62 replies to this topic

[bythegraceofGod]

Boo-hoo.............poor thing.
Wouldn't it be nice if he could up and get away from being a burden to your life? I am sure he is perfectly fine with all of the issues that SCI causes.
I guess I am different from most, because your post pisses me off. If life is so rough that you need a "get away", you have more issues than SCI dragging you down.
Selfish!!!

[strength101]

I'm having the same issue. I would love to get away and from it all sometimes, but feel way to guilty to even think about taking some time for myself.

I applaud you for having enough courage to actually admit that you need a vacation alone. It shows that you know what you need and what you want. If your husband loves you, he will understand that this would be good for you.

[randomryan007]

Hold your dang horse's really come on now. ok she needs to get away. very understandable. but during the holidays. Really? if someone pulled that on me and left me alone during the holidays I would be pissssssed off. not over selfishness either. over the fact that this is the holidays. and holidays are spent with loved ones. not off galavanting every where. she has time to do that any other time just not the holidays.

Thats Like Saying Ho Ho Ho Merry Flippin Christmas You Flippin Gimp. Or Happy Thanks Giving You Crip. It's just wrong!

Take your vaction time any other time of the year don't leave him home alone for the holidays. Look at it from both sides. some people have a need to be around thier families for the holidays. Others simply don't care.

once again this is just how I would feel!

Edited by randomryan007, 18 December 2011 - 02:43 AM.

[Zack]

How does he feel about it ?
If your asking am I being a B? You must already feel like you might be, and want someone to convince you your not! Many couples take vacations without their spouse. yet your saying get away from SCI. That part makes me wonder what your really getting away from?

[caseyann]

Ok just so u know I posted this last June or july and I have been on my holidays in sep and I had a ball
Come on I am hardly going to leave my husband on his own at Xmas
I love my husband very much but as full time carer sometimes u need a break to refuel
Thanks for all ur replies

[Zack]

Hey,
I can understand you needing a break. We all do at some point. It's not always easy to understand exactly what someone is saying with so little put into it and not hearing the tone of voice behind their typing.

I'm glad you had a ball and I hope your husband ended up having one while you were gone. Absence makes the heart grow fonder I'm told. Did it ??

[caseyann]

Actually zack I missed him like mad and wished he was with me but I needed the break cause I was burned out

[Zack]

Burned out I can relate to. Just wish I could survive without my care givers! They Burn me out!!! It's suppose to be the other way around. Not really! I'm just trying to make some humor out of this reply, before I kick my aide out.

[qbounce]

caseyann, on 18 December 2011 - 11:20 PM, said:

Actually zack I missed him like mad and wished he was with me but I needed the break cause I was burned out

casey, thanks for following up with us.
My wife is feeling a little burdened at the moment too, as she's my only carer, works full time, goes to school full time, AND still finds time to cook and clean the house.
Even though school's finally out for winter break, she told me yesterday that she's been feeling overwhelmed with all there is to be done around the house, and simply not enough hours in the day for her to do it all.

I keep trying to get her to do things for her and her alone, like taking a quiet bath, or going to the gym to work out (she just joined 2 months ago). But, she responded saying, "I can't relax until I know all the housework is done,"

For the record, she WILL NOT, under any circumstances, allow anyone else come into our house and help share the responsibilities of caring for my needs, which are very few . . . honest. After a little discussion however, we decided to hire a maid service every other week to help with the house cleaning. Hopefully now she'll find more time to do those things for herself that she couldn't previously.

I realize this is an expense that not everyone has the luxury to afford. Well, you can negotiate with these services too, by only having them come every other week, and only cleaning a few choice bedrooms, bathrooms and the kitchen, it's possible to get the price down to a rate you deem affordable.

Anyway, I'm glad you were able to get away. There's nothing wrong with taking a break too. I'm for whatever it takes, outside of extramarital affairs, that is (unless, that's you're thing-lol), to recharge your batteries and keep the love alive.

[willowt]

I think the fact that you asked the question, answers it - Only you would know

caseyann, on 02 July 2011 - 09:29 PM, said:

Ok so just told my husband c5 that I want to go on holidays without him and I just feel so guilty but I just need to get away and forget about his sci for a few days
so I am bei g cruel do t want to hurt his feelings

[siobhanb]

Makes me laugh that people were asking "will you be putting provisions in while you're gone?"!!! Well of course she will...she wants to get away not abandon him...common sense. also doesn't matter what level he is...he's still a bloke and she needs time for herself.

