22 replies to this topic

[Schmidy]

Hi.

My 67 year old dad was severly injured on his last day of snow skiing for the 2010-2011 season. On his last run, he managed to collide with a snow making pole at a rapid rate of speed with his head. I wish I was there so I could know everything that happened -- but ski patrol took him down and he was life-flighted to Denver. This wasn't even two weeks ago. Due to neurological changes throughout that first night, they did a surgery and fused C4-C7 and stated he had a central spinal cord injury. He has been able to lift his legs, bend his knees and lift his arms. He attempted to squeeze with his left hand yesterday for the doctor. He's wiggled his toes once. He is still highly sedated and on pain medication. They just added a nerve pain medication today. He is still on a ventilator through a trach and they are trying to figure out whether to do a PEG vs. the NG. He's still in trauma ICU and they plan to transfer him to Craig Hospital once he is stable. (He also had three facial fractures and a broken rib).

Anyway ... here's my question ... what are things I should say to keep his spirits up? What are things I should never say? Should I just keep my mouth shut?

He is an expert skiier, avid golfer, walked four to five miles everyday ... so, his life is forever changed. I am having a very hard time with all of this and can only imagine what is going to go through his head when he realizes how his life has changed. I am scared he will get depressed and not be the same dad.

Any advice you can provide would be wonderful.

Thank you.

[mellowgator]

hi schmidy,

i know this is extremely difficult for you. being the daughter and now your dad is injured. it's way too soon to know how this will end. since he is having movement in his lower extremities that's very encouraging. i would tell him this. who knows what return he will get. the dr.s don't even know at this point. but you do know that signals are making their way to his brain.

i would rejoice with him as he discovers what all he can and can't do. all the movement you discribed is wonderful and he could well walk out of craig unaided. i would tell him this. the fact that your dad is in such good shape and is such an athlete means a great deal. i would definately keep positive about this situation.

[edlee]

Two weeks and he has this much movement?? And He's at Craig,,,, Tell him how lucky he is. Tell him what an A%% he was for hitting that pole,,, tell him the same things you would if he broke his leg.

What you DON'T want to do is treat him differently. He's a big boy,, and been theough a heck of a lot more than he's told you about. You start pussyfooting around him, he'll think he's not long for this world,, so treat him like an adult,,, that you know and love.

Tell him about us,,, and if he has questions,, ask us. Same for you,,,,, just don't treat him like a child,,,, as a fellow 60 something, I can tell you,, he won't like that.

Give him by best regards. I wish him,,, and you,, luck.
ed

[bucsaringer]

Hi Schmidy,

It sounds like you and your father have a close relationship. You need to stay positive for your father and encourage him, especially regarding his exercises and physical therapy. He has to a lot going for him, the fact the he can lift his legs and arms, and wiggle his toes is encouraging. Hopefully, there's a good rehabilitation center, close by, and he has good therapists, that will push him.

The fact that he is a good athlete will probably be enough motivation for him to work on walking again, along with lifting and using whatever weight machines are at his disposal. I'm sure he'll go through depression, everybody's different, but he has his family and friends to encourage and praise him as he pushes himself to get better.

It can be very hard at first, it is a drastic life change, but eventually, he'll see all the positive things in his life, that he has to live for. You for one. I wish you my best, hang in there for him. Only time will tell, how much recovery he'll get back. Keep us posted, there is a wealth of information on this website, that could be helpful in the future. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[mellowgator]

edlee, on 19 April 2011 - 09:28 PM, said:

Two weeks and he has this much movement?? And He's at Craig,,,, Tell him how lucky he is. Tell him what an A%% he was for hitting that pole,,, tell him the same things you would if he broke his leg.

What you DON'T want to do is treat him differently. He's a big boy,, and been theough a heck of a lot more than he's told you about. You start pussyfooting around him, he'll think he's not long for this world,, so treat him like an adult,,, that you know and love.

Tell him about us,,, and if he has questions,, ask us. Same for you,,,,, just don't treat him like a child,,,, as a fellow 60 something, I can tell you,, he won't like that.

Give him by best regards. I wish him,,, and you,, luck.
ed

good point ed, he's at craig which is the best spinal cord rehab in the country. he has the best doctors and that's huge.

just talk to him like you always have. you didn't mention if he has suffered tbi. do you know anything about this yet? was wearing a helmet?

