25 replies to this topic

[Mindy]

This is my very first post, my name is Mindy and my 17 year old son Drew became a c-7 incomplete Quadriplegic on 5/15/10 wile riding his 4 wheeler. Drew just got out of rehab on 8/10 and is doing very well, he's handling things better then I could ever imagine.

From the very first moments in the hospital he said he wanted to be home for his Birthday which was on 8/11 and he wanted to go back to school with everyone. He did make it home in time for his Birthday but It just seems so soon to me for him to go back to school. My Husband did contact the school weeks ago about Drew coming back and they have been so great about making sure it will be as easy on Drew as it can be.

The whole school is ready to help Drew with anything he might need. Drew is one very lovable kid, he was a star athlete but is also the kid who is everyone's friend. It doesn't matter if your popular or unpopular Drew is willing to see the good in you. Wile in rehab his room was always full of kids from school there for him, they have been a big part of why he's handling this so well I think.

School starts on the 23rd of this month, Drew is going to start his Junior year with all his friends. It may just be the Mom in me, I'm so worried about him going back so soon. I also have two other sons who will be in the same school, it does help my heart knowing they will be there for him.

Is it to soon for him to go back? What are your opinions on this?

[Beautiful]

I have a couple different thoughts about this one.

First of all, I think it is great that he wants to go back and get on with his life. It takes some people months, even years to get back into life and start actually living. Take no offense when I say this, but sometimes people don't feel as "normal" as they did before their injury, so going back to school could help him feel like he is living a normal teen life again.

He seems to be taking it extremely well, but sometimes when people act that way, deep down they're bottling up feelings and who knows when they could let it all out. Just be there for him. Thats all you can do. I'm not saying this is the case, but some people don't like having a big fuss over them, so they fake the smile and pretend everything is okay. Keep supporting him


He seems like a great kid, and I wish you all the very best!

[Mindy]

Beautiful, on 14 August 2010 - 06:14 PM, said:

I have a couple different thoughts about this one.

First of all, I think it is great that he wants to go back and get on with his life. It takes some people months, even years to get back into life and start actually living. Take no offense when I say this, but sometimes people don't feel as "normal" as they did before their injury, so going back to school could help him feel like he is living a normal teen life again.

He seems to be taking it extremely well, but sometimes when people act that way, deep down they're bottling up feelings and who knows when they could let it all out. Just be there for him. Thats all you can do. I'm not saying this is the case, but some people don't like having a big fuss over them, so they fake the smile and pretend everything is okay. Keep supporting him


He seems like a great kid, and I wish you all the very best!

No offence taken at all, I worry a lot that he fronting. One of my big worries is when he gets back to school and he's no longer able to be the athlete that he's always been it will hurt him. I'm just going to see what happens, if he decides school is to much I've told him we can always do home schooling. He doesn't want anything to do with that as of now, we just have to wait and see.

[Angela250153]

I appreciate that as a mother you are very worried about him going back to school, but I would think this normalcy of school would probably do him the world of good. Since the school is already making arrangements for him and he has some wonderful friends there I would say let him go. I bet you that all the people at school will very much watch out for him and will make sure that he does not overdo it and that he is happy there.

Like Beautiful said some people just don't like being made a fuss over, me being one of them. I find it very unnerving and it makes me feel like they see as some kind of imbacile.

One more thing is that maybe you could check with his rehab consultants to see what they think of it.

[ajl338]

You might be really worried because he now cant be the athleate he once was but an SCI changes things and he isnt going to be able to do things in exactly the same way as before and it wont matter if you let him find out next month of the year after he is going to come to the same conclusion.

Having said that life isnt necessary bad just because you cant to some things anymore, you find ways around things and other opertunities open up.

One thing that is going to he harder with a SCI (it shouldnt be) is getting a job. People percieve that your brain doesnt work because you cant walk. He needs all the qualifications he can get and the best way to be at school is with your mates not feeling like you have failed because you are behind with work etc. He will probally find he gets tired quicker than before so why not negoiate with him and let him go back for a portion of the day to begin with, say mornings and see how it goes. Other things you can do to make things easier are to sort out exam concessions (things like extra time or a PA or a rest break)

The one thing that happens if you arent in social places (like school) is it is easy to withdraw from society and exist in your own little cotton wool world and it becomes really stressful to go out and you get anxious about meeting people and worry what they think about you and if they will treat you differently. So even going to school for a short bit every day is good. I missed the whole year when i was 14/15, my mum used to take me into school just for 15 mins a day for form time just so i could get out.

