42 replies to this topic

[greybeard]

Haha. Indoctrinated by experience and observation, that's all.

I'm glad we had this exchange, Jenny. It reminds me never to argue with a woman. It's a futile exercise. (That is an opinion based on experience and observation too!! )

[edlee]

Corporal punishment,,,,, in this instance ( this thread and question),, absolutely not. First,, the OP is not in the position to use it herself ( even if she chose to),, and having someone else inflict pain on your own child is not what she wants ( I think).

In this instance,, "time outs" will probably be the most expedient,,, having a "baby jail",, as my daughter calls her son's play pen,,, is essential. Then,, equally important,, is that whoever is to act as your hands during this discipline,, should not do any of the talking,,, at all,,, but should act ONLY as your hands,, while YOU verbally do whatever scolding you feel is needed. But the child must understand that it is YOU that is displeased and YOU that is doing the punishing.

If your PA can't be brought up to speed on the "NO TALKING" policy,,, you may need to look elsewhere. You may find her amenable to the idea if you explain it properly,,, she does work FOR you,, after all.

As to the expecting obediance to be learned from promises of FUTURE fun,, or the removal of FUTURE fun,,,, Bull,,,,, if discipline is to be of use,, it must be immediate and appropriate. The reason that Hiltons "clip behind the ear" worked,, is just that,, it was immediate and appropriate.

After all is said and done,, good behavior is a learned trait,,, just like walking or talking,,, and how we behave is how we see those we love behave. Discipline is a tool that MAY bring about temporary obedience,,, but it is our own actions that do the teaching about what's right and wrong. Some how it seems to me that trying to train someone or something by use of pain, has been debated for years,, mostly about pets. There are apposing schools of thought on the subject,, and examples are sited by all,,, but for THIS thread,, I think most would agree that the pain side is not the one to follow ,HERE.



By the way,,, was the duct tape to bind the kid in a bundle,, or to stick him/her to the wall. There have been times during the rearing of my children,, when both ideas would have seemed to have merit. ( Including the shock collar idea) Didn't do it, tho,,,, and I've waited too long to try the corporal punishment idea,,, both of them are too big,, and too fast,,, at 29 and 34. We have been babysiting my 19 month old grandson, today,,, and the "baby jail" is getting a workout.
ed

[greybeard]

edlee, on 25 November 2010 - 08:32 PM, said:

By the way,,, was the duct tape to bind the kid in a bundle,, or to stick him/her to the wall.

I think it was E-Dog (I could be wrong) who once answered a similar question by saying that controlling kids was what duct tape and cupboards were made for. I just kind of "borrowed"it.

Sticking them to a wall seems a reasonable compromise.

[jenny407]

greybeard, on 25 November 2010 - 05:59 PM, said:

Haha. Indoctrinated by experience and observation, that's all.

I'm glad we had this exchange, Jenny. It reminds me never to argue with a woman. It's a futile exercise. (That is an opinion based on experience and observation too!! )

Oh greybeard, I love you, too.

------------

edlee: Wonderful answer. Loved it. Including the last paragraph! Oh how often this was tempting ... Argghh!

"Discipline is a tool that MAY bring about temporary obedience,,, but it is our own actions that do the teaching about what's right and wrong." (quote edlee)

Well said.

Edited by jenny407, 26 November 2010 - 08:22 AM.

[dangerousdave]

But disapline can bring about a sadistic pleasure
Not me - i only clipped my kids a couple of times - when the boy thought money was his to take (uped his pocket money afterwards) and my girl when i found a mound of stolen goods (which she returned to the shops with her dad)
Maybe i'm turning sadistic as i mellow

[paul1404]

both my "kids" have grown up (its only me that has'nt) if you really want control then mental torture is the best way. My son is 25 years old and I can still bring him to tears when I say "your only doing that because I'm in a wheelchair". Mind you his counseling is costing me a fourtune!!!

