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Have You Accepted Your Injury?




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68 replies to this topic

Poll: How are you coping with a spinal cord injury? (204 member(s) have cast votes)

Just as every spinal cord injury is different, so are everyones ways of coping. So, how are you coping?

  1. I have adjusted to my injury, and live my life as best I can. (58 votes [28.43%])

    Percentage of vote: 28.43%

  2. I have not yet adjusted to my injury, and am not coping well. (11 votes [5.39%])

    Percentage of vote: 5.39%

  3. I have accepted my injury, live my life, and am content, not waiting for a cure. (62 votes [30.39%])

    Percentage of vote: 30.39%

  4. I have not accepted my injury, and have put my life on hold whilst waiting for a cure. (9 votes [4.41%])

    Percentage of vote: 4.41%

  5. I look back at my life before my injury, but cannot move on and see no future with this injury. (11 votes [5.39%])

    Percentage of vote: 5.39%

  6. I look back at my life before my injury with fondness, but look forward in a positive frame of mind. (53 votes [25.98%])

    Percentage of vote: 25.98%

Vote Guests cannot vote

#61 AlaskaOne

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Posted 24 January 2012 - 07:00 PM

It has been twenty years for me and that has afforded me sufficient time to contemplate my condition and acquire enough self-knowledge to know that I shall never again walk and should never realistically hope to do so. But that of itself hardly troubles me, and, with rare exceptions, I never find myself grieving for what Iíve lost. What does scare me though is my dependence. My wife is so integral to my emotional and physical well-being that I often wonder what will happen if one day sheís not there. Sometimes when Iím alone in my bed or in my chair I will plunge into this morbid mood during which Iíll just begin conceiving of a hundred different scenarios in which our permanent separation is brought about. I'll begin by imagining accidents, then every species of violent crime which will invariably entail her demise. Beset by these fears, I often will feel that to die now before she does is the only way of avoiding the terrifying future I envisage without her. At such times, I freely confess, I become a little suicidal, but the despair always passes and things come right again.

These unwholesome thoughts are the one evil wrought by sci that I know if I could overcome would leave me immeasurably happy and contented with my lot, but sadly thus far no way to do so has suggested itself to my mind.

Your post leaves me no hope. I am just over a year from my accident w/ hopes that my mental state would improve w/ time. I too depend solely on my wonderful husband for all my physical and mental care. I too feel that I can and have somewhat come to terms w/ my physical state. What I absolutely cannot reconcile in my heart is how I am responsible for the piss-poor quality of life he now has. We fish commercially, lived in a remote bush site in a log cabin we built ourselves, and subsisted almost entirely off the land and sea. Now we live in another state and he is having to forego all that he once did that literally defined who he is. So now we're both lost and I feel so terribly guilty. I despair of twenty more years of this.

#62 bongorum

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Posted 24 January 2012 - 07:47 PM

I too feel guilt of the kind you've described relative to my wife, and when I allow myself to get lost in it, numberless are the tears I shed inside. Nevertheless, because depression and despair are contagious, I try my utmost to shut those unproductive feelings up within myself and instead give vent to the other feelings of which my heart is always full - it is of course love of which I speak. I show her as much of my love and appreciation as possible whenever possible, and because she is the incredible person that she is, it always proves enough. I imagine it's the same with your husband. You mustn't allow neglect of him to grow in the shadow of your guilt, instead cherish him with all the eagerness of your soul and let the rest take care of itself.

Another thing, a few posts up is greybeard's contribution. It's very sound advice and should be followed to the letter, with the exception of the scotch part, of course, unless you love the stuff as much as he and I do.

Edited by bongorum, 24 January 2012 - 08:01 PM.

ďIn the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.Ē
-Albert Camus

#63 Niceparalegs

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Posted 28 February 2012 - 07:07 PM

3 mo post op: "LIVE WITH HOPE FOR A BETTER TOMORROW, BUT ACCEPT THE TODAY YOU HAVE AND LIVE IT AS THOUGH IT MAY BE YOUR LAST." We aren't promised tomorrow or even one more breath. Make the ones youre blessed with count.

#64 Tetracyclone

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Posted 28 February 2012 - 09:47 PM

Bongo-
No need to fret about your wife. have your poison pill updated every year, then if something happens to your wife just call, "be right with you dear!"

#65 snaggs10

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Posted 17 August 2012 - 02:53 AM

Sarah has done a lot in her life since her injury. She gradurated high school and dental School and is is now a DDS. She is in an office where everyone loves her. She gave a speech at our old high school and one of the line was. " I don't ask way I was put in this chair because it has never stopped me from my dreams. It has made me want them more. We should never ask why something happens because we may not like the answer the tunnel my be dark at first but at the end is a new light and a new day" Would Sarah like to walk again yes but right now she is happy with what she has in her life and what she has done and what she will do and if that included her chair she will live life to the fullest and that is what I love about her.

