13 replies to this topic

[gchesman]

I'm 3yrs in and, every now and then, I have flashbacks of being in the hospital. I had a spinal stroke so I was aware of gradually losing all body function. Any suggestions or similar stories?

[kiwiquad]

I'm 27yrs post SCI, & I still have flashbacks of moments that occurred when regaining semi consciousness right after the mva, Reoccurring dreams happen on an approx monthly basis (I'm usually running around a carpart, urgently trying to find 10000 bits of my exploded chair, so I can reassemble it!!) Panic attacks when being in close contact with a truck on the road, which I directly attribute to the huge truck, that broke me.
You haven't written what you want suggestions for . If the flashbacks are driving you nuts, perhaps counselling? Personally, I celebrate the fact that it keeps alive the memories of my former life as a walker.

Edited by kiwiquad, 16 August 2010 - 06:54 AM.

[evilmac64]

I'm almost 3 yrs in-- MVA med coma 12 days 6 weeks or so ICU- I have flash backs all the time some good some bad some painful-- I think it is part of my new life and might stay the rest of my life-some times i smile others i cry-thats just the way it works for me

Edited by evilmac64, 16 August 2010 - 07:17 AM.

[pinkcloud]

gchesman, on 15 August 2010 - 11:33 PM, said:

I'm 3yrs in and, every now and then, I have flashbacks of being in the hospital. I had a spinal stroke so I was aware of gradually losing all body function. Any suggestions or similar stories?

HI GCHESMAN

I have lots of flashbacks too. Both of the accident,accidents that happened during the two years of pain (I was left undiagnosed) then of the awful time of being in the hospital itself. Yours sounds extremely frigtening. Like me, it was bad enough when we had to live it for real- let alone our minds re-playing it to us again.

They just pop up into my head at any random time and sometimes I have night terrors about it.

I spoke to a counsellor and with his help I discovered I felt very angry about the way I was treated in the NHS.

Coming on here and seeing that some others were treated just as awful, has helped me (although I also think its awful) - to know I was not the only one who has been thorough this has taken away the aspect of 'why me?.

I think that I hold a fear that something may go wrong with me now, and I real do have a genuine fear of hospitals. I wonder if you do too? And this reason I would have to feel at deaths door before I went near one ever again. And that includes working in one again, which is a shame as I enjoy helping others.

The only help I can offer so far is to maybe see a counsellor? Or a hypnotherapsist if you believe in that (my next step, I am just saving up to see one) - but only a very qualifed one. The one I will be seeing is a retired consultant in pain management/anaesthetists, so he can work from a professional status. Seeing that this is something deep in the sub-concious, it may need more help to reach there.

best wishes to you

[stillgotswag]

Most times I hear a loud bang I jump...flashing back to gunshots. The man fired on me 6 times point blank. The 4th of july's a little rough. Thats my flashbacks.

[gchesman]

You're all tough people...be proud. I guess we'll always try to forget what happened....any way we can. Thanks.

[jennyau]

I find it hard to put all the pieces together and timelines in hospital,my memory is bad just have bits and pieces from the first few days.

Edited by jennyau, 18 August 2010 - 03:57 AM.

[The Black Sheep]

I've only had 2 flashbacks over the passed 12 years, but my initial injury wasn't as traumatic as most. I fell asleep with a horrible headache and felt my feet fall asleep, and slowly it rose to my knees and hips. I was almost entirely asleep when the numbness got that high, but I woke up when I began having a hard time breathing. I've had two occasions where I thought I was having a recurrence, and in the last one, it was just terrible. I'm a T5 for the most part, and have full use of my arms, but in my last suspected-recurrence, my hands were going numb. I was actually praying, if it were a recurrence, that I would stop my breathing, because I really don't think I'm strong enough to go through this again, and especially not at a higher level. I later asked my neurologist what this could have been, and he said it was most likely some sort of flashback, or my perception of what was happening was exaggerated by my greatest fear.

Pink cloud mentions a therapist or hypnotherapy, which I might also recommend looking into. I know we're all had some very dark moments, and sometimes that communication with a therapist can ease out the cause of it. I went to hypnotherapy 8 times, because there was a part of me still asking myself if I were crazy. I wasn't, but it was enormously comforting to feel that realization. I was diagnosed with hysterical paralysis by 3 doctors before they came up with Transverse Myelitis. So, for the following few years, I actually questioned sanity. The people on the forum have been immensely helpful to me to vent and feel "not alone". Sometimes a therapist or just someone to relate to can help dig out the root of some psychological questions.

Edited by The Black Sheep, 16 August 2010 - 10:29 PM.

