12 replies to this topic

[Lucydog]

I suffer a real anger problem at times that I just cant seem to sort out. I just end up exploding in anger over something so trivial Im ashamed of myself. My poor husband takes a regular tongue beating over something, and I hate myself for doing it afterwards. Its just not like me, Im usually very laid back about life, but I just find I get really furious over stuff thats inconsequential. I think its because Im frustrated and also feel pretty stupid at times. I feel inadequate but at the same time I have stupidly high expectations of myself. I know that my anger and frustration is how I feel about myself and although its often directed at my husband thats only because he is the only one around. I guess most people would be very surprised to know how cross I am, how much shouting I do. Shouting is my way of releasing my emotion, I tend to do that rather than cry. I admit I do feel pretty stressed.
I really need some sort of release, but Ive run out of ideas. I did have a counsellor but I found her to be just so totally inadequate, and I just dont have the spare income to pay to see someone else. I feel like no one listens to me anymore and that I have no control over anything in my life. Its like she would say things like 'How do you feel?' Well really, 'How do you think I bloody feel?!' Does anyone else feel like this?
I heard that people have with SCI have a high divorce rate, and I dont want to be a statistic. We still have plenty of good times in our relationship, but God Im such a bitch at times I wouldnt want to live with me.

[miss piggy]

Hi Lucydog
I have really bad problems too .Me and my husband even seperated for 6 months because of my temper .I was so ashamed. I finally went to the doctors they said i have a hormone inbalance and gave me some pills ,which i was not really happy about. So i went to my local Health food shop and they gave me some really good advise on what to take. I can't remember what they were called and i can't look at mo, as i at work . I am not saying yours is the same but it might be worth checking this out .That was six years ago ,i was 30 the time.Thank god now i seem to be ok .I hope this helps a little as i know how down it makes you feel

[Lucydog]

Just to say Im no more 'hormonal' than any other woman. I do feel so utterly frustrated and furious with life though I could burst at times!

[miss piggy]

That's just life everyone prob feels like that now and again

[Lee]

I feel the same way alot of time and im male so dont think its that hormonal unless im experience changes, lol. Its a common thing and something you shouldnt feel ashamed at but ur right, i do also. I get so cheesed off i wonder if i and the family would be better without me sometimes. I fall out with myself sometimes and get angry thinking why me and ur right, u end up taking it out on others. I havent been as bad since i found these few sites and realise others have the same and quite often worse problems than me. I like talking to anyone but only have one friend i can talk to face to face who has similar problems to me and is 100% none judgemental and understands. I still have days when im so frustated and dont even tell me wife or family half of my problems because im not after sympathy, i need to talk to someone who understands what i talking about where family, wife dont.

cheers lee

[chimneygirl]

Lucydog, on May 16 2006, 11:23 AM, said:

I suffer a real anger problem at times that I just cant seem to sort out. I just end up exploding in anger over something so trivial Im ashamed of myself. My poor husband takes a regular tongue beating over something, and I hate myself for doing it afterwards. Its just not like me, Im usually very laid back about life, but I just find I get really furious over stuff thats inconsequential. I think its because Im frustrated and also feel pretty stupid at times. I feel inadequate but at the same time I have stupidly high expectations of myself. I know that my anger and frustration is how I feel about myself and although its often directed at my husband thats only because he is the only one around. I guess most people would be very surprised to know how cross I am, how much shouting I do. Shouting is my way of releasing my emotion, I tend to do that rather than cry. I admit I do feel pretty stressed.
I really need some sort of release, but Ive run out of ideas. I did have a counsellor but I found her to be just so totally inadequate, and I just dont have the spare income to pay to see someone else. I feel like no one listens to me anymore and that I have no control over anything in my life. Its like she would say things like 'How do you feel?' Well really, 'How do you think I bloody feel?!' Does anyone else feel like this?
I heard that people have with SCI have a high divorce rate, and I dont want to be a statistic. We still have plenty of good times in our relationship, but God Im such a bitch at times I wouldnt want to live with me.