And so what if she wants to go away on her own...it's good to get away from everything including other halfs...just because you marry them doesn't mean you have to be joined at the hip. Gavin buggers off to the rugby with his mates every week, and the pub, cinema, whatever and if I wanted to go I could but I don't cos that's his thing. He also went on a lads holiday to Ibiza and when he came back I went with the girls. I'll also be going to morroco one day and he wouldn't want to come cos he's crap on sand and bumpy/cobbled roads (even though he's from York originally) so I'll go with my Mum. He'll probably be working somewhere for the rugby...

So in conclusion don't feel bad and you're not a bitch...you're a person who wants a break and encorage him to do the same.

[GavWilson]

bythegraceofGod, on 10 December 2011 - 11:34 PM, said:

Boo-hoo.............poor thing.
Wouldn't it be nice if he could up and get away from being a burden to your life? I am sure he is perfectly fine with all of the issues that SCI causes.
I guess I am different from most, because your post pisses me off. If life is so rough that you need a "get away", you have more issues than SCI dragging you down.
Selfish!!!

You, and many others on this forum, seriously need to give your head a good shake.

If the woman needs a few days away from her partner, who the hell are you to judge her?! Loads of couples who are very happy together take holidays apart, sometimes its nice to have a small break and getaway with your mates. Me and my girlfriend take seperate holidays every year, as well as holidays together.

With an attitude on life like yours, I suggest it is actually you who is selfish, and an attitude like that will eventually make you a burden on your partner.

Lighten up.

randomryan007, on 18 December 2011 - 02:41 AM, said:

Hold your dang horse's really come on now. ok she needs to get away. very understandable. but during the holidays. Really? if someone pulled that on me and left me alone during the holidays I would be pissssssed off. not over selfishness either. over the fact that this is the holidays. and holidays are spent with loved ones. not off galavanting every where. she has time to do that any other time just not the holidays.

Thats Like Saying Ho Ho Ho Merry Flippin Christmas You Flippin Gimp. Or Happy Thanks Giving You Crip. It's just wrong!

Take your vaction time any other time of the year don't leave him home alone for the holidays. Look at it from both sides. some people have a need to be around thier families for the holidays. Others simply don't care.

once again this is just how I would feel!

The lady posted the question in July. HTH.


The attitudes shown my many on this forum actually scare me. No wonder most people think SCI sufferers end up like social recluses who cant lift a finger between them, because thats exactly what most of you lot sound like.

The world does not owe you a living, so stop boo-hooing on the internet, and go out there and live your lives properly.

[keiranjump99]

not at all, you have every right to have some time alone some time away from the chaos and away from all the things that come with a spinal cord injury. ignore the haters, you have that holiday!

[edlee]

Gav,, welcome,, I see that you are new,, so I won't ive you the FULL treatment for insinuating that "MANY" of those on this forum would in any way agree with by the grace or the random guy. I actually went back over this thread to count the negative and positive posts. You might be surprised to learn that the results were 22 to 6 and two of the six were from the same guy who later changed his mind,, and one who simply didn't understand that "taking a holiday" didn't mean that it was to be over the Christmas holiday ( ?????).

I've been here a lot longer than you,, and I gotta tell you that the friendly, helpful, curteous people far outnumber those few who seem to be lacking in those areas. When you've been here a while, you will come to know which are which.

I post this because I was offended by your assertion about "many" when I know those of that ilk are actually very few, here,, and at a much lower percentage than the general population.
ed

[greybeard]

Thank you Ed. You saved me from getting into trouble again.

Edited by greybeard, 30 December 2011 - 12:21 AM.

[zbowdawg]

Everyone needs a break... how you present the request determines how you are perceived.

In a relationship, only one member may have a SCI, but both are injured. However possible, both need to support each other. I am the AB, but if the tables were turned, I would probably insist that my Sweetheart get out for some rest, relaxation and fun. But I would let her know that she would have to give me every detail when she gets back... so I could live vicariously through her adventures.

