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I just wanted to thank everyone for all the great advice and support that I've gotten over the past few months. Sadly though I must say good bye, at least for now. I'm ending my relationship with this guy that I've been writing a lot about and it's gotten to the point where I don't even want friendship from him, or even being just friendly acquaintances. He is holding in so much anger and resentment over his divorce, his injury(he was injured in his late teens..now he's in his early 50's), his son's recent teenage rebellion, and some re-occuring health issues, and lately he's been very passive-aggressive, mean, sharp and abrupt with me to the point that I don't want him to start using me as his "punching bag". I have been more than patient with him, showing him how much I care and how I never considered his wheelchair or paralysis an issue..how I was willing to take things slow as friends and see where it led-at his suggestion..I told him I support him in his decisions dealing with his son's recent behavior..I really wanted to make it work. I really thought he was worth it. Sadly though, it's his anger and negative attitude that is the issue at hand. As much as it breaks my heart, I can't be around him anymore even though I love him. Still he doesn't want to hear those three words from me. He is convinced in his head that he blew his only chance at true love with his ex-wife (to reiterate-he was married for 8 years to her, divorced about 13 years ago-they have a son who was adopted a year or so before their divorce) and said he has come to believe years ago that he can never have a serious romantic relationship with anyone ever again. He made all his issues about him, never once asking me how I really felt about the whole thing. I'm upset that if he had no intention of entering a romantic relationship then why did he date me in the first place? Things started out great and then suddenly once they started getting serious it all hit the ground.. All I ever heard was, "If she couldn't love me, no one can".. or "She promised me she could handle my SCI and couldn't.. therefore I know you won't be able to handle it either"...or "Where did I go wrong? I know my ex and I would still be together if it wasn't for this chair"..or "How did I let her slip away from me? She was the best thing that ever happened to me and she left me for another..I can't ever get over that.." Yet, he also tells me how tumultuous their marriage was from the beginning.. Doesn't make any sense to me. Hearing him go on and on about his ex hurts me, although he doesn't seem to notice..So I'm done. I hope one day he will realize that he can be loved and that holding on to the painful memories of the past won't get him anywhere. He's obsessed with it and that is not healthy for anyone especially when he takes his anger out on me. It's funny because he doesn't want people to see him as the "angry man" in the wheelchair, but that is everyones (of those who know him, of course) perception of him. I've been through a lot in my life as well, but if I held on to every negative and disappointing thing that has happened, I probably wouldn't be sane. To me, holding on to all of that is poison, but it's not up to me to convince him not to keep drinking it. He needs to wake up and see it for himself. If anything, I at least met some wonderful new people on this site and I am forever grateful for that. Maybe one day I'll come back to lurk or say hello, but right now, I just need to heal..Unlike him, I won't let this bring me down. Yes it hurts, but I'm a resilient person and I will move on. Please keep this man in your thoughts.. I care so much about him and the last thing I want is for him to live the rest of his life angry and miserable. Thanks again for all of your advice and support. I really appreciate it. Sorry about my rants and the length of this message..
Blessings to all,
SoliK
Edited by SoliK, 07 May 2010 - 12:31 AM.
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