33 replies to this topic

[love&hate]

My question to you guys is.. are you happy with your life?

I know its a hard one. I have been thinking about it a lot recently. I keep asking myself this question and for some reason I cannot answer it. I feel like I'm not unhappy but I'm not happy either if that makes sense. I seems to be in grey area between those two. I feel like I made peace with my disability but apparently thats not enough for me to be happy. I really need something positive in my life ..something new .. something refreshing. I think one thing thats keeping me down is my past. ScI had such a big impact on my life.
6 years after injury and I feel like I spent all this time improving myself but for what? I feel like my life resolves around goals. First extreme intense rehab .. then college ..work .. ! I reached almost all my long term goals and what now? Is this all there is to life? I spent my early twenties on improving everything about myself and now when I suppose to be happy with my 9-5 job I feel ... well I feel NOTHING.

Its not like my life is empty I have friends, money and I'm passionate about many things. I go out a lot ... but nooo that not enough for me. I think I need to start to look for happiness in little things. I feel like life is passing me by. Anybody have any secrets? =]
I know its all in my head. I wanna be happy, sadly I cant find happiness. Maybe .. just maybe happiness will find me.

Let me know what you guys think! Sorry about all the moaning I felt like I need to get this out!

[KayDub]

Generally I am. I can wheel around school fine, navigate light rail, go to the gym and swim in the pool. I just got my driving privileges revoked which is hard because it inhibits my freedom. Getting rides at 23 from your mom is no fun especially because her car is so hard for transfers. I like to drive around to clear my mind a lot and I'm upset I'm losing that outlet. It's frustrating having to move back home to my mom's which causes stress with my fiance. He's a student also and with my illness it killed my budget so moving out won't happen anytime soon.

I mostly miss outdoor activities like backpacking and hiking and rock climbing I did religiously. I miss playing hockey with my brother and a group of guys we played with since we were kids. I'm looking into sledge hockey but nothing compares to the feeling of actually skating. I miss getting into friends houses. The biggest thing right now for me is my job as a ski instructor is up in the air. I love teaching adaptive (though I focus on kids with cognitive disabilities like Downs and autism not mobility issues) but I want to teach my AB local team too. My fiance said there's no way it'll happen with me in a sit ski. That broke my heart, I haven't cried that hard in awhile.

I've been Bipolar I since I was 13 (but that was when they wouldn't diagnose it until age 18) so I've been medicated for 6 years and hospitalised a few times. When I get sick from my other meds (non psych ones) I don't take my psych meds and it throws my mood off. The hardest part about staying happy is that but I struggled when I was AB. It's all about eating well, getting good sleep and being active and taking my meds. It's still hard sometimes. I was sick again last week and in the hospital. When I got out I laid in bed for 3 days, too depressed to leave the house. It comes and goes. Some of it has to do with the chair, some of it has to do with life, stress about school, getting a job in the economy, growing up, all that stuff. But chair wise it's really missing my outdoor activities that kills me the most.

It's a mix of good days and bad days.

Edited by KayDub, 11 August 2011 - 06:35 AM.

[ClaraTaylor]

Yes.
Most of the time.
But if I was happy all of the time... that would be a little freaky and unhuman.

[goose]

Sounds like we all need to have a get together and just have one hugh pitty party...get it out of the way and then start all over again. The ups and downs are seasonal for me. I get down...honor it and then stay positive for awhile.Sometimes, you just have to find happiness and it's normally staring us in the face.

[MTB John]

Ever hear the expression 'Small things amuse small minds'?
For some reason I get told that alot.
I just turn around and say - 'At least I'm never bored..'
Which isn't really true, I have a very low boredom threshold. But that just forces me to find new ways to amuse myself.
I have my goals, most of which involve finding the means to roll down hill very fast, but until I reach those goals I'll find happiness in small things - a good cup of coffee, the sound of laughter generated by yours truely, finding new ways to embarrass my wife - don't worry she never reads these.. Wrestling my dogs, I should stop now - if I was reading this I'd already be bored..

