[1positivethinker]

My accident was nearly 25 years ago this autumn....I have always been a fun loving person, happy-go-lucky, full of energy and super positive. I have never let anything stop me. But, over the last 11 years, my life has fallen apart it seems and now suddenly I find myself depressed. I find myself questioning my sanity. I can't explain how I feel, but it's not normal for me. My body hates me and I hate it.....I don't like to look in the mirror as I hate what I see.

I have a family and 2 children who put a lot of stress on me....maybe I am just beyond my maxed out stress level finally.....my world just seems to be collapsing around me and I can't stop it. I try to think positive but I just don't have it in me anymore. Over the years, I have made it a point to help others out who were in need, to cheer them up and make their lives better....only to get crapped on in the end. Maybe all my positive vibes have rubbed off on everyone else and I have nothing left.

We built a house in 2003 near where I grew up, so I am used to being in the middle of nowhere, but when I was 17 I moved to a big city where I lived for almost 6 years.....I was able to stay busy, had friends, things were more convenient. Now, there is nothing here for me....in fact, until last year, I was the only one in a chair for 25+ miles--and the only other one here avoids me in public, imagine that lol I think my lack of activities over the last 7 years and the fact that my carreer was ripped out from under me twice has lead me to be miserable.

No, I have no spoken to a doctor about this as I would prefer to NOT be medicated...which is what they are quick to do anymore. I would really like to handle this on my own, but I am having a very hard time finding a starting place.

Just had to get it off my chest....my mind is going through so much right now.....my brain is fried.......so, if I'm not around much, it's because I'm trying to sort things out.

[sarcak]

Next september It will become 30 years.

30 long ,long year.

I feel similar emotions.

İf you find right answers dont forget to tell me.

This post has been edited by sarcak: 26 August 2010 - 04:29 PM

[Soryfam]

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. It really does suck when thoughts and feelings creep up on you and knock you for a loop. I know you don't want to see a doctor, but it the best advice I can give you. I see a therapist who can also prescribe drugs. I am on an anti-depressant and it has helped me a lot. You just have to take it without skipping doses and be aware of any negative changes that you can discuss with your doctor.
Talking with a therapist has been very good for me. I can tell her feelings that I don't want to share with my family and she helps me understand why I might be feeling this way. I have been in and out of the hospital often and my personality is such that I keep asking why? Why in the hospital again? Why yet another ailment to add to my list? Of course she doesn't have the answers, but talking with her and hearing a different perspective helps me work things out.

I wish you wellness and happiness.

Sandy

[nomis]

Hi 1positivethinker

I've got the impression you do a lot for other people, keeping things positive. That's very commendable but maybe things have got out of balance. Maybe you don't have to try so hard. Maybe it's time you treated yourself better and took a rest from always having to be bright and positive.

From my own experience, I'd think it's about the right time in your life to stop, re-evaluate your life and see if there needs to be an adjustment, even a radical adjustment.

I understand your reluctance to see a doctor. Usually they don't help in these situations. I suspect your depressed feelings are a healthy message to take a rest and rebalance your life. Give yourself some timeout -- give yourself a day to think only negative thoughts -- let yourself be miserable for awhile and listen to what your mind will tell you about it. Above all listen to yourself, not others like me.

(...and keep posting here cos we're all friends)

[Tetracyclone]

Anyone would be depressed after losing, over and over, the things that gave them fulfillment and involvement in life. It sounds like your heart is screaming to put your needs first and redesign your life.

[edlee]

No advice PT,, just an ear if you need to vent a little. We all hit the wall sometimes. Some more than others,, some sooner than others,,, but that black dog is out there,, and he'll bite you in the ass if given a chance.

Come back and tell us,, we won't tell anyone,, honest.

Hope you are feeling better soon.
ed

[pinkcloud]

Hi positive thinker

I agree that maybe this depression is a sign that things in your life may need to take a turn. You say how happy it made you to help others - and by the sounds of it you did a good job, as you kept on doing it. Can you imagine how great your own life will be, if you cared for yourself as much as you do others?

I found in life that the only way to get a successful relationship is if its equal. And I feel that on here you will find that. These replies you have got so far prove that - to me anyway.

Sounds to me that a postive has come out your depression, you found this site. I reckon you just found another silver lining in your dark cloud

[1positivethinker]

Thank you everyone for your kind words of encouragement.....I wish I would have found this website long before this year, I might not have emotionally crashed and burned.

I am starting to feel like my life might be turning around and going up instead of down....perhaps I just had to hit the lowest of lows to realize that I wasn't taking care of myself like I should. My motto has always been "I'd rather help others with their problems than deal with my own" and it finally caught up with me. My brain is fried....I just can't do it anymore. I think moving away from here to somewhere with opportunities is what I really need, but unfortunately I cannot do that.....so I will just have to deal with it.

One let-down after another tends to take it's toll on me......we have been putting off our summer vacation all summer thanks to my surgery and other issues....we weren't able to go on vacation this last weekend, so instead I planned a night out......and the night out sucked big time, wasn't even fun and didn't last long....only good thing about it was the $1 beers

[pinkcloud]

Hi positive thinker

Good to hear this. And maybe you were not ready to visit this site a year ago, and its took this long for you to realise you want a different approach to life - or ought I say the same approach, just mixing with different types of people

Glad to have met you at this part of youe new path of life

[1positivethinker]

Simon invited me to the website, I put it in my favorites a long time ago.....I guess I just never pursued it and should have!

I do have to report.....I'M STINKING EXCITED!!!!! For the first time in a long time I am so excited I'm speachless!!

I run my own photography business and thanks to a referral from another local photographer, I have booked a session on Monday with 6 sisters who only get their pictures taken once every 5 years and they liked my website and the pictures I took and have hired me!!!!! Things are turning around, I can feel it......I don't want to jinx it though! haha

[nomis]

That's good news Christie. Reminds me, I should get out my camera for more fun.
Keep reminding yourself to save some of that loving that you so easily bestow on others to reflect back to loving yourself.

[pinkcloud]

Good to hear about the confidence boost.

Kepp us posted with the good news

[jenny407]

Christie,

I hadn't actually seen this thread till today. So much has been going on in your life right now!
I'm sorry for the hard times, I'm glad for the good turn. I wish you all the best, Christie.

I think nomis' advice is good - as always.

Hope to meet you on here / in chat again soon.


Jenny