14 replies to this topic

[mellowgator]

i am in a bind and need to know how to handle this situation. i have a friend who has been in the hospital since before the holidays. she took herself due to a bed sore that wouldn't heal due to mrsa. finally after flap surgery she is finally going to be released from the nursing home she's been staying in for the past month. a while ago she told me she would stay with another friend after she is let out of the hospital until she finds an apartment. i told her if she needed to stay here she was welcome. at the time she was set and that was that.

today i spoke to her on the phone and she said her son was flying in saturday to get her and drive her to north carolina. she said that she was being released from the nursing home friday and asked if she could stay here friday and saturday night. i was taken aback by this. the girls are out of school for the summer on friday and my youngest daughter is having a party saturday with 20 kids and then later 10 girls will be spending the night. she said she didn't mind that i was having a house full of kids and that with her sleeping pill she could sleep through anything. she's not sure if the nursing home will let her drive and i told her my husband could possibly come get her and bring her here and we'd figure out her van later.

well my husband freaked when i told him about all this. first off he is working all day friday and is leaving straight from work to play a triple header softball game and he couldn't go get her. then he was upset that she would be here while the party was going on. lastly he is way freaked that she has mrsa. she would be sharing the bathroom with my youngest daughter and that would be the bathroom her and all her friends would be using. he's freaked out that this could expose one of us or possibly a friend of my daughter's to mrsa.
he does not want her here. he told me we could pay for her to stay in a hotel and that he was worried even lifting her into his car could lead him to be exposed to mrsa. then everything she touched in his mind would be contaminated. he said the stress of all the kids being here is enough without trying to help my friend(she's a para).
now i have to tell her she can't stay here. i think money is an issue with her so my husband said we could pay for her hotel and transportation to the hotel.
what should i tell her. i feel horrible. i know a lot of people on this site have mrsa and live with it and aren't starting epidemics. she has been through so much and i feel like such a jerk for having to tell her she can't stay. if only i had told her that i had to check with my husband first instead of saying "oh yeah no problem".
the hospital has kept her in a room alone but the nursing home gave her a roommate and put a bedside commode by the roommates bed and told her to use it and not the one in the bathroom. they didn't tell the roommate that about the mrsa.
what do i say to her? should i tell her my husband can't help her friday and we have too much going on for her to stay here saturday? then offer to pay for her hotel? i think it would make her feel horrible if i told her my husband is freaked about her mrsa.
she is really weak and needs help. i know i royally screwed up. this woman is someone i met in the grocery store and i had her here for thanksgiving. my husband got upset with me for even visiting her in the hospital.

mellowgator

[Ches]

Wow chick that is a tough one...
Surely she should understand the possibility for contamination and the liability you face (20 kids=40 angry parents), think that route would work?

[McRobb]

This is a tough one! I have had mrsa for several years although I am currently clean. My understanding is that it cannot be transmitted except by bodily fluids so I too would worry about sharing a bathroom with that many young kids. I do think your fears are justified to an extent. But your husband's fears do seem a bit exaggerated to me.

I would be honest with your friend about your situation. I don't know how she will react but do feel that you owe her the respect of dealing honestly with her. If she is like most people with SCI, she will understand what is going on and would not dream of imposing on you or risk infecting others with the mrsa.

Perhaps she could stay at the home for a few more days until her son can come and get her? I don't know her situation but generally a social worker helps figure out all these things and you are not left on your own to make arrangements like this. I would chck out if there ws a social worker to help her make plans to get home. Good luck.

[TextualFury]

She should not want to infect children, and you may have to risk losing your friend. I wish I had a better suggestion other than a blunt, "My child's health is more important to me than you." but that is honestly what I would say.

You may just want to explain to her as gently as you can that as much as you want to help her out, there is a limit to the risks you can take and you cannot risk anyone else's health.

The suggestion of the case worker is indeed a great one, and if her caseworker is expecting you to take her in you can state that due to the infection risk this is just not possible, nor is it your moral or legal obligation. This woman is an adult and should be understanding. If not you may be dealing with a bad friend. Sadly those exist in all walks of life.

Good luck!

[DannyR]

I say be honest. Any reasonable person would understand that with you having 20 kids there that it couldn't be a good time. I wouldn't wait to long before talking with her so she can make other arrangements though. Who knows there might be another way you can help.

[mellowgator]

thanks guys,

i'll be straight up with her. i should't of agreed to let her stay without checking with my husband first. one of the girls sleeping over just finished up chemo for hodgekins lymphoma and her resisitance is down.
i will make a reservation at the hilton and offer this up to her as a solution and then i'll pay for it. it's the least i can do after goofing up so bad.

mellowgator

[Tetracyclone]

Mellow,

Get Mellow, girl. There is no need to discuss your reasons, simply apologize for inviting her without discussing with your husband first, say that these dates are not possible for him, and move on to the hotel idea. If you don't share your "issues" there won't be any.

What is in the family can stay in the family, that way she can look your husband in the face next Thanksgiving.

These things happen.

[Texas Angel Ang]

mellowgator, on May 19 2010, 07:25 AM, said:

thanks guys,

i'll be straight up with her. i should't of agreed to let her stay without checking with my husband first. one of the girls sleeping over just finished up chemo for hodgekins lymphoma and her resisitance is down.
i will make a reservation at the hilton and offer this up to her as a solution and then i'll pay for it. it's the least i can do after goofing up so bad.

mellowgator

I have mrsa as well and yes your husbands reaction to it is a bit exaggerated BUT your kids health and the other kiddos that are staying with you should be top priority. Especially if someone has just went through chemo!!!

Just be honest, when I had a "outbreak" I told my friend that used to stay with me every other weekend with her little girl that had CHD and had a very low immune system, not to come over for the safety of her daughter.

Good luck!

[allis53ca]

Karen, i think cyclone's right on and i'd suggest the same

[mellowgator]

Tetracyclone, on May 19 2010, 12:43 PM, said:

Mellow,

Get Mellow, girl. There is no need to discuss your reasons, simply apologize for inviting her without discussing with your husband first, say that these dates are not possible for him, and move on to the hotel idea. If you don't share your "issues" there won't be any.

What is in the family can stay in the family, that way she can look your husband in the face next Thanksgiving.

These things happen.

tetra,

your right. i'm getting up the courage to make the call now. thanks.

[TextualFury]

Well just know the internet will be here when you are done, so whatever happens you still have instant support!

[mellowgator]

hi guys,

the call went well she didn't even flinch when i told her my husband said "no". my husband took it upon himself to book her a room at the hilton. she understood and we're good.

from now on i'll ask permission before i do anymore inviting so not to get in this sticky situation again. i just hate not keeping my word. my heart was in the right place this girl has really been through the wringer.

mellowgator

[TextualFury]

Well it is good you made the call and are protecting everyone involved. Not only does she know you respect her enough to tell her no now when you have to but your husband supported you through this challenge. This means that your relationship is preserved and who knows, maybe you can get your kid some time in the Hilton pool when you visit. I'm glad things turned out well. *insert internet hug here*

[ClaraTaylor]

Glad it went okay.

[Tetracyclone]

Well done by all.