4 replies to this topic

[Rachel4d]

Hi,

My name is Rachel and I just found out about this website today. I think this is an amazing idea where people can get support from other people in similar situations.

My father is a quadriplegic and acquired his injury four years ago. His injury was pretty difficult on our family and I had a particularly tough time adapting to it. I was wondering if there are other people in similar situations? I would love to hear your stories.

Thanks!

-Rachel

[mellowgator]

hi rachel,

i have a 17 year old daughter named rachel and i am a c-6 quad. i had rachel after my accident and she only knows what i'm like in the w-c. she never knew me as a walker. i'm sure your family has been through a lot with your dad's injury.

be there for your dad and help him all you can. this is a new life for all of you but it doesn't mean you all can't be happy.

if you have any questions just ask.

mellowgator

[rue2you]

Hi Rachel,

I have 6 children ages 12 and down. I became paralyzed 2 years ago and so my children (with the exception of the baby who I was pregnant with at the time) remember me as a walking mommy and now a wheelchair mommy. I made the decision at the very beginning that the responsibility of how my family handled this rested on my shoulders and how I handled it. I was determined that life could be "normal" again - with just a few adjustments for mommy and her wheels. There have been some sad days (memories are tough sometimes) but you do not dwell on that and I don't let my family dwell on it. As soon as any of us start feeling sorry for ourselves (and that is really what it boils down too), then we play the glad game and start talking about things we are happy about. Mommy is alive, the baby was born healthy, mommy can use her arms and hands and breathe, we can see, we can hear, we can sing, we can play, and on and on. I constantly challenge myself to try new things. Not only is it good for me and keeps me out of a rut, but it is good for my family to see that I am still very much an active participant. I refuse to be a spectator in life!

So, for your dad, your sadness is perfectly normal but the greatest help to me is when my family helps to encourage me - not tell me things like, "Oh, you can't do that." Or, "You just sit right here and we will take care of that." He still has an important role in your family and it is up to you all to help make sure of that. I don't know what level your dad is or how much function he has but let me try to explain this with an example. Let's say you are having a family cook-out. Typically, when you are disabled, people will just kind of give you a spot to sit and watch while everyone else is buzzing around getting food ready, pouring ice over the drinks in the cooler, grilling the food, throwing horse shoes, etc. As the one in the wheelchair, you are sitting there watching all of this activity and there your mind takes off. You watch the horse-shoe throwers and remember when you could do that...and win! You watch the people carrying food and wish you could help them. You watch the children on the playground and realize you can't even get over and swing your kids or go down a slide with them. This makes you feel very sad and useless.

This is where a point of decision must be made. 1)Sit here feeling sorry for myself and feel depressed and angry. or 2)Find something that I can do and do it. Invent a "new" me where I still have a role and that is NOT sitting on the sidelines doing nothing. Even if I had no use of my arms or hands, I could still tell a thrilling story to the children and be the new favorite adult at every family reunion. Maybe if he doesn't have the initiative to do this, you could help by suggesting things for him to do so that he feels like he is needed. This helps everyone because he truly is needed and you need him. He needs you (physically) but you need him too and he must feel this. That is probably part of the sadness because he is not the same dad physically, but he is in every other way and you have to focus on that and foster that and allow that to grow deeper in your thought processes.

I will be praying for your family and know that together you all will be fine!

[cas]

Rue2u- your post struck many chords with me.- you just voiced most of my feelings in situations. My children were 2 and 4 at my accident date. My 4 yr old ( now just 7) cam remember me walking, although I suspect he won't later on. My daughter who is now 4 obv remembers nothing, My fear is probably heightened because she's a girl. My husband can be a fab role model for our eldest (a boy). He can play rugby, football,rough and tumble etc..... At the moment our daughter aged 4 just wants to be me, but I desperately don't want to be the mummy just sitting there, so i feel impelled to take things to extremes- I am at every party they r invited to, at every play date after school. Any activity or sport they want to do I am their taxii! I strive for the normality, but seem to work extra hard to feet it - and to b honest, they would probably plod along at total normality!!! As a child (obv older than mine) I can imagine the situation is reversed, you are trying to continue normality for the sake of the parent, from my point of view normality and just getting on with it would def b the way forward!!

Edited by cas, 05 July 2011 - 09:52 PM.

[Snakeye]

I was raised by my Grandfather who had a peg-leg (got his leg blown off during WWI, fighting the Hun)...His father lost an arm at age twenty in a threshing accident and I had two uncles missing fingers from digging potatoes with a spade while my Grandpa Cross lost the use of his legs in a tractor rollover accident and spent his golden years in a wheelchair made from a walnut rocking chair with improvised wheels...My point being: over the ages many families have had disabled folks in the family..They simply adjusted to the reality of the situation and made do..