Wish your son good luck, tell him life will be fustrating sometimes, but think of it as a problem that has a cunning solution and you can always find a way around it or an acceptible other option

[Parachute]

Hi Mindy

I say leave him to it. Why would it be too soon. The sooner the better.

I was injured last year on Sunday 29 March. To cut a long story short, I am the quickest to leave Wakefield Pinderfields, with my type of injury. I was injured playing rugby. To cut a long story short, I asked my physiotherapist if I would ever run an half marathon again? The reply was I don't think you'll ever run 800 metres again. That was Wednesday 2 December 2009. Since that date, I have completed ten 5km runs, one 10km run and the Leeds Half Marathon.

I know that everyone is different, but I believe that if your son goes back to school for two days then adds half a day each week, it will be a massive benefit to it. Let him exercise as much as he wants to. He will get much better being active.




Parachute

[Millard]

Hello Mindy,

You really don't have a choice. He will never forgive you if you don't let him try. From my personal experience, you are correct. I remember at 17, I knew more than anyone parents. I went back into college, in a dormitory and it lasted about four days. He will let you know how he feels. There is a lot of adjusting he has to do and he'll find that out. He'll be feeling really low for a while but he will accept it after a while. I have been back to many schools and classes since then with no problems.

Good luck.

[rkzenrage]

I agree. But I would see how he does with some independence around the house and neighborhood first. I know it will be hard, harder than school in many ways as you will have the urge and ability to "step in" and keep him from failing and discovering his new limitations, but it is better than him finding out at school. He will be better equipped. It will be good for you in the long-run as well (though you will not feel that way at the time).

[mellowgator]

i've met some really inspiring people who got out of rehab and went straight to school or back to work. if your mind is busy with school etc you don't dwell on your injury. if he is cleared by his doctors to return to school i think it's a great idea. he could also go part day and take some classes online. that way he can work at his own pace.

i have a daughter your sons age and she lives to be around her friends. keeping a teenager away from their friends is how i punish my kids. so i can see his point of view in wanting to get on with his life.

mellowgator

[Mindy]

mellowgator, on 15 August 2010 - 01:51 AM, said:

i've met some really inspiring people who got out of rehab and went straight to school or back to work. if your mind is busy with school etc you don't dwell on your injury. if he is cleared by his doctors to return to school i think it's a great idea. he could also go part day and take some classes online. that way he can work at his own pace.

i have a daughter your sons age and she lives to be around her friends. keeping a teenager away from their friends is how i punish my kids. so i can see his point of view in wanting to get on with his life.

mellowgator

He has been cleared by his Doctors to return to school. We have talked to him about going part time if it gets to be to much for him, he said he just wants to try and go full time. Like your Daughter Drew also lives to be with his friends and Girlfriend.

[ClaraTaylor]

Congratulations on your son for not wanting to hide away, and indeed for you because though you are doing what any good mother would do and worry yourself silly about him you're letting him keep his independence and sense of "self".

I think going back to school is a great decision, not just because you need everything shiny certificate you can lay your hands on when you get a job later in life but because it's the "normal" thing to do. I'm sure the school have everything planned out to the tiniest detail but perhaps you could calm any fears you have by taking a tour around the school and seeing everything they have installed to ensure your son will be just fine (i.e. lifts, ramps, maybe they have a special education room for those with physical and mental learning difficulties where he will be able to come and rest or leave any kit that he might need, any extra assistance staff he will be having...)

