6 replies to this topic

[jscott92064]

It's my first night away from my husband in a year. I know I need to do it -- he and I agreed it was time for short trips. Part of my job is traveling and I also realize at some point, it is good for my husband to have a night without me. But it's hard and I worry. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day he was suffering from constipation. He's got a nasty uti that he's healing from and he's fallen a few times this past week.

At night he has a hard time sleeping because the pain keeps him away. Then he's got blood in his stools so he's scheduled for a colonostomy - (I hear the prep for that is no fun!)

So here I am -facing what every caregiver spouse faces -having to keep up with their job and doing what needs to be done to support our family. I know this is a good step for us because I think it is important for him to become independent and we have done this as he's ready. One year is not bad to take the next step. And we have an awesome personal attendant and great neighbors to help if necessary. So really I shouldn't worry....

Thanks for reading. This journey is so much easier with the good folks on this forum.

Tomorrow I put on my game face with the prospect and work the deal. Then I am home late tomorrow night. Small steps. That's what we're doing. It will be another few months before I accept a week long trip or go to another country where it's not so easy getting a flight home at a moment's notice.

[Halfman]

I make sure that my wife gets a break from me every now and then - visiting family and doing other fun things that aren't really feasable for me. The first few times she went I was pretty scared, but got through it well and felt great afterwards. No great feeling than a bit of independence!

Does you husband have carers, or family or friends who could pop in and check on him?

[cando]

That is a big step, and I certainly know where you are coming from...you just think of all of the things that could go wrong. I've been in the exact same situation with my husband...my going off for a little while, leaving him alone. We're now 7 years into his injury, and although I don't stop worrying about him if I'm away, I do now have a little more confidence where he is concerned as I realize that he is resourceful and is able to handle some things without me ;0). Our next step...leaving him home, alone...with our son. Oh, I don't think I'm ready for that one!

Good luck to you and your husband. This journey is certainly one of many, and I'm sure y'all will both do great!

[jscott92064]

Halfman, on 04 January 2011 - 02:35 PM, said:

I make sure that my wife gets a break from me every now and then - visiting family and doing other fun things that aren't really feasable for me. The first few times she went I was pretty scared, but got through it well and felt great afterwards. No great feeling than a bit of independence!

Does you husband have carers, or family or friends who could pop in and check on him?

We have some great neighbors and his personal attendant lives within walking distance so we are fortunate.

You are right - no great feeling than a bit of independence! Soon he's going to have a van to drive and I think that will open up so much more for him.

Thanks for the response and support both of you - very much appreciated.

cando, on 04 January 2011 - 03:27 PM, said:

That is a big step, and I certainly know where you are coming from...you just think of all of the things that could go wrong. I've been in the exact same situation with my husband...my going off for a little while, leaving him alone. We're now 7 years into his injury, and although I don't stop worrying about him if I'm away, I do now have a little more confidence where he is concerned as I realize that he is resourceful and is able to handle some things without me ;0). Our next step...leaving him home, alone...with our son. Oh, I don't think I'm ready for that one!

Good luck to you and your husband. This journey is certainly one of many, and I'm sure y'all will both do great!

I waited to travel until our daughter was ready also. Before his injury, travel was no problem as my husband has been the stay-at-home parent for a few years now. But now that she knows he can get himself off the floor (in some situations --not all - still working on that) well, she feels better. And we've been fortunate to have one consistent personal attendant who she likes as well.

[hooplady]

Good for you, jscott. I think my first night away was when my mom died and we absolutely HAD to get some outside care. I still missed the funeral so we could take an extra day to interview a caregiver - I left not really knowing if she was worth a hoot or not. We had been talking and talking about it, but this was finally the "gotta do it" time. And it ended up being one of the best things that happened to us, because it absolutely forced us to change roles. He started to become truly in charge of his care at that point, even if it was still frequently me doing the actual care (does that make any sense?).

You have to regain some semblance of balance in your life, somehow, someway, but you already know that.

[Tetracyclone]

This is similar in feeling: the first time I left my daughter overnight with someone else at 5 months I was an emotional basket case.

[jscott92064]

Tetracyclone, on 05 January 2011 - 02:05 AM, said:

This is similar in feeling: the first time I left my daughter overnight with someone else at 5 months I was an emotional basket case.

My daughter said she had a bad dream about someone breaking into the house and her dad not being able to save her. Told her she and I should take some self-defense classes. We do live in a good neighborhood and we have two dogs, but it's never a bad thing to learn some self-defense.

I'm glad I took the trip. It was really hard and I cried alittle and was worried. (Though admittedly, it was nice to get a full night's sleep for once!!!)