[mellowgator]

i sort of remember my accident. things trigger the emotions of the time like when i had to visit a hospital during the holidays. or if i have to drive on us1 in the rain along the same stretch where i had my accident. i was concious but not clear on everything that happened while they were cutting me out of the car. several years later by chance i met the paramedic who was the first to arrive at the scene and he told me all the details. he was the one who reassured me and kept me calm. it's sort of something i push down deep because i hate thinking about it.

mellowgator

[pistol_pete]

mellowgator, on 16 August 2010 - 11:56 PM, said:

i sort of remember my accident. things trigger the emotions of the time like when i had to visit a hospital during the holidays. or if i have to drive on us1 in the rain along the same stretch where i had my accident. i was concious but not clear on everything that happened while they were cutting me out of the car. several years later by chance i met the paramedic who was the first to arrive at the scene and he told me all the details. he was the one who reassured me and kept me calm. it's sort of something i push down deep because i hate thinking about it.

mellowgator

Mercifully, I have very little recall of my accident. Just lying on the back of the truck getting angry because my workmates wouldn't let me get up, not that I could have anyway. I try to remember more, but that's all I get.
I also met the paramedic who helped me out,it was only a few weeks ago. Talking to her didn't bring anything back, but I left feeling strange, like it happened only yesterday. she said I was conscious the whole time and I wouldn't stop talking.
God knows what I was crapping on about to her, but she said I was being quite humourous about it all and she was crying (it's a small close knit town) because she suspected I wouldn't walk again and I didn't know it yet.

[stillgotswag]

I was fortunate to meet 1 of the paramedics as well. He compared it to rescue 911 the reunion. He was estatic...I wasnt breathing when they arrived and they didn't think I was gonna make it.
Him and all of the med staff saved my life. Its still crazy when I think about how this lil bit@% tried to murder me. (over 50 funky ass dollars.)

[Millard]

After 43 years, I still remember. At first, I would have dreams and wake up sweating. Every thing seemed etched in my mind so vividly. I remember the wet pavement, tires screaming and then a loud, very loud crash. (Not speeding, only about 50 to 55 mph.) I told the State Trooper I was okay and not in pain... right, I was a C5-C6 Quad/Tetra.

The memories remain but not a colorful. I never even think of it unless someone asks why I am in a chair and I don't let it bother me any more.

Good luck.

[pinkcloud]

Blacksheep, after reading your post I am so glad I am going to hypnotherapy soon.

I think its the one about quesioning ones own sanity after mis-disagnosis and the fear of it happening again, and not wanting to live thorough it again, is what is causing my flashbacks.

I also feel that your inital injury was as traumatic as others, just lying in bed and it happening, and not even driving a car or doing another activity that carries a risk factor, is real scary. And the fear that now something may happen to us when we are just at home resting, is perhaps what me and some of the other SCI can deep down fear now we have established injury.

Keep going strong you all

[The Black Sheep]

pinkcloud, on 18 August 2010 - 09:41 AM, said:

Blacksheep, after reading your post I am so glad I am going to hypnotherapy soon.

I think its the one about quesioning ones own sanity after mis-disagnosis and the fear of it happening again, and not wanting to live thorough it again, is what is causing my flashbacks.

I also feel that your inital injury was as traumatic as others, just lying in bed and it happening, and not even driving a car or doing another activity that carries a risk factor, is real scary. And the fear that now something may happen to us when we are just at home resting, is perhaps what me and some of the other SCI can deep down fear now we have established injury.

Keep going strong you all

Good luck with it! I found it enormously comforting to know I wasn't crazy. While I was "under", which is really just a very relaxed state, I started crying because I could wiggle my toes and knees a little, but that was the full extent of it. I sometimes have dreams of walking and wake up in a weird position, so you ask whether you really can move, but there's some mental block while you're awake that's preventing it. For some reason that was actually comforting that I couldn't move, haha. For about 3 years I was told by some doctors that it would get better, but I wasn't, and it's so frustrating to be expected of something that is physically impossible at the moment.

Also, just for kicks and giggles, I sometimes listen to youtube videos that are supposed to hypnotize you. It helps me sleep afterward and I just lay in bed wiggling my toes. It seems so much easier when you're not trying so hard. Kind of like what walking used to be. It helps you remember what it was like. I've read a couple other posts where people dream of walking, and how some of there recovery happened while they were sleeping. After 12 years, I think that, even if I did have the nerves, it would take a long time for me to re-learn walking. Hypnotherapy has helped me in that aspect too, because you imagine it much better when you're not straining and staring at your feet mentally screaming at them.

The video I listen to on my laptop before bed.