18 replies to this topic

[wheeliebear75]

We went out to eat tonight in celebration of our birthdays (mom, B/F, & mine are all within about a 6wk window). Had the usual aggravation of no disabled parking cuz it was being used. But once inside it was pretty busy & the ONLY place to get parked was (drum roll please) UNDER A MENU BOARD! For those of you who don't know.....going out to dinner to celebrate a birthday & being beneath a menu board (although it was a much MUCH larger one 1st time around) is how I got the CNS combo package (SCI + TBI). So although the one tonight was only maybe 1&1/2 in I was still pretty nervous about being there. Nervous enough that I ended up crying (no not like a blubbering idiot or in hysterics) & mom ended up standing behind me (aka putting herself between me & THIS sign). My B/F explained that there were no other places to put me without blocking everything & everyone, & he'd thought about outside but even there we had to get past a crowd of people + I would have been in the evening breeze (cold & me do NOT get along). I did manage to relax as soon as we were no longer by the sign. And we had a terrific dinner with good booze (we all had pina coladas but only Mom & I had the ones with rum, B/F had a virgin pina colada). I just can't seem to help it. Something LIGHT like a photo with-OUT a frame or a TINY photo in a frame I'm OK with.....anything else I want it nowhere near me! Gravity has a nasty habit of WINNING the fight. I can go down aisles in stores OK but CostCo is kinda unnerving cuz that stuff is so heavy they often have to use forklifts to move. Going past semi-trucks carrying freight like pipes or other things that could fall/roll off make me nervous as do car carriers but the ones hauling a solid trailer do not nor do the ones for livestock. I'm OK with hallways that have pictures on the walls cuz I can zip on past them. We have a dream catcher over our bed as well as 2 pictures of Jesus (NO frames) & I'm OK with these & can sleep without giving them a 2nd thought with regards to gravity. I know the chances of having something just as heavy falling on me are slim (heavy now = liability for lawsuit) cuz places aren't using such heavy materials anymore.....but it's just something I can't seem to shake. NO I'm not bothered by it enough to seek any sort of anti-anxiety meds.....it only comes up now & again.....& today was one of those AGAIN days.

Edited by wheeliebear75, 18 July 2011 - 07:33 AM.

[jenny407]

Paranoid or a nutcase? No, you are neither! I can very well understand your emotions and your reactions. This was a very traumatic experience - it is normal for our brains not to forget it. A kind of self-preservation, I guess. And I'm sorry it (nearly?) spoiled your evening.


There are in fact two ways, I think:

1) Just accept it. Avoid those heavy objects above your head where you can. And just allow yourself to feel uncomfortable in those situations - it's normal in your case.

2) Psychologists advise to try to lessen the fear by repeatedly confronting these situations: first a smaller object, for a shorter time -- then increase ... I'm not sure if you feel this is the way to go for you. If you feel you need it. Decide yourself!


I'm glad to hear you've got such a supporting family and boyfriend!

And - happy belated birthday!

[wheeliebear75]

Early for me, belated for my Mom & B/F. Thank you! Normally I can handle being around something uncomfortably large for a minute or 2 but we were waiting 30min+ & towards the end of wait is when I started to cry. And YES we did go on to have a wonderful dinner with appetizers & the whole 9 yards!

I am very lucky.....I didn't even have to say anything....just the look on my face & that I kept trying to turn around in my chair & was staring at it periodically. They KNEW why I was upset. And they each did their best to calm me down; my B/F by trying to explain it was thinner & lighter & NO glass & made of particle board instead of a more heavy solid wood like sign #1 & that the chains holding it looks to be very solid, Mom stood between my back wheels & hugged me while B/F held my hand. Once we got to our table I wiped the tears away & blew my nose.....then asked about the kid's menu (Just KIDDING ). It ended up being a nice evening & I owe that to my wonderful Mom & B/F.

[HiltonP]

It does appear that you have "issues", which should probably be addressed sooner rather than later.

They are of a nature which not only affects you personally, but those around you as well.
Your issues come in a form which you encounter on a day-to-day basis, therefore there is
no hiding from them. Best then to tackle them and provide yourself, and those around you,
with peace of mind.

[Smileyblue]

Your family sounds GREAT! I'm so glad everything turned out well in the end and you enjoyed the celebrations!

Its not "overly paranoid" or "nutcase" to be weary of previously dangerous situations.. Its built into our survival instincts to avoid previous danger.. Personally I can't remember my car accident, but I'm TERRIFIED of being in a vehicle.. I'm fine until the engine starts, and then I'm a blubbering idiot! The subconscious is a VERY powerful thing..

[Tetracyclone]

Your reaction to things that remind you of your injury is utterly normal. Years ago I had a wreck in which a car ran a stop sign and rammed my driver's side hard, injuring me.

