18 replies to this topic

[Edinburgh Colin]

This bit of Robert Burns' poetry will be recited in thousandsof dining rooms, restaurants, function rooms, hotels, Scottish and ExpatriateSocieties all over the world today!

Just thought I'd share it with you!



Address To A Haggis



Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,

Great chieftain o' the puddin-race!

Aboon them a' ye tak your place,

Painch, tripe, or thairm:

Weel are ye wordy o' a grace

As lang's my arm.



The groaning trencher there ye fill,

Your hurdies like a distant hill,

Your pin wad help to mend a mill

In time o' need,

While thro' your pores the dews distil

Like amber bead.



His knife see rustic Labour dight,

An' cut you up wi' ready sleight,

Trenching your gushing entrails bright,

Like ony ditch;

And then, O what a glorious sight,

Warm-reekin, rich!



Then, horn for horn,

they stretch an' strive:

Deil tak the hindmost! on they drive,

Till a' their weel-swall'd kytes belyve,

Are bent lyke drums;

Then auld Guidman, maist like to rive,

"Bethankit!" 'hums.



Is there that owre his French ragout

Or olio that wad staw a sow,

Or fricassee wad mak her spew

Wi' perfect sconner,

Looks down wi' sneering, scornfu' view

On sic a dinner?



Poor devil! see him ower his trash,

As feckless as a wither'd rash,

His spindle shank, a guid whip-lash,

His nieve a nit;

Thro' bloody flood or field to dash,

O how unfit!



But mark the Rustic, haggis fed,

The trembling earth resounds his tread.

Clap in his walie nieve a blade,

He'll mak it whissle;

An' legs an' arms, an' heads will sned,

Like taps o' thrissle.



Ye Pow'rs wha mak mankind your care,

And dish them out their bill o' fare,

Auld Scotlandwants nae skinking ware

That jaups in luggies;

But, if ye wish her gratefu' prayer,

Gie her a haggis!



The Translation for those who dinnae understand!



Fair is your honest happy face

Great chieftain of the pudding race

Above them all you take your place

Stomach, tripe or guts

Well are you worthy of a grace

As long as my arm



The groaning platter there you fill

Your buttocks like a distant hill

Your skewer would help to repair a mill

In time of need

While through your pores the juices emerge

Like amber beads



His knife having seen hard labour wipes

And cuts you up with great skill

Digging into your gushing insides bright

Like any ditch

And then oh what a glorious sight

Warm steaming, rich



Then spoon for spoon

They stretch and strive

Devil take the last man, on they drive

Until all their well swollen bellies

Are bent like drums

Then, the old gent most likely to rift (burp)

Be thanked, mumbles



Is there that over his French Ragout

Or olio that would sicken a pig

Or fricassee would make her vomit

With perfect disgust

Looks down with a sneering scornful opinion

On such a dinner



Poor devil, see him over his trash

As week as a withered rush (reed)

His spindle-shank a good whiplash

His clenched fist.the size of a nut.

Through a bloody flood and battle field to dash

Oh how unfit



But take note of the strong haggis fed Scot

The trembling earth resounds his tread

Clasped in his large fist a blade

He'll make it whistle

And legs and arms and heads he will cut off

Like the tops of thistles



You powers who make mankind your care

And dish them out their meals

Old Scotlandwants no watery food

That splashes in dishes

But if you wish her grateful prayer

Give her a haggis!

[Mrs Wisteria]

Hello Mr Haggis - Hope you have a great Burns Night. I'm not having haggis tonight, but being a sassenach I did cook one last weekend with neeps and tatties and some home grown kale and it were luvvverly! I did make a creamy whiskey sauce to go with it - but was told that was not the thing to do... My daddy told me when I was small that haggis had one leg shorter than the other from running around hills - well my haggis had NO legs!

ENJOY Colin!

[Doodle]

Ill be having Haggis, Neaps and Tatties for dinner! Nom nom nom!

[greybeard]

Mrs Wisteria, on 25 January 2011 - 04:12 PM, said:

well my haggis had NO legs!

They probably came off when it was grollicked.

I'll raise a glass of malt to you heathen blue noses after my fish and chips!

[StillFingers]

No Haggie eatin here...perhaps a nice healthy greens salad, some crusty bread, cheese n fruit, washed down with a bit of the grape... or a cheeseburger n coke cheers Haggie eaters enjoy your innards wrapped delight

[Lucydog]

Here, in and around the debateable lands Burns night is celebrated with as much fervour as north of the border. I will be having the vegetarian version though.

[McTavish]

I knew Burns night was coming up but I completely forgot all about it until I say E. Colins post. Does that mean I am going to be banished and banned or that I am not a true Scot. (if Bev reads this she is sure to ban me) sorry Rabbie.