I'd already left school when I had my accident but I had had a brain infection when I was at secondary school that caused me to loose the use of my left side of my body and shot my memory to bits. Throughout the year or so this was happening I hung on to school so much. Because it was the only thing that kept me normal. My school was fantastic - I was shown how to use the lifts, how to touch type with one hand, they had staff available if I needed anything hand written (you guessed it I was left handed) and who would help type things up if I dictated to them. My teachers would provide me with a set of their lecture notes before each class so that I didn't have to worry about trying to keep up writing notes, they'd also allow me extra time for homework (though they were still strict to a point. As I insisted - they wouldn't let anyone else get away with it don't treat me any differently). There was even somewhere that I could go and lay down when I was in pain / tired / frustrated. I could go on listing the ways that they helped but it'll just turn into waffle (and the story of what happened when I collapsed really needs to be put in the joke thread).

It was a huge school and of course had already seen their fair share of disabilities throughout the years and the calmness that they dealt with everything was, well reassuring compared to the fuss made at home and the hospital (aka the only other places I went!)

Try and at least you've tried, don't and you will never taste that sweet success.

[wheelywendy]

all praise to your son for trying to get back to normality as quickly as possible, i know its hard on you but you have to let him live his life the best he can, and if being back at school with his friends is what he wants then thats what he has to do,
holding him back may just cause him to withdraw and give up, let him decide what he can and cant manage, he has to try to know if he can manage it, hopefully he'll be man enough to admit it if going back full time is too much too soon, you've given him the options of part time and ensured he has the support he needs you now need to try and let go and give him the chance to try it out, with his attitude he'll go a long way. of course it could all just be bravado but then at least if hes moving forwards that can only help him, just be prepared to be there for him when he hits difficult point because he will get some knock backs we all do when trying to move forward just be there to pick him up and encourage him forward again. your prob going to be the one its hardest for but try to take a back step and let him move forward and be proud of him (we're all here for you as well as your son) , he sounds a lovely lad and i wish him all the best in his return to school etc wendy

[rue2you]

Okay, I am NOT a teenager - I am 33 and I have only been at this for about 18 months but I want to add my two cents. I am a mom of 6 kids and I think it has been the every day life stuff that has continued to go on that has helped me the most. I am also VERY friend oriented and I have received much love and support not only from my hubby and kids but also from my friends. I am another one that smiles a lot and can bottle things up but I think them out that way. One thing that I think about when I am feeling "dark and moody" is that my friends and family are watching me - how I am going to respond to all of this - and I don't want to let them down. I don't want to let myself down! I think that when you get too reflective and trying to "figure it all out" and how I feel about this, it leads to self-pity and that is never good.

Of course, I am a mother too and see that perspective. I start to panic if my kids want to climb a tree. I think "NO!!! You might fall out and break your neck!" But then I have to remind myself that I cannot make them live in bubble wrap although I would love too! So, I tell them to be careful, not to climb too high and then I close my eyes!

Let him push himself as far as he can. His body will tell him when to slow it down and he probably won't be able to argue with his body like he would you!

[tyvin]

Let him go Mom. Kids are so resilient it's scary. Even in the worst circumstances they defeat the odds. We as older people and parents want too protect and shield as much as possible thinking it's best for the child. Whew! 17 is no longer a child. How unfortunate that he's going through all this but it is teaching him to be a better person.

He's not giving up or throwing in the towel, he wants and that's a thing that needs to be nourished with as mush enthusiasm, hope and help as possible. Monitor him for now but definitely let him go back. Sure it'll be different, but it's going to be that way for the rest of his life.

When he falls help him back up; when he wants to fly let him go.

[Abbey22]

I've always said at times it's probably harder on my parents then on me after my SCI at 17. I make the choice to get out of bed and make the most of opportunities and they have to sit back and watch me. As a parent, I think one's first instinct is to "fix" or "shield" from anything bad. Which is a good thing! But then there are situations where you can do absolutely nothing. I'm 22 and my parents have been unbelievable the past 5 years. They let me figure things out on my own but were always there if I needed them-and some days I needed them more than others. Your son sounds like he'll do fine with whatever is put in front of him. I remember when I first went back to school after my rehab, it was really hard watching the softball team leave early for away games or not being able to park in the designated "Senior" spots at school because they were too narrow. But I focused on things I could still do. I still got a lead in the school play, I still got to participate in watching Friday night football games, I still had a great Senior year! I feel blessed to have 17 "normal" years. Some people never get any. Just let Drew figure out this "new normal" and keep cheering him on

[wheeliebear75]

