3 replies to this topic

[mskristen68]

First of all, I would like to thank everyone who posts on this site. This has been such a help to me.

My brother-in-law, who is my husbands identical twin has been a paraplegic for 27 years due to a motorcycle accident and is paralized from the chest down with the use of only one arm. He is 51 years old. The family has been taking care of him for 23 years and when my husband and I married four years ago, we had the decision of whether we would take over his care and have him move in with us...well...no brainer...he moved in with us three weeks before we married. Then I went to back to college to get my certification to help take care of him in case the CNA couldn't make it...snowstorms, etc...we live in the boonies. Last year, we could not get any good help, the CNA's were no shows or calling in every single weekend, then our full timer told us she was going on sick leave for four months and the agency had no one to replace her. We had the decision to make as to whether to place him in a nursing home or not. We found a good nursing facility that had people his own age there due to accidents, diabetes complications, etc. My brother-in-law had lost 30 lbs and I didn't feel he was getting the care he deserved. We were able to get his original CNA back and have moved him back home. He has been home for 10 days. The third day he was back home, he came down with pneumonia, overnight, he was sick as a dog. Well, he is much better from that. Now, I have found a small dime sized dark red scab like mark on his bottom. Where his ischial tuberosity is. I am quite concerned. He refuses to lie in the prone position. We have been repositioning him every two hours for the last two days. But at night, he does not want to reposition. he sleeps on his back, and his buttocks. he has a alternating air pressure mattress pad. I know his diet needs to be better. He does not eat properly. He refuses fruits and vegetables, he only wants to eat a few cookies for breakfast with his coffee. He will not eat lunch...at least I am able to get a high protein drink in him for lunch, and for dinner, he wont eat that much. He is afraid of putting on weight. He only weighs about 150-160 now. I know he needs to eat better, more protein, to help in aiding the healing of his sore, but he won't. And he likes his alcoholic beverages.

Does anyone have any advice for getting him to eat better and to get him to try to help himself. He needs to stay off his buttocks. The last time he had a pressure ulcer three years ago, from his new wheelchair, he was in bed for three months and my husband and I couldn't get away for any longer than a couple of hours at a time.

Any advice or tips would be greatly appreciated...

[Millard]

Maybe I missed something but I think you said he is a paraplegic with one good arm. A para should be able to take care of himself as far as personal care. I am a C5-C6 tetra/quad and about the only thing I can't do is cook. (It is even worse than my wife's!!!) If he likes alcohol, where does he get it? Make him get up and go. From experience, I know if someone takes care of us, we tend to let them. When I smoked many years ago, my father would put a cigarette in my mouth and then he would go outside. I had about 3 minutes to figure out how to get that thing out of my mouth before it got to my lips...I figured a way. Give him some type of challenge and walk away. You have nothing to lose.

You brother in law could and should be doing much more for himself which should help him work up an appetite.

Good luck.

Edited by Millard, 21 July 2010 - 07:04 PM.

[mellowgator]

dear mskristen,

is the messed up arm due to another complication from the accident and not the sci?

you don't have to let him rule your household. if he doesn't eat right and doesn't stay off his skin you guys shouldn't have to be the ones to suffer. i'd lay down the law and tell him you'll send him back to the home if he doesn't do all he can do get better. let him know there will be consequences and you are not going to give up your life if he won't do his part to get better.

my children are picky eaters. there are ways to sneak healthy food in without them being the wiser. one way is smoothies or even pumpkin cookies. if he will drink the shakes that's a good start. i'd tell him if he doesn't finish his dinner no cocktail. isn't he on anti-biotics for the pnemonia if so alcohol will negate the effect of his meds?

he does sound like a big spoiled brat and it may take tough love on your part to get him to behave. he seems to think he can do as he wishes. but there is no excuse for him not to get with the program.

he does need to exercise like millard suggested. swimming or other activites will help his appetite and that along with good nutrition should be the key. i'm sure if he has pnuemonia he won't feel like working out this is for down the road when he is recovered.

mellowgator

[Tetracyclone]

If he is going to act like a foolish child then you have to treat him as a patient, not as a brother-in-law.