[Edinburgh Colin]

McTavish, on 25 January 2011 - 08:03 PM, said:

I knew Burns night was coming up but I completely forgot all about it until I say E. Colins post. Does that mean I am going to be banished and banned or that I am not a true Scot. (if Bev reads this she is sure to ban me) sorry Rabbie.

Don't worry, a Scot can never be banished, the English been trying it for Centuries!

[S&W Winger]

Edinburgh Colin, on 25 January 2011 - 09:29 PM, said:

McTavish, on 25 January 2011 - 08:03 PM, said:

I knew Burns night was coming up but I completely forgot all about it until I say E. Colins post. Does that mean I am going to be banished and banned or that I am not a true Scot. (if Bev reads this she is sure to ban me) sorry Rabbie.

Don't worry, a Scot can never be banished, the English been trying it for Centuries!

Never McTavish, as Colin has said...though no such haggis for me tonight or ever it seems...and having read Mr. Burns well enough in the past...I wish you all a most excellent night!

[greybeard]

Lucydog, on 25 January 2011 - 07:43 PM, said:

Here, in and around the debateable lands Burns night is celebrated with as much fervour as north of the border. I will be having the vegetarian version though.

I thought whisky WAS vegetarian food.

[Tinbasher]

Then let us pray that come it may,
(As come it will for a' that,)
That Sense and Worth, o'er a' the earth,
Shall bear the gree, an' a' that.
For a' that, an' a' that,
It's comin yet for a' that
That man to man, the world o'er,
Shall brithers be for a' that.

And sisters too......

[S&W Winger]

Tinbasher, on 25 January 2011 - 10:43 PM, said:

Then let us pray that come it may,
(As come it will for a' that,)
That Sense and Worth, o'er a' the earth,
Shall bear the gree, an' a' that.
For a' that, an' a' that,
It's comin yet for a' that
That man to man, the world o'er,
Shall brithers be for a' that.

And sisters too......

[dangerousdave]

For the poor wea Haggie this is the time of the Houlocost - mass killings of shy innocent creatures by the vile cruel scotti and thier howling air bags

[Apparelyzed]

Just caught a wee Haggie, got it locked up in t' fridge untill I can pluck up t' courage t' drive ma dagger inte tha wee beasties hart!

[dangerousdave]

May it slide of the plate and dive down your crutch to bite your testimonials

[dangerousdave]

The new commander in Afghanistan hears that a Scottish regiment has a specialised
field hospital that's doing fantastic things with the troops. He wants to
know what is so special about the place, so he arranges a tour.

When he gets to the ward, it's full of patients with no obvious sign of
injury or illness. He's perplexed, so goes up to the first bed and greets
the soldier there.

The patient replies:

"Fair fa your honest sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin race,
Aboon them a ye take yer place,
Painch, tripe or thairm,
As langs my airm."

The general is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient.

That soldier responds:

"Some hae meat an canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat an we can eat,
So let the Lord be thankit."

Even more confused, and his grin now rictus-like, the commander moves on to
the next patient, who immediately begins to chant:

"Wee sleekit, cowerin, timorous beasty,
O the panic in thy breasty,
Thou needna start awa sae hastie,
Wi bickering brattle."

Now seriously troubled, the general turns to the accompanying doctor and
asks, "Is this a psychiatric ward?"

"No, not at all," replies the doctor. "This is the Serious Burns unit."

[McTavish]

Very good DD, there must be some Scottish blood in you.

[Edinburgh Colin]

dangerousdave, on 28 January 2011 - 04:13 PM, said:

The new commander in Afghanistan hears that a Scottish regiment has a specialised
field hospital that's doing fantastic things with the troops. He wants to
know what is so special about the place, so he arranges a tour.

When he gets to the ward, it's full of patients with no obvious sign of
injury or illness. He's perplexed, so goes up to the first bed and greets
the soldier there.

The patient replies:

"Fair fa your honest sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin race,
Aboon them a ye take yer place,
Painch, tripe or thairm,
As langs my airm."

The general is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient.

That soldier responds:

"Some hae meat an canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat an we can eat,
So let the Lord be thankit."

Even more confused, and his grin now rictus-like, the commander moves on to
the next patient, who immediately begins to chant:

"Wee sleekit, cowerin, timorous beasty,
O the panic in thy breasty,
Thou needna start awa sae hastie,
Wi bickering brattle."

Now seriously troubled, the general turns to the accompanying doctor and
asks, "Is this a psychiatric ward?"

"No, not at all," replies the doctor. "This is the Serious Burns unit."

Ha, Ha, DD love it, I copied and pasted that onto my word document of good - jokes, quotes, silly sayings etc for later use when hopefully I can get the credit. (better not use it here next year as I bet I get huckled for stealing it!)

[ClaraTaylor]

In true Scottish style (though I must admit my "Scottish blood" is rather watered down owing to ancestors not knowing the terms "keep it in your pants" "keep your legs crossed") we're still carrying on celebrating well into the weekend!