24 replies to this topic

[Sarah Elizabeth]

I'm 13 and in April'11 a car accident left me with a t9 complete SCI.
Today I found this site and I need some help.


I want to know if I'll ever get happy again. I haven't really been genually happy since the accident. I want to believe there is hope for recovery, but I've read alot and can't seem to wrap my head around it. Everybody I know calls me strong but they don't see the other side. I need to know if it gets better.
Any advice at all will help. Thanks.
#Faith

[Soryfam]

Sarah Elizabeth, on 02 August 2011 - 05:04 AM, said:

I'm 13 and in April'11 a car accident left me with a t9 complete SCI.
Today I found this site and I need some help.


I want to know if I'll ever get happy again. I haven't really been genually happy since the accident. I want to believe there is hope for recovery, but I've read alot and can't seem to wrap my head around it. Everybody I know calls me strong but they don't see the other side. I need to know if it gets better.
Any advice at all will help. Thanks.
#Faith

Hi. I'm glad you found this site. Life is going to be a roller coaster for awhile. Your body and its' capabilities will change as will your understanding of your SCI. Others see you as strong because they have a hard time imagining how they would handle the situation. It's nice, but inside you probably want to stomp your feet, rant and rave and scream I want my old life back. It's been 3 1/2 years for me, and just tonight I had a pity party and good cry. Fortunately this happens less and less as time goes by and what your new life will be like takes shape.
Come talk to us here anytime. Sometimes just knowing other people really do understand what you're going through can help a lot.

Best wishes,

Sandy

[Ratticis]

Well really, that's up to you. You can sit around and dwell on the negative, on what you've lost, or how much life sucks, or you can be grateful for all you've still got, on everything you can do, on the good things in life. I know, it's easier said then done, but can garentee this, things do get better. I'm not going to lie, the chances of recovery, especially as a complete aren't that great, but you never know. Best strategy is to expect nothing, that way any improvment is a bonus instead of a disapointment. I always say that what I can do hasn't really changed, just the way I've got to do certian things. Good luck and welcome.

[nomis]

Yes, you'll be happy again. You'll discover happiness like you've never even dreamed of. It's just joing to take time.

With today's technology, no you are not going to recover from being complete. With tomorrow's technology it might be possible. Cover yourself both ways - if a cure comes along be ready to take it but in the meantime get on with accepting the way you are by appreciating the positives you have such as a beautiful brain that functions 100%, two fine strong arms, eyes that see so much, ears that hear, and so on and so on. You have far more than you have lost. Don't miss out on what you have.

I've had over 40 years as a para. I've had bad times and grown stronger through them. Overall it's been a fantastic life, maybe even better because I am paralysed because it opened doors I'd never have known about.

Life is a challenge and it's an adventure. It's exciting. You now have a whole new way to experience it. Make the most of it.

Edited by nomis, 02 August 2011 - 06:10 AM.

[ClaraTaylor]

Yes, eventually. Keep yourself fit and healthy - watch out for pressure sores and do all the physical therapy that you can. It wont cure you - but it'll give you the best chance of being independent and able to do whatever you want.

But just remember that you're a teenager and have all of that bag of mixed emotions being thrown at you which causes your brain quite an ache and confusion. So happiness might not appear over night, or might seem so easy to take away from you again.

Perhaps it would be wise to find someone you can properly talk too - if everyone only sees the "strong you" so that your feelings and concerns don't become too bottled up.

[Smileyblue]

What Clara said.. Don't let your feelings bottle up.. You HAVE to have a vent or you'll become like a pressure cooker where things get out of control really quickly..

It takes time to truly accept your new body.. But when you do, it gets easier every day.. There's nothing wrong with hoping for a "miracle" or a "cure", as long as you don't put your life on hold for it.. You can still have a wonderful, full life if you let yourself..

[wheeliebear75]

It does get easier with time. Being a teenager is never "an easy time" & I won't lie saying anything like SCI doesn't add some added drama to life...it does...but the ups will eventually outweigh the downs. One advantage you have over those of us hurt in the pre-internet days is this place; a place where you can vent your frustrations, come with your questions & problems, and to KNOW you're not alone....that others also struggle some days more than others but still fight to make the best out of the cards they were dealt.

[rue2you]

I would agree with what everyone else has said but also to tell you to get on Youtube and do a search on paraplegic athletes or something like that. Start watching videos of all that people do and the wonderful lives the lead. Also, search Attitude TV on Youtube and watch a lot of their episodes. It will give you something to do to fill your time, but it is also extremely motivating. That life can be full and happy - even in a wheelchair. You can do it and stay on here with us and encourage us too with your progress through this!

[Tetracyclone]

Sarah,

Welcome. You found a good place here in Virtual Land.

