11 replies to this topic

[KateD'Great]

Hello Everyone

I am your newest member and I am not SCI but have a friend who is. I want to know how to be the best possible support for and friend to someone who is recently injured and is dealing/coping with being diagnosed as a quadriplegic. It has been about 6 mos since the injury. This person has reached out to me recently as a friend and I want to be there for them in the best possible way. I am just a bit unsure as to how to be there for them in a way that will really help.

This looks like an awesome site and support group. I am going to pass it on to my friend. I do not want to make a mess of things, offend or alienate, and really just want to learn what is the best way to be a good friend to an amazing human being who is dealing with this new reality. I feel wholly inadequate and ignorant of how best to conduct myself so as not to do or say something dumb!

I am here to learn.

And resources, info, links, ideas, suggestions, ideas, cautionary tales,DO's/Don'ts, etc for helping a friend adjust to this new way of being would be very much appreciated.

Thanks!!

[nomis]

It's natural to want to help but what is most helpful is to put 'help' on the back burner.
Be a friend by doing what friends do - spend time with each other, talk, listen.
The best help you can give is to relax and laugh with them.
Be honest and they'll love you for it.

[Soryfam]

Nomis has given some very good advice. I totally agree with his post.

Sandy

[Smileyblue]

Just treat them with the same respect that you would give any other friend.. Spend quality time chatting and listening and just "hang out".. The more "normal" you treat them and act around them, the easier it will be for both of you..

Do get them to check in here as this site is an invaluable resource.. ;-)

[Tetracyclone]

This friend will want your old friendship back.

[wheeliebear75]

Mostly it's about BEING THERE. Being there to have conversations; to talk, to listen, to comfort with your repeated presence. Being there to do NORMAL STUFF; like going out to lunch or to the movies, getting together with some friends for a BBQ...you know the stuff you did prior to their injury/illness.

I know for myself one of the most painful things that happened as a result of MY accident was all the many many many friends I lost (although in hindsight I see they really weren't my TRUE FRIENDS...but it still hurt like Hell). By you being one of those friends who doesn't bail out when the going gets a bit rough.....if you can do that.....you can be the anchor that keeps their proverbial boat from capsizing in the sea of "Oh !".

I also encourage you to have your friend come check us out.

(PS: You may want to add FRIEND to quad in the relationship portion so we know it's your friend who is a quad not yourself.)

Edited by wheeliebear75, 10 August 2011 - 01:32 AM.

[biggdoggpa]

I am in the same position first 14 years ago my close friend was in a motorcycle accident and as a result is a paraplegic, more recently (march/2011) my best friend was in a tree cutting accident and as a result is a paraplegic, I have tried to help out as much as i can getting his house prepared for his return etc...etc.. but like the other members posted just accepting them as the friend they were is the best thing granted some things will be a little different. Overall my friend who was injured in march is pretty much back to a normal life he is driving has access to his house and comes to the gym with me 2-3 times a week!! he is very fortunate to have a strong and supportive wife and two great boys!!! we hang out just like old times now and i rarely help him with his transfers or anything he does as much as he can on his own!!! be a friend like you were before the injury as stated above thats the best thing you can do!!

[paul1404]

biggdoggpa, on 10 August 2011 - 09:06 AM, said:

I am in the same position first 14 years ago my close friend was in a motorcycle accident and as a result is a paraplegic, more recently (march/2011) my best friend was in a tree cutting accident and as a result is a paraplegic, I have tried to help out as much as i can getting his house prepared for his return etc...etc.. but like the other members posted just accepting them as the friend they were is the best thing granted some things will be a little different. Overall my friend who was injured in march is pretty much back to a normal life he is driving has access to his house and comes to the gym with me 2-3 times a week!! he is very fortunate to have a strong and supportive wife and two great boys!!! we hang out just like old times now and i rarely help him with his transfers or anything he does as much as he can on his own!!! be a friend like you were before the injury as stated above thats the best thing you can do!!

That's 2 of your friends "done" I sure hope you ain't got to many more!! They must be worried guys.

[biggdoggpa]

paul1404, on 10 August 2011 - 09:19 AM, said:

biggdoggpa, on 10 August 2011 - 09:06 AM, said:

I am in the same position first 14 years ago my close friend was in a motorcycle accident and as a result is a paraplegic, more recently (march/2011) my best friend was in a tree cutting accident and as a result is a paraplegic, I have tried to help out as much as i can getting his house prepared for his return etc...etc.. but like the other members posted just accepting them as the friend they were is the best thing granted some things will be a little different. Overall my friend who was injured in march is pretty much back to a normal life he is driving has access to his house and comes to the gym with me 2-3 times a week!! he is very fortunate to have a strong and supportive wife and two great boys!!! we hang out just like old times now and i rarely help him with his transfers or anything he does as much as he can on his own!!! be a friend like you were before the injury as stated above thats the best thing you can do!!