It took years before the reflex response of fear about vehicles coming from my left subsided. But it did, so I missed the one that SCId me!

[lavenderthistle]

You're neither. We avoid or have fear in response to something scary, at least most of us do. You survived the first time and you don't want to take another chance. I was broadsided, left turns still bother me, but not as much. I've been run off the road by many semi's, I still get a bit nervous when they are passing. It used to be really bad and I had panic attacks while driving. I had to take medicine for a while just to be able to drive. I ended up battling agoraphobia at one point during all this. Last year 2 days after my birthday my neck moved normally for the last time...I'm a bit worried about this year so I'm skipping my birthday. You are NOT abnormal, NOT a scaredy cat, and NOT a nutcase.

I'm glad you had fun. Also glad you had Pina Coladas!!

Happy (almost) Bday

[greybeard]

Nothing wrong with being scared of things that might hurt you. I'm so petrified of heights that, big butch man that I am, I get scared sitting on a high stool! It's called self preservation. Listen to your instincts. They won't often be wrong.

[pinkcloud]

Happy belated birthday young wheeliebear

I never had a fear of things falling on me and it did...a large huge picture in a pub fell off the wall in me local bikers pub (i was laying down on me side as per usual) all the times i had been careful not to put meself in dangerous situations and bingo..smack onto t7/8 right side. You know what I thought 'for fooks sake'. Thats it.

All them times i had wrapped meself up in cotton wool, threatening to knock people out with me crutch when they had barged past me (under me breathe lol, i aint the violent type) and bang, it happens in the most freaky of situations.

So no your not a nutcase, paranoid or any other negative term you address yaself with. You got a spinal cord injury and dont want no more injuries.

now...real dangers...going out in a car, crowded street, leaving a window open with no one but you home, transferring to have a shower...these are all real life dangers we have ever day, to worry about them all would send us mad. But you dont, you place all them big worries focusing on being near things that could fall on you. Very sane if you ask me.

Now i am a nutcase because i take a few too many risks than i ought too like spending a bit too long on me chair and do me back in ...I am paranoid that when i wake up in the morning me first thought is 'shite i'm paralyzed i cant move' when actually its just pain and stiffness. infact I am the original fruitloop itself i reckon...and I'd rather be that than 'Peter perfect' anyday.... wouldnt you

Edited by pinkcloud, 18 July 2011 - 04:17 PM.

[mcwriter]

It is great that your family can tell just by the look on your face and they try to do something about it.

I have two examples of fears, one from an actual event and one from no event.

Our family was in a car accident when our kids were grade school ages and we were coming home on the freeway in the ran at night. A drunk driver was all over the road and when he got onto the shoulder my husband passed him. We were only clear for about a minute when the guy sped up and came across broadside in front of us. We crashed into him and the median and more cars were coming. In the dark we knew they wouldn't be able to see us and my husband yelled for us to get out of the car. I grabbed my daughter through the seats and pulled her out with me. Our son didn't follow, he got out his door behind my husband. I had to run with my daughter in the pitch black to save her, I didn't know where my son was and I knew my husband was trapped in the car and all we could hear were cars crashing into each other and then more cars skidding and crashing. Finally the police came and the traffic stopped. My daughter and I made our way toward the police car and found our son...the drunk driver had actually grabbed him and pulled him to safety! We huddled together still listening to more cars skidding to a stop and there out of the darkness came my husband walking toward us with only his face bloodied from a broken nose!

Needless to say, we have suffered some separation anxiety because of this, but there's more...

My mother-in-law & brother-in-law picked us all up from the hospital, (thankfully none of us were badly hurt) and all she had was a tiny car and I am not good in small spaces in the way that it only bothers me if I cannot move my arms. We had to all cram into her car and I almost could not make myself squeeze in there! My husband was aware of my fear and I didn't know if I would just lose it or not, but I squeezed in. It was horrific. My husband in the front seat kept his eye and his hand on me and I couldn't move the entire drive home because we were crammed in so tightly. All I could do was to try and focus on the touch of his hand and the sound of his voice and try to keep my breathing steady.

I have no actual experience to attribute that claustrophobic fear to. I simply have a great deal of anxiety in a small space if I can't move my arms.

Afterwards and even til now, my husband and I both have a thing about rain. We still don't like to drive in it at night. We don't even like to drive on the freeway at night if it's not raining. Go figure.

Stuff happens or it doesn't happen, but we all have fears of some kind and it just takes time to face them and realize we survived another day and learned a little more. It is a matter of acknowledging our fears and learning how to calm our anxieties and the support of others.

You aren't paranoid or a nutcase and you have the support of all of us.

Edited by mcwriter, 18 July 2011 - 04:40 PM.

