33 replies to this topic

[DannyR]

That's a really hard question to answer. Some days yes...some days no. I miss my old life and it seems like the more i try to hold on to it the more of it slips away. I spend most days alone while eveybody else works except for my Dad who in his later years just seems to be getting more mean and bitter. I watch my wife working 12 hour days most days trying to make up for the lost income and it hurts me...I fell guilty that she thinks she has to do that. I can see the toll it's taking on her. She comes home at 3pm and at 7pm is in bed so she can get up at 1:30 am and do it all over again. She worries about me? Truth is we would be just fine without the extra money a few less trips slow down on the remodeling and everything would be just fine.
Truth is we have to look for the good things and there are some. We learn to appreciate things that we never would have. A different outlook on life. We know we are survivors who learn to overcome things that most could not or just would not. I think we all have our down days and I know at least for me no one understands why. They know we have issues but see us happy one day and down the next.WTF? Sometimes you have to play the cards you are dealt...what you do with that is up to you.

[bongorum]

I can empathize with Dannyr, since my own concerns are remarkably similar to his own in many respects. Almost all of my anxieties are centred around my wife, who daily sacrifices unstintingly to ensure that I live well. As mawkish as it may sound, when I see her smile I am at my happiest. And oftentimes what brings me to my lowest is the thought that she deserves so much more than I could ever give her and will never have it because of me. This sometimes, when I ponder it too deeply, depresses me on a pathological scale. Other than that I don’t consciously strive for happiness, for I regard it as largely irrelevant to the human condition and nothing more than a fleeting superfluity that escapes as soon as it is grasped. Pursuing it, to me, make as much sense as trying to catch a ghost or romancing a woman who only wishes to flirt.

Edited by bongorum, 14 August 2011 - 03:10 PM.

[The Black Sheep]

love&hate, on 12 August 2011 - 09:39 PM, said:

Interesting, It seems we have few happy people. I would love to learn from you guys. To those that remained happy despite the SCI what is the primary source of your happiness? I often ask my friends (abs) the same question and most of the time they answer that their relationships and family are the main things that bring the joy into their life.

I think that I was bored with being unhappy, at first. I spent about a year in denial, hoping and imagining that one day I'd wake up and everything would just bounce back to normal. My family has always been my rock, so I know that part about support applies to me, but a lot of my happiest moments are when I'm alone. I take pride and satisfaction in accomplishing something, even if it's as little and stupid as getting something off a high shelf. I remember my first real accomplishment was about 3 months after my injury. My mom went to get groceries and she left me on the couch. I was eye balling a bottle of Mountain Dew on the table, but I didn't know how to transfer very well yet, so I crawled over on my butt and got it. When mum came home, she was so happy that I'd gotten it myself, as awkward as I looked on the floor with a huge empty 2-liter bottle next to me.

Now that I'm an adult, I take satisfaction in my work. I have a full time job and I do artwork on the side. When something sells I'm like "Yay! independence!" I am also writing a novel and everytime I finish a chapter or make progress, I'm like "Yay! I'm getting somewhere!" If I'm not doing anything, or if I go through a long dry spell, I start to feel like I'm losing what I want to still become or that I'm letting it go. SCI or not, I still want my dreams, even if I'm sitting down while doing them. I still want to be a writer, an artist, a video gamer, etc. Having a long term goal that I can consistently work on helps me feel like I'm moving forward, and ultimately happy, I think. I'd be this way regardless of my SCI. Just sit and accept that I'm stuck in my 9-5 job, making a steady wage that I'll never upgrade from.

love&hate, on 12 August 2011 - 09:39 PM, said:

I wanna bring another topic into discussion. I know some of you probably heard the famous quote from Ernest Hemingway.


"Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know."

Theres a lot of data stating that highly intelligent people are at the highest risk of depression. I also read recently that most developed countries have more numbers of depressed people then those from third world. Do you guys think that theres a correlation between intelligence and happiness? I know unhappy people are usually more motivated to improve upon their life then those that are content. I read that psychologist say that intelligent people tend to be more realistic so there could be a correlation there. I'm trying to look at it from philosophical point of view. Again, I'm sure many people would not agree with this statement. I'm not trying to step on anyone foot here merely trying to understand the essence of happiness.

Personally, I dont think theres a correlation between intelligence and happiness. Its more complicated and personal. I never actually experienced depression neither I think of myself as highly intelligent so I'm not the right person to make a case for it. I think that if ones is highly intelligent he will find a way to happiness despite everything that life puts him through. I believe that there is hope no matter what comes at you.

SO what do you guys think?

I think that people we consider to be intelligent are those who are successful financially. It's like some sort of measuring stick. If you have money and work in a high-tech, high-end job, you must be smart. Really, people who work and make a good living have to be pretty smart to be where they are... but do they like it? Work is stressful, a lot of it puts stress on relationships, along with a lot to build from. Of all the wealthy people I've known, they buy their happiness. My sister, for instance, makes $120,000 a year. She has a nice house, two nice cars, a pool... the works. She buys things to fill this void and feeling that she needs things. It's how she measures her importance. In this effect, she now has a huge mortgage hovering over her head, two nasty car payments, a husband who doesn't work because he doesn't feel the need to, and now a baby she can't spend much time with because she has to work so much to pay for all these burdens.

My belief is that people need problems. Not huge, monumental problems, but something to remind us what's important. My sister has always been extremely smart. I've always been in her shadow, but now that we've grown, I see how much more I've struggled that her and in the end, I think I have more happiness than her. It's not a competition, but I definitely wouldn't trade places with her.

[bongorum]

I think after your insightful take on the intelligence/ happiness question, there's little more that needs be said on that account. Very good answer overall.

Edited by bongorum, 15 August 2011 - 12:05 AM.