5 replies to this topic

[Jilly]

Ok you lot!!! I need some advice!!

When the black mood descends, what can spouses / partners do to help???

Im a pretty positive person and tend to laugh at things that go wrong, but when I get down a good rant and rave, swear, cry and cuddle usually lifts me out of it!

My guy usually is positive too, however, sometimes he will go waaay down, usually when there is a lot of pain involved, and is very quiet, grumpy, snappy, wont look me in the eyes etc, and nothing I can do or say will lift him out of it. I go around walking on eggshells - hoping that I wont make it worse! All I want is my normal happy darling back! I dont know whether to leave him alone for a while, make a fuss of him, make jokes??? Anything!!!

When it all gets too much what do you guys (and gals) do to bring that mood up again??

[Gary Anderson]

Quote

All I want is my normal happy darling back!

Those words jumped out at me. That was one of the reasons my relationship with Suzy broke up. The "normal happy person" has gone - never to be rediscovered. I dont think.

Since my latest accident with my nephew/BIL in January, although I am in gainful employment as an anaesthetist, I have never actually managed to "find" the happy persona. Outwardly, I am fine and dandy, letting everyone assume that things are OK, however, inwardly I am screaming blue murder.

Sorry, cant answer the question how do you find them again but if anyone has got a reply to find this I would be VERY interested. I dont want to use drugs to raise my mood, however, so far have not found anything that works. I try to stay active with hobbies, even going out does not work. I avoid alcohol like the plague as that only masks things.

Sorry I cannot help.

[Lucydog]

I can empathise with what Gary says. One of my friends described me as a swan!!!! On the surface Im gliding along gracefully and quietly, totally unruffled. Under the surface however Im just scrabbling about trying to live life best I can. Im an absolute cow when Im feeling low. how my poor husband ever puts up with me at times Ill never know. Things that help are a hug, holding my hand, an out of place kindness, and if possible I always feel better if we go out somewhere for the day and see something different. It stimulates my mind and cheers me up. Also I would't creep around on eggshells if I were you. It doesnt hurt to have a row once in a while. Anyways we find it sort of clears the air for both of us and also lets us both shout and scream our frustration. Dont worry it only happens a couple times a year.

[jane]

oh yes, the above replies i agree with. definately swan like - smiling on outside - screeming within.

Hugs help a lot and people just accepting i am going to have bad days and not trying to 'get me out of it'.

[Jilly]

Hi guys...
I guess these down times are simply part of the whole kit and caboodle of having a disability, and just another one of those things I have to accept. He doesnt have a job at the moment (but has applied for one) so sitting around at home doesnt really help either. He cant always go out and do the things he would like to as money is an issue.

The latest mood broke last night, he was away for the day and I had dinner on the table when he got home and then packed him off to bed where things got up close and personal which really helped. - (we dont live together yet and I had no kids for a change) So I have my darling back (until the next time!)

Gary....you did help thank you, you helped make me see that this is something that is not part of his normal personality doing this or something Ive done, but another sad thing about being disabled. Lucky you for having a decent job! What you need is the company of a decent female although I know that is a lot easier said than done! and I agree...drugs and alcohol DONT help.

Thanks for your advice everyone I feel better now

[Gary Anderson]

Hi Jilly

Quote

What you need is the company of a decent female although I know that is a lot easier said than done!

Yep! Easier said than done. As most folks will know I DID have the company of a DECENT female, however, for reasons explained in earlier threads, Suzy left me. So, I have not really tired to find another decent one. I guess I have kinda accepted that for some love & marriage, horse & carriage are easily gotten but for me, well it is harder.

Anyway, as you say, I have a decent job.

Glad to have helped you.

Love Gary