[Carly/Kevin]

after my boyfriend had his accident, dec 4, 2005, it seems like nobody understands and asks me very inappropriate questions. i am still in high school and he just graduated with the '05 class. so were all young still but they just don't think. im not talking about our really close friends, they don't ask questions like that. i think they understand A LOT more but just people from school and stuff. and i know he graduated from a different school and not a lot of people know him from my school and its the kids from my school, not his, asking these questions but still . . . and one person said "how in the hell are do you having sex, come on he's in a wheelchair" and that really really hurt me. i just walked away. they also just ask why am i still with him and that kind of stuff. i would tell them because "i love him and we have been together a long time so what changes our relationship so now? its the same.." and i guess that just wasnt good enough from them so now i just try to change the subject all the time. but they seem to ask at least 3 times a week. i just don't know what to say anymore. it really hurts me and it makes me cry. how should I handle this?

This post has been edited by Carly/Kevin: 20 May 2006 - 02:56 AM

[xMaddiex]

people do the same thing to me and it does really hurt, but i find its better to explain as that answers their question and makes them feel awkward and theyll leave you alone, which isnt really a good thing but it gets them off your back. its hard, but think, theres only so many questions people can ask before they get bored. good luck with it, luv maddie

[mttb14]

Hi,

It is terrible when people are so stupid, that they open their moves before engaging their brains.

Ask them if they went out tomorrow and had an accident (which can literally happen to any of us) would they want their friends, lovers, parents to stop caring about them and to suddenly drop them from their lives?

Would it alter the fact, that they still the same mind, body and feelings, just now the outer shell is having to get about in a different way.

Would they walk away from their boyfriend or girlfriend, parent, brother or sister, if they had a Spinal Cord Injury, or would the love they feel become deeper, because of the fact they realised they could have lost the person they loved?

Do not take any crap, put the ball back in their court, turn the questions on them. After all, in November, 2005 neither of you thought that your lives would change, none of us know what our future holds.

I would rather have one of you who knows how to love, than 100 of these idiots. I hope you and your boyfriend can still talk and continue to enjoy the feeling of being in love. At least you both know that if the going gets hard, your still there for one another. When we got married we knew we could deal with the in sickness part of the vows as we already had, for the past few years.

I think you are a very brave young woman, and your boyfriend has found a very good partner in you.

All the best and much love to you both.

Maria

[In The Wind]

That's an easy one;
Just repond "Because he's got a really big dick!"

Again, simple vocabulary...

[mttb14]

Hi In the Wind,

That is a classic, and really made me laugh.

Thanks for cheering me up, as it is cold, damp and windy in Wales and I was feeling really glum.

Maria

[newtous]

Doesn't make u mad when people act that way or ask u questions they wouldn't dare ask someone else?

I just recently had that happen to me with some co-workers. One co-workers knew a girl who married a quad and her comment was "how gross". Little did she know that my husband is a t-7 complete. This co-worker went on and on about how sorry she felt for her friend because of the condition of her husband and how mean he was.

It goes to show you how ignorant people can be. And how insenstive they can be.

I just politely put Miss Thang in her place and that ended that conservation

[Para-pal]

Obviously people dont think before they open their big, rude, insensitive mouths sometimes...
Just be honest with the people that are close to you. Say "I love him, I loved him before he got hurt and his chair does not define our relationship"
Let them know it bothers you and that you have enough extra stress right now without them making you feel bad...
At the end of the day, you are a better person for not caring what they think and for sticking by your sweetheart...
I think its beautiful!!!!

[xMaddiex]

newtous, on May 21 2006, 09:10 PM, said:

Doesn't make u mad when people act that way or ask u questions they wouldn't dare ask someone else?

I just recently had that happen to me with some co-workers. One co-workers knew a girl who married a quad and her comment was "how gross". Little did she know that my husband is a t-7 complete. This co-worker went on and on about how sorry she felt for her friend because of the condition of her husband and how mean he was.

It goes to show you how ignorant people can be. And how insenstive they can be.

I just politely put Miss Thang in her place and that ended that conservation

haha, i love it when people are saying really horrible things about disabled people or whatever and everyone who knows about me and jason just look at me like im supposed to say something. i just listen and wait till theyre finished and then go, "oh yeah, my boyfriends in a wheelchair by the way" and then laugh at the look on their face! then theyre all apologetic, but really, its not their fault they dont know anything about SCIs or whatever, and if they dont ask, they wont know.

[Gary Anderson]

Question was "WHY DOES NOBODY UNDERSTAND"

Answer is - In order to understand you need to experience it for yourself and God forbit that all able bodied have to do that.

After 17 years I have given up asking "why do you not understand" instead I try to show them that despite the chair I am still the same person. Nowadays, when going anywhere either with my job or to courses or whatever, I make sure I am there FIRST that way, I can sit the chair in at the desk or whatever, then, they just see "me."

Recently, I gave a lecture on anaesthetics to a group of students and can honestly say taht I was not looking forward to talking to 18-19 year olds. However, it went very well. In fact, I found they wanted to ask questions about me rather than about my lecture.

So, I say do whatever is comfortable and necessary and if folk have a problem - tough. It is not YOU who has the problem it is THEM so let them get over it.

[Carly/Kevin]

thanks for all of your guys answers. i guess people just don't think before they talk. i guess there not really supposed to know how it feels if they have never been in a situation like this. i will try my hardest to start ignoring there stupid little comments and just go on in life. like i said, i love kevin to death and something like that is not going to break us up. i don't care what people think, it's not them, it's mine and kevins life.