1 reply to this topic

[Lee]

I have various problems due to a misdiagnosed internal spinal tumour. I have a few frinds one which i was quite close to and shared some of my problems with knowing he wouldnt judge me or laugh like most my other mates would. He was more understanding when we went to the hotrod shows and realised i had walking problems and was helpful. He was working and had good money coming in as i was. My health got so bad i had to finish my job and go on the sick and get £55 per week. He last year found out he had Hodgkins disease. He went through treatment and i was their to talk to him and someone to confide in as our other mates wouldnt understand and would take the p:@>s. He applied to his mortagae company and with the insurance, got his mortgage paid off so his was debt free while i was on the sick, getting dla and paying my full mortgage myself. Once his treatment was over, back to work and going back to the car shows, hes forgot me. Forgot his past health last year and the time i gave him when the other lads just didnt care. Am i selfish for being pis>ED off because he has his health back, good money and no mortgage when im struggling like hell with money, no job, serious bad health and he never offers for me to go to the car shown any more. I feel guilty that i shouldnt feel this way but it seems the more caring and giving you are, the more you get shit on. Honest opinions are really welcome please.

cheers lee

[Tea and Sympathy]

Hi Lee,

I've been lurking on this board for a few months now but I think I can help you with you question. First, I am sorry you are going through all of that -- it's bad enough to have poor health, and the economic toll it takes just makes it all that much worse.

Second, I do not think you are selfish for wanting your friend back, or feeling resentful that options were available to him that you didn't have. But I work for a health organization whose patients have a relapsing-remitting disease. When they are in relapse, they are needy and miserable and need information and counseling and support, and suffer financial hardships as well. However, if they are lucky enough to be in a remission, they simply write us a check. They don't want the magazine coming to the door, they don't want to associate with "sick people," they don't want to be identified as being a member of a club that is "unwell." The men especially -- they don't like to talk about their disease at all, and if they are in a healthy period, you can forget it -- we can't get the time of day from them.

I think this is the case with your friend. When some people get to wellness, they want to stay there, with no reminders of how it was to be sick, or in financial peril, or needy in anyway. So I understand the psychology of that. However, I think you should talk with him and not let this simmer...your friend may not realize how his behavior is affecting you, or maybe he does and he needs to realize there are consequences. Either way, it's better for you if you don't sit on this.

Good luck.