21 replies to this topic

[dom]

Hi all sorry i have'nt posted for a while,i'm normally an upbeat person especially before sci
i have'nt really noticed it but my wife says i'm more quiet and introvert than before my sci,the everyday things get me down-cathing,sex life,weakness etc and maybe it had an effect on my general outlook on life

i don't feel sorry for myself at all but i am never really happy about how my life has panned out.i don't think it's the male menopause or mid-life crisis cos i feel the same as i was when i was 18

i try to be cheerful and don't like the state of mind i have i was always very cynical and now am even more so about everything from religion to daily tv programmes i can't enjoy a simple entertainment show without analysing it in detail,also i don't want to bother about the things in life that others bother about,i used to go for a drink at the weekend i don't now or look forward to getting a new car etc etc none of it now bothers or excites me,what is wrong?

[Snakeye]

over time the physical and mental effects of a sci can make one very bitter and cynical. most everyone suffering from such a debilitating condition (sci) falls victim to depression and emoitional problems from time to time. I combat the "black a*s" by staying busy (tv, internet, painting, drawing, reading, etc. e-bay), living the simple life and staying in touch with nature, not thinking too much (dwelling on problems) , finding grains of happiness in the small happenings about me and disciplining myself to accept my portion in life, however difficult or insignificant it may be......but, what works for me may not work for you and it doesn't always work for me...

[E-DOG]

dom, on Apr 18 2010, 01:55 PM, said:

Hi all sorry i have'nt posted for a while,i'm normally an upbeat person especially before sci
i have'nt really noticed it but my wife says i'm more quiet and introvert than before my sci,the everyday things get me down-cathing,sex life,weakness etc and maybe it had an effect on my general outlook on life

i don't feel sorry for myself at all but i am never really happy about how my life has panned out.i don't think it's the male menopause or mid-life crisis cos i feel the same as i was when i was 18

i try to be cheerful and don't like the state of mind i have i was always very cynical and now am even more so about everything from religion to daily tv programmes i can't enjoy a simple entertainment show without analysing it in detail,also i don't want to bother about the things in life that others bother about,i used to go for a drink at the weekend i don't now or look forward to getting a new car etc etc none of it now bothers or excites me,what is wrong?

Looking at your profile page, ain't a lot of info there. Maybe that would suggest you don't really get too involved in things. How 'bout a little gusto there guy. Dive in, immerse yourself. So ya get wet, no biggy. Get out in the sun, you'll dry off AND work on that oh so important tan.

You say you've felt this way since you were 18. How long ago was that? Is that when you got injured?

Not really happy with the way your life has panned out. HUMMM.....
How odd. I wake up joyous every f*@kin' day! Har dee har har. But what am I gonna do?
Find a new hobby. I drink myself silly every day. Down load a bunch of wack-a-doo porn. Surf the internet looking for useless crap to blow my money on. Hey, there's all kinds of shit you can do.

Think of ways to mess with yer ol' lady, practical jokes and stuff. Call her up at work an' tell her you lit the house on fire. When she gets home, have a six pak and some home made fried chicken waiting for her on a blanket in the back yard. Hey, it's PICNIK TIME!

Could be you just haven't accepted your injury yet. I have yet to accept mine. I don't think I ever will, but I waited till I was 50 to mess myself up. I'll only have to deal with this crap for another 10 or 20 years, and those are the shit years any way.

Hell, maybe you ain't lookin' for a solution anyway. Just need a shoulder to cry on. Come here ya big galute, give us a great big ol' hug-ee-wug! There ya go. All better now?

Ya wanted advice?
Ya got advice.

E-dog / solutions for a new millenium

[Edinburgh Colin]

yes sometimes, but it's an enemy to be fought off at all costs.

Always but always try and see something beautifull either around you or in your mind.

Or get angry that can work too.

don't let it get you it's a dark place and hard to get out of.

[Terrible Texan]

dom, on Apr 18 2010, 03:55 PM, said:

Hi all sorry i have'nt posted for a while,i'm normally an upbeat person especially before sci
i have'nt really noticed it but my wife says i'm more quiet and introvert than before my sci,the everyday things get me down-cathing,sex life,weakness etc and maybe it had an effect on my general outlook on life

i don't feel sorry for myself at all but i am never really happy about how my life has panned out.i don't think it's the male menopause or mid-life crisis cos i feel the same as i was when i was 18

i try to be cheerful and don't like the state of mind i have i was always very cynical and now am even more so about everything from religion to daily tv programmes i can't enjoy a simple entertainment show without analysing it in detail,also i don't want to bother about the things in life that others bother about,i used to go for a drink at the weekend i don't now or look forward to getting a new car etc etc none of it now bothers or excites me,what is wrong?

I believe at 1x or another we all suffer from depression post injury. i'm chronic, i've been on anti-depressants since my accident in 98' & cant afford 2 get off of them. i trry to take things 1 day at a time, but sometimes its hard. its been 12yrs now & i''m still trying 2 hang on. "dont let what u cant control, control u"

[Snakeye]

[quote name='Edinburgh Colin' date='Apr 18 2010, 08:04 PM' post='15825

don't let it get you it's a dark place and hard to get out of.
[/quote]

Wise words. Once one falls into melancholy it can be a real bugger to return to the light.