[Schmidy]

mellowgator, on 19 April 2011 - 09:40 PM, said:

edlee, on 19 April 2011 - 09:28 PM, said:

Two weeks and he has this much movement?? And He's at Craig,,,, Tell him how lucky he is. Tell him what an A%% he was for hitting that pole,,, tell him the same things you would if he broke his leg.

What you DON'T want to do is treat him differently. He's a big boy,, and been theough a heck of a lot more than he's told you about. You start pussyfooting around him, he'll think he's not long for this world,, so treat him like an adult,,, that you know and love.

Tell him about us,,, and if he has questions,, ask us. Same for you,,,,, just don't treat him like a child,,,, as a fellow 60 something, I can tell you,, he won't like that.

Give him by best regards. I wish him,,, and you,, luck.
ed

good point ed, he's at craig which is the best spinal cord rehab in the country. he has the best doctors and that's huge.

just talk to him like you always have. you didn't mention if he has suffered tbi. do you know anything about this yet? was wearing a helmet?

Hi all ... and thanks so much for responding. He isn't at Craig yet ... but hopefully in the next two weeks. He's still on the vent and not quite stable.

As far as we know -- dad does not have a brain injury at all. They did both MRI and CT scans and all looked fine. He was also able to list off all his medications for the doctors when he got to the emergency room from the helicopter. When he isn't as sedated, he is able to answer yes and no questions.

He was wearing a helmet.

I'm more afraid of saying the wrong things.

[Soryfam]

Your dad sounds like an amazing man. Talk to him as the adult he is, in the way you usually talk to him. Don't try to hide what the doctors are saying, good or bad. This is a very frustrating thing to have your family do. Be sure and keep him up on what's going on in life while he is insidethe hospital or sedated. I was kind of disconcerting when I woke after a month to find Thanksgiving was past and Christmas was just a couple of days away.

Also, remember to take care of yourself. If talking to a counselor or chaplain is an option, go for it. You are certainly entitled to have feelings of mourning and loss. Your dad is probably as worried about you as he is himself. Tell him you love him, you're there for him, and together you'll take on the world.

Was he visiting Colorado to ski, or does he live here in Colorado? (I'm just North of Denver, in Greeley.) Going to Craig is an awesome opportunity. I wish I had been sent there, but I worked for the hospital from which I had my insurance, so of course they wanted me in their rehab.

All my best to you.

Sandy

[Schmidy]

Soryfam, on 19 April 2011 - 11:26 PM, said:

Your dad sounds like an amazing man. Talk to him as the adult he is, in the way you usually talk to him. Don't try to hide what the doctors are saying, good or bad. This is a very frustrating thing to have your family do. Be sure and keep him up on what's going on in life while he is insidethe hospital or sedated. I was kind of disconcerting when I woke after a month to find Thanksgiving was past and Christmas was just a couple of days away.

Also, remember to take care of yourself. If talking to a counselor or chaplain is an option, go for it. You are certainly entitled to have feelings of mourning and loss. Your dad is probably as worried about you as he is himself. Tell him you love him, you're there for him, and together you'll take on the world.

Was he visiting Colorado to ski, or does he live here in Colorado? (I'm just North of Denver, in Greeley.) Going to Craig is an awesome opportunity. I wish I had been sent there, but I worked for the hospital from which I had my insurance, so of course they wanted me in their rehab.

All my best to you.

Sandy

Sandy -- thank you so much. It never occured to me to talk to him about what was going on in the world. I was thinking it would frighten him to know that he's already been there for eleven days. And we have been sheltering him a bit. We were worried that if we told him too much before he could talk to us that it would cause more frustration. So, I appreciate what you said.

He lives in CO ... I was there for eight days and then had to get back to Texas so I could take care of my kiddos.

I visited Craig while I was there. Looks like an excellent place and the staff was so nice ... but it just broke my heart a bit. I am so worried about him keeping his mind in the game.

And Ed ... I did tell him that he looked like S&*T and he smiled. I also told him he needed a shower because he smelled and he nodded his head in agreement. I just miss talking to him already.

[Tetracyclone]

Shmidy-

Lots of excellent advice here already. As to your fear of saying the wrong thing, I suggest you begin immediately.

Get in front of your mirror and begin:
"don't Worry about a thing, Dad. It will be OK."-

"I'm sure you will be good as new in no time."

"Paralysis is the latest thing!"

Whatever comes to mind, look yourself in the eye and laugh if it seems foolish.

Your dad loves to push for his personal best and that love will kick in. He will be proud of whatever he can do, and it will be more than anyone expects.

