158 replies to this topic

[Edinburgh Colin]

edlee, on 01 February 2012 - 06:29 AM, said:

It's been my experience,, that the eyes of the common haggis,, are of such a small size, as to be all but invisible. One of the main reasons that it is difficult to tell one end from the other. This gives rise to the oft heard insult among the breeders of these noble beasts,, that " Ya woont ken which end to kick or kiss".

And since these guys seem to be a bit on the sensitive side,,,, it often gives rise to violence,,,,, when the same is said about their wives.
ed

Ed's got it spot on, so a little picture of the Mrs placed over the end of the cooked beast is perfect, then she'll either covering the eyes or kissing it's a&#e!
EC

[Mrs Wisteria]

ahem

[Edinburgh Colin]

I'm dispatching my special variety of little beauties to Cardiff that are bread to taste delicious when served with mashed potatoes and steamed leeks!
The lads fortified with food from home will tear up the Millennium Stadium turf this afternoon!
EC

[ClaraTaylor]

Edinburgh Colin, on 12 February 2012 - 12:38 PM, said:

I'm dispatching my special variety of little beauties to Cardiff that are bread to taste delicious when served with mashed potatoes and steamed leeks!
The lads fortified with food from home will tear up the Millennium Stadium turf this afternoon!
EC

You know, I really hope they do.

[Edinburgh Colin]

Recent experiments have shown that if you take a dozen of my top breed, steroid enhanced mushing haggi and harness them to the front bumper of your car then you can save a fortune in petrol. Also you have no need for Jerry Cans, Bob, Gary or Henry cans either for that matter.
The Scottish Parliament will be debating after the Easter Holidays a motion to allow cars exemption from road tax if they use my Premium mushing haggi motion assist teams.

Pre Ordering can now be done at the following website -

Www.aprilfools.com

[MTB John]

Do they come with an automated parallel parking function?

Also can I get a team in Crome with black harnesses?

[Edinburgh Colin]

MTB John, on 01 April 2012 - 04:32 AM, said:

Do they come with an automated parallel parking function?

Also can I get a team in Crome with black harnesses?

But of course, we aim to please.
I can even provide them with a reversing alarm where they sing "Flower of Scotland"

EC

[ClaraTaylor]

EC I've been considering this proposal carefully, my skills as a mechanic are known around the world. I've looked through the technical paperwork, assessed the merits of reworking the exhaust system (windy little things a Haggis at full choke) for a smoother flow through and twin filtration device, and examined the electrical circuits on the "auto stop" system with more than a little concern.
Now everyone knows that a Haggis is a two stroke machine. Certainly you never stroke more than twice if you don't want to loose a finger... and the rest of the arm. Which leads me to wonder whether we can put this to more use than you are currently considering. I'm not talking about a recycle fuel system or energy from baking system here. With a little bit of training these fine machines would be used to keep chavs and undesirables off the street. Their territorial need to pee up / bite / mate with / bite / bite / bite anything that moves makes them perfect, unlike the police dogs that as much as we train / selective breed / feed prisoners too, we just CAN NOT get rid of that awful condition that causes them to be distracted by a squeaky toy.

Let me know what you think and I will draft up the risk assessment.

[McTavish]

I have just come back from a great week in my home town of Glasgow, Scotland and the haggis are everywhere, on the streets, in the shops, in the hotel rooms, in fact a state of emergency has been declared and they are thinking of contacting E.C. in Edinburgh to see if he can help. Maybe even take some of them to Edinburgh, we Scots like to share.