16 replies to this topic

[mcwriter]

I am wondering if anyone else feels this way or if it's just me...

There are times, and these go in spurts mind you, that my husband seems like he makes a sound for every possible thing.

For example, yesterday he happened to set his hand down on the bed with a finger pointing downward and I hear, "Yow!" from the other room. I come in to see what happened and he is looking at his finger and wondering why it hurt like that when he didn't do anything. My response was, "You probably just set it down 'just right' and it zapped the nerve."

Yes, I realize that sometimes he is feeling particularly bad and that every additional pain or sensation is magnified. Then there are the times when he is worried about some new pain or symptom and he keeps trying to figure out what it could mean----as more than the average medical knowledge can do to a person. Or there are the times when he exerted himself a day or two before and didn't think to attribute the extra pain to that. And obviously there are simply those times when he wants a little extra attention. I get those things, but it occurs to me my responses are so very "shopworn" and I don't know what to say anymore.

Maybe you guys can help me out and put your wits to work on some new responses and I hope you will be really creative.

Here's some I thought up...(and remember, I am in a different room and I hear him make the sound...) Some things to do because I've run out of new things to say:

I have a spray bottle filled with water that has a big bold label that reads "Ouch Repellant",
I dash in, ask where it hurts and give him a spray.

-Or-

I have band-aids & a sharpie and I write things on them that say things like, "I love you" or "there, there" or "owie" or "Kiss here" with an arrow.
Keep these handy and use at random.

-Or-

An 'afternoon at the beach' (while he is in his usual spot in bed)--I could go in with my swimsuit on, some beach towels, beverages with umbrellas and fruit, rub suntan lotion all over him--great smell for the atmosphere and we could lay there with our sunglasses on.

Now you guys think of some more fun things to say or do, won't you???

Edited by mcwriter, 10 July 2011 - 06:38 PM.

[ClaraTaylor]

I want an ouchie plaster!!!!

[wheeliebear75]

I try not to make any "Ow" type sounds if I can help it, they tend to give my B/F an anxiety attack (MAJOR exaggeration....he does freak out slightly usually thinking it's 10x worse than it actually is.).

Come in dressed as a "naughty nurse" uniform & tell him "OK now it'll only hurt if you WANT IT TO ! "?

Take an old can of air-freshener & MAKE-UP a label saying "Ouch-B-Gone!"?

Edited by wheeliebear75, 10 July 2011 - 09:49 PM.

[greybeard]

Why not just ignore them. He´ll soon holler if he really needs you. I find myself grunting and groaning a lot with all the various little pains I get, but it´s almost an unconscious thing. They don´t need any response.

[ZEN12many]

I vote for the suntan lotion and the naughty nurse uniform. Also with that much pain and that long, I would be going for the best drugs I could get. My mother was on methadone for severe back pain. Long term it does damage to your digestive system, and it doesn't take the pain away completely (per my mother), and you do get addicted, but it helped a lot. But first, the naughty nurse outfit (take a camera in with you - that should keep him busy).

[isobar]

Honey take a deep breath , close your eyes , count to five , then ......... ask those demons to leave you be.

[Mary-Anne]

Oddly enough, I have the opposite issue. When I hear my BF make a sound or swear, I will yell from the next room, "Are you okay?" or "Do you need help?" He objects to this. "You don't hear me screaming, do you? If I need help I'll let you know."

So I guess I have to learn to distinguish among the noises as to which ones require a response.

Sometimes when he really does need help, such as falling backwards in his manual chair, there is no vocal sound at all.

Can't win. However, I can decide whether to allow it to make me frustrated.

If you and your S.O. can have fun with it, then do that. You know the other person. I don't think my BF would respond well to the suntan lotion idea.

Mary-Anne

[Smileyblue]

Personally, I would feel totally humiliated if someone close to me were to treat me this way.. I would feel like I'm being taunted for making sounds when I'm in pain, or like I'm being treated like a child.. But I don't make noises for just anything, only when I'm REALLY suffering, so I can't really compare my situation to his..

If this is what works for him, good on you for making the effort to make things better for him.. ;-)

Edited to add:

Things like the indoor sunbathing sounds great for " spending time together" activities.. Doing sweet things like this together is what makes relationships stronger.. ;-)

Edited by Smileyblue, 13 July 2011 - 01:51 PM.

[Edinburgh Colin]

Got to say I like the idea of indoor sunbathing! Just because it's different and sounds fun, you need a bit of fun in life. Otherwise you shrivel up n die!

EC

[mellowgator]

mcwriter,

your husband sound like mine. when no one is around he's fine but the second i round the corner he's limping and moaning. i think it's for my benefit. men can be big babies. perhaps ignor the noises and see {if he doesn't get your attention} if they mysteriously stop. could be.


mellowgator

Edited by mellowgator, 13 July 2011 - 05:38 PM.

[airart1]

we are not big baby's....u hurt my feelings....booo-hoo!!!! just messing, couldn't resist!

[baldfatdad]

My son tells me I'm making old guy noises. I told him turn on the blender if he didn't like it. Week or so later I groaned or moaned. He threw a hand full of ice in the blender and let it rip. Since then, when I know I'm going to do something I holler: TURN ON THE BLENDER.
I'd ignore him. Small children and dogs do things just to get your attention. The more you respond to it the worse it gets.

[sh1wn]

I make noises when I have a hard spasm and when being moved around, I really don't have much control of them and it does get kinda annoying when mom asks what they mean for the millionth time, on the other hand I don't think I would like it if she completely ignored me either.

As far as your ideas go, if it's a private beach who says you need to wear a suit?

[Spinner]

My favorite is the beach idea! As for the other ideas, I think they are cute and if they would make him smile I say go for it! My husband is more the type who would rather I not make a big deal out of his pain. He would rather I sit quietly touching him or holding his hand, or rubbing away the pain.

[DannyR]

I say topless with "Billy Bob" teeth holding a chainsaw.

[mcwriter]

This is all very interesting. I love to hear everyone's take on this.

WE go in spurts with my husbands health issues and pain levels and of course there are times to be on high alert and then other times when it is not necessary. I am not always perfect at distinguishing these sometimes. So I kind of think like mellowgator in that If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there, does it make a sound? I often wonder if he still does a lot of this when I'm not around.

No matter, I decided that if I could make some fun out of it, it would make it easier for me to not stress unnecessarily and it would make him feel good at the same time instead of the dark cloud over both of us, of wondering what new, odd health thing is going on now---because it is always something, right?

Yeah, sometimes it gets on my nerves, if I find out that it is really nothing, so then it is a matter of choice in how to react. So I wanted to think of it as an opportunity and figure out some ways to do happy things, make loving gestures.

At times he will get into the doldrums where he feels he is a burden and that is so far from the truth! If something weighs on me or gets to me, it is just because I haven't figured what to do about it---YET.

The blender-thing was hilarious.

A happy day doesn't just fall in your lap, it doesn't happen by itself. The day is what you make of it, so why not? I think I do actually have "Billy Bob Teeth" in the Halloween stuff and a chainsaw in the shed, DannyR...not saying that's exactly what I'll end up doing, but it does give me some more ideas!

[airart1]

topless with billy bob teeth, darn!!!! funny senerio,huh......