Bye

[Smileyblue]

I think I'm sorta stuck in that "no-mans land" between being happy and being miserable.. But before my injury I suffered from major depression.. So on that basis, its an ENORMOUS improvement! Lol..

I sometimes think happiness is a fantasy and we all actually strive for contentment.. Most of the time, I am content.. Yes, we have times/moments of happiness when something good happens, but its not a permanent thing (as Clara said)..

Edited by Smileyblue, 11 August 2011 - 10:16 AM.

[madhouse73]

Honestly I am happy most the time did have and so have the odd bad times , but am easily pleased and was that way before ..

Not saying is easy answers though especially as guessing you are younger than myself and some of mine comes from being older note not wiser
.
Also i have just spent a week camping with sn kids at our annual camp and have found that it is a great leveler for myself when I have bad moment

Edited by madhouse73, 11 August 2011 - 11:06 AM.

[nomis]

To the question, Am I happy? Tra-la-la-la, yep you bet. Not happy-happy every minute of the day cos that would be insanity but overall it's such a joy to be alive and discover new things. Luckily I'm really dumb so I have many many things to discover.

But I kinda know your situation, love&hate. I've been there and will probably feel it again. I don't think you need to worry too much about it. Two points: you're probably right that life is empty; and maybe this feeling is the signal to change your life for a new adventure.

If you're sitting cross-legged on a hilltop a million miles from anyone or anywhere, contemplating on the meaning of life, what are you going to come up with? We live then we die. Species come and go. Eventually our sun will die. What's the point?

It's all too big a question for me but what I do know is that I can deal with what is happening right now. So, no mater how trivial, I just need to let myself focus on what is happening in my life at this very moment (I'm happily writing this pontification which may be inane but that's not stopping me).

It sounds as though you've accomplished much and have now got yourslf into a comfortable life. We all seek comfort but once we have it we quickly become bored with it. Healthy people constantly need excitement. Congratulations. You, apparently, are about to survey your options to bring a new exciting adventure into your life. I wonder what it will be.

[Astack23]

I suppose overall I''m happy. But to be honest I'm tired of living life in a chair. I constantly think back to when I could walk and didn't have an sci. We have to make the best of it, but the sci and all its effects really gets me down. So i'm happy that i have a life, but I'm unhappy that i'm in the chair all the time.

[paul1404]

nomis, on 11 August 2011 - 12:12 PM, said:

To the question, Am I happy? Tra-la-la-la, yep you bet. Not happy-happy every minute of the day cos that would be insanity but overall it's such a joy to be alive and discover new things. Luckily I'm really dumb so I have many many things to discover.

But I kinda know your situation, love&hate. I've been there and will probably feel it again. I don't think you need to worry too much about it. Two points: you're probably right that life is empty; and maybe this feeling is the signal to change your life for a new adventure.

If you're sitting cross-legged on a hilltop a million miles from anyone or anywhere, contemplating on the meaning of life, what are you going to come up with? We live then we die. Species come and go. Eventually our sun will die. What's the point?

It's all too big a question for me but what I do know is that I can deal with what is happening right now. So, no mater how trivial, I just need to let myself focus on what is happening in my life at this very moment (I'm happily writing this pontification which may be inane but that's not stopping me).

It sounds as though you've accomplished much and have now got yourslf into a comfortable life. We all seek comfort but once we have it we quickly become bored with it. Healthy people constantly need excitement. Congratulations. You, apparently, are about to survey your options to bring a new exciting adventure into your life. I wonder what it will be.

"Not happy-happy every minute of the day cos that would be insanity" I must be insane then and I thought it was everybody else.

[Snakeye]

I'm mostly content with my life nowadays(finally)..but have had to learn to enjoy the small stuff like painting, bird-watching, old movies, playing cards, meditating, a drive in the country, good food, a morning hug, my dogs, etc...can't depend on the big thrill or really exciting stuff happening anymore with any regularity...Life is change and with sci one best learn to change or big trouble will surely follow...Of course there are the peaks and valleys , but they were there before injury...

[oldwheelz]

Someone told me that I am the happiest person they know and that it bugged him cause I shouldn't be. I think I have every reason to be happy.