[mellowgator]

i've raised my daughters well. they are smart, kind and driven. i couldn't be prouder. you naysayers can shout and shake your fist and tell me that i'm wrong. but at least i can back up my claims with excellent results.




mellowgator

[edlee]

Perhaps it was their superior genetics, MG. Obviously, your two year olds ( at the time) were much more intellectually advanced than mine,,, or me, for that matter,,,, at that age. At two, mine couldn't be convinced that there WAS a tommorrow,, let alone what we would or wouldn't do then. Pushing it out farther than that simply wasn't feasable.

Even for animals, my tolerance for inflicting pain is minimal. My only experience with shock collars ended after the third day,,,, when I saw my wife ( who was the only of us to use it) smiling when she pushed the button. And here is a woman that takes in stray cats and feeds the local raccoon and opposum population. I hid the controller.

And yet,, I hunt...???
ed

[mellowgator]

edlee, on 28 November 2010 - 01:36 AM, said:

Perhaps it was their superior genetics, MG. Obviously, your two year olds ( at the time) were much more intellectually advanced than mine,,, or me, for that matter,,,, at that age. At two, mine couldn't be convinced that there WAS a tommorrow,, let alone what we would or wouldn't do then. Pushing it out farther than that simply wasn't feasable.

Even for animals, my tolerance for inflicting pain is minimal. My only experience with shock collars ended after the third day,,,, when I saw my wife ( who was the only of us to use it) smiling when she pushed the button. And here is a woman that takes in stray cats and feeds the local raccoon and opposum population. I hid the controller.

And yet,, I hunt...???
ed

[Wheelsonfire]

Whether it's from a chair or not, there should be the standard format.
I do not believe in lifting a hand or causing physical hurt to a child.
If they like "whatever" then when being punished, take "whatever" away from them.
A slap on the ass is forgotten about, remove what they love and it gets them thinking after a while.

I remember once, I was taking care of two family members, both male teens.
They knew of my tolerance and tried at time to push boundaries.
One day they really really went over board.
I went to the bedroom, they turned the whole place upside down and were laughing as I looked into the room.
I picked up the TV and play station, smashed it off the ground.
Told both of them to stand and look out the window, I hit both of them with the one smack(open handed) and they never attempted to even look to where the boundary line was.
They paid dearly, not for what they had done, but for what they drove me to do.

When raising children, psychological warfare is better.

[snowqueeneh]

My husband is a C5/6 also. Although the kids were 4 & 6 when he was injured, we too had to come up with a few ideas. We use the "reward" system. Keep your freezer stocked with little "freezies". We also buy the "real fruit" popsicles for a healthier alternative. We are the popsicle family here and we never ever run out. I feel it's better than candy or other junk (although it's still junk).

The only downfall we found was that our kids eventually expected a "reward" for everything little thing and that was a real pain in the ass! So now he offers a freezie when they are good for the morning, afternoon, evening. You get the point. I'm not sure if it will work right now because 18 months is a tough age even for AB people. But it's something you could always try later on. I found rewarding worked a lot better than time outs. The things a kid will do for a freezie lol. Oh... and I use tic tacs too. The things they will do for those too. A little tic tac can go a long way.

[snowqueeneh]

I just want to add that as my boys get older the tic tac is now an allowance too. Through rewarding good behaviour they have learned to earn things around here. I expect certian behaviour and chores. They get $2 a week each and $3 if they are extra good. They help Dad, make bed, clean rooms, and put everything away when they come home from school. It workes and they are really good boys. I still keep thes tic tacs in my purse and those work when were out and about and they start getting hyper. I just say "if you can be good till we leave you can have one in the truck" and it works everytime! They are now 6 & 8. As they got older I just raised my expectations and the reward stayed the same. It still works. But do not reward till the end. If you reward too early then you're doomed. That is why I offer a reward when we get back to the truck. I always tell my husband not to give out his anti too soon lol. Hold off as long as you can and get as much as you can out of it. It surprises me how much they still want the little tic tac so very badly lol.

[Rolemodelparent]

Hi all,
My name is Alex and I am making a documentary for the BBC about parenting. We are searching for strong families in the US where one of the parents is living with a disability of some form and yet continues positively with every day life. We are specifically looking for families who have at least one teenager aged 13-20 and who are proud of the way they have brought up their kids.
If this is you please e-mail me at alexforeman@twentytwenty.tv and I will reply immediately.
Many thanks
Alex

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