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Came across this at another site. It seems slightly skewed to a relative caring of an elder. Not to say we all won’t be there some day and some of us are there. The author is unknown. Perhaps the basics of a SCI caregiver are here. Should we write our own? Here's the one I found.
“I have the right…..
To take care of myself. This is not an act of selfishness. It will give me the capacity to take better care of my relative.
To seek help from others even though my relative may object. I recognize the limits of my endurance and strength.
To maintain facets of my own life that do not include the person I care for, just as I would if he or she where healthy. I know that I do everything that I reasonable can for this person, and I have the right to do some things just for myself.
To get angry, be depressed and express other difficult feelings occasionally.
To reject any attempt by my relative (either conscious or unconscious) to manipulate me through guilt, anger or depression.
To receive consideration, affection, forgiveness and acceptance for what I do for my love one for a long as I offer these qualities in return.
To take pride in what I am accomplishing and to applaud the courage it has sometimes taken me to meet the needs of my relative.
To protect my individuality and my right to make a life for myself that will sustain me in the time when my relative no longer needs my fulltime help.
To expect and demand that as new strides are made in finding resources to aid physically and mentally impaired older persons in our country, similar strides will be made toward aiding and supporting caregivers.”
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Care giver’s bill of rights
Should we write our own?
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#2
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Posted 02 April 2006 - 10:55 AM
I am a support worker as my paid job and I will also be caring for my brother when he comes out of hospital after recently suffering a C5 SCI. I do agree with some of this as we all need a break as you wouldn't spend every minute of the day with any loved one, and the strain is immense. We can't give the best care to anyone when we are not looking after ourselves as we make mistakes, maybe upset the person we are caring for. I realise that as a support worker i can walk away, but when its time for me to care for my brother, walking away is not an option. It is vital carers ask for help, talk to the person they are caring for and explain how you feel. If you dont the care and relationship suffers and neither the carer or the person being cared for is happy. It is not selfish in any way to want a break, it is perfectly reasonable, but options must be talked through with the person you are caring for as it is their life too. So maybe writing our own is not the best idea as it makes looking after a loved one very formal, but there should be boundaries that each individual carer should think about.
Em.
Em.
#3 *onion*
Posted 03 April 2006 - 04:49 AM
Really? From your expertise (????) This is your advice?
#4
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Posted 04 April 2006 - 07:15 AM
Actually I agree with both of you....
I think that Onion is trying to say that a caregivers life is still their own and their needs, wants and desires need to be taken into consideration as well as the person being cared for.
So many of us lose our identity as we put our loved one(s) before own selves and we need to take care that our own quality of life doesnt suffer......But in saying that of course things should be talked about with the person being cared for and every situation is different. If my guy gets too demanding and puts the guilt thing on me I tell him to not piss me off by getting too fussy! Sometimes he does it purely to wind me up! and laughs his head off at me! Oh yeah...lots of fun! (not!)
Actually I kind of like the idea of writing my own....
......I have the right to be not pissed off!!
I think that Onion is trying to say that a caregivers life is still their own and their needs, wants and desires need to be taken into consideration as well as the person being cared for.
So many of us lose our identity as we put our loved one(s) before own selves and we need to take care that our own quality of life doesnt suffer......But in saying that of course things should be talked about with the person being cared for and every situation is different. If my guy gets too demanding and puts the guilt thing on me I tell him to not piss me off by getting too fussy! Sometimes he does it purely to wind me up! and laughs his head off at me! Oh yeah...lots of fun! (not!)
Actually I kind of like the idea of writing my own....
......I have the right to be not pissed off!!
#5 *LoraB*
Posted 05 April 2006 - 03:41 PM
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Hi onion ..
I think it's a great idea....especially the first one about seeming to be selfish if we want to have some life of our own..
However, in my life it doesn't come from my husband , it comes from others."you went away for a break and got a carer in"!!!!!grrrrr
or it comes from me..my old freind guilt,like if I have things set but something happens when I'm out and he has to stay like it till I get back.
Hi concerned sister.
Please don't take offence, but your job in noway prepares you for caring for someone 24/7..physicaly or mentally..also most carers of sci men are thir wives /partners who because of society feel they have no choice..If in a couple of years you want to go off and have a life everyone will say you did your best ..not so a wife most people will say "selfish cow"
Hi onion ..
I think it's a great idea....especially the first one about seeming to be selfish if we want to have some life of our own..
However, in my life it doesn't come from my husband , it comes from others."you went away for a break and got a carer in"!!!!!grrrrr
or it comes from me..my old freind guilt,like if I have things set but something happens when I'm out and he has to stay like it till I get back.
Hi concerned sister.
Please don't take offence, but your job in noway prepares you for caring for someone 24/7..physicaly or mentally..also most carers of sci men are thir wives /partners who because of society feel they have no choice..If in a couple of years you want to go off and have a life everyone will say you did your best ..not so a wife most people will say "selfish cow"
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