[spot]

Anytime your life changes drastically, I think you can expect some kind of depression. Suddenly, everything you had planned is gone and you have to re-plan your life. It is hard.

But, in my opinion, it is important to come to accept it and move on. You will never forget, after all, the change is obvious anytime you are awake. But life can still be worth living. Learn what you can do, find what you enjoy within your limitations, work to extend your capabilities and continue with life.

For me, I do my exercises, challenge myself to do more whenever I can, as I work to regain as much as I can. I went back to work, but can only work part time. I get very tired. I get frustrated easily, especially when dealing with bureaucratic nonsense. I have to remind myself that it could be worse. I have a hard time, but I look at my supervisor, who has colon cancer, and thank the Lord for my problems, rather than hers.

Life isn't fair, but make the most of what you are given. Yes, you will feel down at times. Try very hard to cheer yourself up, don't let it beat you. You have a wife who loves you. Let her help you love yourself.

Edited by spot, 28 May 2010 - 04:37 AM.

[Bob C]

Dom, it is difficult to reply knowing so little about you. Age, time post injury, working, children? We all have ups and downs. I was down to the suicidal level until I got my head and life straightened out. Now after more than 5 decades post injury and in my 70s, I look back and am amazed at what I accomplished and how much good living I I squeezed out of this lemon of a body. I am cynical and think the whole world is going mad some days, but that is just part of being an old man! lol

[edlee]

The short answer is YES!!! Of course it does. None of us chose this,, so how could it not.

Recognize it for what it is,, then seek help. You can try to do all the stuff that the above posters wrote,, and it will all work if you choose to make it work. But that's the rub,, you have to work at it.

Why bother,,, go to the doc and get some drugs,,, it's a lot easier, and besides,,, then you'll have a doctor's certification that acting like an ass really isn't your fault. What guy could resist that.
ed

[airart1]

only if u let it!

[qbounce]

Nope.

Indigestion does. Thank the Gods I don't have to contend with THAT! And bY Gods, I mean the old Roman, Pagan ones.

[Edtezky]

Hey man, I feel the same way some days. Some days I wake up and question if there is a god and why me?! Other days I am happy, praising life, and spinning around doing wheelies. After reading this post it made me realize that I am not the only one who feels these emotions. Yea it sucks being stuck on 4 wheels but being alive and breathing is better than having nothing at all.

It sorta feels like your soul has been ripped out of your body, but you gotta find something that will spark it again. For me its playing video games for a couple of hours or watching one of my favorite movies. Other times I like to learn about something on history channel to keep my mind active. Getting angry helps too. What ever emotions you feel you can pull out, pull harder!

[wheeliebear75]

I think most if not all of us are prone to bouts of depression more so than our AB counterparts.......we got waaaay more on our plate than they ever dreamed of. While they're out worrying about "Hey do these pants make my butt look too big?" we're trying to make sure we've gone to bed several hrs earlier than they did just so we can have an extra 2hrs in the AM getting ready time to get our butts into our pants........who cares what ya look like.......you're clean + dressed.........& now you're already looking forward to going back to bed. We can get upset at the small stuff......doesn't really make them any easier or less aggravating though now does it? I don't think that any of us are "happy" about our injuries/illnesses..........but looking at things with a glass 1/2 full vs. glass 1/2 empty attitude helps. I totally understand how things like a night out with the guys isn't as much fun now that it takes so much out of you to do so.........but you also have to push yourself to do at least some things that get you out of the house; & having a group of friends who want to go out with you & are all willing to only go someplace you're able to get to/in is something you don't want to take for granted.

None of us chose this life......but how we live it IS our choice.

[nomis]

Yep, find yourself. That's good.

Depression and all its surrounds are just a passing in the process of life. You get depressed for a reason. Don't fight it. Listen to it and learn. It's probably telling you to take a good look at yourself and accept who you are. Then you can start exploring life the way that excites you.

We're lucky in that we have some clear clues as to why we might be depressed (sometimes). It's a reasonable assumption that we sometimes get down about losing a big chunck of the use of our body...and so we should. And you've got to find your own way to deal with that. Are you going to let that ruin your life or are you going to salvage the best out of what's left (and there's a whole lot left)?

Some idiots get depressed because they lose a lot of money or realise they are no longer young or some other limp reason. That stuff isn't important. But we do have an important reason to go through this process. And don't be surprised if it revisits you many years down the track. Different stages in life have different challenges.

So I agree with finding yourself. And you start that but letting yourself be depressed, feel it - drop the fear and see who you are. Trust yourself.

[StillFingers]

On a cliff overlooking Huntington Beach and the spot where "I" broke my neck, tears ran down my face, a lump began to harden in my throat, sadness washed over me, never again would I experience gliding along silky smooth waves like I had for 14yrs. At that moment life seemed hopeless, still angry, regretful; the ocean had been where I was most happy; sailing, scuba diving, surfing...every bit of me ached, it hurt...like it should for a part of my very being was dead!