Hi,
I am a Female 36 was spinally injured 10 years ago am a scratch at T12!
I am a Relate Relationship Counsellor you can go to relate as a couple for as little as £10 a session, session are usually for 6 weeks at the same time every week. look into it, its really worth it, when you go for your consultation advise you would prefur a trained counsellor.

[In The Wind]

Na, smoke a fatty and chill awhile. We all get pissed,,,,I've been on a rant for a week or so and would not want to live with me either....

I just happen to be in re-veg so I'm outta smoke, that doesn't help...

[Joed]

It could've been me writing your post, Lucydog. I'm right there with you, girl.

During the course of a day I get frustrated by seeing all the things I would normally, pre-injury, tackle and get done, but now have to wait for someone else to make time to help me...which may take weeks or months. And if you're like me, my pain determines much of what I'm able to do in any given day, so I like to go for it when the gettin's good.

My frustration turns to resentment, so by the time my husband comes through the door, the poor guy doesn't stand a chance. I'm already loaded for bear.

And then there's the sense of guilt/shame that accompanies all that. Most days I work hard at biting my tongue, but other days it just seems to take me over....and I'm very aware when I'm doing it....but at that point, I don't want to stop it.

Sometimes it's over the little things, but in our case it's more often about the bigger things. We attended counseling last year, then separated legally, coming very close to divorce, but are now trying to work things out. The counselor we had didn't seem to take into account those issues revolving around having a new SCI, but simply used his usual basic arsenal on our problems. I think that was a disservice to us, as my SCI plays very much into the problems we're having right now. This counselor seemed to only want to discuss the progress of my husband's '59 Impala restoration project.

So finding the right counselor is paramount. We are in that process right now. It's a snipe hunt.

[mttb14]

Hi Luce,

I read your post with interest, I'm not the one that is injured in our relationship, but I'm feeling really angry with the whole world except John at the moment.

We are fighting a compensation claim, and the doctor's, solicitors and barresters who are all making a mint of John's back are the one's driving me mad. John has suffered from retention and sexual dysfunction since 2002, at least that's when we first noticed it, so it might have actually been earlier. The defendant's doctor is trying to blame medication, but the medication started 2003, 2004 and 2005. To me its not rocket science, if he was not taking the medication in 2002 how can it be blamed?

I download information and send it to the solicitor to do with spasms and spasticity, AD, catheters etc and then when I speak to him, he obviously hasn't read it properly. John is very deep and deals with his pain by going silent, it took me a while to work it out, and I kept on in the begining saying why aren't you speaking to me, but know I ask him if he wants a hug or ask him for a hug. Hugs are an amazing thing, the strength they give to you as a couple, where for those few minutes you can give one another strength, really are beneficial.

I have seen a Counsellor once and I spent the whole half an hour crying my eyes out, which really isn't me, because normally I'm really strong, but at the moment I'm just so frustrated. I feel John should be praised for struggling to work and to carry on doing as much as he can in the Chronic Pain he is in, but instead the courts would prefer him to sit on his arse all day, then he would so obviously be disabled! Don't they realise that at the age of 41, he has desires and ambitions, and doesn't want to spend the rest of his life sat in the same chair doing nothing.

All of this makes me want to scream so loudly on his behalf and I'm constantly angry on his behalf. Over the past 8 years he has had periods when he has shouted at me, cried and felt like giving in, but none of these people we have to deal with understand this. This site has been our saviour, people who are all trying their best to deal with a very bad, usually very painful situation. I don't understand why other people cannot see how hard people try and then I get on my soap box, wanting to shout from the roof tops.

So as you can see its not just you that feels like screaming daily, the difference is I want to shout at everyone except John. Doctor's who should know better annoy me most of all. Comments like, "well if you continued to work then you cannot be hurting as much as you say." I've seen John in so much pain that he has been reduced to tears, and comments like that make my blood pressure go through the roof. I think I'm going to murder someone soon if I have to put up with much more critiscism of John's way of dealing with his injury, from people who really haven't got a clue.

Maria

[mttb14]

Hi Luce,

I have attached a detailed list of how Chronic Pain makes John feel, I have taken lots of bit and bobs of this site to find the words, but I sent it to John's solicitor in the hope that some of it might sink in, even though I doubt it, but it might help you also, if you read it, it might help put things into words.

