32 replies to this topic

[Rolilancou]

MCwriter hit it so much in the spot I cried. I'm not a wife and I don't have children. I work 50 hours a week full time, take care of the house and my fiance, he's wonderful at helping me around the house dusting off a little table here and there as much as he can, and with the new house he even takes care of the garden and has it immaculate but I still have to take care of the heavy loads of stuff after I get off from work. We can't have assistance for reasons I can't explain and I can't get off work to take care of him full time because we only rely on my salary and a little my fiance can contribute with his pension which is now helping to pay a person to clean the house twice a week yay! big achievement to convince my fiance we CAN afford a cleaning person that can help at least mop and dust if we cut down a few things here and there, still the rest of the cleaning is dumped on me plus the rest of the stuff that needs to be done on the weekends that I can't do over the week.

Trying to balance a full time job that requires me to be there for 10 hours straight a day and my fiance's needs leave me with no time for myself at all. Most of our problems as a couple get dumped on me as you girls can relate and the little sleep I've gotten over the last couple of years and all the physical work just drained my energy and frustrates me so much that i don't have the strength I had when I met him and I just feel unwilling to do anything anymore and the fights don't help. I am also there for him because I want to not because I feel pity and whenever I get angry it is at myself for being such a cry baby because I can't stay full time to take care of him and I don't have kids so why should I complain and why am I freaking tired all the time?

I had a fight with my fiance yesterday and it is one of those stupid out of nothing fights that really made me wonder, he tells me all the time I need medical help because I have a terrible attitude and suicidal thoughts. I confessed to him last week that most of the time when we fight I just want to kill myself because I'm not doing enough for him and I'm not being good enough while we were high on pot, and that's what made me feel more terrible, he brought the idea of getting marijuana so I could try it and I always refused until he got some from someone and he convinced me to try it out a couple of weeks ago, now, I just feel I need more and I know that is not normal and I really got to the point of believing him that I truly need help because I am the one with the problem.

But I found this forum,... and I now I know I'm not the only one dealing with this, that my partner is not the only SCI with crabby personality that demands attention ALL THE TIME even if I need to go to the bathroom... that I'm not the only one that feels tired, exhausted and frustrated because everything I'm doing is wrong. So this means... I might really not need psychiatric help but probably I just need to learn how to deal with him, my time and to actually ask for help.... physical help so I don't get so exhausted, mostly I feel now I'm no longer alone in this, that there are more like me and that takes a whole load off my chest. I really thought I was going crazy....

THANK YOU ALL!!!

I think I found my little secret hidding spot

[DrNismo420]

chickaviator, on 13 February 2011 - 08:40 AM, said:

I am a wife to a C5 C6 quad and I am just wondering if there are any other wives out here that are in the same position. We have two children who are 4 and 6 and I am the only caregiver and I am worn down to the core. Honestly, I just don't know how much more I can take. My question is, if you are out there...how do you do it? Between the lifting, the bathing, the bowel program, the constant meds, it's all wearing me down as I try to take care of our precious children and give them the most normal lives possible. It seems like something is always breaking in the house and I'm having to fix all of the things he used to do. My husband has become very bitter and he takes it out on me which really hurts. He's been injured for two years and I never knew just how hard our lives were going to be. If I didn't love God so much I would leave but I made a vow to him and I am going to stick with it.

I just would really like to talk with someone in the same situation. I have wonderful friends but I don't know think they really get it plus I can never tell them how awful he acts or I'm afraid they wouldn't want to come around and I desperately need my friends. I feel so isolated already.

Thank you so much,
Jen

chickaviator, on 13 February 2011 - 08:40 AM, said:

I am a wife to a C5 C6 quad and I am just wondering if there are any other wives out here that are in the same position. We have two children who are 4 and 6 and I am the only caregiver and I am worn down to the core. Honestly, I just don't know how much more I can take. My question is, if you are out there...how do you do it? Between the lifting, the bathing, the bowel program, the constant meds, it's all wearing me down as I try to take care of our precious children and give them the most normal lives possible. It seems like something is always breaking in the house and I'm having to fix all of the things he used to do. My husband has become very bitter and he takes it out on me which really hurts. He's been injured for two years and I never knew just how hard our lives were going to be. If I didn't love God so much I would leave but I made a vow to him and I am going to stick with it.

I just would really like to talk with someone in the same situation. I have wonderful friends but I don't know think they really get it plus I can never tell them how awful he acts or I'm afraid they wouldn't want to come around and I desperately need my friends. I feel so isolated already.

Thank you so much,
Jen

Jen, I am both girlfriend and caregiver feel free to email me at TayKirkpatrick@gmail.com

[Homeskillet]

Not married to my man but dating and living together and I have 2 kiddos as well. It's a lot of work...for both of us. I try hard to keep that in mind. When i'm feeling pushed to my limit I know that he is as well. I think that maybe I need time out without him, but then again, it's not like he can stop working at it for a mental "reset". Overall I think everyone is different, every relationship is different. What works for me may not for you. I love reading everyone's advise and personal accomplishments and tips. It gives me a whole new view and options I didn't think of before.