If your son WANTS to go back don't stop him.....if you're afraid he's just stuffed everything deep down than just be there for him if & when things come to the surface. If he was so well liked before than I'm sure most everyone will be happy to have him back. And it will be easier to go to a school that knew him before & after than one where he was NOT known before his injury. My school was ready to make any accommodations I needed in-order to come back & the other kids were all really nice & always saying hi to me between classes.....kids who I didn't even remember were always rushing over to say hi. I made a big mistake by switching to a new school about a year after my accident. I was having a lot of trouble with painful memories of what/how things USED TO BE like, I thought that by transferring schools I would no longer be haunted by all those old memories.....but instead what I got was kids who teased me cuz they didn't know me before OR what had happened to me, & the teachers were no where near as patient with me. I know NOW that I should have stayed in high school #1 where everyone did know me before.....yeah there were painful memories of me tutoring kids under various trees or at different "study spots" (I went from being GATE & college prep classes with strait A's to struggling to do 6th grade level work due to my head injury) & I'm sure there are some parallels for your son's sports.......I still had just as hard a time with the schooling/academic part but just didn't have staff & students being very understanding about it. HAD I STAYED.....I think things would have gotten easier quicker & I wouldn't have felt nearly as isolated as I did at high school #2. His wanting to go back is something that should be encouraged and hopefully he doesn't want to go the home-schooling route.....his "problems" WONT go away with a change of venue.

[Mindy]

Drew made it threw his first day back, he came home in a very good mood. He said it was easy and he didn't have any issues at all with anything. He does seem very tired but I'm just going to relax and know that he knows that if it's to much he can go part time if that's what he needs. Thank you to everyone who has helped me threw this topic, it's ment a lot to me.

[qbounce]

Mindy that's great news!
I just want to add, check his butt and feet daily after he comes home for any signs of redness. As he's new to staying out for this length of time, you want to be extra careful that he not get a pressure sore.

[jenny407]

Mindy,

I was thinking of answering you but was away on holiday. Now part of what I wanted to say has been said by others, probably even much better.

In a nutshell: You can be very proud of your son - a wonderful personality, an open and positive kind of boy. Yes, I would have agreed: Let him go if he wants to.

As a teacher and from experience with a friend, I wanted to add that it's always possible for him to go on part-time or to lie down during the day for a moment to prevent pressure-sores or spasms, e. g. (Agreeing with you and qbounce.) You will find out, both of you, what he needs. The interaction with his friends and the "normal" life will mean much to him. Schools are normally very co-operative (as you wrote), you just must talk to teachers and the principal if anything is needed. And of course, marks and achievements are secondary. I do think a kind of part-time start might be good, but that's up to Drew.

I wish you, both Drew and you yourself, all the very best, from my heart.
Jenny

[Mindy]

qbounce, on 24 August 2010 - 08:41 AM, said:

Mindy that's great news!
I just want to add, check his butt and feet daily after he comes home for any signs of redness. As he's new to staying out for this length of time, you want to be extra careful that he not get a pressure sore.

I am keeping a close eye out for any signs of pressure sores. He's real good about making sure he does enough weight shifts, his girlfriend Zoe is also my eyes when he's at school and making sure he doesn't go to long.

[rue2you]

Wonderful for Drew...and you to Mom!

[maisy1996]

super glad drews back at schoool and enjoying it : )

[sh1wn]

Thats great news,I'm glad all went well.

[Mindy]

Drew is doing so well being back, he made it threw the whole week and is all ready for school tomorrow. Now he's set his goal on driving, it's all he talks about. We've ordered hand controls for his car, just waiting for them to come in. He works on transferring in and out of his car and getting his chair in and out all the time. We've also set up adaptive driving lessons for him, he misses driving so much. It was still such a new thing to him when it was taken away, was just getting a taste of real freedom.

[Blake]

it's great he's back soon. i was only 5 when i had my accident i went back around 10 weeks later. now i wish i could get out of school it's not at all my favorite place to be. i wish him all the luckin his return.

[Justin14]

Good luck to him...real geat he's taking it so well..I've been doing the home school thing since my accident...I took 2 summer school classes to see if I wanted to go back....just going to stick with home schooling...I just feel to out of place going like this.