158 replies to this topic

[Travelling Blackbird]

Edinburgh Colin, on 03 November 2010 - 10:40 PM, said:

TB see post #14

I've not quoted him as he was a consumer and expounder rather than a breeder or hunter.


Having said that there is a wealth of material there I had not considered dipping into, this thread could take a whole new direction if we're not careful !! 

Ah, you did mention him indeed!

Why be careful? Let's throw caution to the winds!

[dangerousdave]

Some haggis were taken to the space station to see if they could breed in zero gravity
It worked to well
The compartment they were placed in got full to bursting point and burst
There are now intergalactic haggie orbiting this planet which is bothering the scientists as they may shield the earth from the sun cousing the next ice age
So there is now no need to worry about global warming

[Travelling Blackbird]

dangerousdave, on 05 November 2010 - 11:43 AM, said:

Some haggis were taken to the space station to see if they could breed in zero gravity
It worked to well
The compartment they were placed in got full to bursting point and burst
There are now intergalactic haggie orbiting this planet which is bothering the scientists as they may shield the earth from the sun cousing the next ice age
So there is now no need to worry about global warming

Aren't they called tribbles once they're in zero gravity?

[edlee]

Intergalactic haggis(,,,,haggies,,,, or is it haggi for plural)who knew?????

We've heard enough about the flying/rolling breeds,, but noone has brought up the more rare fresh water haggis. Quite different from it's salt water cousins,, it has actually over run some northern streams,, forcing all the trout south. Does anyone know if they rise to dry flies???
ed

[dangerousdave]

Haggis should not be confused with its offworld bretheren the Trible, which as we all know are furry and breed like tribles when fed
Haggis are smooth skinned although have been know to look furry when covered in mould

Does anyone know if they rise to dry flies???
When in water haggie bob up and down and go with the flow which is normally downstream
If they were to leap out of the water, in fact, they merely hit a rock and popped out so to speak

[dangerousdave]

Haggis should not be confused with its offworld bretheren the Trible, which as we all know are furry and breed like tribles when fed
Haggis are smooth skinned although have been know to look furry when covered in mould

Does anyone know if they rise to dry flies???
When in water haggie bob up and down and go with the flow which is normally downstream
If they were to leap out of the water, in fact, they merely hit a rock and popped out so to speak

[edlee]

I am so glad you cleared up that tibble/haggis confusion, Dave. I had just ordered a pair of those interplanetary ones and was wondering how I was going to shave them. Think I'll cancel that order and buy a large net,, go down to the river and see if I can find a couple floating/bobbing by.
ed

[dangerousdave]

Happy Haggie bobbing ed

When haggis are cought from a stream they must be left to float in a clean bath of water to wash all the absorbed dirt out of thier system, like you would do for cartured pike fish

Dont worry about you staying dirty for a week, you can always splash on the aftershave day after day all over

[spot]

All I can add to this story is, "Please keep them off aircraft. We do not need them as an invasive species in the USA." Thank you.

[dangerousdave]

To late
How do you think all those red neck horror movies got started
Those old forests and mines are full of the bloody things
Happily for you red necks though they have no teeth

Where do you think the idea for pumpkin heads came from??

Edited by dangerousdave, 06 November 2010 - 05:14 PM.

[catmint]

Wow....love this thread...


Actually my great-grandfather, who was a Scot used to breed them for use in the coal mines. He used to feed them on porridge oats and sugar sandwiches. They had to be really fat to be of any use.

At that time in Lanarkshire the miners were so poor they couldn't afford candles.....

[dangerousdave]

Me thinks you are confusing salt with sugar, it is easily done as both are white.
Sugar up north is a luxury few could afford, and nobody has yet eaten a sweet haggis
Salt on the other hand is plentyful and often used instead of sugar, thus salt with porridge
Salt is a preserver and is fed to haggis to keep them freh for the long time they are kept down the mine

[edlee]

Not sure I understand, Catmint,,, did your gramps say they were used for illumination??? I've never seen one that glowed,, but then,, I've not seen them all. Lighting them afire, down in the mine,, might not be the best of ideas,, so unless one was to stuff batteries in the aft end and a bulb in the fore,, I don't see how they could have been of much use replacing candles.
ed

[greybeard]

Haggis candles. Same principle as the Davy lamp. You have to put a wire cage over the end that you set light to. Burn very brightly, I'm told (haven't actually done it myself) Looked it up on Haggipedia.

[catmint]

go to the top of the class GB...!


Being so poor and also Scottish they really had to watch the pennies.

The haggis(s) were cut in half, one half, the front was sliced and dried to take down the mine to eat and the back end was used as a candle for light. I forgot to mention that they bred an especially long tailed kind so it had a ready made wick.

[edlee]

Ah,, the Scots,, they are an inventive breed.
ed

[dangerousdave]

But if it wasn't for the haggie who pre date the first scotts by melenia there would not have been any smart scots
It was the haggis that lit the those long dark winter nights for scots to ponder the value of life
The Haggis that rolled down the hill to knock over the Romans which gave them the idea for attack sledging
The screaming hissing boiling haggis that gave Stevenson the idea for a engine
They followed the wailing bobbing haggie over the cliffs and onto america at the time of the clearances
The biggest event to educate the scotts into music - the big bag of wind haggis that got stuck on a tube and wailed

[Edinburgh Colin]

Tis true.

