[Apparelyzed]

2005 RENAULT CLIO DYNAMIQUE 16V BLUE

Brilliant!
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Attention Teenage Drug Dealers/Low Life & Oxygen Thieves

If you think you've saved enough benefit from your 4 children before your 20, this could be the answer to your prayers.

A proper bastardised, chaved up Skippy mobile if ever there was. Enhance your street cred at the local drive thru burger joint or council estate shop front no end with this utterly tacky converted little Renault Clio. Not your Gran's idea of a lift to town, granted, but a fantastic opportunity to increase 3 fold your class A drug selling ability. This is the car you need boys. The punters will flock to the window for your home grown skunk and other illegal substances. you just ain't gonna look out of place in this little beauty! Now I've made sure the tax ran out last November, so there is a big pat on your scrawny little backs already.

Dig out yer favourite unwashed "Umbro" hoodie and come cast your shifty little eyes on this. Ideal for the "Street Pharmacist" and other suitably attired twats. Your gonna need a baseball cap with this beauty, ideally one that comes with no fitting instructions. Heaven forbid you should put it on the right way. What better way to compliment your stolen Nike Air Max trainers than to be seen dangling a foot outta this pocket rocket.
Worried about the Babylon spotting ya, no need. Car comes fully equipped with proper blacked out gangster glass on the side windows. Hell, you could even fill the back up with yer ugly chav kids and knowone'd see 'em. doesn't get much better boys. Ah, but it does. It does. To show your complete and utter lack of taste and knowledge of the motor car you'll also find the ridiculous rock hard lowered suspension to your taste as well. Why not get a step closer to Gran's inheritance by offering her a lift in ya new "wheels" then taking her down the post Office flat out over the speed humps round your estate and hopefully knocking the spine out of her? Might need 2 laps but god damn them single teenage mums smoking Marlboro Lights outside the chippy will be impressed fella's. You know that they like a ride like this. Turn up the Alpine Head Unit, stick in your favourite and incomprehensible "Drum & Bass" Cd and the throbbing out the 6x9 parcel shelf will have them pregnant in no time.

To complete the proper drug dealer look, a tasteless stripe has been fitted from the front to the rear. Finished in "Air Max" white it really doesn't complement the car in any shape or form. Rather like you and your Brethren spitting on the floor constantly. Completely needless but you think it makes a statement about you. You'll also enjoy the totally pointless but ridiculously noisy after market air filter. About as helpful as a fart in an astronaut suit, but hell, you didn't get where you are today by being helpful, did you?
I'm quite sad to see the thing go really. There is nothing more pleasurable to me at 41 than to drive round in this bit of shit and look a complete prick. I'd much rather hand the opportunity to you work shy crack head council tenants any day. This little set of wheels is gonna let the other hoodies know you've made it. cocaine and skunk selling is never gonna get any easier for the lucky buyer of this car. I might have a deal on a couple of gram's of smack or coke, but ideally I'd need to get a serious drug habit before hand. Perhaps someone could help? You can pay in cash or wraps, I'm easy really. Bring along your mums credit card or one that your mate has cloned down the petrol station. If it is going to be hard cash, please ensure it is discretely hidden in a used Tesco carrier bag, and you have folded one £20 note around 4 others. Makes counting so much easier.

For any female buyer I'm offering a free Tatoo of something utterly meaninless to go in the middle of your lower back. If you haven't already got your "Tramp Stamp" that is.

If your an under-age drink driver, or under-age driver for that matter, this little beauty really isn't going to attract the attention of the local constabulary at all. you'll drift pass any patrol car effortlessly. Make sure there is at least 6 of you in the car though, Splif in hand. If your driving, have another swig from your 2 litre plastic "LIDL" brand cider as you nonchalantly flip the bird to the passing police patrol. Head off for the nearest estate for some tyre screeching fun. They ain't never gonna take you alive in this.

The car does like a good rev in the morning at any unsocial hour. Neighbours will love it and feel proud to live in the same road. don't forget to rev the pants off of it at all junctions and roundabouts as well. This really will increase the length of your manhood no end. your virginity is gonna be a thing of the past when the babes see you in this "fanny magnet". You can almost bet your last eighth of puff your gonna get laid. Hell, might even get a few STD's as well. your gonna get a proper bird with this motor.

For the disqualified driver I'll even offer to recover it from outside the local Magistrates or police station. What better way to impress the local Judicial system in one final act of defiance before collecting your ASBO?

