7 replies to this topic

[cassbee]

Hello all,

I am new to the forum and looking for some advice in dealing with a loved one who has a C5 SPI and has recently become depressed and withdrawn. We've been close friends since November, but I've actually known him three years. I was on the ambulance who transported him after his injury and two and half years later, he wound up being my patient in the hospital where I worked. WE instantly formed a bond and became good friends. It used to be I could go over to the house and hang out and he'd talk to me for hours on end making jokes and laughing. About two months ago, he invited me to come live with him and his mom to help save up money for grad school.

A little background information. After he left the hospital in November, he was on strict bedrest due to a wound he recieved from falling out of his chair. He got released from bedrest in February and began to go to PT five days a week. Things were going good, but we didn't talk that much because he was in PT and I was working and going to school fulltime, but when I was able, I would go visit him and we'd still sit there and talk for hours; same sitauation as above. After about of month, he got a really bad bladder infection and has been dealing with it ever since. Nothing seems to work and I know he is frustrated and upset about it. Unfortunately, he has become depressed (so I'm assuming), and has shutout his family and me. The only thing he wants to do is sleep or get on his computer and play WoW. I understand as much as I can that he gets to involved with WoW because he can do things in the game that he can't in real life. Unfortunately, since he started playing the game all the tiem, he has become rude and mean to his family and me. He tells us that he won't eat dinner with us ebcause he is talking to his friends. It hurts his mom, his sister, and me, but we don't want to seem insensitive.

I know it's not easy. I know I'll never be able to fully understand or comprehend what he faces everyday. It's been three years since his accident and he seems to be drifting farther and farther away. I worry about him constantly. I want to talk to him, but I'm so afraid he's going to brush me off or be mean to me. I pretty much stick to say good morning and good night to him. Every two weeks or so, we'll actually have a conversation where he will joke with me or listen to what's going on in my life, but it's not the same. I'm so afraid I'll say something to make him mad and he'll shut me out all over again. I want to encourage him and tell him that his life has purpose outside of WoW, but don't want to sound insensitive to his needs.

So what do I do? I miss my friend terribly.

[Steven K]

So from my experience, everyone that gets addicted (not casual gamers) to WoW becomes withdrawn and antisocial. I've lost many good friends to that game. Maybe find something he can do that'll put him in a good social mood like smoking pot or drinking alcohol? I know when I'm pissy, nothing people can say will change how I feel so I relate to him. Why don't you get a WoW account and join him in the game once in a while instead of trying to change him back to how he was before...

[Charlie-boi]

Hey I'm currently acting like your friend with my family... So can show a perspective from the other side if you like. Ive probly now going through depression and lately stoped my meds so it will be worse for a while! Realy sometimes you physically not just psychologically dont want to talk to people! The people I have recently pushed away are actually the family who were with me around my accident and hospital afterward.... I kind feel low when peopletajo were with me around them real dark times are around me and I wanna dissasociate af far from the memmories of when our lives were changed so much! Depression makes me angry and one track minded! I never will feel regret got hurting peoples feelings because its hard to sympathise for others when your hurting in ways indescribable by words!! Wow yeh I realy understand that too and why not as long as it's not 24/7.... Not sure how old your mate is but if young like me Extra horribleness can come from other things like sexual frustration! A good woman usually cheers me up ;) how to help you well ??? No ones managed with me even though people ask "how can I make you happy all the time" there probly nothing you can do! It's his battle! Mine usually goes away when I'm in the process of organising things like getting a new car,,, doin stuff to a car!! Maybe get him to organise something whether it be competing in a wow event somewhere?? Just things to stop the monotony of everyday being the same??? But best bet it's the women trick lol hope helps x

[Charlie-boi]

Steven K, on 28 July 2011 - 12:42 AM, said:

So from my experience, everyone that gets addicted (not casual gamers) to WoW becomes withdrawn and antisocial. I've lost many good friends to that game. Maybe find something he can do that'll put him in a good social mood like smoking pot or drinking alcohol? I know when I'm pissy, nothing people can say will change how I feel so I relate to him. Why don't you get a WoW account and join him in the game once in a while instead of trying to change him back to how he was before...

Alcohol and abit of green no chance if he's got depression already! That social problems is a small variable of the big proble he got bein depression!

[kiwiquad]

I wholeheartedly agree with Steven K .. I've found nothing snaps me out of a 'low' more than some herb...Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Good luck.

[ZEN12many]

Agree that a little green helps a lot with depression. Also, you might try getting him outside to enjoy some fresh air. [And as others have said, his rudeness is a symptom of the depression he is suffering].

[biggdoggpa]

Steven K, on 28 July 2011 - 12:42 AM, said:

So from my experience, everyone that gets addicted (not casual gamers) to WoW becomes withdrawn and antisocial. I've lost many good friends to that game. Maybe find something he can do that'll put him in a good social mood like smoking pot or drinking alcohol? I know when I'm pissy, nothing people can say will change how I feel so I relate to him. Why don't you get a WoW account and join him in the game once in a while instead of trying to change him back to how he was before...

kiwiquad, on 28 July 2011 - 01:15 AM, said:

I wholeheartedly agree with Steven K .. I've found nothing snaps me out of a 'low' more than some herb...Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Good luck.

ZEN12many, on 28 July 2011 - 02:34 AM, said:

Agree that a little green helps a lot with depression. Also, you might try getting him outside to enjoy some fresh air. [And as others have said, his rudeness is a symptom of the depression he is suffering].

wtf lol really trade one addiction for another??? Sorry just shocked to see this as advice!! How about a reality check!!! when he is in the mood sit down and talk to him and voice your concerns, offer your help and assistance as you already have just clearify..... he will come back around in time just keep him away from Call of Duty !!!

[nomis]

Keep it real, cassbee. You and the family don't need to be treated rudely no matter what his problem is. Set proper expectations of courtesy.

He may be going through a phase of escaping into a fantasy world of WOW, which is ok, but he needs to behave appropriately when in the real world, like when having his dinner made and brought to him.

Next time you've got his attention, try a conversation using all the points you make in your last paragraph. Then ask him what he wants.