[Scott_C4-5]

I have good days... a few a year. The rest of the time, I feel like I'm just biding my time until I die. I keep my mind busy so as not to dwell on it, but it doesn't always work. I truly feel if I had use of my upper body and could live independent, I'd be happy or at least pleasantly content, but looking down at my useless left arm and hands is like a punch in the gut. But, of course, I smile and joke around to everyone else to the extent that I think I deserve an Oscar.

[Charlie-boi]

Early days fir me so it has to be a no at the moment!

[cas]

Astack23, on 11 August 2011 - 02:11 PM, said:

I suppose overall I''m happy. But to be honest I'm tired of living life in a chair. I constantly think back to when I could walk and didn't have an sci. We have to make the best of it, but the sci and all its effects really gets me down. So i'm happy that i have a life, but I'm unhappy that i'm in the chair all the time.

[allis53ca]

No...

[ebeth]

I'm not happy all of the time - I think that's impossible. But I am constantly filled with joy - that feeling that whatever happens, I know that I'm loved even though I'm not perfect. Happiness comes from external circumstances. Joy comes from within.

[Denna]

Im happy most the time! then once a month it hits me and Im crazy, sad, and angry... wait yall dont want to hear that. oops! honestly I get my happiness from my husband. He is my rock. If he wasnt around I would have died of sadness and boredom. But thats how I am programmed I live for other people.

[wheeliebear75]

In the beginning I was miserable & depressed.....for maybe about the 1st 5 yrs or so with frustrations regarding the SCI & TBI (I got the CNS comb-package). And when I had a miscarriage @17.5wks October 96 I got down right DEPRESSED. But when I got pregnant again & had a healthy baby boy I was on cloud 9! When my (now ex) husband was abusive towards me life sucked. When the judge gave custody of our 4 kids to their abusive jack-ass of a father I thought my world would come to an end.

I still don't have custody of the kids...just visitation but I've "made my peace with it".

Overall I'd say I'm fairly content with LIFE. Sure there are parts that suck & probably a few more things suck for US then for those who are AB, but I don't think just being AB is "THE answer", look how many people commit suicide who had perfectly fine bodies without any disabilities or illness. LIFE isn't about how "easy" it is; LIFE is about living life to it's fullest potential, it's about leaving a ray of sunshine when you can, it's about making AB people who are walking around feeling down in the dumps & woe is me say to themselves "Wow I wish I had their determination" (note NOT to pity but to almost be envious of our tenaciousness & zeal for life), to leave as many smiles as possible as a reminder that we not only lived with our injuries we survived & triumphed over them.

(PS: Yup I'm one of those do-good-ers too! )

[The Black Sheep]

In the overall scheme of things, yes, I think I am. But I'm not content. I love my family, my life, my job, my pets, but this isn't quite where I want to be just yet.

Things that would make me more happy:

1. Finish my novel and have it published
2. Possibly make money off said novel
3. Enough money to buy land and build a house. Right now we live in a single wide in a trailer park... please get me out!
4. Enough money after that to rebuild the cat shelter that collapsed

Then I'd be divinely happy, but the major things are covered.

[greybeard]

I have to say I am reasonably content with my life, so I suppose that is equates to being "happy". But then, I am very much more fortunate than most of you as I can still stand (after a fashion), certainly long enough to get from one chair to another. I suspect I also have far less pain to contend with and, so far (touch wood), few B and B issues . One of the things that frustrates me most is having to do everything with only one hand while the other holds me upright for the few moments before I have to collapse into the nearest chair. That seems such a trivial thing to be complaining about that I feel almost ashamed to mention it.

So, yes. I am happy to have retained the functions that I have, and happy that I have largely come to terms with my limitations. It has been made easier by being a lazy bugger at heart so I have been happy to embrace the periods of enforced inactivity, much to the chagrin of my dear lady, who finds it incomprehensible that I can sit for hours reading a book , bless her.

[love&hate]

Interesting, It seems we have few happy people. I would love to learn from you guys. To those that remained happy despite the SCI what is the primary source of your happiness? I often ask my friends (abs) the same question and most of the time they answer that their relationships and family are the main things that bring the joy into their life.

