10 replies to this topic

[ChrisW2]

My friend was in a motorcycle accident 2 months ago and is now a complete t5/6 paraplegic. He has just been released from in patient rehab and is staying with me and my family while his house is rehabbed for access. He is very depressed about his new life and I don't know how to best mentally support him. He wants to just lay in bed and sleep. I can sympathize, I went through a bout of depression many years ago but I realize this is very different. I know there is no one magic answer but how do I best help in his recovery? Any help and input will be appreciated.

[Wheelsonfire]

Yes his new lifestyle is going to be hard to get his head around, people will disagree with the following statement and say I'm being harsh and give him a break etc etc.

What he needs is a good kick in the ass, this is his life now and no matter how much he cries, or how much he bitches about his situation it is not going to change.
He needs to get back up, dust himself off and get on with things.

Of course it will be difficult at first, mark my words he will respect you more for it, maybe not now but down the line he will once he has adapted.
Call him in the morning, if he won't get up then throw a bucket of cold water over him, if he bitches about been wet, tell him get his ass out of bed and go and do something.

I could go on but that would just have them coming out of the wood work to slate me.

Cruel to be kind.

Regards

[greybeard]

Get him on this forum. He will not find a better place to get support and advice on how to cope directly from those who have been there.

[Ratticis]

The 2 things I was going to suggest were already stated. Kick his ass and don't let him feel sorry for himself, and don't you feel sorry for him either, it does more harm than good. And get his ass on here ASAP!

[ChrisW2]

Thanks all for the advice, and I have been trying to get him on here. He is very resistive to researching anything.

[Avocado Baby]

I agree that you shouldn't let him 'wallow' but listen to him when he needs to talk and respect his good and bad days.

[Stand]

Sit down with him and take a look at the site together. It can't hurt. I'm sure he has questions that go unanswered, much like myself, in which this web site could help. Life is definitely going to be different but there's nothing anyone can do about it right now. He should take advantage of what he can, while he can. Physical therapy, in and outpatient rehabs, home modifications which it sounds like he's already doing, technology assistance and so on. I wish I had the use of my hands so to go back to work, type on the computer rather than speak, among other things. Just try to keep him focused and more importantly, positive. Continue to be a good friend and have an open ear.

Best of luck to you and your friend!

[Corys_momma]

He needs to be thankful God gave him a 2nd chance at life. God has a reason for everything. God has gave him a challenge that will make him a more stronger person and everyone close to him will become stronger. I agree with everyone, get him on here. I dealt with my son being a C1-C3 total quad for 16yrs, since he was 15months old up till the 18th when we lost him. You couldn't have asked for a more happy spirited young man than my son. He NEVER had a bad day, he always woke up with a smile and smiled and clowned all day. So pull his ass outta that bed and get him up in his wheelchair and get him outside to see the world in a whole new light and learn to enjoy the more simpler things in life so many take for granted everyday.

[qbounce]

Sorry, but kicking someone in the ass 2 months post injury doesn't make much sense to me. At this stage, he's going through a natural grieving process. Allow him that space sometimes. But whenever possible, include him in your family's functions. Especially when it involves getting him out of the house.

Is he still wearing a back brace? Is he dealing with severe pain? Is he on antidepressants? All these things play a part in ones recovery and how we accept things as well.

I'm not a proponet of coddling either. But I do beleive in lookkig at the whole picture and taking things in a certain stride. I was only in the hospital and discharged from rehab all within a matter of 6 weeks. So, kicking someone when their down may not go over as well with someone in . . . . say, severe neurological pain.

All the best to you both and familys.

[evilmac64]

The most important thing right now is being his friend I was still in the hosp at two months What helped me was good friends and therapy Keep him engaged in daily life as much as possible You don't have to kick him in his ass yet but don't do every thing for him hunger is a good motivate and each small victory helps in the long road to recovery The guy has had a huge change in life and needs time to grieve and support from people that love him Antidepressants and help with pain if he has allot Now if he hasn't started engaging in life after two to four weeks maybe a kick to wards a Doctor that specializes in this type of depression may help The so called tough love back fires allot of the times


Bottom line is be his friend because the world tries swallow you after a injury this severe and the help of a good friend helping to hold on is what really helps allot of us
IMHO of course

[Dave Bishopstone]

Corys_momma, on Apr 28 2010, 01:45 AM, said:

He needs to be thankful God gave him a 2nd chance at life. God has a reason for everything. God has gave him a challenge that will make him a more stronger person and everyone close to him will become stronger. I agree with everyone, get him on here. I dealt with my son being a C1-C3 total quad for 16yrs, since he was 15months old up till the 18th when we lost him. You couldn't have asked for a more happy spirited young man than my son. He NEVER had a bad day, he always woke up with a smile and smiled and clowned all day. So pull his ass outta that bed and get him up in his wheelchair and get him outside to see the world in a whole new light and learn to enjoy the more simpler things in life so many take for granted everyday.

Sorry Corys_momma, but I cringe when I read these comments, I have a deep Christian belief but if I ever believed that God gave someone, i.e. my son, a spinal cord injury as a 'challenge' then I would turn my back on God. My faith and my son's faith gave us the strength to cope and to deal and rise above the challenges the 'accident' for that is what it was - an 'accident' not part of a divine plan. Though it is a joy that your faith and that of your son sustained you.

Some have spoken of 'kicking ass' in this thread - I agree with 'qbounce' the last thing my son needed post his SCI was his butt kicked. I was going through emotional hurt and confusion for some time post his accident so heaven knows how he must have felt - it takes time to accept any new situation and only on acceptance can the process of adjustment begin - the most valuable help is that of trying to understand, listening to fears expressed, even if there are no easy answers and there are none, of being patient and open but above all showing that because you love, you care!