12 replies to this topic

[jockey97]

my husband has been hurt for 2 years and we didnt have insurenece when he got hurt so all out money went
to bills and no way to have outside help come in.so i have been his care giver 24/7 lately it seems that i'm just a care giver and not a wife? we also ahve a three year old and when i' not careing for him i try to give her some play time i hate to sound like i.m crying but i'm jsut not sure how to find a blance for them both he tells me that i dont find me sexy anymore thats not true but most nights i'm jsut tired and all i want to do is go to bed, any way if any one has any thoughts that would be great

Edited by jockey97, 03 April 2006 - 01:55 AM.

[Jilly]

Onion....niiiiiicccce reply!

Hy jockey97.....I totally agree with what Onion said..... You are doing a FANTASTIC job of looking after your husband and child. Just the fact that you are caring for them both is fantastic. Im not surprised that you are tired.... its hard work you are doing....you must be absolutely knackered! And yes you need to make some time for yourself.....I know that its easy for me to say but you need SOME time to yourself or you are going to burn out and not be able to care for anybody! Even if you lock yourself in the bathroom for half an hour and give yourself a little bit of spoiling with some bubble bath or something - it will still help. Put them both to bed and sit on the couch with a big box of chocolates and do NOTHING for a little while. The housework will still be there later!

I also know what its like to have next to no money - Ive been there too! Over time, and as your child gets older it will get better! Look after yourself - you deserve it!

[louise]

hi
im in the same postion as you at the moment im a 24/7 carer and a wife.
we also have 4 children and i know exactly what you are goin through although my husbands accident is fairly recent.my husband says the same to me about me not finding him attractive anymore, but thats far from the truth ,i still do find him attractive and like you say at the end of the day your absolutely exhausted.
my husbands accident was in august last year and were still very young ourseleves and i agree it is very hard when you feel all alone and i know that for me personally i feel asthough sometimes ive lost my best friend and my husband he is a complete c4 and c5 tetraplegic and cannot do anything for himself
and i do it all by myself and keep strong you can do it i know i struggle and i know im starting to need help but i am findin it really difficult.your husband should be entitled to nhs carers and you should be entitled to direct payments through a social worker.that would free up some of your time that is what im tryin for myself and im waiting for them to give me help.

[CurtisNeeley]

I am a T-9 'complete'? My spouse is a wife and a 'carer'. She is not physically attracted to me anymore and that is fine with me as I can't do any of the sex stuff anyway. She cries over the loss of the husband I used to be. I miss him too and, believe it or not, I would be happy to be paralyzed if my brain wasn't damaged. Most of my life's memories were removed. I have no memories of my wife or anything before about a year after my tiny wreck!

Keep in mind that LOVE is all that matters to be a good spouse. I am sure that the best you can do is appreciated. I appreciate the fact that you cared enough to ask for input!

[Jilly]

Hi Curtis,
Soooo sad that you have lost those memories! and its pretty tough that you suffered brain injuries as well as physical ones.
A very good friend of mine had brain injuires through a motorbike accident years ago (luckily he was left physically ok!) and still has trouble with short term memory and stutters when he is under pressure. I just laugh at him when he does that and it breaks the tension!

I agree that love is one of the best healers as well as time. Your wife is still in mourning, and I feel for her. (and you!!!) The photo of your TINY(??????) wreck gave me the shivers! I didnt know my man before his accident but I still think....'I wish' to myself sometimes.

[CurtisNeeley]

Jilly,
Yes, - The photo is a shot of my tiny Geo METRO after the wreck. You can still see the front seat and steering wheel. The front left wheel appears to be gone. There are memories I would not miss, but so many that I do. I had thre biological children and two stepchildren. You can see them all in the photo below.

It said it was a dynamic link?


I delivered my daughter Jennifer at home and only recognize her now. I love them all, but have no memories of them that were not created post-accident. You see me there in the hospital with all of them and a feeding tube still in place! aren't I cute?
My wife had unhooked the respirator with a DNR{DoNotRevive} order and I lived. The neurologists said that I would at best have a toddler's mentalitty.

I believe a care giver can be a spouse if they work with their spouse and do not limit their life by feeling obligated to do everything.
I LOVE my wife and the most loving thing I can do is to NOT bother her with things that I shouldn't.
Sometimes love is not as much about what we can do.....- it is about what we can happily do without!

[jockey97]

its so nice to hear others are in the same boat well not really you have four kids wow you are super women how are your kids doing? i am amzed at how well my daughter does just remeber i'm here if you wnt to talk

louise, on Apr 8 2006, 11:39 AM, said:

hi
im in the same postion as you at the moment im a 24/7 carer and a wife.
we also have 4 children and i know exactly what you are goin through although my husbands accident is fairly recent.my husband says the same to me about me not finding him attractive anymore, but thats far from the truth ,i still do find him attractive and like you say at the end of the day your absolutely exhausted.
my husbands accident was in august last year and were still very young ourseleves and i agree it is very hard when you feel all alone and i know that for me personally i feel asthough sometimes ive lost my best friend and my husband he is a complete c4 and c5 tetraplegic and cannot do anything for himself
and i do it all by myself and keep strong you can do it i know i struggle and i know im starting to need help but i am findin it really difficult.your husband should be entitled to nhs carers and you should be entitled to direct payments through a social worker.that would free up some of your time that is what im tryin for myself and im waiting for them to give me help.

[jockey97]

CurtisNeeley, on Apr 9 2006, 10:04 AM, said:

I am a T-9 'complete'? My spouse is a wife and a 'carer'. She is not physically attracted to me anymore and that is fine with me as I can't do any of the sex stuff anyway. She cries over the loss of the husband I used to be. I miss him too and, believe it or not, I would be happy to be paralyzed if my brain wasn't damaged. Most of my life's memories were removed. I have no memories of my wife or anything before about a year after my tiny wreck!

Keep in mind that LOVE is all that matters to be a good spouse. I am sure that the best you can do is appreciated. I appreciate the fact that you cared enough to ask for input!

hi curtis ithink you are amazing person i hopw that youa nd your wife will be able to make lots of new memories

[jockey97]

wow thank you guys so much its nice to know others know where i'm coming from you guys are right
maybe i will cuddle up to a good book when everyone is in bed! i jsut need to remember that i'm lucky he is still here!!!

[rooster1005]

Just looked at Curtis's site. Reading the BIO was a touching thing. Makes you really grasp just how fragile life is.

Curtis,
It was truly not your time to go. It is awesome that you have survived so much. I loved the picture of you mowing the grass. Robert pushes a mower Curtis's way looks much safer think I will encourage him to try it the new way.
Thank You Curtis for letting us share in your memory making. I wish you the best of luck on rebuilding those memories.
Laura