As others said, yes you will be happy again, at times, just as you were happy sometimes before your accident. One thing I wish to add is that complete diagnoses are often wrong, though after 4 months you cannot expect radical changes. Yet there WILL be changes. One person you want to know on this forum is Black Sheep. She too was injured at thirteen and is now married and can hobble a bit with a walker. She and her husband run their own business.

So keep trying new things with your body and it will surprise you how much you can learn to do, compete or not.

When I was 13 I went into a long depression, as many females do, for the onslaught of estrogen is both powerful and a mind-changer. Not everything you experience will be due to your being SCId.

Honestly, 4 months is so new. I am 3 years out and still improving very slowly. I work hard at it. Also check out Guidos website, myscirecovery.com He only first got some movement in his legs after 2 years and has an interesting story.

As Nomis said, it is good to accept our present, but always keep an open mind for the future. One important thing for your future is to keep your body in the best shape possible just in case medicine discovers new treatments later. No treatment will help one of us learn to walk if we have let the legs atrophy and shrink up so they will not move. Find ways to stretch in every direction. You will not be able to do much yet, but many of us work out how to transfer to the floor and mats to do all kinds of stretching and flopping about. It can be great fun.

You have so many challenges ahead, and happiness will come from struggling and succeeding at them. Happiness is 2 things. It can be an inner state of knowing the joy of life, and it can be the satisfaction of achieving things that were difficult to do. You will soon be doing, doing, doing! Do things no one expects! Inner joy comes whenever it comes- unpredictable.

Edited by Tetracyclone, 03 August 2011 - 12:19 PM.

[xxm]

Sara,
You will be happy exactly as much as you have capacity to experience happiness.
SCI doesn't change your ability to be happy.
I've seen able bodied people that rarely feel happy and also SCI that always smile and enjoy life. You may have noticed the same.

Depression is common in this stage of injury - only 4-5 months after.
The turning point is when you realize that you will never be the same again no mater how much you recover . I needed 3 years to accept my new life as a SCI and return to school, the same as you - waiting for a miracle.

I would wish that you will not waste so much time of your precious youth.
Organize your life around school and try to think of future occupation that is not dependent of your physical condition.

I'm sure smile will soon be on your face.
Rudy

[dianna318]

rue2you, on 02 August 2011 - 11:40 AM, said:

I would agree with what everyone else has said but also to tell you to get on Youtube and do a search on paraplegic athletes or something like that. Start watching videos of all that people do and the wonderful lives the lead. Also, search Attitude TV on Youtube and watch a lot of their episodes. It will give you something to do to fill your time, but it is also extremely motivating. That life can be full and happy - even in a wheelchair. You can do it and stay on here with us and encourage us too with your progress through this!

Everyone had great advice but like rue said, use the internet to see all you "Can Do". That way you won't be stuck on the "all I can't do" like I was for 3 years.
Try and save yourself that. I have a friend who is T3 complete and is a school teacher, scuba diver and a heck of a good adaptive snow skier among numerous other things. So cheer up my sweet, it does get better if you won't it to!

PS besides using paraplegic in your search words also try "adaptive" As in adaptive sports.

My Best, Prayers, and God Bless to You!

[julibugs]

Sara,

You have been given some good advice, take time to read it, digest it and then act on it.

You will be happy again, but like everyone has been saying being a teenager is hard anyway and you have been given a huge thing to cope with on top.


Sending you lots of happiness

julia

[Sarah Elizabeth]

I am amazed with all the support I have from all these people i dont even know! Thank you all! I have read all these and i will use all this advice. Y'all are amazing.
Love to all,
Sarah

[Edinburgh Colin]

Well done Sarah, you have just taken the first step on the long and difficult road to being relaxed and happy with yourself with SCI. It's a bit of a hike but you have taken the most difficult step!
go for it girl.

EC

[Smileyblue]

Its what this forum is about.. Supporting and being supported..

Whenever you need a boost or advice or to vent or just anything, pop in here, we're always available.. ;-)

[goose]

Welcome Sarah Elizabeth

You may not know this but finding this forum is a blessing . You'll be able to come here and find answers to questions from real people who know first hand how it feels to have a sci. Doctors can only tell you so much but won't know just how it really feels. Thirteen is a hard age anyway so I know this has to be overwhelming. You've already been given alot of good advice. Take notes. Start by living one day at a time. Don't let sci consume you...stay in touch with your buddies. Be yourself and have fun. Your friends may be scared or try to tease you but if you continue to be the same person they'll soon feel at ease. Just because you may need wheels to get around, remember everyone who uses a car or bike needs wheels too.