[baldfatdad]

I fell off a building. It took me two years to watch a Road Runner cartoon. Poor Coyote. 20+ years latter I can watch, but I don't think its funny.
Buddy of mine got blown up in Iraq. Flashing lights make him crazy. Fire trucks, ambulances, cops.
Nope you are normal. That fear is what keeps up from burning our hand the second time on the stove.
It will get better with time.

[rue2you]

No, you are not crazy. I have trouble watching anything that I know is high to yield an SCI - motorcross, rodeo's, wild stunts, all that stuff. I get nrevous when a motorcycle whizzes by me really fast on a road - and none of these things landed me in a wheelchair!! I had a weird unknown illness that they think attacked my spinal cord (like an infection) but they still aren't 100% sure. So, everytime I feel a weird tingle in my face or hand I can start to panic thinking something else is going to go! It just takes time I think and a LOT of self- talk (I am okay, this has happened before and I was alright, etc)

I also think there is a fine line with going ahead and making yourself face your fears. The more you coddle them, the worse they can grow. When I feel those feelings, I make myself go ahead and do it. So we were just in Texas and we went to a rodeo. I made myself watch every single thing! Then, this girl got thrown off a bronk and he stepped right on her stomach. She just laid there and didn't move - at all! They carried her off on a stretcher. I couldn't watch anymore!! I was sitting next to a couple (who were strangers to me) and they were both paralyzed and in wheelchairs. They looked at me (as they saw me staring at the floor) and said, "We know. We can't watch either." So, I think it is universal to have fears about SCI stuff even if it isn't exactly personal. It can be a scary thing and certainly not anything we wish to live through more than once!

[edlee]

Happy B-day Wheelie. Glad you had a good "rest of the day",,,, but,,,,, OOOOOOH YEAH,,,, you are indeed a total nutcase. Paranoid????? probably some of that, too.

So what,,,,,,, we still love you. Just makes you one of us. God knows, we all have plenty of foibles of our own.

If you think you'ld like to get over it,,,, use the "getting back on the horse" analogy. If you don't really care whether you do or not,,,, then don't bother. You probably have better things to do, anyway.
ed

[wheeliebear75]

Smileyblue, on 18 July 2011 - 11:58 AM, said:

Your family sounds GREAT! I'm so glad everything turned out well in the end and you enjoyed the celebrations!

Its not "overly paranoid" or "nutcase" to be weary of previously dangerous situations.. Its built into our survival instincts to avoid previous danger.. Personally I can't remember my car accident, but I'm TERRIFIED of being in a vehicle.. I'm fine until the engine starts, and then I'm a blubbering idiot! The subconscious is a VERY powerful thing..

Thank you! I am sorry trips in the car are scary for you...but yet it does help to know I'm NOT the only one having fears of a repeat.

Tetracyclone, on 18 July 2011 - 12:00 PM, said:

Your reaction to things that remind you of your injury is utterly normal. Years ago I had a wreck in which a car ran a stop sign and rammed my driver's side hard, injuring me.

It took years before the reflex response of fear about vehicles coming from my left subsided. But it did, so I missed the one that SCId me!

Thank you! Nothing like coming HERE to feel more "normal" even in the not so normal stuff.

lavenderthistle, on 18 July 2011 - 02:21 PM, said:

You're neither. We avoid or have fear in response to something scary, at least most of us do. You survived the first time and you don't want to take another chance. I was broadsided, left turns still bother me, but not as much. I've been run off the road by many semi's, I still get a bit nervous when they are passing. It used to be really bad and I had panic attacks while driving. I had to take medicine for a while just to be able to drive. I ended up battling agoraphobia at one point during all this. Last year 2 days after my birthday my neck moved normally for the last time...I'm a bit worried about this year so I'm skipping my birthday. You are NOT abnormal, NOT a scaredy cat, and NOT a nutcase.

I'm glad you had fun. Also glad you had Pina Coladas!!

Happy (almost) Bday

Thanks Lavender love. Once we were seated the rest of the evening was 100% WONDERFUL!

greybeard, on 18 July 2011 - 03:38 PM, said:

Nothing wrong with being scared of things that might hurt you. I'm so petrified of heights that, big butch man that I am, I get scared sitting on a high stool! It's called self preservation. Listen to your instincts. They won't often be wrong.

Thanks GB! I guess if a big burly bloke like you can admit to a bit of "healthy fear"....so can I.

[wheeliebear75]

Thanks Pink....ya made me laugh...AGAIN! We celebrated my Mom's & B/F's late mine is a bit early actually.....not til the 17th of August. Our birthdays all fall between 6/28-8/17.

[ClaraTaylor]

So glad you had a lovely evening despite a set back.