It just put lots of things into perspective, and my dad was disabled for most of my life before I met John so I've had to deal with it as a child and now as an adult. I do wonder now, how my parents hid so much from us, giving us a really good child hood.

This attachment would have described how my dad felt aswell as how John feels, so hopefully it will help others too. My mum read it and agreed with it, so I hope it helps you also.

Maria

PS It is probably easier to open attachment and print it off to read as it is slightly long.

 chronic_pain_details_16th_May__2006..doc   62.5K   121 downloads

Edited by mttb14, 29 May 2006 - 12:31 PM.

[mttb14]

Hi Luce and LoraB,

I might put my feelings down and they make sense to you and me, but when I'm trying to express, in what I, and now you, see as clear, common sense, plain old english, and a person ie doctor or solicitor, still does not understand english or common sense, then believe me, I get so frustrated that I just want to scream so loudly at them.

This is driving me mad, I ask, "how can a tablet that John wasn't taking at the time be blamed for a problem a whole year before taking it." That's like saying John was in London when a woman was run over in New York and John's being blamed. But no matter how loud I'm screaming I don't seem to be getting through.

It seems so clear to us, but not to the powers that be, they have to be politically correct and ask the question in a round about fashion. Good old blunt questions, suit me much better.

I think I'm losing the plot very quickly on John's behalf, and because he is so placid and takes it all on his shoulders without complaining, (at least not very often and he tries not to feel sorry for himself), I just want to shout louder on his behalf. I'm so proud of him, and doctors etc run him down for dealing with it too well.
It is so frustrating. Physio tell you to keep trying to improve your mobility and to keep your strength up and the other doctors don't take you serious because you are able to work throught the pain. But they don't take into account the amount of medication taken just to get through the day.

I'm going to set up some sort of campaign or political party demanding that people do not put down the disabled and that they get treated properly, in all ways. (Luce, I'm going to make sure there are drop curb's every where for you, no more bangs to the head)

I'm also going to offer a service for disabled people who need to fill in forms or write letters, and who don't know the right words to use, or may not be able to type or write for themselves. I may aswell put my education to some use, and at least to me that would be an extremely good use. (Not that I'm that educated, just had a very strict, good old fashioned english teacher).

My slogan is going to be understanding not pity.

Read the poem I've posted called Don't Quit. It is the only thing keeping me sane at the moment.

Maria

[ROYALTY]

OH LUCY, LUCY,LUCY....

I kno exactly how you feel. I can't pin-point my anger. I've ruined family trips, by sitting in hotel room crying my eyes out because I've said things to hurt the people who care for me, vice/versa. I've broken cell phones, shower chairsm anything thats within reach @ that moment. THIS IS TOTALLT OUT OF MY CHARACTER ND IT'S MAKING ME ILL. I feel like the anger is suffocating me. GOD, I wish knew wat to do. If u come up w/ any answers please do share.
Thanx

Lucydog, on May 16 2006, 06:23 AM, said:

I suffer a real anger problem at times that I just cant seem to sort out. I just end up exploding in anger over something so trivial Im ashamed of myself. My poor husband takes a regular tongue beating over something, and I hate myself for doing it afterwards. Its just not like me, Im usually very laid back about life, but I just find I get really furious over stuff thats inconsequential. I think its because Im frustrated and also feel pretty stupid at times. I feel inadequate but at the same time I have stupidly high expectations of myself. I know that my anger and frustration is how I feel about myself and although its often directed at my husband thats only because he is the only one around. I guess most people would be very surprised to know how cross I am, how much shouting I do. Shouting is my way of releasing my emotion, I tend to do that rather than cry. I admit I do feel pretty stressed.
I really need some sort of release, but Ive run out of ideas. I did have a counsellor but I found her to be just so totally inadequate, and I just dont have the spare income to pay to see someone else. I feel like no one listens to me anymore and that I have no control over anything in my life. Its like she would say things like 'How do you feel?' Well really, 'How do you think I bloody feel?!' Does anyone else feel like this?
I heard that people have with SCI have a high divorce rate, and I dont want to be a statistic. We still have plenty of good times in our relationship, but God Im such a bitch at times I wouldnt want to live with me.