I wanna bring another topic into discussion. I know some of you probably heard the famous quote from Ernest Hemingway.


"Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know."

Theres a lot of data stating that highly intelligent people are at the highest risk of depression. I also read recently that most developed countries have more numbers of depressed people then those from third world. Do you guys think that theres a correlation between intelligence and happiness? I know unhappy people are usually more motivated to improve upon their life then those that are content. I read that psychologist say that intelligent people tend to be more realistic so there could be a correlation there. I'm trying to look at it from philosophical point of view. Again, I'm sure many people would not agree with this statement. I'm not trying to step on anyone foot here merely trying to understand the essence of happiness.

Personally, I dont think theres a correlation between intelligence and happiness. Its more complicated and personal. I never actually experienced depression neither I think of myself as highly intelligent so I'm not the right person to make a case for it. I think that if ones is highly intelligent he will find a way to happiness despite everything that life puts him through. I believe that there is hope no matter what comes at you.

SO what do you guys think?

Edited by love&hate, 12 August 2011 - 10:27 PM.

[pinkcloud]

hi love and hate

good subject here, i'd say me goals have gone..that aint giving up morbid....i'm tired of trying and now when people say 'but if you did find a surgeon who would be able to help..and you could walk again....i say 'no way, i love me wheels, i can potter around home, that does me'.

i'm comfortable being disabled, grateful for even this bit of mobility, settled into this opposite way of life..maybe its because I know if i wanted a job - i'd get one, if i wanted to go out, i'd have somewhere to go.....knowing that just because i physically cant - makes it more bearable - than when i was a young able-bodied and had no one to see or go.

I do get real sad sometimes..wishing i could get out, see people more, human contact (me frends visiting me made me relise just how much i love phone/email contact - but nothing beats the real thing) but people in boring jobs and boring stale relationships think that too. I like this feeling in a way..it keeps me communicating when i feel like cuddling into a ball and sleeping woes away.

Major stress/arguments - I do if i have to yet i am worn...thats me major hate.

I dont cry for me yesturdays no more...i smile and remember. I dont feel the need to say what i did before in life..i happy to be accepted for me as now.

I got me big dreams...to preserve all i got,, to go to cornwall, to get to a few concerts.

Without here, i'd be lonley as heck with sci...a world no one here an ever understand..me secret world of fears, worries....here.

I have me faith that gives me comfort, answered questions and hope

Thats the now..future may change....i enjoying this place i at for now thats a certain.

[Snakeye]

love&hate, on 12 August 2011 - 09:39 PM, said:

Interesting, It seems we have few happy people. I would love to learn from you guys. To those that remained happy despite the SCI what is the primary source of your happiness? I often ask my friends (abs) the same question and most of the time they answer that their relationships and family are the main things that bring the joy into their life.

I wanna bring another topic into discussion. I know some of you probably heard the famous quote from Ernest Hemingway.


"Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know."

Theres a lot of data stating that highly intelligent people are at the highest risk of depression. I also read recently that most developed countries have more numbers of depressed people then those from third world. Do you guys think that theres a correlation between intelligence and happiness? I know unhappy people are usually more motivated to improve upon their life then those that are content. I read that psychologist say that intelligent people tend to be more realistic so there could be a correlation there. I'm trying to look at it from philosophical point of view. Again, I'm sure many people would not agree with this statement. I'm not trying to step on anyone foot here merely trying to understand the essence of happiness.

Personally, I dont think theres a correlation between intelligence and happiness. Its more complicated and personal. I never actually experienced depression neither I think of myself as highly intelligent so I'm not the right person to make a case for it. I think that if ones is highly intelligent he will find a way to happiness despite everything that life puts him through. I believe that there is hope no matter what comes at you.

SO what do you guys think?

I get depressed now and again so that shoots the "higher intellegence leads to deppression" theory all to hell...

[pinkcloud]

the quote..intelligence equals not so much happpiness.

Depends what people choose to do with that intelligence i reckon.....

Having ones head stuck up ones backside for instance,...wont bring much happiness because that means they have the job of a sewer worker 24/7. No money made by intelligence can make poop into roses......