He will also get depressed, especially during the first year. He will mourn his loss. I was 57 when i was injured and extremely active. 3 years later the loss is still devastating on some days, but i would have hit this sooner or later. Getting old involves loss of function. So he is a little precocious and taking it all on at once.

just be honest. You know, one of my best moments in the hospital was when a casual friend came to visit and burst into tears saying, "I'm so sorry this happened to you." It was textbook "wrong thing to say". She put her head on my chest and cried, and i cried with her cuz I was sorry too. After that she was upbeat and helped on occasion. Sometimes honest, open grief opens a window.

[hooplady]

Schmidy,
You dad came flying down a mountain and crashed into a pole headfirst and smished his spinal cord...don't worry, nothing you say is going to break him. Just be his daughter like you were before. Tell him that baseball season is well underway and hockey season is almost over, politicians are still stupid and that no oilwells exploded this week. Don't try to protect him from the truth, and don't try to predict how he might react to things. Because he is absolutely is going to feel frustrated and depressed and thankful he isn't dead and a whole range of other emotions. You can't prevent these feelings, nor should you. He is going to have to process all this stuff and parts of it aren't going to be pretty, but he has to heal in his own way.

He has a head start because it sounds like he was quite active and healthy before his injury so that's good; this being paralyzed business is hard work!

Good luck to both of you. Come here often and ask us anything; before long you will find yourself answering the questions instead of asking them.

[Schmidy]

hooplady, on 21 April 2011 - 01:26 AM, said:

Schmidy,
You dad came flying down a mountain and crashed into a pole headfirst and smished his spinal cord...don't worry, nothing you say is going to break him. Just be his daughter like you were before. Tell him that baseball season is well underway and hockey season is almost over, politicians are still stupid and that no oilwells exploded this week. Don't try to protect him from the truth, and don't try to predict how he might react to things. Because he is absolutely is going to feel frustrated and depressed and thankful he isn't dead and a whole range of other emotions. You can't prevent these feelings, nor should you. He is going to have to process all this stuff and parts of it aren't going to be pretty, but he has to heal in his own way.

He has a head start because it sounds like he was quite active and healthy before his injury so that's good; this being paralyzed business is hard work!

Good luck to both of you. Come here often and ask us anything; before long you will find yourself answering the questions instead of asking them.

Hi all ... thank you so much for responding and giving me some advice.

Today has been a set-back-kind-of-day. He is able to do more things with his body but he's very slow to repond so one of the doctors mentioned that he might have mild to moderate brain injury. AND, the bad news (other than the brain injury itself) is that he cannot go to Craig with a brain injury. Sigh.

[Soryfam]

Schmidy, on 21 April 2011 - 05:40 PM, said:

hooplady, on 21 April 2011 - 01:26 AM, said:

Schmidy,
You dad came flying down a mountain and crashed into a pole headfirst and smished his spinal cord...don't worry, nothing you say is going to break him. Just be his daughter like you were before. Tell him that baseball season is well underway and hockey season is almost over, politicians are still stupid and that no oilwells exploded this week. Don't try to protect him from the truth, and don't try to predict how he might react to things. Because he is absolutely is going to feel frustrated and depressed and thankful he isn't dead and a whole range of other emotions. You can't prevent these feelings, nor should you. He is going to have to process all this stuff and parts of it aren't going to be pretty, but he has to heal in his own way.

He has a head start because it sounds like he was quite active and healthy before his injury so that's good; this being paralyzed business is hard work!

Good luck to both of you. Come here often and ask us anything; before long you will find yourself answering the questions instead of asking them.

Hi all ... thank you so much for responding and giving me some advice.

Today has been a set-back-kind-of-day. He is able to do more things with his body but he's very slow to repond so one of the doctors mentioned that he might have mild to moderate brain injury. AND, the bad news (other than the brain injury itself) is that he cannot go to Craig with a brain injury. Sigh.

At this point patience is very important. Every day is a change, and what seems terrible today may be resolved tomorrow. Thye were sure I had brain function loss from being in a coma, and boy those first test results were kind of scary. But as time went on, and they continued to retest, I started getting back to my old self. His body has been through a lot-- and it will take some time to sort it all out. I'll keep thinking positive thoughts for you.

Sandy

[goose]

let your dad know that you are okay. parents always worry about kids before themselves. don't you be scared but don't try to be brave for him either. i spent more time trying to reasure everyone around me that things were okay. let him talk when he's ready. i did better talking to someone other than family at first. that way he doesn't have to be soo brave in front of family. then, just be yourself. he's still your dad . good luck - yall are making great progress.