Don't let the frivolous matter of actually holding a current, valid drivers licence and insurance put you off this bargain. A visit to your local crack house should procure some documentation from as little as fifty quid.

Nuff said, innit.

On 20-Mar-10 at 21:27:52 GMT, seller added the following information:

PAGE VIEWS IS NOW 31,340 !!



I didn't do this for the publicity or feedback. It just seemed to fit the car. REALLY BIG thanks to ALL who have viewed and sent questions. Not long now before the e bay police remove it!!!

And a real BIG UP to everyone wid da same humour!! You have ALL made this funny.

'and large big up to regae. U r a star bro!!

84 questions & I'm still here!! RESPEK..

THAN X 2 ALL xxx

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This just SCREAM's "BUY ME"!

Simon

[msg]

Thats brilliant, best way to sell a car I've ever seen, and 186,000 odd views as well. It's slightly worrying that we might have a relative of E-Dog over here though.......

[pikey]

Did you look at the questions people had asked? I had no idea what most of them were on about!

Great avert for a car.

[allis53ca]

this guy def subbed e-dog to write his ad...good job ian

[Trinity]

Absolutely brilliant!
Been a while since I laughed so much!

[greybeard]

Brilliant. The hit counter is now up to 434581. That means a quarter of a million views in the last 12 hours. Amazing.

[StillFingers]

That is one slick writeup...fantastic!

[Apparelyzed]

LOL, It was removed by Ebay, but I retrieved his response before that too was removed ....

WHY DID MY PREVIOUS LISTING GET REMOVED?

EBAY RESPONSE: Your entire listing is a gratuitous comment about a social group

So here is my public apology. I'm sorry if my listing and comments contained therein offended anyone eBay seemed deemed to fit certain "social group" If you are a drug dealer I apologise reservedly as no offence was either intentionally or unintentionally aimed at you. I understand now that you have rights, and your rights to pedal in death should not have been infringed by myself and indeed others. I am sorry. (I trust business was not badly affected, there may be some form of Goverment help with loss of earning, please check)
If there is anyone reading this believes that there "social group" would come under the banner of Chav, hoodie, or single teenage mum smoking Marlboro Lights, then to you I apologise. you were not deliberately targeted by my advert. 20 Marlboro lights as a token gesture of goodwill upon receipt of proof of date of birth will be offered to you. But please smoke responsibly. consider others. They may want one.

ALL BIDS ABOVE £2500 THEN THAT MONEY WILL BE DONATED TO HELP FOR HERO'S

THIS IS A GENUINE SALE. although a little tongue in cheek

MY ATTEMPTS TO CLARIFY MATTERS WITH EBAY "CUSTOMER RELATIONS"

I say customer relations, but that really is quite a loose term. Have you tried to call them recently? I have, and I can tell you it's a fantastic "lose the will to live" experience...forget travelling to suicide clinics in Austria, just get on the phone to the fully automated eBay customer service facility. The total lack of response without even the god damn courtesy of some depressing hold music will soon have you NOT clinging to life. Press any button you like to get transferred to another automated, option riddled, phone farm. My bank can play a bit of Mantovani or Vivaldi so why can't they? Cost money I suppose, and spending money just ain't cuttin' da mustard with these dudes. Apparently. I did manage to get through to a human being once (although the term HUMAN can't be proved by the grunts) but I needed another shave by then. And a hair cut.

Press 1 to be ignored, press 2 to be transferred to another switchboard, press 3 to be transferred to another switchboard, press 4 to hear the dial tone again, press 5 to be hung upon during any time. Press 6 to hear these options again

So here is the re-listed politically correct eBay appeasing advert.

Attention Low Life & Oxygen Thieves and people who THINK they don't fit into the social groups listed above. Basically anyone from the shallow end of the Gene pool.


A proper ridiculous, got at, attention seeking, chavved up Skippy mobile if ever there was. Enhance your street cred at the local drive thru burger joint or council estate shop front no end with this utterly tacky converted little Renault Clio. Not your Gran's idea of a lift to town, granted, but a fantastic opportunity to increase 3 fold your class A selling ability. This is the car you need boys. The punters will flock to the window for your home grown green and other illegal substances. you just ain't gonna look out of place in this little beauty! ow I've made sure the tax ran out last November, so there is a big pat on your scrawny little backs already.

