7 replies to this topic

[cplpn]

I am new, here. I am separated from my spouse of 11 years, he is a C6/7 quad and had been for 18 years before we were married. I was 22 at the time and he was 35. I really felt called to be his wife, but having lived with him for so many years, my role and wife wanned and I became full-time caregiver. I also became resentful of all I had dealed with over the course of our marriage. We are happily separated and are very respectful of one another, we also have a wonderful, happy 4 year old boy together.

Nearing the time when we are actually going to file for divorce, my question is a bit based on a Christian belief system...why am I so overwrought with guilt? Will I ever be forgiven, Does God want me to stay in this?

I just felt I was falling into a depression and out of love with him, my doctor and counsellor advised me to "live my life" "you're just waiting for him to pass-on"...I was searching to try to figure myself out, but I was advised that I had given enough to my spouse.

[kiwiquad]

cplpn, on Jun 3 2010, 10:16 AM, said:

Nearing the time when we are actually going to file for divorce, my question is a bit based on a Christian belief system...why am I so overwrought with guilt? Will I ever be forgiven, Does God want me to stay in this?

"Ask & you will receive"? If you are a Christian, ask your God the above question. It's surely not a big ask from a mere mortal. Instead you've taken the advise of your doctor and counselor.

[qbounce]

50% of all marriages today end in divorce. It really doesn't matter whether you're disabled or AB.

The guilty feeling, well . . . . that's something you'll have to come to terms with on your own time. Obviously most here agree that it's more beneficial to keep the care giving duties separate from that of your relationship, but I contend that it isn't always possible, or feasible. You sometimes have deal with what you've been given and make do . . . . wife AND care taker are part of the deal when you marry someone who is disabled and needs help with daily living duties.

However, not everyone is cut out for this endeavor in the long haul. Especially when poor health is thrown into the mix. When that happens, it not only wears down the health of the ailed individual, but it also takes its toll on the spouse and the family at large. Some see it through to the end, while others pack their bags early and get out. It's human nature either way, to take the road that you can clearly see.

You've made your choice. If you're looking for resolution it may not come from us, because those of us who frequent this site are either disabled, or in a committed relationship with someone who is. But I do thank you for posting. It's a sobering reminder that our loved ones today may very well be our Ex's tomorrow.

[Tetracyclone]

You are a Christian and a big part of Christianity is about sacrifice. Sacrifice is heavily preached when church authorities wish people to bend to their wishes, but in the end, guilt is a great way to control people. It is not the love that Jesus practiced.

Sometimes a calling is finished before we thought it would be. Sometimes we have to get sick before we can hear what God is trying to tell us. What is to be gained by having your little boy raised by a depressed and moody Mom? Your husband understands- he has seen you move through the process.

One of the hardest lessons for any human is to accept our limitations. God did not intend for our limitations to be easy.

Let your boy learn that women can be joyous creatures.

[FROG]

Don't seek nor heed the answers that the world is so anxious to give you. Seek your answers from God. Read His word. Pray. Seek Godly counsel from others whose wisdom comes from God. Be observant of what God is trying to tell you from what is happening around you. Listen to that still small voice inside. Sincerely strive to do these things and the answers to your questions will become clear to you in His time.

Edited by FROG, 03 June 2010 - 06:54 AM.

[cplpn]

FROG, on Jun 3 2010, 02:37 AM, said:

Don't seek nor heed the answers that the world is so anxious to give you. Seek your answers from God. Read His word. Pray. Seek Godly counsel from others whose wisdom comes from God. Be observant of what God is trying to tell you from what is happening around you. Listen to that still small voice inside. Sincerely strive to do these things and the answers to your questions will become clear to you in His time.

Ok, I get that...the world versus, our God. I know HE can heal anything, but because our hearts are hardened he allowed for divorce...also true. My spouse introduced, early on in our marriage, pornography and sexual immorality, which lead to affairs...etc. and as a result, I no longer loved nor respected him. Consequences of his actions perhaps? Did he infact break the covenant with God and lead me astray? I feel he let me down as head of our household and yes he is a Christian.

I know my answers will not be figured out overnight, heck I've been wrestling with so much for so many years now. Add to the disability, I have 2 teenage sons and our 4 year old boy. I am again seeking counselling to deal with my many issues, stemming from childhood and self-esteem and rescuer personality, depression and the list goes on.

[FROG]

Just simply start doing what I said in my first message and all of these issues will start to become clear to you and then you must be obedient to the answers you receive to put order back in your life. God bless you.

[DannyR]

I think guilt is felt by everyone who goes through a divorce. Most of the time there is enough blame to go around. A lot of soul searching goes on. We all do things that only makes sense to us but that doesn't make it right or wrong. Bottom line is when you get up in the morning you have to fell good about what you see in the mirror if not something needs to change. Would you be getting a divorce if he wasn't disabled? I'm sure you have already been asked that question and you are the only who knows the answer. Be true to yourself and the answers you are looking for will come. Good luck.