Edited by pinkcloud, 12 August 2011 - 10:47 PM.

[StillFingers]

Sometimes, well most of the time things are pretty good.

Staring at the bottom of the blue pacific, unable to move, sand my only view, possibly my grave, moments/minutes of terror and complete focus on survival, I found my self suddenly breathing, blue sky and silky white clouds above me...then a smile and uncontrollable tears.

No I'm not always happy, an SCI body often hurts, friendships/relationships hurt, failure hurts...being stuck in bed for near three years sucks. However the other times can be quite wonderful; happy. And quite often as negatives become positives, as healing continues, as successes (no matter how small) continue to mount, I learn, grow and the privilege of being alive, continuing to feel/see better, nourishes and sustains!

Fifty four years of struggle, thirty three years rollin, twenty years with a beautiful, graceful human being that likes my jokes; helps me grow, manage through this ever changing/challenging life, some beautiful/treasured friends...sounds horrible don't it!

I'm happy to be alive...not sure about content; there's more inside/out there to discover...on occasion depressed, sure...right now there's a light breeze, the neighbors next door are barbecuing steaks I think, smells pretty good, me with some trail mix to munch on...but hey, Tom Petty is singing about runnin down a dream!

Plus you all are readin the ramblin of an aging...

Edited by StillFingers, 13 August 2011 - 01:50 AM.

[ericr]

Im right there with you. Im moving into my own place this month and I hope that does it for me.

[rue2you]

I am told that I am a happy person and really, I feel happy almost all of the time. My moments of "not happy" come when I have had an argument with my hubby, my kids have wrecked the house all day long, or someone I love is hurting. But those are just tweaks in a life that I would call extremely happy and contented. I am a Christian so I find life's purpose in God and I feel that He is the source of my joy. However, having said that, I know a lot of Christians who are miserable people. I try to live my life by this passage in the Bible. It is Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

This was written by the Apostle Paul who had a disability (that God told him He would not take away but would give him the grace to deal with it) and went through tremendous persecution for his faith - beatings, stonings, imprisonment, and yes, eventually had his head chopped off! But....through all these things he wrote the book of Philippians which is called the "book of joy" and one that I like to read over and over for a good reminder.

I believe that we are in control of our mind and our thoughts and God has used Paul to tell us a great recipe for mental health - guard what we let ourselves dwell on! Do I have times that I feel sorry for myself and cry because I am frustrated (like yesterday because I have been stuck in bed for awhile)? Yes, we do but I must have my moment and then get my mind to a good place again. So,that is where I feel like I am in my life. Very happy, very content, but always vigil that my mind stays where it should.

Special Note: This post was in answer to the original poster's question in post #22 about our primary source of happiness and is not intended to light a debate over God. This is what I believe about myself, and I make no apology for my belief's but I am not trying to stir anything up. Okay, special note over.

[Irish Wheelz]

I am happy most of the time, when I'm not I like to find something that'll make me laugh. I love to laugh. Either I watch a show/movie that'll make me laugh or watch people hurt themselves.

[dianna318]

Am I happy, yes, mostly. Content, yes, most of the time. Do I get down, well heck yeah, that's just life.

I live with my mother and sister, both AB, and I am more active than either of them! But I can also stand with crutches and braces.

I have found that there is great power in a smile! Smiles are also contagious and are often returned by people you don't even know. Do I

smile all the time, heck no. My mom and sis are both the glass is half empty and the water is dirty. And some times while they go on

my mind is SCREAMING would you just shut the "bleep" up! But I try and sit the and listen til I had enough and the I go and do something

else. Lucky for me I have short term memory probs so as son as my mind is on something else I am good, lol. I like to get lost in a good

book or let my mind just veg out watching tv or just anything to keep my brain occupied. I do procrastinate a lot. I plan on doing

something fun and a week or two can go by and then I may do it or let it go for a bite more. But I think that's the some with a lot of

people. Heck, I can contently loose a whole day just cruising around in here reading what's going on with y'all. Ramble ramble! What

was this tread about, oh yeah, well I am off and I hope y"alls glass is half full and it's your favorite drink! Cheers!