Bottom line, it depends on the relationship.

[mylovesinachair]

Honestly, if you want to get away because of his SCI then it is kind of hurtful, I am sure he wishes he could get away from it himself, but he doesn't have that option. If you want to get away, just to get away is another thing, most people need time apart from their significant other... Absence makes the heart grow fonder... But if you are married, don't forget for better or for worse... in sickness and in health... to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part...

[greybeard]

I smell manure.

[edlee]

I was considering hip boots, myself, GB,,, but then I remembered,,,, my feet don't touch the ground, anyway.
ed

[zbowdawg]

GB & ed... In reference to the latest posts, I am not sure I understand your responses. Inside joke maybe?

[greybeard]

Maybe. Not your post.

Edited by greybeard, 25 March 2012 - 12:26 AM.

[qbounce]

zbowdawg, on 24 March 2012 - 11:51 PM, said:

GB & ed... In reference to the latest posts, I am not sure I understand your responses. Inside joke maybe?

I don't get it either, zdawg. Your post or the other.

Maybe the smell's a little closer to their homes than mine.

[ClaraTaylor]

greybeard, on 23 March 2012 - 06:07 PM, said:

I smell manure.

That could be me. I wasn't careful where I put my feet while paddling around the vegetable plot earlier.

[edlee]

To be quite blunt,,, which as all here know,, is unlike me,,,, the posts were in reference to the previous post's use of the end of many wedding vows. In an age where upwards of 50% of marriages end in divorce,, it would seem to most that those words hold less force than they once did. Not unlike the lines that come before,, in the bride's part,, where she promises to love and obey.

This being my second,, you understand my feeling that the words are to be taken as hopeful,, not mandatory.
ed

[qbounce]

Yes Ed,
But they are still taken, and taken more often now in this day and age than ever before, as more people re-marry, and re-re-marry, case in point. I too am on my second, my father his 4th, and my mother her 3rd.

The thing that bothered me most wasn't the new member citing our western valued wedding vows, but more GB's remark regarding the newbie's post.
Maybe someone can tell me how best we're to treat new members here and expect them to want to continue posting when comments are made insinuating that their post smells like ?

[Zack]

Now I'm wishing my wife would go on vacation without me. At least that would mean I'm married! I'm not. Never have been. Don't want to be. Relationships seem to make me feel married when we're together 24/7..
I thought this thread died way back, until I smelled something. No idea what it was! Hmm?

[edlee]

Perhaps Q,, I'm more tolerant of this sort of thing than you are. Truth be told,, I'm actually less tolerant of those who can't take a bit of kidding. In fact,, I've not seen anyone attacked for asking for help,, or giving advice,, only for giving opinions or stating as fact, things that might not be.

If one offers opinion and then can't take a dissenting post without running away,,, perhaps they are doing the right thing.
ed

[qbounce]

Honestly, it isn't JUST "mylovesinachair" that I'm concerned with regarding responses such as this, but MORE importantly it's other lurkers, who may in turn become potential posters.

Maybe I'm looking at the big picture the wrong way, but I don't think so.

In response to your joking around, Ed. I know there's plenty of that going on around here, hell I'd like to think I can do my fair share of it. But, not at the expense of new members. Maybe "I'm" being overly sensitive.

If GB can hold his nose up over a post and poo-poo it, as eloquently censored as it was, certainly he can take me calling him on it.



I sense a broken thread in the near future. And for this I apologize profusely in advance.

Edited by qbounce, 26 March 2012 - 11:32 PM.

[greybeard]

Q, new members I can take. I welcome them all.

I can just do without a religious lecture in post #9.

Best to test the water a little before berating the OP for non compliance with mylovesinachair's religious doctrines, I feel. She came here for help, not a BS lecture.

[richo]

bythegraceofGod, on 10 December 2011 - 11:34 PM, said:

Boo-hoo.............poor thing.
Wouldn't it be nice if he could up and get away from being a burden to your life? I am sure he is perfectly fine with all of the issues that SCI causes.
I guess I am different from most, because your post pisses me off. If life is so rough that you need a "get away", you have more issues than SCI dragging you down.
Selfish!!!

maybe thats it,she just needs a hard one ina.........enjoy ya self love