91 replies to this topic

[dolimitefilms]

Along with a few friends I made this video that takes a stab at the very question. Please let me know what you think.

Edited by Trinity, 19 May 2011 - 10:28 PM.

[jscott92064]

This video says it all for me. You really seem to have a grasp of what we caregivers/spouses go through. Thanks for making it. I did a wonderful job of "stuffing my feelings down" and I needed this to help me through my grieving process.

Edited by jscott92064, 18 May 2011 - 01:42 PM.

[Glor]

Very well done. The other side of that story is that life is short and leaving is only one option. The other is living to the max in spite of those devastating feelings. Get that person back on the couch next to you, make pancakes and share them, enjoy the little things (a glass of wine) a DVD but just don't think of life as being over just because its different to the one you had....just my 5 cents... Thank you for sharing. Glorr

[jscott92064]

I have thought about this video since I saw it a week ago. My life has changed so much. My husband was so active in every way. Now it's me getting up in the middle of the night to check out that odd noise. Taking care of the child. It's me doing what he used to do. etc, etc., etc.,

I wish you would make a video from the woman's point of view because I bet you could present it so beautifully as you have done with this one.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for putting this video together. It has touched my heart forever.

[qbounce]

From my perspective it's refreshing to see a male role model as the carer/ SO, who chooses to stay and continue to be in the SCI persons life. Granted, more men get SCI's than women, so there are more women carers, but this video has portrayed all carers in the same light, regardless of their sexual orientation.



That said, the question doesn't make sense to me (although I AM a little dense at times), so you may not get the traffic you intended to post on here . . . what's a "carrier" vs. caregiver, anyway?

Did you mean to say, "which is Harder, Being SCI or a Caregiver?"

Otherwise, a carrier is a person who carries, or takes on the load . . . . . and a caregiver, are both the same thing.

[jscott92064]

qbounce, on 18 May 2011 - 06:14 PM, said:

From my perspective it's refreshing to see a male role model as the carer/ SO, who chooses to stay and continue to be in the SCI persons life. Granted, more men get SCI's than women, so there are more women carers, but this video has portrayed all carers in the same light, regardless of their sexual orientation.



That said, the question doesn't make sense to me (although I AM a little dense at times), so you may not get the traffic you intended to post on here . . . what's a "carrier" vs. caregiver, anyway?

Did you mean to say, "which is Harder, Being SCI or a Caregiver?"

Otherwise, a carrier is a person who carries, or takes on the load . . . . . and a caregiver, are both the same thing.

Agree on all your points and was also glad you asked the question about was the question really was --i.e. Which is harder, Being SCI or a Cargiver?

(I think SCI.)

[Snakeye]

Odd question really...It's like comparing apples to oranges...

[mellowgator]

what made you think of this subject for your video?







mellowgator

[Simba]

Snakeye, on 18 May 2011 - 07:36 PM, said:

Odd question really...It's like comparing apples to oranges...

I agree can't really compare the two, they both are hard but in different ways. Depends a lot on the individual needs & circumstances, at the end of the day they are both affected to an extent by SCI which ultimately changes both their lives.

[snowqueeneh]

I think this video is amazing... I cried so much. It really captured how I felt when my husband came home for the first time. Right down to waiting for the shuttle bus to arrive and wheeling the chair into the house for the first time. It's that "This is for real and there is no turning back" moment.

As for the question... I have asked myself that exact question. Once I knew that I was staying, it became clear that it's all the same on different levels. I feel frustrated that I have to do everything and more, my husband feels frustrated and helpless. We both feel the loss of what once was. It also sums up the difference between relationships pre-injury vs. post-injury. Our memories pre-injury are the hardest thing for me anyway. I do have many more memories post-injury now that's it's been 2.5 years (which I think helps) but it still creeps up on me every now and then.

So... thank you for sharing this. Although I am still crying about it... I really did enjoy it.

[dolimitefilms]

qbounce, on 18 May 2011 - 06:14 PM, said:

From my perspective it's refreshing to see a male role model as the carer/ SO, who chooses to stay and continue to be in the SCI persons life. Granted, more men get SCI's than women, so there are more women carers, but this video has portrayed all carers in the same light, regardless of their sexual orientation.



That said, the question doesn't make sense to me (although I AM a little dense at times), so you may not get the traffic you intended to post on here . . . what's a "carrier" vs. caregiver, anyway?

Did you mean to say, "which is Harder, Being SCI or a Caregiver?"

Otherwise, a carrier is a person who carries, or takes on the load . . . . . and a caregiver, are both the same thing.

Thanks qbounce, I don't know what I'm talking about. I made that title from some comments I read on this site not knowing a thing about SCI. My friend and I thought it would be an interesting concept posing the question to each viewer, "what would you do" if something like that happened. I actually don't know anybody personally with SCI and neither does my friend I did it with. The video ended up being so touching I wanted to share it with a community I thought could appreciate it. Everybody on this site has been awesome and I'm glad I could be a part of it if only for a little while. I do wish I could embed the video right in the post so people could watch it from here and not have to click on a link.

[dolimitefilms]

mellowgator, on 18 May 2011 - 09:02 PM, said:

what made you think of this subject for your video?







mellowgator

After listening to the song for 30 seconds my buddy blurted it out. It was all rather interesting how it all came together because we didn't have much time to work on it. We found out about the competition a handful of days before it needed to be submitted and to find a location, actors, equipment and bus among other things seemed a little daunting. I keep telling people if we were a bit smarter we wouldn't of even tried to do something like this that quickly (one day shooting and one day editing).

Thank you for watching and commenting.

[Tetracyclone]

dolimitefilm:

I cried all the way through your short film. See, it does not take that much to do a good job! I am the injured one and I think about leaving too!!

