooooo close to getting better and I guess I am waiting for that miracle.

[gordonr]

guido, on Mar 26 2010, 09:01 AM, said:

...I thought, right this is it, I've got it sorted now, and then I'd kick off into the next phase of my mental growth, and realise that the last stage was just another stepping stone to where I am now. Finding your own peace is the place every person should strive to achieve, no matter how they are in life....

Guido,

This is so true.

We are all changing and adapting to life itself, including, but not limited to our SCI.

With that in mind, I suggest that a good test as to whether we are finally "over" our SCI, is to see whether we relate every detail back to that one attribute, or not.

In other words, if I say "I am getting better at relationships", that reflects be a more advanced state of rehab to one where the reflex would be to say, "I am geting better at relationships as an SCI".

As you say, we are all moving along in life. We don't say, "I am getting better at relationships as a blonde". So when we get to the point of talking and thinking about our evolution without automatically tacking on the SCI attribute, then I think we are, as much as possible, "over it", in the same way that we are normally "over" being short, fat, tall, skinny, blonde, dark, witty, or stupid.

Best,

Gordon

[CrazyLucky]

Hey Gordon,

That's a great point...and I actually don't think I am quite there yet. I still reference back to my injury very often. I think I've reached the point where I've at least recognized there is a process...that likely never ends. Being cognizant of that has felt like a huge leap. It's allowed me to at least accept that it is going to be a part of my life and to stop fighting it so much. I hear the good athletes talk about the game "slowing down" when they really start to understand what is happening. For the last 2.5 years, everything has happened so fast and I've been consumed by my injury. Now, I feel like things are slowing down. It feels like I can see the badness coming and at least prepare for it, or take steps to prevent it from happening. I feel like my brain is learning...kicking and screaming along the way...but learning nonetheless.