[Simba]

Schmidy, on 21 April 2011 - 05:40 PM, said:

hooplady, on 21 April 2011 - 01:26 AM, said:

Schmidy,
You dad came flying down a mountain and crashed into a pole headfirst and smished his spinal cord...don't worry, nothing you say is going to break him. Just be his daughter like you were before. Tell him that baseball season is well underway and hockey season is almost over, politicians are still stupid and that no oilwells exploded this week. Don't try to protect him from the truth, and don't try to predict how he might react to things. Because he is absolutely is going to feel frustrated and depressed and thankful he isn't dead and a whole range of other emotions. You can't prevent these feelings, nor should you. He is going to have to process all this stuff and parts of it aren't going to be pretty, but he has to heal in his own way.

He has a head start because it sounds like he was quite active and healthy before his injury so that's good; this being paralyzed business is hard work!

Good luck to both of you. Come here often and ask us anything; before long you will find yourself answering the questions instead of asking them.

Hi all ... thank you so much for responding and giving me some advice.

Today has been a set-back-kind-of-day. He is able to do more things with his body but he's very slow to repond so one of the doctors mentioned that he might have mild to moderate brain injury. AND, the bad news (other than the brain injury itself) is that he cannot go to Craig with a brain injury. Sigh.

Firstly a traumatic brain injury is not the same as permanent brain damage (when people think injury to the brain they think retarded which I assure you do not always go hand in hand and is dependant on which parts of the brain have been affected) and while obviously due to a high velocity impact with a pole there will be some areas of his brain which have been jingled around a bit only time will tell how much damage there is so don't panic about this aspect. He has been showing good recovery until now and I am sure will keep doing so.

Secondly brain injuries are very common in SCI's who have had spinal damage in accidents, they are also relatively common in able bodied people so I find it odd that there should be a restriction on the rehab - but anyway that's probably the worst part of the news for you - surely once he has stabilised some more this outlook will change.

Thirdly you should focus on all aspects of his ongoing care - please do not ignore the Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) as this will often not come fully into play until approximately two years later when it can cause possible cognitive problems & some behavioural changes - even though by this stage it will no longer be showing up with MRI's - so important to treat it as part of his rehabilitation.

A person with a brain injury can still remain extremely capable and intelligent, this far into the initial diagnosis it is too early to tell but I am sure reading about the progress covered so far by your father that he will continue to improve. Keep treating him the same as you always have and listen and try to understand - don't worry about saying the wrong thing but if he becomes upset then do not become confrontational as this will make things worse. Give him time alone if he gets wound up, he will calm down in his own time.

When he gets better you may notice a bit of a change of personality, this is quite normal after TBI and his coping levels will be as well as due to SCI & recovery a little lower because of the TBI.

Finally if you are aware of the problem it is not so difficult to deal with as most of the things which will improve things for him (in terms of TBI) are very easy & simple to put into place once his body recovers from his accident (tend to be largely environmental & providing the right support & space). You won't know how the TBI will affect him until much later on so best to concentrate on the physical recovery for now.

[evilmac64]

tell how much he means to you and how glad you are he is still here

[pinkcloud]

Hi smidey

I repeat meself here, but what the heck - even worse than being sci meself - would be for a loved one to have it instead of me.

I encorage me sons to be honest with me, to speak as they find so I can be there for them. I had to reassure them time and time again that they dont need to be perfect - for them to be able to say 'the wrong thing' is ok - in life its what we all do. And one way of keeping the world normal to us, is to keep things real.

Me sons have told me what kids at school say to them 'I broke your mums back in bed', is the worst thing I have heard them share with me. 'mum, I miss our old life, I wish you could be like before'.......has progressed me to teach them how to cope with these hard feelings. If they didnt tell me because they were scared to upset me, my job as a mam wouldnt be complete. Sci is bad enough, for it to come between us and our loved ones - heck no way am I giving it the power to do that.

What a beautiful daughter you sound, so caring even when i guess it must be so scarey to see your dad like this. I think one of the best things to do is be yourself, you may find it brings you even closer - and for me sci i am thankful for this.

I hope this works out the same way for you and your dad too. just remember, feelings are feelings, your allowed to be un-perfect, as a parent we are used to it, its our job - and we wouldnt have you children to be any other way. Its great, is unconditional love - and to be able to be 'un-perfect' is a pleasure as it means we are loved for who we are - not for want we think others want us to be.If you have sad feelings, please dont beat yourself up over them, we all have them - dosnt mean we are bad people, it just means we have feelings we dont enjoy having.

