Posted 31 May 2010 - 09:41 AM
Sorry to hear about the changes in all your lifes that are happening and about to happen. It's never easy and I wish you all the best.
Doctors prefer to tell you "you'll never walk" and be wrong than say "you'll be back to normal in no time" and be wrong, so don't start building the ramp just yet.
That being said, don't get convinced everything will be fine either. Instead of crying over what was lost, rejoyce in what he still has. And be greatful for anything that is regained. Sometimes what seem like the simplest accomplishments under normal circumstances mean so much. Things like sitting up by himself, or even showering.
How badly damaged are his arms? Are they broken? Also, are his lungs badly damaged or just full of fluid? Where abouts is his back hurt, roughly? About the height of his belly button, higher, lower, nipple lind? You say you live a far way from him. Where are you now? Are you close to where he is or still far away? Sorry to bombard you with questions, just curious because it affects the speed and difficulty of his recovery and also his abilities later on, though nothing is written in stone.
It's hard to know what his feelings or response will be, after all, everyone is different. I know when I first started coming to and found out what happened it was almost surereal. Mind you, I was heavily medicated at the time. But when I was a little more back to as close to normal as I can get it was kind of like "ok, so when am I gunna be able to walk out of here?" slowly as the weeks and months passed, it began to sink in. After 3 months of spending every waking hour and minute of every day trying desperately trying to move my toes, feet, legs, ANYTHING, I had to cut it out. It was making me too depressed.
Definite DO NOT; never tell him he's going to walk or recover or any other of that bull crap. And never tell him he won't recover. In terms of recovery, make no predictions and remain neutral. I know it's hard, especially when he asks. If any just reflect on how far he's come so far and let him know that it doesn't matter how much he rocovers, you love him just the same. Also, once he can eat again, treat him to non-hospital "food" when possible. But until then, DO NOT bring up food and definitely do not eat in frount of him. It is pure torture to sit there drinking a milkshake in frount of someone who has been NPO for weeks. How old is your brother and what did he do for a living or for fun? There's a large number of sports that can still be played sitting down and countless other activities. It's like if there were 1 000 000 things I could do before, there's still 998 000 I can do. He can still ride a bike on 2 wheels too. There's something that sort of works like training wheels, but once you get up to a certain speed, they retract and you can't see them. This site and these forums are a wealth of information. Get him on here as soon as possible! I wish I had found it sooner.
I know I would have felt bad if my sister had quit her job and give up her life to move to be closer to me. I felt bad enough knowing how much work my family missed and how far they travelled and how much stress and grief I caused them. I know they hardly got any sleep, especially when I went for yet another surgery (just had lucky #13 2 weeks ago). But again, your brother might feel different. It's hard to say.
Make sure he has a TV in his room as well as plenty to read and keep him from going insane. A phone is important too. Preferably his own cell, but most hospitals can rent a phone to the room like they do with the TV. Also check out my list of things you always need in the hospital in the Apparalyzed Cafe forum and make sure he has all that stuff. Most of it is important to be more comfortable. Spend as much time with him as you can. It gets soooo lonely. Ask the docs any and all questions you have and be sure you know what's going on. If you don't understand something they say ask them to explain. Be sure you get satisfactory answers. If his lungs are damaged he'll probably be on a breathing tube for a while, so get a pen and some paper, or even better, a small whiteboard and some markers for it so he can comunicate. If his arms are damaged he may not be able to write for a while, so maybe print out a sheet with the alphabet on it so he can at least point and spell out what he's trying to say. Also another sheet with some keywords on it (names, places, some verbs and
And if/when he can't talk, talk to him normally. Don't act like you're talking to a dog or something that can't talk back. Communication is important.
Don't be afraid to hold his hand or put a hand on his shoulder. Something like that can speak volumes. After they called my family in when they didn't think I was going to make it through the surgery I came to surrounded by my family, tube down my airway so I couldn't talk, still drousy from the anesthetic, everyone with tears in there eyes. I could see the fear and the pain in his eyes, having lost a son several years ago, now his oldest son in ICU fresh out of surgery with tubes and wires going everywhere. With what little strength I had I reached out and held his hand. He looked up and we made eye contact. I squeezed his hand a little bit and it looked like a great weight was lifted off him. I later found out from him that with this simple gesture, he knew I was ok and that I was going to be ok. Funny, I felt the same thing.
Sorry if I seem to talk about myself too much, it's just that that's what helped me so I hope at least in some way it can help you.
Try to stay positive, but when you need to, cry, scream, yell, let your emotions out. Letting it build up is no good.
I wish you, your family, and especially your brother the best of luck and the warmest wishes. Please keep us informed on the situation and ask any questions. There's plenty of very helpful people here who have been through similar situations.
All the best,
Chris
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Posted 31 May 2010 - 01:49 AM