Yet, as the swells began to rise, a lone surfer appeared, he had always been there, I was just to wrapped up in self to notice. A beautifully 8-9 footer formed and he pumped his arms caught the wave but was a bit late taking off, he caught the lip and went over the falls, board and all; that much water pounding down on top of you feels like you're in a washing machine, and it's not easy lifting yourself back up to the surface to breath again. But he did, made his way through the next few crushing sets and found another amazing wave, rode it for all it and he was worth...what a rush!

Taking a deep breath, a huge smile on my face; in my heart/soul, the proverbial light bulb came on for me. I could still enjoy the moment, didn't have to be in the water; though I'd love to be. I still miss those days on, in, under the ocean and nothing can/will replace those feelings/experiences, I'm not out there anymore...by choice...I found other passions. Others still enjoy that beauty first hand, I do so now from afar. It's all about perspective, it's crazy out there on big waves, you have to be at the top of your physical and mental game...and even then it can be difficult...well I'm a c5/6 and can barely dress myself

Depression is a part of our lives, AB or SCI'd, and the struggle each of us faces daily brings with it failure and success. Choose to participate, make your life worth the effort. It took about ten years after SCI to get to the above moment. Years of adjusting to a broken body, plenty of depressing moments; days, months years, of inconsistent bowel/bladder leakages, oh such fun when out on a date, in passions throws, no dates; no one to be found, be a friend...not even me.

That magic light bulb moment brought into view another realization, life moves on if you choose to do so. I had arrived at that cliff on my own; no one drove me to the beach. A promise to self while in rehab, not to visit that cliff/spot was kept, I wanted to be alone, to experience it on my own terms. Ten frigging years of struggle, not reconciling that particular demon; a rather big one at that. Along with depression/failures, I had had many successes also, finishing college, started working full-time, learned to drive...more importantly, found confidence, passion again...keeping busy, experiencing life got me back to that cliff and helped me drop some heavy baggage.

Stop for a second or two, breath deep...yeah, you're alive...go ahead complain, scream, get pissed off at all the imperfections in life, the shitty deal you were handed, how shallow people can be, find the ugly all around you, revel in it, hug it, LOVE it... But wait, there's more, SORRY I don't mean to be a prick; okay I do, open your eyes, your heart/soul, to all the other possibilities, moments, in life, feel all of it, the beauty, pleasures, passions within...find yourself indeed, why not, you could be one crazy cool human being!

Start living...well give it a try it's okay to see with better eyes, feel everything!

Regards,

Jerry

Edited by StillFingers, 30 May 2010 - 05:22 AM.

[S&W Winger]

dom, on Apr 18 2010, 04:55 PM, said:

...none of it now bothers or excites me,what is wrong?

Mogus...uninvolved in the external World....

...it's very easy to fall prey to the mogus state when our Lives include more than other people's share of of IT...it can be a real drag...dragging me down...dragging everyone down...but when I am down, no one wants to be around me...I understand, as who wants to be around a drag...

...so I act "as if" until I am what I wish to Be...my internal Life does not always match the exterior these days...but then, I have a physical reason...

The body DOES effect and affect the mind, the soul, the emotional Being...how could it not? If I am not feeling well, I am down...if my body is 2/3 useless and I have a whole plethora of complications due to this FACT, then of course it will bring negative feelings...but I need to overcome this, or it will take me down the abyss...down the ever deepening spiral...

...only I can keep myself from falling into the pit...others cannot help me, as I will only drag them down...so it is my duty to keep myself afloat...build a raft out of some vegetation even...just to keep my head above the murky mire...and keep seeing the Sun above...d@mn it's a drag at times, but the alternative is much worse: the spiral down...

Edited by S&W Winger, 30 May 2010 - 02:14 PM.

[dom]

Thank you all for your insightful posts,i was a bit taken aback that so many of you posted giving me encouragement without dissing me,i do understand its part of the human condition [whether sci or not] and i have to accept it as part of life and living,i won't fight it as i know that would be false in the end and lead nowhere personally,i must admit i do have a dark outlook sometimes whether it's the music i listen to or the programmes i watch or even my conversation with others which i find hard to change.
Thanks again!

[Snakeye]

What good does dissing do? Most of us here have been at one time or another victims of the "Black Ass" as Ernest Hemingway so aptly put it......

[t5 incomplete]

Hey man I know exactly what your talking about I was paralyzed at the beginning of my senior year in high school at first it was denial then it was feeling sorry for myself then wanting to kill myself and after about 2 years after the accident I started getting better now I'm even more of a christen then ever before I won't lie every once in a while ill get down but that will never go away I still riding my dirt bike with help from my friends I can get on and ride my quad by myself I drive I do just about everything I did before don't let anyone tell you you can't the only person that can tell you that is your self ask your doctor to prescribe you wellbutrin its a depression pill it does allot for me if I don't take it I get really depressed well hope you start doing better brother if you want to see me riding or see my story type my name Aaron horsley in Google and you can see and my injury is at t5 about mid chest and down

[Bevan-L]

It does if you want it to.

[stillgotswag]

does sci lead to depression? (wheres the hidden camera?)