There will be ups and downs but you know everybody has ups and downs too no exceptions. You're not alone...you can find someone on here all hours day and night who will be glad to answer questions or to listen to you blow off a little steam. Glad to be your friend.

[Snakeye]

Doubt you will fnd any miracles but after enough time passes you'll reach your staus quo and know what your facing for the long run..Then it's up to you to find contentment, maybe not happiness but something you can live with...Big changes in store, many struggles to face but you will eventially make your way thru the darkness into the light..Be strong, work hard and keep your chin up...Sometmes it's as simple as...you get out of life what you put into it so reach deep into yourself for the strength to endure and find some peace....

[Charlie-boi]

Hey I'm prity young as well and a recent injury! Don't let anybody cloud you with ideas of "no you will never recover" because no ones knows! And if anyone says or portrays that to you try to not take notice unless they have one of them time machines hanging about which go to the future! Your a recent injury, your young! I would like to think some treatment will be available in time! And that thought helps me get through these stages! Dont rely on the thought of recovery but I dont think there's any harm in a open mind! Maybe keep proactive in seeing what's available in treatments and trials etc! Best of luck and at this time try and enjoy the little things and remember it's day by day at the moment for you!! Charlie

[LeviM]

My heart really goes out to you. I can't imagine being hit by this type of a blow so early in life. It will get better. You will learn to think a way you never could have imagined. You'll learn to look at problems and tasks form a different perspective that will allow you to do anything you set your mind to if you are willing. I know it's very hard to do right now, your injury being so recent, but try to focus on all the things you can still do and focus your energy into finding new ways to do some of the things you can't do. You are young, you are strong and you can do anything you set your mind to. Attitude is half the fight.

[ZEN12many]

Give yourself time. At first it seems so hard just to exist (and it is). Eventually, you will find new interests (or adapt so you can pursue your old interests) and you will find happiness again. It took me three years before I found something interesting enough that I actually wanted to get out of bed to get started. Hopefully, you will be a little quicker than me.

[The Black Sheep]

Sarah,

13 is a tough age, even for able bodies. I was also injured at 13 and I'm now 26. I've officially spent half my life sitting down and recently had a bit of a wake up call for how long it has been. Time is moving very slowly for you right now, I'm sure. The waiting for an answer always sucks, and I remember being 13 hoping that I'd just wake up and it would be normal again. I did this for a year. I stayed home, dropped out of school, watched my friends disappear and the thought of going back to school in a wheelchair scared me to death. You'll be OK. I promise, things do get better. Don't lose hope for any recovery, although I know many doctors will tell you a complete injury is very unlikely to, but they're not always right. You've been dealt a crappy hand of cards, but you're still in the game. You're young, and you can be happy. A lot of it revolves around your perspective that you now have, and even though you may feel different from your friends and family now, you're unique in a way no one else is.

From my experience, growing up and learning what you can still do and still have are the first obstacles. You have your arms! And you can do amazing things with these fumbly things on the end of them called hands. I'm 26 now, happily married, living on my own, working full time in a business I own. I drive, I go out, and I found a new appreciation for life. No one can deny you these things either. It'll be rough and sometimes it'll downright suck, but things will get better.

Edited by The Black Sheep, 18 August 2011 - 11:18 PM.

[Painted Daisy]

The Black Sheep, on 18 August 2011 - 11:17 PM, said:

Sarah,

13 is a tough age, even for able bodies. I was also injured at 13 and I'm now 26. I've officially spent half my life sitting down and recently had a bit of a wake up call for how long it has been. Time is moving very slowly for you right now, I'm sure. The waiting for an answer always sucks, and I remember being 13 hoping that I'd just wake up and it would be normal again. I did this for a year. I stayed home, dropped out of school, watched my friends disappear and the thought of going back to school in a wheelchair scared me to death. You'll be OK. I promise, things do get better. Don't lose hope for any recovery, although I know many doctors will tell you a complete injury is very unlikely to, but they're not always right. You've been dealt a crappy hand of cards, but you're still in the game. You're young, and you can be happy. A lot of it revolves around your perspective that you now have, and even though you may feel different from your friends and family now, you're unique in a way no one else is.

From my experience, growing up and learning what you can still do and still have are the first obstacles. You have your arms! And you can do amazing things with these fumbly things on the end of them called hands. I'm 26 now, happily married, living on my own, working full time in a business I own. I drive, I go out, and I found a new appreciation for life. No one can deny you these things either. It'll be rough and sometimes it'll downright suck, but things will get better.

I would just like to add a few things that have helped me, never ever give up and erase the word can't from your mind because you will amaze yourself with what you can do. Expect to have a meltdown now and then, you are allowed for heavens sake. Then pick yourself back up and get right back at it, it takes inner strength and courage to recover from your injury. I can't imagine what it would be like to be your age an have this happen, but if an old girl like me with L1 paralysis can get to the point where I can walk using KAFOs and a walker, just imagine what you can do!