We are almost indistinguishable from the round fat greasy lumps except for the fact both our legs re the same length!

Still we gave the world -

Golf,

Shinty, 

TV's,

telephones,

tarmac,

pneumatic tires, 

tubular steel,

first practical screw propeller,

Insulin,

Penicillin,

Adhesive Postage Stamp,

postmark,

Encyclopedia Britannica,

Criminal fingerprinting (!!!),

Ultrasound Scanner,

MRi Scanner,  

just to name a few... and they were just rustled up on free Saturday afternoons when not out hunting for the greasy blobs for dinner!

Oh yes and to make sure I go straight to hell - we also invented modern America (though the Irish and the Frogs were involved, we provided the good bits, blame the English for all the rest)

I could go on but I might be accused of boasting !

[StillFingers]

[jenny407]

edlee, on 09 November 2010 - 07:03 PM, said:

Ah,, the Scots,, they are an inventive breed.
ed

Very true indeed, then. Never boasting ----- of course not!

Jenny, all admiration today

[edlee]

Boasting?? Nah,,,, just,, inventive with the truth,, you might say.
ed

[Edinburgh Colin]

I've noticed recently that now the weather is getting colder and the leaves are all off the trees that the Urban variety have started to make shelters.

You may not have realised this but the random heaps of leaves and general dead and dying loose vegetation found in clumps under hedges and in the recessed corners of your garden, these are not really random heaps at all but rather temporary shelters built by the Urban Haggis.

They have lost the hardiness of their highland relatives or the confidence of the travelling / warrior varieties and are now looking for warm safe places to hide during the short cold days of  late autumn.

If you have a dog and are noticing these shelters in your garden please bear a though for the poor Haggis sheltering there as there is noting a dog likes better at this time of year than snuffling around the garden in heaps of leaves looking for a tasty snack or just a bit of fun chasing the poor animal around the garden. What you thought was just exuberance on the part of your dog barking and jumping around the garden when you let him out is actually your pet engaged in the terrible act of Haggis Worrying.

Please think of these poor creatures at this time of hear and either protect them from your dogs or catch themselves yourself and pop them in the pot, thus putting them out of their misery.

Not as tasty as the Highland and roaming varieties but still a tasty snack none the less.

[jenny407]

OMG, Colin - I had no idea. Poor creatures. Now are there haggis in my German garden as well? I would really like to know. Any scientific evidence yet?

[greybeard]

Just as a footnote to Colin's post, if you do decide to cook and eat one you find locally, cook it in the skin. Don't try and gralloch it first. You would not believe the crap you sometimes find in them, especially the lowland varieties.. Best not to know

[dangerousdave]

Good advice GB
Many a mortal has been stupidified on cutting open a fully grown Haggis
And yes Jen, roaming Haggie have been located all over the world as they follow thier kilted tribesmen
So is there locally a ex Scott in your area
Perhaps you should ask him about what he has UP his kilt

[dangerousdave]

Breaking News Just In

A lone, lost, Scottish explorer has discovered a huge unknown Haggis, it's 3 times the size of a football (soccerball) with what appears to be arms sticking out either side, this alone is a first
Further more it was ubserved lifting huge dead tree branches (broken off trees by the local storms) above its self and throwing them backwards as it bobbed forwards
There is no pictures of this beastie as the hungry starving lost explorer - ate it
The scottish disabled olympic committee have sent into the area a team of army cadets to find another of this unknown breed
They believe this Haggis to be disabled and qualify as a wieght lifter for the 2012 Paraolympics.
If so it's emence strength to wieght ratio would make it unbeatable and the famous WOF of Irish fame might as well hang up his weights now
If this Haggis had been available for the famous battle of the Northern Angle - the devestation it could have brought about is unthinkable

[jenny407]

Oh no - a Scottish haggis as an invincible competitor for our poor woofy! That's so unfair!

Hey - somebody said to me the other day that the Germans are a bit like the Scottish! Now - was that a compliment, an insult or just a statement, I wonder? HOW are the Scottish?

[greybeard]

Well, they don't talk English very well, for a start. You have that in common They are all addicted to booze so with all your beer-fests, you could say that is something else that makes you very similar.
The Scots don't much like the English either and as you've twice tried to kill us all, I suppose there is a similarity there as well. Yep. Definite similarities.

[jenny407]

Ooops - TMI, I'm afraid, greybeard. Did I really want to know? My bad for asking .... (lol)

Let's see: I don't talk English well? Me? I? You gotta be joking!
I'm addicted to booze? Me? I? Not really ... I hate beer (ok, Martini is alright, red, please).

I hate the English - I tried to kill them? Hmph. Those Brits - can they stop mentioning the wars ...
Ok, it was an insult. Got it.

(Hey, gb - only kidding! Guess what we've got in common: good cuisine, sense of humour - ha ha ha, German version, I'm afraid! -, beautiful landscape, open, friendly, communicative ways ... and so on - and we're ever so modest! Oh, and we love the English - and we beat them at football.)

Let's get back to haggis, please!

[Edinburgh Colin]

There is a plan to now export a special strain of the breed as used to feed the Scottish Rugby Squad during their training. 

This special strain are for export to South Africa as the Sprigboks need a bit of help obviously based on their performance on Saturday!