That's 2 of your friends "done" I sure hope you ain't got to many more!! They must be worried guys.

lol@Paul you ain't right!!! lol

[Harry3082]

Kate,
I wouldn't treat your friend any different then you did before they incurred their injury! Still see them, Not the Chair! A Good Friend is an Educated Friend. Your already on track. Try to learn as Much as you can about how the spinal cord injury will affect them physically while Staying the Good Friend you are, and you'll be able to be there for them when they Need. As I said, Educate yourself about the injury and how it will affect them physically, while Not treating them any different then you did before the injury!

Jimmy D

biggdoggpa, on 10 August 2011 - 12:06 PM, said:

paul1404, on 10 August 2011 - 09:19 AM, said:

biggdoggpa, on 10 August 2011 - 09:06 AM, said:

I am in the same position first 14 years ago my close friend was in a motorcycle accident and as a result is a paraplegic, more recently (march/2011) my best friend was in a tree cutting accident and as a result is a paraplegic, I have tried to help out as much as i can getting his house prepared for his return etc...etc.. but like the other members posted just accepting them as the friend they were is the best thing granted some things will be a little different. Overall my friend who was injured in march is pretty much back to a normal life he is driving has access to his house and comes to the gym with me 2-3 times a week!! he is very fortunate to have a strong and supportive wife and two great boys!!! we hang out just like old times now and i rarely help him with his transfers or anything he does as much as he can on his own!!! be a friend like you were before the injury as stated above thats the best thing you can do!!

unbelievable Paul! You are a Character !!!
That's 2 of your friends "done" I sure hope you ain't got to many more!! They must be worried guys.

lol@Paul you ain't right!!! lol

KateD, on 09 August 2011 - 11:28 PM, said:

Hello Everyone

I am your newest member and I am not SCI but have a friend who is. I want to know how to be the best possible support for and friend to someone who is recently injured and is dealing/coping with being diagnosed as a quadriplegic. It has been about 6 mos since the injury. This person has reached out to me recently as a friend and I want to be there for them in the best possible way. I am just a bit unsure as to how to be there for them in a way that will really help.

This looks like an awesome site and support group. I am going to pass it on to my friend. I do not want to make a mess of things, offend or alienate, and really just want to learn what is the best way to be a good friend to an amazing human being who is dealing with this new reality. I feel wholly inadequate and ignorant of how best to conduct myself so as not to do or say something dumb!

I am here to learn.

And resources, info, links, ideas, suggestions, ideas, cautionary tales,DO's/Don'ts, etc for helping a friend adjust to this new way of being would be very much appreciated.

Thanks!!

KateD, on 09 August 2011 - 11:28 PM, said:

Hello Everyone

I am your newest member and I am not SCI but have a friend who is. I want to know how to be the best possible support for and friend to someone who is recently injured and is dealing/coping with being diagnosed as a quadriplegic. It has been about 6 mos since the injury. This person has reached out to me recently as a friend and I want to be there for them in the best possible way. I am just a bit unsure as to how to be there for them in a way that will really help.

This looks like an awesome site and support group. I am going to pass it on to my friend. I do not want to make a mess of things, offend or alienate, and really just want to learn what is the best way to be a good friend to an amazing human being who is dealing with this new reality. I feel wholly inadequate and ignorant of how best to conduct myself so as not to do or say something dumb!

Kate,
I wouldn't treat your friend any different then you did before they incurred their injury! Still see them, Not the Chair! A Good Friend is an Educated Friend. Your already on track. Try to learn as Much as you can about how the spinal cord injury will affect them physically while Staying the Good Friend you are, and you'll be able to be there for them when they Need. As I said, Educate yourself about the injury and how it will affect them physically, while Not treating them any different then you did before the injury!

Jimmy D




I am here to learn.

And resources, info, links, ideas, suggestions, ideas, cautionary tales,DO's/Don'ts, etc for helping a friend adjust to this new way of being would be very much appreciated.

Thanks!!

[racepace]

dont treat him any different it wont help to help!

just be the same as before, dish out the same insults and just be a friend

[Ayo]

To me i think the best way to treat him is that you should simply treat him the best way you would have wanted to be treated if it were you that it happened to...