Godspeed in your next endeavor.

[hooplady]

Wow, so many little things hit me - having to drive home while he went in the van, all his stuff crammed in the "Patient Belongings" bag, not being able to get the wheelchair in the house, banging my shin, the bleeping hospital bed that almost took my arm off, that lonely empty spot on the sofa, and those stupid pink tubs.

I had to watch it a second time to cry at the "right" places.

Nice job.

[goose]

Tetracyclone, on 19 May 2011 - 12:50 AM, said:

dolimitefilm:

I cried all the way through your short film. See, it does not take that much to do a good job! I am the injured one and I think about leaving too!!

Godspeed in your next endeavor.

I'm with you . I'd like to leave too. Think we could trade in for a new body?

[dolimitefilms]

Thanks Trinity.

Edited by dolimitefilms, 19 May 2011 - 10:34 PM.

[Tetracyclone]

goose, on 19 May 2011 - 04:14 AM, said:

Tetracyclone, on 19 May 2011 - 12:50 AM, said:

dolimitefilm:

I cried all the way through your short film. See, it does not take that much to do a good job! I am the injured one and I think about leaving too!!

Godspeed in your next endeavor.

I'm with you . I'd like to leave too. Think we could trade in for a new body?

Goose-
That is what I am working toward. Think Vulcan mind-meld transfer into that handsome pooch of yours. Short lifespan but hey, we already got that.

[Jeanette]

This is beautiful and definitely gets to the heart of the carer of SCI and even when I was caring for my hubby during his cancer. As the injured one I was to leave I wanted to run away before my surgery.myou did a beautiful job

Thank you

[Spinner]

I met my husband long after his injury so I can't relate directly to what the spouse in the video is dealing with. That being said, I cried while I was watching it - for both the husband and wife. They both suffered huge losses and each has their own mourning to do.

[ems]

Amazing. I'm sitting here sobbing.

[sh1wn]

Yup,I cried to. I hate what my injury has done to my mom.
I don't know what it will do to her when my end comes.
Anyways good video, you did a great job for someone that doesn't know any wheelers.

[isobar]

Tough the one with the SCI has become consumed by the injury and all it does to them the toll it takes on the body , mind , soul , spirit and the lack of the ability to do for yourself and their family as they did before this life changing thing ....... feeling they have become a burden and the roll in the household affairs diminished. How does my spouse and kids feel , the family unit will be forced into certain boundaries they never faced or had to deal with. ........ the strain on them all.

The caregiver has a thousand pound gorilla to deal with their own emotions and the family's too. If they're not feeling well, tired , having a turbulent day , or maybe just need a break so many times their needs have to be put aside because duty calls man your post , my dear....... heck i even couldn't find a little space in time for that much needed cry maybe i'll weep later in private. Seems like we've aged so much with everything going on and life's still got other stink to throw at you .... you rest when you can , how you can but seems like you're always on point your boots are always laced up , though not physical on your feet at the time. Boy i realize , i , my world and the life i now live has overwhelmed me and i dont have to tell anyone they see it on my face even though i tried not to show it maybe ...... i've got to be strong for my family's sake, they need me to. Maybe it would help if i could shed a layer of skin and some of this would leave me a little better off , as though super charged air had filled my lungs and renewed my being in the process. What was there when i woke up yesterday morning is there again today i know i have it to face, it and what it brings my way. Will it be light or heavily steeped today ? I dont ask i've learned to do what's necessary why , because i must , i'm needed.

This may not be everyone's scenario because of their levels of injury may be different and family structure or level of devotion/ commitment . It just touches on bits and pieces for so much more is involved .But when someone you love is hurt you hurt also you cant feel or live someone's pain but you damn sure suffer through it and endure pain yourself ......... being helpless to release them from this thing is painful in itself, you're along for the ride whole - heartedly . The burdens , the heartaches , the sleepless nights and the changes that had to be made are felt by all. Some caregivers become ill themselves . Hell if the injured one dies you wont necessarily die but a part of you does and you may finally come to realize/ feel just how tried you are , being there every step of the way .You went through the fire also it just didn't take you with them. Both are hard, one's injured or ill and the other's not ........ they both suffer in different ways , the toll is endured. The injured suffers from the complications of the condition and the rest that comes with it. The caregiver suffers from what the injured one is going through and their own suffering ......... both could kill you just in different ways. But then again what the hell do i know, i'm torn feeling mixed emotions by this question. I've watched loved ones waste away, whither and die .......... but their fall from the person i knew took its toll on me although i'm still alive i was shaken and stirred to the very essence of my being. In time peace calmed the storm.

[Tetracyclone]

Isobar-
Man, you can write.

[mcferguson]

I agree, very well done. Good job.

You mentioned you submitted it for a contest. Did this video win anything?

[jscott92064]

Isobar:

Thanks for writing what you did.

[dolimitefilms]

mcferguson, on 24 May 2011 - 02:55 PM, said:

I agree, very well done. Good job.

You mentioned you submitted it for a contest. Did this video win anything?

The top 10 will be announced on the 11th of June.

[Simba]

Brilliant isobar - the first thing to bring tears to my eyes in ages.

[isobar]

@ Tetracyclone , jscott92064 & Simba




Thanx ladies for your comments i really appreciate what you all said.

[mcferguson]

dolimitefilms, on 24 May 2011 - 09:17 PM, said:

mcferguson, on 24 May 2011 - 02:55 PM, said:

I agree, very well done. Good job.

You mentioned you submitted it for a contest. Did this video win anything?

The top 10 will be announced on the 11th of June.

Thanks. Is there a site with all the videos? I'd like to see what you're up against.

[curiousone]

great video. im with the others, cried like a baby. a very touching video.

@ isobar, very well spoken.