62 replies to this topic

[qbounce]

 greybeard, on 26 March 2012 - 11:37 PM, said:

Q, new members I can take. I welcome them all.

I can just do without a religious lecture in post #9.

Best to test the water a little before berating the OP for non compliance with mylovesinachair's religious doctrines, I feel. She came here for help, not a BS lecture.

That's funny, I didn't see God mentioned anywhere in her post.
I think you've been treading water for far too long in the non-religeous thread.

Anyway, thanks for saying your peace. I'm climbing off this soap box now before I fall.

[Andromeda]

From the point of view of being a caregiver, I can see why a person would want to take a short break for their own sanity, as it were. It is not something I have needed or wanted, but I do know this: In order to provide the best care for my husband, I must be at my best myself. If it meant taking a weekend off and going to see my family or something, Louis would understand. At the moment, I am down with a cold/flu/other-disgusting-bug complete with fever, coughing, etc. I am NOT at my best. He knows this and understands - the tables are somewhat turned and HE is taking care of ME instead of the other way around. And oddly enough, in our relationship, he is the one who is more likely to want to take off for a few days. That hasn't happened as of yet, though. It is more likely for us to want to get away from everything together. My point, though, is that I have to be at my best in order to best provide for his needs and take care of him.

The only thing I can offer you is that you put forth serious effort in keeping the lines of communciation open. He may be afraid to tell you that it bothers him to see the woman he cares about in a different physical situation. It may make him feel shallow, disingenuous, and insincere - and that may bother him about himself. And I'm not saying it SHOULDN'T bother him. One thing I do know is that not everyone is cut out to handle this kind of change. It's sad, but true. I know of far too many marriages and relationships that ended when the physical status changed. Everyone - regardless of their physical situation - deserves someone who will love them for who they are.

[brockit79]

If I take myself back to pre injury, when I was in a long term relationship, we both had occasional breaks away with friends. OK, so the relationship lasted 5 or 6 years and wasn't forever but we both thought it was at the time.

I personally think it is a healthy thing to go off and be with friends or even family for a break now and then. SCI or no SCI we all need our own space IMO. I trusted my ex and I'm glad he trusted me because I am a free spirit. I was/am 100% trustworthy and loved him a lot and I still believe that it was reciprocated.

You don't have to be joined at the hip to prove you love someone regardless of the situation. The trouble is when one half feels differently then you have to ask is the relationship right.

Should I ever choose to get in a relationship again I will still want to go and do things with my friends or family and *shock *horror it may involve going away for the weekend/week and I would expect the same from my partner. Obviously main holidays would be spent with that person.

Make sure you get out and have fun together.

Sorry if this is a repetition, as I've not read all of the posts, of what others have said it is just my opinion.