[Vanessamaee]

Ok... Back to you Sarah.

Yes things do start getting better. I'm 17. I was injured at 16 (not wuite as young as you but still close) and I was injured April 30th of this year, about the same time as you. Being injured at 16 sucked, not going to lie, I was completly happy with my life, great friends, parties, driving, and just over all being independent. I won't lie I kinda had the I can do anything I want attitude and no one is going to stop me. I was (and still am) VERY hard headed and strong willed. When my injury happened I didnt necessariyl hit depression (when they took me off my pain meds I wasnt exactly happy, but not depressed) I more of hallucinated I guess you can say lol. I sat in the hospital and litterally planned EVERYTHING I was going to still do with SCI. Open a Restaurant, sky diving, sailing, traveling to certain places, racing etc. and I really think that helped me, it gave me the push to get going and do things. Im now way ahead of scheduale than where I was expectd, Im racing in my first 5K in a month, I start driving again in 2 weeks (really excited to get my freedom back!), I ride horses again (with a little assistance right now as I get use to the whole balance thing) and I also started playing on a wheelchair basketball team. I admit I have my bad days, but everyone AB or not gets those. Life has its ups and downs, but how you live and feel is all what you make out of them, let life get you down and keep you down, your not going to be very happy, if you decide to kick life (and sci) a$$, you can have a hell of a good time (: It's all what you make of it!

Oh and Im a T3/T4 complete

[The Black Sheep]

Vanessamaee, on 21 August 2011 - 11:32 PM, said:

I more of hallucinated I guess you can say lol. I sat in the hospital and litterally planned EVERYTHING I was going to still do with SCI. Open a Restaurant, sky diving, sailing, traveling to certain places, racing etc. and I really think that helped me, it gave me the push to get going and do things. Im now way ahead of scheduale than where I was expectd

That's one thing that also struck true with me. I spent about a year in my bedroom after my injury. I didn't want to be seen because I kept thinking that it would all end soon and bounce back to normal. I still fantasize about it, but anyways... I had a lot of time to plan for what I wanted. I grew up a lot quicker than my AB friends. I knew after that first year that I wasn't going to be like them. I wasn't going to have the opportunity to go out and get wasted, party all night, be a slut... Life has so much more to it than I realized, and as a teenager, I didn't quite see that yet. I wanted to waste time, like the rest of my friends. (Admittedly, these are not the best of friends)

At 16 I was back in school and planning. I wanted to own my own business. I had my A+ and CCNA certifications before I graduated and when I went to college, I kept planning for this grand business I'd have some day. I got side tracked and went somewhere else for a while, but when I started settling down, I got married, I moved out and I finally started my business, the one thing I'd been planning on since high school.

In a way, if I could have picked the age I became paralyzed, I would have chosen 13. I know that's a really harsh answer, and I know especially because it's just happened to you. It's absolute crap. It really is. You're so young. You have so much potential to recover, to adapt. Think about all these old geezers (sorry old geezers) and how terrible it has been for someone in their 40's or 50's. They're comfortable with their jobs, their mortgages, their car payments and other anchored commitments in life. When life throws them a curve ball, it's a terribly hard thing to get up from, and there's so much more to lose. Maybe it's selfish of me to say this, but my careless 13 year old self only had homework to lose. As I grew up, turning 16, I was able to pick my first car based on whether or not I could get into it. Had I been older and owned something like a big truck, I'd be stuck with car payments on a vehicle I couldn't physically get into, or what not.

They're superficial comforts, yes, but you are so much more adaptive now than you'll know. Who knows, maybe you'll bounce back and be jumping around us all someday. At 13, your neurological system is much more resilient than ours. You're still growing and adapting. Don't give up that hope either. Doctors will never see it all. All of this is happening so quickly, and everyone has their own opinion about what physical recovery is possible, but like many times before, they're not always right. Consider how many people are on these forums. I'm here because I feel need for support. I still struggle. But there are many other unheard voices we may never meet because they beat the odds and may not feel the need for contribution.

Either way, time will go on and things will adapt for the better. Don't ever give up hope.

[jscott92064]

Hi Sarah:

My husband is a recent T6 complete. Do what he did and see if you can pick a wheelchair with your favorite happy colors for starters. His chair is bright orange with orange spokes. Heck, it makes me happy just looking at it!

By the way, being strong means "keeping it real" and it's healthy to grieve as you move through these new changes in your life. You've shown your strength by reaching out here.

I hope you write more. There are lots of good folks on this forum who can relate to you. I especiallly like what Black Sheep wrote for you.