See you around on the forum

Edited by pinkcloud, 22 April 2011 - 09:56 AM.

[Fisherman]

Thanks Schmidy for the topic and all that have responded. What I read was just what I needed to read. A good friend from grade school was in a motocross accident a few days ago leaving him with no feeling from his ribcage down (c6 and c7 broken). My heart is broken. I fractured my c-2 (dens fracture,c-2-3 fusion) 10 years ago, Docs said i am a statistical anomaly and shouldn't be walking more less talking, but I am. When I went to visit him, the first thing he said at the hospital was "Chris, how long did the doctors say it would take for you to walk again?" They gave him a 15% chance to walk again. It was like he wanted me to say, hey man your going to be walking in no time. I was bombarded by emotions of all kinds. I didn't know how to talk to him. Is it ok for me to reference my accident and the opportunity for miracles?

[pinkcloud]

Hi fisherman

congratulations on your own recovery, whow, any advice for us here would very much be appreciated, the work you must have put in yourself must have been amazing. i so happy to read this report.

I definately think its ok to refer to your own injury, it sure helped me when me physio who had sci bared all. IIts so comfoting and hope filled idea. By explaining we are all different and if it dosnt happen for him its not his fault will help.

He did it on bike - a fun thing, what got me thorough is at least I got me injury living me dream - on a horse. Hard as it is the love of me life is lost - i wont ride again, its better than being shot, stabbed etc etc. One story captured me heart on here, an old gentleman in his 80s slept walked and broke his neck as he walked into a wAll. i RODE FOR 30 odd years escaping injury and if this had not of happened i could have brain damage from falling onto a road with the horse falling on top of me.... theres another thread on here about surviving the bordom in hospital too.

What luck he has a friend like you. All the best to you both

Edited by pinkcloud, 26 April 2011 - 10:00 PM.

[Schmidy]

Hi! I wanted to give an update on my dear 'old' dad. It's been 29 days since the accident.

He was transfered to Craig ten days ago ... and it was drama from day one. He had a high white count, elevated temperature and ended up with emergency surgery for a perforation to his small intestine. He also ended up back on the vent. So, needless to say, it wasn't a great start at the new hospital.

But -- he's been healing well from his surgery and getting time in the OT and PT rooms and with ST. He's weaning again from the vent and did 12 hours off the vent yesterday. He's also started to eat solid foods. Yesterday they told him that, "he would walk out of Craig." They changed his diagnosis from ASIA C to ASIA D. Details of fine motor skills with his hands are still up in the air and he has double vision so he can't read. I got to talk with him the first time this week and it was so exciting. I can't believe it's been four weeks since the accident.

I want to send him something -- any suggestions?

Thank you for all the support and emails! I really appreciate it!

[Soryfam]

Thanks for the update- books on tape and music are both good when one can't see very well. Also, does he have any favorite sports teams? Perhaps getting him a computer feed of the games over the radio or some such thing would be nice.
Glad to hear he has a good prognosis. How is he handling all of this?

Sandy

[coffeecups]

I only have a moment right now....But why can he not go to Crajg if he has a TBI? Craig only treats SCI and TBI. And they are experts at both of those. I spent three months at Craig a little over a year ago, so I am biased towards them. But, I would really encourage you to really press them to get your father into Craig., especially if he does have both a SCI and a TBI. And he can go to Craig on a ventilator. Many patients do go on a vent. They have a very unique and successful program to wean patients from the vent. I had Drs that said I would probably never come off the vent. But I left breathing on my own. Wishing that in the end your father ends up in the right rehab for him.

[Schmidy]

coffeecups, on 07 May 2011 - 06:37 PM, said:

I only have a moment right now....But why can he not go to Crajg if he has a TBI? Craig only treats SCI and TBI. And they are experts at both of those. I spent three months at Craig a little over a year ago, so I am biased towards them. But, I would really encourage you to really press them to get your father into Craig., especially if he does have both a SCI and a TBI. And he can go to Craig on a ventilator. Many patients do go on a vent. They have a very unique and successful program to wean patients from the vent. I had Drs that said I would probably never come off the vent. But I left breathing on my own. Wishing that in the end your father ends up in the right rehab for him.

Sorry ... I might have written wrong ... he IS in Craig! He got there ten days ago ... there were some initial concerns that he wouldn't be able to go but he is there!

[wheeliebear75]

Well sounds like he is in "the right place" & his prognosis is GREAT! Keep us up to date on how he's doing.