#66 Qchair'sTravelers

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Posted 17 August 2012 - 03:20 AM

Even after 23 years (in a few days) post injury, I still have those "what if" days. I think we all do. Then again, I think ABs do too, only about other events in their lives.

I have heard about fetal stem cells, regular stem cells, weird off the wall miracle cures, and just about everything else. If I had waited on a "cure" I would have missed out on almost half my life. I am paralyzed. I lost feeling and motor control in slightly more than half my body. It SUCKS! So did having kidney cancer and losing a kidney last fall but guess what? I didn't die and I still want to have a good life, enjoyment and continue on this great road trip. Shit happens. Sometimes you just have to take a big bite of the sandwich and move on.

Q


It has been twenty years for me and that has afforded me sufficient time to contemplate my condition and acquire enough self-knowledge to know that I shall never again walk and should never realistically hope to do so. But that of itself hardly troubles me, and, with rare exceptions, I never find myself grieving for what I've lost. What does scare me though is my dependence. My wife is so integral to my emotional and physical well-being that I often wonder what will happen if one day she's not there. Sometimes when I'm alone in my bed or in my chair I will plunge into this morbid mood during which I'll just begin conceiving of a hundred different scenarios in which our permanent separation is brought about. I'll begin by imagining accidents, then every species of violent crime which will invariably entail her demise. Beset by these fears, I often will feel that to die now before she does is the only way of avoiding the terrifying future I envisage without her. At such times, I freely confess, I become a little suicidal, but the despair always passes and things come right again.

These unwholesome thoughts are the one evil wrought by sci that I know if I could overcome would leave me immeasurably happy and contented with my lot, but sadly thus far no way to do so has suggested itself to my mind.

Your post leaves me no hope. I am just over a year from my accident w/ hopes that my mental state would improve w/ time. I too depend solely on my wonderful husband for all my physical and mental care. I too feel that I can and have somewhat come to terms w/ my physical state. What I absolutely cannot reconcile in my heart is how I am responsible for the piss-poor quality of life he now has. We fish commercially, lived in a remote bush site in a log cabin we built ourselves, and subsisted almost entirely off the land and sea. Now we live in another state and he is having to forego all that he once did that literally defined who he is. So now we're both lost and I feel so terribly guilty. I despair of twenty more years of this.

I really want to tell you something in a certain way, but I shall keep my diplomatic nature and try it this way. Even if your husband loves you beyond the love of all loves, HE chose to stay. He could have walked away. I know you think "no, he wouldn't", be he COULD have. He didn't. He stayed. Stop trying to take on his life choices as well as your own. You have enough to handle. Show him this post if you think I am being mean or untruthful, and see what he says about my comment. JMHO

Q
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Qchair's Travelers: http://www.qchair.com

#67 KaterinaWit

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Posted 17 August 2012 - 03:40 AM

In the end, we all make our own choices. Roadblocks lead to detours, and sometimes (when the signs are wrong) and you take the wrong road/path, it's a hard way or maybe even no way back.

Best not to make those roadblocks more difficult than they need to be.

You don't need to prove you're a lifer, when you've already made the commitment to be one. Don't expect or ask anything differently from you partner.

#68 Tetracyclone

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Posted 18 August 2012 - 12:45 AM

I think worrying for others is another way to express our own grief. We project it onto the other. Is he lost? Sure, everything is still new. Does he grieve for his old life? Of course. You both do.

Share it with each other and grow together. Shit happens, no matter the flavor. It can strengthen your bond or drive you apart. It is a choice. And use a counselor from time to time. That impartial 3rd party can do a world of good.

#69 AudreyRose

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Posted 01 November 2012 - 05:46 PM

I do accept that I have this injury, it is way too hard to ignore ;~). It has actually become easier for me when I accepted that it was permanent. I try not to think about ever having a cure because it stops me from living the life I have. This is definitely not my old life, that is gone. But this new life has a lot of happiness in it too. It feels like something I have built to make it OK, so I’m a little bit proud. Sometimes it bothers me that I will always be this way and I worry about how people perceive me. I know most people see the chair first thing. All the people I see everyday (except my husband) have only known me as a paraplegic. I'm not sure if that is better or worse. I feel like this is not what I am, it is just what happened to me. It has been seven years, I really should be over it entirely. I probably do have some self esteem issues.
~Audrey


Spinal Cord Injury & Cauda Equina Syndrome Support

This website is a way for those with spinal cord injuries and cauda equina syndrome to share experiences and advice. Any medical matters, treatments or alternative therapies discussed on this website should be thoroughly reviewed by a medical professional or therapist before being acted upon. Under no circumstances should you alter prescribed medication or a medical care plan without consulting your doctor or care plan supervisor first.