I still have full blown panic attacks when I wobble past a Vauxhall Nova (but then, it is a Nova and so never a good car to start with!) as I wrote one off when it decided to hit me. I had many years of therapy to "release" the fear of going on the road I was run over on (we've only three roads out of the village one of which is almost dirt track - so I didn't have much choice!!) and it was hellish but now I can drive past the accident site and barely even flinch. I used to refuse to use that road making every excuse possible to justify the 10 mile diversion for a three mile journey. But the point of my waffling is.... I feel so much better now I have it "under control" I have beaten it and refuse to let it control my life, hasn't it taken enough already? Perhaps you could try and find some counselling to help you with your entirely logical fear?

[wheeliebear75]

mcwriter, on 18 July 2011 - 04:36 PM, said:

It is great that your family can tell just by the look on your face and they try to do something about it.

I have two examples of fears, one from an actual event and one from no event.

Our family was in a car accident when our kids were grade school ages and we were coming home on the freeway in the ran at night. A drunk driver was all over the road and when he got onto the shoulder my husband passed him. We were only clear for about a minute when the guy sped up and came across broadside in front of us. We crashed into him and the median and more cars were coming. In the dark we knew they wouldn't be able to see us and my husband yelled for us to get out of the car. I grabbed my daughter through the seats and pulled her out with me. Our son didn't follow, he got out his door behind my husband. I had to run with my daughter in the pitch black to save her, I didn't know where my son was and I knew my husband was trapped in the car and all we could hear were cars crashing into each other and then more cars skidding and crashing. Finally the police came and the traffic stopped. My daughter and I made our way toward the police car and found our son...the drunk driver had actually grabbed him and pulled him to safety! We huddled together still listening to more cars skidding to a stop and there out of the darkness came my husband walking toward us with only his face bloodied from a broken nose!

Needless to say, we have suffered some separation anxiety because of this, but there's more...

My mother-in-law & brother-in-law picked us all up from the hospital, (thankfully none of us were badly hurt) and all she had was a tiny car and I am not good in small spaces in the way that it only bothers me if I cannot move my arms. We had to all cram into her car and I almost could not make myself squeeze in there! My husband was aware of my fear and I didn't know if I would just lose it or not, but I squeezed in. It was horrific. My husband in the front seat kept his eye and his hand on me and I couldn't move the entire drive home because we were crammed in so tightly. All I could do was to try and focus on the touch of his hand and the sound of his voice and try to keep my breathing steady.

I have no actual experience to attribute that claustrophobic fear to. I simply have a great deal of anxiety in a small space if I can't move my arms.

Afterwards and even til now, my husband and I both have a thing about rain. We still don't like to drive in it at night. We don't even like to drive on the freeway at night if it's not raining. Go figure.

Stuff happens or it doesn't happen, but we all have fears of some kind and it just takes time to face them and realize we survived another day and learned a little more. It is a matter of acknowledging our fears and learning how to calm our anxieties and the support of others.

You aren't paranoid or a nutcase and you have the support of all of us.

Thank you so much! My family is amazing when it comes to taking care of me & figuring out what I need. They're a wonderful support and so are you guys!

[wheeliebear75]

Back in the early 90's my fears of gravity having a vendetta and out to get me were more shall we say....more pronounced! I always wanted to be in the MIDDLE of a room FAR away from anything that could fall off the walls. I was even leery of things like overhead lighting fixtures and ceiling panels. I did at least get to the point where I can casually eat dinner with smaller pictures (even with frames + glass/plastic over the PHOTO/PICTURE) in restaurants. And I can focus on the road ahead of me if we're next to a car-carrier & I'm OK (though I'd rather not STAY next to it). I'm OK with overhead lights now. I think it WAS because it was just too similar to what fell on me....MENU BOARD! This is NOT something I encounter on a regular basis; most of the restaurants we've gone to either have an easel set up with their specials OR they have an insert in the menu (NO this wasn't done intentionally), I CAN be around pictures & paintings that look as though they'd weigh less than 10lbs IF it WERE to fall down(I live in Southern CALIFORNIA...A.K.A. prime EARTHQUAKE country). This was more to see if others have also had any kind of flashback-esque moments from time to time. Thank you ALL including those who think I'm a nut!

[rollingtrouble]

Nah, no nut are you! And theres nothing wrong with a little paranoia, it seems to keep one out of trouble at times, I am very knowledgable about trouble thats what I do best. The subconsious mind is a tricky thing, and even though you may not be aware, it will trigger the fight or flight switch in your body that will produce the fear and anxiety that you feel. A normal thing, when you encounter a situation percieved as dangerous or threatening. It can be controled by exposing yourself to the presence of say, in your situation, large objects hanging. In reality, the chances of them falling are not that good. It can happen, but the chances are slim. Because it happened to you however, your mind tells your body its gonna happen and wham, there goes the switch again. But facing the demon will help you overcome the feeling with time as the more you face it the more comfortable you will eventually feel around it. The best thing about this is you can do this at your own pace and comfort level, give it a try sometime and exorcise this demon out of your life!