We got sum 'lekky winda's
Phat boy alloz
Sunroof for sumfink
Boom Boom base box
Tacky market sourced chrome cellular comunikata holder
Lose change in the ashtray (17 pence)
Empty Marlbro light packets x 7
screwed up half eaten maccie D's quarter pounder meal deal
1 key and a red wire that needs to join the green wire to start it



Dig out yer favourite unwashed "Umbro" hoodie and come cast your shifty little eyes on this. Ideal for the "Street Pharmacist" and other suitably attired persons of social groups I can't mention. Your gonna need a baseball cap with this beauty, ideally one that comes with no fitting instructions. Heaven forbid you should put it on the right way. What better way to compliment your "misplaced" Nike Air Max trainers than to be seen dangling a foot outta this pocket rocket.
Worried about the Babylon spotting ya, no need. Car comes fully equipped with proper blacked out gangster glass on the side windows. Hell, you could even fill the back up with yer "aesthetically challenged" chav kids and knowone'd see 'em. doesn't get much better boys. Ah, but it does. It does. To show your complete and utter lack of taste and knowledge of the motor car you'll also find the ridiculous rock hard lowered suspension to your taste as well. Why not get a step closer to Gran's inheritance by offering her a lift in ya new "wheels" then taking her down the post Office flat out over the speed humps round your estate and hopefully knocking the spine out of her? Might need 2 laps but god damn them single teenage mums smoking Marlboro Lights outside the chippy will be impressed fella's. You know that they like a ride like this. Turn up the Alpine Head Unit, stick in your favourite and incomprehensible "Drum & Bass" Cd and the throbbing out the 6x9 speakers in the parcel shelf will have them "enticing you into sexually related activities" in no time.

To complete the proper "herbal specialist" look, a tasteless stripe has been fitted from the front to the rear. Finished in "Air Max" white it really doesn't complement the car in any shape or form. Rather like you and your Brethren spitting on the floor constantly. Completely needless but you think it makes a statement about you. You'll also enjoy the totally pointless but ridiculously noisy after market air filter. About as helpful as a fart in an astronaut suit, but hell, you didn't get where you are today by being helpful, did you?
I'm quite sad to see the thing go really. There is nothing more pleasurable to me at 41 than to drive round in this bit of landfill and look a complete (insert your own word here). I'd much rather hand the opportunity to you "I'm in-between jobs but claiming Job Seekers Allowance so not currently looking" any day. This little set of wheels is gonna let the other hoodies know you've made it. coke and skunk selling is never gonna get any easier for the lucky buyer of this car. I might have a deal on a couple of gram's,, but ideally I'd need to get a serious habit before hand. Perhaps someone could help? You can pay in cash or wraps, I'm easy really. Bring along your mums credit card or one that your mate has cloned down the petrol station. If it is going to be hard cash, please ensure it is discretely hidden in a used Tesco carrier bag, and you have folded one £20 note around 4 others. Makes counting so much easier.

1 previous careful owner. 2 more who weren't so careful
Full service mystery
"pub" MOT
Tyres. Legal or otherwise, it's got some

For any female buyer I'm offering a free Tattoo of something utterly meaningless to go in the middle of your lower back. If you haven't already got your "Tramp Stamp" that is. Perhaps you fella's would prefer to have your forename tattooed on your lower inner arm to avoid any confusion should you be forgetting your name. I'll have it tastefully done in some form of ancient text or maybe "Monotype Corsiva" The font choice is yours.

If your an under-age drink driver, or under-age driver for that matter, this little beauty really isn't going to attract the attention of the local constabulary at all. you'll drift pass any patrol car effortlessly. Make sure there is at least 6 of you in the car though, "a hand rolled tobacco cigarette with additives" in hand. If your driving, have another swig from your 2 litre plastic "LIDL" brand cider as you nonchalantly flip the bird to the passing police patrol. Head off for the nearest estate for some tyre screeching fun. They isn't never gonna take you alive in this.

The car does like a good rev in the morning at any unsocial hour. Neighbours will love it and feel proud to live in the same road. don't forget to rev the pants off of it at all junctions and roundabouts as well. This really will increase the length of your manhood no end. your virginity is gonna be a thing of the past when the babes see you in this "fanny magnet". You can almost bet your last eighth of puff your gonna get laid. Hell, might even get a few STD's as well. your gonna get a proper bird with this motor.

For the disqualified driver I'll even offer to recover it from outside the local Magistrates or police station. What better way to impress the local Judicial system in one final act of defiance before collecting your ASBO?

Don't let the frivolous matter of actually holding a current, valid drivers licence and insurance put you off this bargain. A visit to your local crack house should procure some documentation from as little as fifty quid.

Nuff said, innit.